would i be a female dog.

FairyMiss
FairyMiss Posts: 1,812 Member
edited October 2024 in Chit-Chat
okay here is some background.

my boyfriend and i are suppposed to be going on a cruise in like 3 weeks, he does this often, this will most likely be my only chance.

the problem is when we decided on this cruise he knew from the begining i wanted this mexican one because i wanted to see some Mayan ruins. He said okay but he wanted to go to a resort in cozemel but we would do one of the ruin excursions in progresso. Well he has already paid the one HE wanted to do, and now tells me because his sister used the money she was going to use for her son's birthday party, my boyfriend decided he would pay for the nephews party, so we wont be able to do anything in progresso. Mind you this sister does not care whether he (my boyfriend) lives or dies, and i mean the literally.

This would have been my only chance in my lifetime to see something i have always wanted to see, the whole reason picked this particular cruise and one of the main reason i been looking forward to it, aside from spending a whole week with him (thats joy is fading fast).

Now the question, would i be a total female dog if i just came out and told him i really dont care much about going on the cruise now ,as he has ruined it for me , and i would just as soon stay home. and he can find some one else to take (his exgirlfriend woudl be on that like white on rice, not sure i even care).
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Replies

  • Erindipitous
    Erindipitous Posts: 1,234 Member
    I would just be happy I was going on some sort of vacation.. Especially if someone else paid.

    What I wouldn't give to go on another cruise..
  • bry_all01
    bry_all01 Posts: 3,100 Member
    ouch.... sounds to me lie you guys really need to sit down and talk this out. You might be only if you don't at least give him the opportunity to tell him how you feel.... especially where you said you are not even sure if you care if he went on a week-long cruise with his ex.
  • kk0223
    kk0223 Posts: 179
    I can completely understand how this upsets you. Honestly, my opinion, if he cares about your wants and needs at all he will make what you want happen. Regardless, of whose birthday party etc. he's paying for.

    I know you're upset so you may be speaking out of anger and emotion but the comment you made about him taking his ex and saying you don't know if you even care at this point makes me wonder if you're really happy in the relationship?

    I think if you are happy and want to be with him you should go on the cruise. I understand that this relative of his doesn't care about him one way or another but he's doing it for the child and that shows that he cares about them. You should support what he wants but at the same time he should support you.

    I'd do the cruise. It may be a once in a lifetime thing even if you won't get to do the one thing you wanted to do. Don't let other peoples issues come between you and your bf. It's not worth it.

    Good luck. Sorry that you're upset. ::hugs::
  • dlcam61
    dlcam61 Posts: 228 Member
    I think you should be honest with him. It doesn't sound like he cares about what you want to do, and that the trip is more about what he wants to do. I'm sure the birthday party is just an excuse to get out of paying for what you want to do, but I could be wrong since I don't know him, or you either.

    I cruise for 2 should be about both of your wants & needs. Not about him, and then having you tag along doing what he wants to do. I'm sorry that he is being selfish, but maybe this is a good indicator of what he really is like. And now you can ask yourself this: If you are no longer interested in this cruise (for several reasons) then are you interested in further pursuing this relationship?

    Hopefully you find what makes you happy. :flowerforyou:
  • hazelnut861
    hazelnut861 Posts: 390 Member
    Yeah I would fake deathly ill the morning of. And then party my *kitten* off the whole time he was gone and" barely be getting better" when he got back. The mention of his ex makes me wonder why you would even bring that up unless there's something else making you think that it would even be a possibility. It's inconsiderate to you but it is his money unless you guys live together and share expenses (but you didn't say). OR you could go, make the best of it and maybe there'll be a guy that takes frequent cruises and would enjoy your company. Either way- not cool of him.
  • Grimmerick
    Grimmerick Posts: 3,342 Member
    are you paying for your part or is he paying for all of it? If you are paying for your part, then I would be pissed.
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
    I'd be pissed too, you have every right to. While I understand your reasoning, the "i'm not going to the cruise now" is coming out from your anger. I wouldn't be impulsive and threatening about not going.

    I think the best thing would be to talk about it. Come up with plan B. Tell him you WILL see the ruins some way or another and now he must help you come up with a way.

    By the way, I'm going on a cruise on Sunday.. WOOT! Will be in Cozumel and Costa Maya.
  • otr12
    otr12 Posts: 632 Member
    ...if i just came out and told him i really dont care much about going on the cruise now ,as he has ruined it for me , and i would just as soon stay home. and he can find some one else to take...

