Tell me something funny...
StargazerB
Posts: 425 Member
in Chit-Chat
I'm bored AF and really feeling blah lately. Tell me something funny.... Please
1
Replies
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I got nuthin'.1
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Motorsheen wrote: »I got nuthin'.
Repost the little girl beating up the guy gif! That was amazing!1 -
a duck walks into a bar.
he asks the bartender for a double shot of whiskey.
he tells the bartender "put it on my bill".
the bartender says nothing, staring in shock at the talking duck.
the duck says "i said, 'put it on my bill'". he looks up at the bartender and grins.
the bartender, suddenly realizing he is in a bizarre dream of talking ducks who grin without lips, wakes up.
he rolls over to gently shake his wife awake, to tell her about the strange dream.
she wakes silently, but angry over their earlier argument at dinner, pretends to remain asleep.
the bartender rolls back over and softly cries himself to sleep because of his failing marriage.6 -
Motorsheen wrote: »I got nuthin'.
I don't believe you 😜1 -
A man was at his friend's funeral and asked the wife if he could say a word. She agreed.
The man stood at the podium and said, "Plethora." As he sat back down the wife said, "Thanks, that means a lot."
His son got up and said, "Infinity."
The wife said, "Thank you, that means more than you could imagine."
His daughter got up and said. “Earth.”
The wife said, “Thanks, that means the world.”3 -
a duck walks into a bar.
he asks the bartender for a double shot of whiskey.
he tells the bartender "put it on my bill".
the bartender says nothing, staring in shock at the talking duck.
the duck says "i said, 'put it on my bill'". he looks up at the bartender and grins.
the bartender, suddenly realizing he is in a bizarre dream of talking ducks who grin without lips, wakes up.
he rolls over to gently shake his wife awake, to tell her about the strange dream.
she wakes silently, but angry over their earlier argument at dinner, pretends to remain asleep.
the bartender rolls back over and softly cries himself to sleep because of his failing marriage.
This is sad2 -
StargazerB wrote: »a duck walks into a bar.
he asks the bartender for a double shot of whiskey.
he tells the bartender "put it on my bill".
the bartender says nothing, staring in shock at the talking duck.
the duck says "i said, 'put it on my bill'". he looks up at the bartender and grins.
the bartender, suddenly realizing he is in a bizarre dream of talking ducks who grin without lips, wakes up.
he rolls over to gently shake his wife awake, to tell her about the strange dream.
she wakes silently, but angry over their earlier argument at dinner, pretends to remain asleep.
the bartender rolls back over and softly cries himself to sleep because of his failing marriage.
This is sad
i know. sorry. it's still my favorite joke of all time though just because of the absurdity4 -
happimess01 wrote: »A man was at his friend's funeral and asked the wife if he could say a word. She agreed.
The man stood at the podium and said, "Plethora." As he sat back down the wife said, "Thanks, that means a lot."
His son got up and said, "Infinity."
The wife said, "Thank you, that means more than you could imagine."
His daughter got up and said. “Earth.”
The wife said, “Thanks, that means the world.”
I can work with this0 -
StargazerB wrote: »happimess01 wrote: »A man was at his friend's funeral and asked the wife if he could say a word. She agreed.
The man stood at the podium and said, "Plethora." As he sat back down the wife said, "Thanks, that means a lot."
His son got up and said, "Infinity."
The wife said, "Thank you, that means more than you could imagine."
His daughter got up and said. “Earth.”
The wife said, “Thanks, that means the world.”
I can work with this
Now, you're turn.0 -
StargazerB wrote: »a duck walks into a bar.
he asks the bartender for a double shot of whiskey.
he tells the bartender "put it on my bill".
the bartender says nothing, staring in shock at the talking duck.
the duck says "i said, 'put it on my bill'". he looks up at the bartender and grins.
the bartender, suddenly realizing he is in a bizarre dream of talking ducks who grin without lips, wakes up.
he rolls over to gently shake his wife awake, to tell her about the strange dream.
she wakes silently, but angry over their earlier argument at dinner, pretends to remain asleep.
the bartender rolls back over and softly cries himself to sleep because of his failing marriage.
This is sad
i know. sorry. it's still my favorite joke of all time though just because of the absurdity
I giggled - more of a dark cackle really!3 -
happimess01 wrote: »StargazerB wrote: »happimess01 wrote: »A man was at his friend's funeral and asked the wife if he could say a word. She agreed.
The man stood at the podium and said, "Plethora." As he sat back down the wife said, "Thanks, that means a lot."
His son got up and said, "Infinity."
The wife said, "Thank you, that means more than you could imagine."
His daughter got up and said. “Earth.”
The wife said, “Thanks, that means the world.”
I can work with this
Now, you're turn.
A couple are sitting in their living room, sipping wine. Out of the blue, the wife says, “I love you.” “Is that you or the wine talking?” asks the husband. “It’s me,” says the wife. “Talking to the wine.”4 -
A chicken, a rabbi and a rodeo clown walk into a bar....