    I had to check,... Nope. You're not 18. Far from it even. So why do you want to throw this tantrum?
    Enjoy a lovely cruise that isn't your dream cruise. You can fight with him about it if you want, but it wont fix anything.
  • mermx
    mermx Posts: 976
    Sounds a bit confusing, but I think that you are saying that HE is paying for the cruise? That HE has booked for the excursion he wants and has no money left for the excursion that you wanted to go on? HE is paying for his nephews birthday party for his sister? His sister doesn`t care about him?

    If this is the case then he is a really generous guy and as it is HIS money then you can not really complain.

    Talk to him about how you feel, but I think he is within his rights to spend his own money as he feels. If you are not happy then don`t go on the cruise.

    Personally, I think you are being a little bit selfish that he has put his nephews birthday party over your wants.

    Sometimes in life we can not always have what we want.

    You may not like my opinion, but you have asked what people think x
  • FairyMiss
    FairyMiss Posts: 1,812 Member
    don't get this as defending him. but technically our relations is all about 'him' he makes all the decisions and such, but he has never chosen things he like over what i want. and i guess what annoys me the mostis i know he was not overly thrilled about the ruins,he has seen them. but he knew it was somthing i really really wanted, which he always seemed before to care about what i wanted, but if he did would he have put off paying for it long enough to not beable?



    and yeah there are other issues, that this is coming close to being the last straw
  • SBSmedsvik
    SBSmedsvik Posts: 10 Member
    ...if i just came out and told him i really dont care much about going on the cruise now ,as he has ruined it for me , and i would just as soon stay home. and he can find some one else to take...

    I had to check,... Nope. You're not 18. Far from it even. So why do you want to throw this tantrum?
    Enjoy a lovely cruise that isn't your dream cruise. You can fight with him about it if you want, but it wont fix anything.

    Kind of have to agree with this! you're going on a cruise enjoy it! it sucks that you aren't going on your ideal one but your life isn't over after this (i hope) so just work on going on the one you want next time, i am sure the ruins aren't going anywhere!
  • FairyMiss
    FairyMiss Posts: 1,812 Member
    Yeah I would fake deathly ill the morning of. And then party my *kitten* off the whole time he was gone and" barely be getting better" when he got back. The mention of his ex makes me wonder why you would even bring that up unless there's something else making you think that it would even be a possibility. It's inconsiderate to you but it is his money unless you guys live together and share expenses (but you didn't say). OR you could go, make the best of it and maybe there'll be a guy that takes frequent cruises and would enjoy your company. Either way- not cool of him.

    oh i brought the ex up because a while when it got aroudn work about the cruise , several of the people he works with are friends of hers. He told me that she called him up and told him if for what ever reason i could not go she would be happy to go in my place.

    kinda always bothered me that he made a point to tell me that
  • mikeyml
    mikeyml Posts: 568 Member
    To me, it doesn't sound like you're even interested in your relationship. You say he does this often but that this will be a once in a lifetime thing for you. That tells me you're not invested for the long term. Do the guy a favor and break it off before you go.
  • mermx
    mermx Posts: 976
    Have noticed from your profile that you are 42?

    Then you should be able to move on from this relationship if it is not going the way you would like. If you are unhappy now (don`t know how long you have been together) but things will most likely continue, for you, to go downhill.

    I presume he is a similar age, in which case, you are not going to change him. There must have been something about him that you liked at the start.

    Weigh up the pros and cons of your relationship and if there is more cons than pros...then move on.

    There is somebody out there for everybody, don`t stick in a relationship where you are both going to be unhappy....explain the reasons why to him...and if he takes his ex on the cruise then you have proved yourself right x
  • Dolphingirlie81
    Dolphingirlie81 Posts: 322
    ...if i just came out and told him i really dont care much about going on the cruise now ,as he has ruined it for me , and i would just as soon stay home. and he can find some one else to take...

    I had to check,... Nope. You're not 18. Far from it even. So why do you want to throw this tantrum?
    Enjoy a lovely cruise that isn't your dream cruise. You can fight with him about it if you want, but it wont fix anything.

    Kind of have to agree with this! you're going on a cruise enjoy it! it sucks that you aren't going on your ideal one but your life isn't over after this (i hope) so just work on going on the one you want next time, i am sure the ruins aren't going anywhere!

    I have to agree with this. I can see if you paid for half of it and he changed it then yea I would be upset too. But if he paid for the whole thing, let it go and enjoy it. I've never been on a cruise and if someone paid for me to go, I wouldn't care where it went, I would enjoy it.
  • FairyMiss
    FairyMiss Posts: 1,812 Member
    To me, it doesn't sound like you're even interested in your relationship. You say he does this often but that this will be a once in a lifetime thing for you. That tells me you're not invested for the long term. Do the guy a favor and break it off before you go.


    well part of the thing is i want a life time with him WITH HIM. at the moment the relationship is long distance and he seems pretty settled on it staying that way
  • livnlite
    livnlite Posts: 520
    okay here is some background.

    my boyfriend and i are suppposed to be going on a cruise in like 3 weeks, he does this often, this will most likely be my only chance.

    the problem is when we decided on this cruise he knew from the begining i wanted this mexican one because i wanted to see some Mayan ruins. He said okay but he wanted to go to a resort in cozemel but we would do one of the ruin excursions in progresso. Well he has already paid the one HE wanted to do, and now tells me because his sister used the money she was going to use for her son's birthday party, my boyfriend decided he would pay for the nephews party, so we wont be able to do anything in progresso. Mind you this sister does not care whether he (my boyfriend) lives or dies, and i mean the literally.

    This would have been my only chance in my lifetime to see something i have always wanted to see, the whole reason picked this particular cruise and one of the main reason i been looking forward to it, aside from spending a whole week with him (thats joy is fading fast).

    Now the question, would i be a total female dog if i just came out and told him i really dont care much about going on the cruise now ,as he has ruined it for me , and i would just as soon stay home. and he can find some one else to take (his exgirlfriend woudl be on that like white on rice, not sure i even care).

    Are you terminally ill? I am confused as to why you said "this will most likely be my only chance" and "This would have been my only chance in my lifetime". Which sounds like you may not have long to live. If THAT's the case .. then maybe you have something ot complain about.

    If you are NOT ill .. Then you are not acting like a 'female dog' you are acting like a greedy ungrateful child who can't her own way and further ... is jealous of his family??? Who are YOU to say just how the sister feels about him .. by the sounds of it he cares very much about her and her son. I doubt very much if he is offering to pay for this birthday party to please the sister as much as he is trying to please the nephew. THIS is a birthday gift ..a very generous gift, even though it may be cutting into what he would have to spend on you.

    I mean really, for someone who isn't able to travel much and is being offered to be taken on a holiday .. THIS vacation sounds awesome .. Yet you complain about it not going exactly the way YOU had planned. Give your head a shake!

    Good grief .. the last time my daughter said those words "If I can't have it my way, I don't want it" .. she was 5! It didn't work to her favor when she was a child .. and it would certainly never work as an adult.
  • PlanetVelma
    PlanetVelma Posts: 1,223 Member
    Yeah I would fake deathly ill the morning of. And then party my *kitten* off the whole time he was gone and" barely be getting better" when he got back. The mention of his ex makes me wonder why you would even bring that up unless there's something else making you think that it would even be a possibility. It's inconsiderate to you but it is his money unless you guys live together and share expenses (but you didn't say). OR you could go, make the best of it and maybe there'll be a guy that takes frequent cruises and would enjoy your company. Either way- not cool of him.

    oh i brought the ex up because a while when it got aroudn work about the cruise , several of the people he works with are friends of hers. He told me that she called him up and told him if for what ever reason i could not go she would be happy to go in my place.

    kinda always bothered me that he made a point to tell me that

    Oh hell, I would've ran away screaming once he mentioned the ex "would be happy to go" in your place. But I'm the type of person that I really do not have time for that type of drama/bs. If there are other issues I suggest you figure out if you even want to be with him - if it's "all about him" and you don't feel like an equal and it really bothers you (which it sounds like it does) bail on him.

    Honestly, it kinda sounds like you already made up your mind.
  • FairyMiss
    FairyMiss Posts: 1,812 Member
    Have noticed from your profile that you are 42?

    Then you should be able to move on from this relationship if it is not going the way you would like. If you are unhappy now (don`t know how long you have been together) but things will most likely continue, for you, to go downhill.

    I presume he is a similar age, in which case, you are not going to change him. There must have been something about him that you liked at the start.

    Weigh up the pros and cons of your relationship and if there is more cons than pros...then move on.

    There is somebody out there for everybody, don`t stick in a relationship where you are both going to be unhappy....explain the reasons why to him...and if he takes his ex on the cruise then you have proved yourself right x

    thanks these are things that have been going through my head for a bit, but was going to wait til after the cruise then have a kinda 'put up or shut up' converstion
  • FairyMiss
    FairyMiss Posts: 1,812 Member
    okay here is some background.

    my boyfriend and i are suppposed to be going on a cruise in like 3 weeks, he does this often, this will most likely be my only chance.

    the problem is when we decided on this cruise he knew from the begining i wanted this mexican one because i wanted to see some Mayan ruins. He said okay but he wanted to go to a resort in cozemel but we would do one of the ruin excursions in progresso. Well he has already paid the one HE wanted to do, and now tells me because his sister used the money she was going to use for her son's birthday party, my boyfriend decided he would pay for the nephews party, so we wont be able to do anything in progresso. Mind you this sister does not care whether he (my boyfriend) lives or dies, and i mean the literally.