The bartender says: "What is this? Some kind of a joke?"1 -
Q: How Did Moses Make Coffee ?
A: Hebrewed it.5 -
Motorsheen wrote: »Q: How Did Moses Make Coffee ?
A: Hebrewed it.
See, now you're funny1 -
a duck walks into a bar.
he asks the bartender for a double shot of whiskey.
he tells the bartender "put it on my bill".
the bartender says nothing, staring in shock at the talking duck.
the duck says "i said, 'put it on my bill'". he looks up at the bartender and grins.
the bartender, suddenly realizing he is in a bizarre dream of talking ducks who grin without lips, wakes up.
he rolls over to gently shake his wife awake, to tell her about the strange dream.
she wakes silently, but angry over their earlier argument at dinner, pretends to remain asleep.
the bartender rolls back over and softly cries himself to sleep because of his failing marriage.
😂its too late for this...or early2 -
a duck walks into a bar.
he asks the bartender for a double shot of whiskey.
he tells the bartender "put it on my bill".
the bartender says nothing, staring in shock at the talking duck.
the duck says "i said, 'put it on my bill'". he looks up at the bartender and grins.
the bartender, suddenly realizing he is in a bizarre dream of talking ducks who grin without lips, wakes up.
he rolls over to gently shake his wife awake, to tell her about the strange dream.
she wakes silently, but angry over their earlier argument at dinner, pretends to remain asleep.
the bartender rolls back over and softly cries himself to sleep because of his failing marriage.
two rabbits on a road during the stalinist terror of 1937
first rabbit: “where are you going in such a hurry?”
second rabbit: “havent you heard? theres a rumour going round that all camels are to be castrated.”
first rabbit: “but you’re not a camel.”
second rabbit: “after they catch you and castrate you, try proving you’re not a camel.”3 -
Look in the mirror.
Ba dum tsssss.
I'll show myself out.0 -
sweet_ermengarde wrote: »a duck walks into a bar.
he asks the bartender for a double shot of whiskey.
he tells the bartender "put it on my bill".
the bartender says nothing, staring in shock at the talking duck.
the duck says "i said, 'put it on my bill'". he looks up at the bartender and grins.
the bartender, suddenly realizing he is in a bizarre dream of talking ducks who grin without lips, wakes up.
he rolls over to gently shake his wife awake, to tell her about the strange dream.
she wakes silently, but angry over their earlier argument at dinner, pretends to remain asleep.
the bartender rolls back over and softly cries himself to sleep because of his failing marriage.
two rabbits on a road during the stalinist terror of 1937
first rabbit: “where are you going in such a hurry?”
second rabbit: “havent you heard? theres a rumour going round that all camels are to be castrated.”
first rabbit: “but you’re not a camel.”
second rabbit: “after they catch you and castrate you, try proving you’re not a camel.”
The world needs more 'stalinist terror of 1937' jokes, we damn sure do.
.5 -
Motorsheen wrote: »sweet_ermengarde wrote: »a duck walks into a bar.
he asks the bartender for a double shot of whiskey.
he tells the bartender "put it on my bill".
the bartender says nothing, staring in shock at the talking duck.
the duck says "i said, 'put it on my bill'". he looks up at the bartender and grins.
the bartender, suddenly realizing he is in a bizarre dream of talking ducks who grin without lips, wakes up.
he rolls over to gently shake his wife awake, to tell her about the strange dream.
she wakes silently, but angry over their earlier argument at dinner, pretends to remain asleep.
the bartender rolls back over and softly cries himself to sleep because of his failing marriage.
two rabbits on a road during the stalinist terror of 1937
first rabbit: “where are you going in such a hurry?”
second rabbit: “havent you heard? theres a rumour going round that all camels are to be castrated.”
first rabbit: “but you’re not a camel.”
second rabbit: “after they catch you and castrate you, try proving you’re not a camel.”
The world needs more 'stalinist terror of 1937' jokes, we damn sure do.
.
in russia, the joke laughs at you5 -
sweet_ermengarde wrote: »Motorsheen wrote: »sweet_ermengarde wrote: »a duck walks into a bar.
he asks the bartender for a double shot of whiskey.
he tells the bartender "put it on my bill".
the bartender says nothing, staring in shock at the talking duck.
the duck says "i said, 'put it on my bill'". he looks up at the bartender and grins.
the bartender, suddenly realizing he is in a bizarre dream of talking ducks who grin without lips, wakes up.
he rolls over to gently shake his wife awake, to tell her about the strange dream.
she wakes silently, but angry over their earlier argument at dinner, pretends to remain asleep.
the bartender rolls back over and softly cries himself to sleep because of his failing marriage.
two rabbits on a road during the stalinist terror of 1937
first rabbit: “where are you going in such a hurry?”
second rabbit: “havent you heard? theres a rumour going round that all camels are to be castrated.”
first rabbit: “but you’re not a camel.”
second rabbit: “after they catch you and castrate you, try proving you’re not a camel.”
The world needs more 'stalinist terror of 1937' jokes, we damn sure do.
.
in russia, the joke laughs at you
Or Else.
3
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