    This would have been my only chance in my lifetime to see something i have always wanted to see, the whole reason picked this particular cruise and one of the main reason i been looking forward to it, aside from spending a whole week with him (thats joy is fading fast).

    Now the question, would i be a total female dog if i just came out and told him i really dont care much about going on the cruise now ,as he has ruined it for me , and i would just as soon stay home. and he can find some one else to take (his exgirlfriend woudl be on that like white on rice, not sure i even care).

    Are you terminally ill? I am confused as to why you said "this will most likely be my only chance" and "This would have been my only chance in my lifetime". Which sounds like you may not have long to live. If THAT's the case .. then maybe you have something ot complain about.

    If you are NOT ill .. Then you are not acting like a 'female dog' you are acting like a greedy child who can't her own way and further ... is jealous of his family??? Who are YOU to say just how the sister feels about him .. by the sounds of it he cares very much about her and her son. I doubt very much if he is offering to pay for this birthday party to please the sister as much as he is trying to please the nephew. THIS is a birthday gift ..a very generous gift, even though it may be cutting into what he would have to spend on you.

    I mean really, for someone who isn't able to travel much and is being offered to be taken on a holiday .. THIS vacation sounds awesome .. Yet you complain about it not going exactly the way YOU had planned. Give your head a shake!

    Good grief .. the last time my daughter said those words "If I can't have it my way, I don't want it" .. she was 5!



    well as far as how she feels about him she is one of the ones who wanted him to stop his lifesaving treatment, then influnced their father to write him out of the will when he would not
  • mermx
    mermx Posts: 976

    thanks these are things that have been going through my head for a bit, but was going to wait til after the cruise then have a kinda 'put up or shut up' converstion

    OUCH wrong on so many levels. Don`t go on the cruise that is just mean. I think you owe the guy the put up or shut up convo before he spends his money on taking you on your cruise of a lifetime.

    Give the guy the opportunity to decide if he wants to use the cruise as an opportunity to make things work between you...make the holiday be the decision maker while you are both away from home type problems.

    But DO give him the choice
  • mermx
    mermx Posts: 976
    well as far as how she feels about him she is one of the ones who wanted him to stop his lifesaving treatment, then influnced their father to write him out of the will when he would not


    sorry to jump in again,....but they are HIS family hun x
  • rbryntes
    rbryntes Posts: 710 Member
    Hmmm. I guess I have a different perspective. I would be peeved, frankly. And I don't set store so much by family that I don't understand paying for someone else's birthday parties (is this a child? Under age 10, MAYBE. Over age 10, there's no God-given right to a birthday party) when the person throwing the party irresponsibly spend the last of the money allocated to the party - I see his paying that as enabling someone who was selfish enough to use her own child's party money for her own purposes. She'll do it again.

    It would seem to me that the two of you had an understanding as to a specific activity - maybe instead of throwing a fit, though, you should see about contacting teh travel agent or whatever and getting a refund that can be applied to your activity. Or is there a reason why you can't pay for that activity yourself?

    I don't know about missing the cruise entirely.
  • FairyMiss
    FairyMiss Posts: 1,812 Member
    Hmmm. I guess I have a different perspective. I would be peeved, frankly. And I don't set store so much by family that I don't understand paying for someone else's birthday parties (is this a child? Under age 10, MAYBE. Over age 10, there's no God-given right to a birthday party) when the person throwing the party irresponsibly spend the last of the money allocated to the party - I see his paying that as enabling someone who was selfish enough to use her own child's party money for her own purposes. She'll do it again.

    It would seem to me that the two of you had an understanding as to a specific activity - maybe instead of throwing a fit, though, you should see about contacting teh travel agent or whatever and getting a refund that can be applied to your activity. Or is there a reason why you can't pay for that activity yourself?

    I don't know about missing the cruise entirely.
    nephew in questions is turning 18

    the purpose was a justified purpose, to see the dying father, but i think the nephew is also old enough to understand this **** happens
  • FairyMiss
    FairyMiss Posts: 1,812 Member
    well its kinda a non issue with the mail i got today, well no way i can go, even with him paying the actual cruise
  • Johnnyswife
    Johnnyswife Posts: 1,447 Member
    Never understood why people want to look at ruins of anything..but if he is paying for the trip, than go and enjoy the trip and find something new to look forward to. If your paying for half and he'smaking all the choices, than sit down and have a talk with him.

    The fact that you don't care if he goes with someone else is kind of a red flag. Are you sure there isn't a bigger issue here and your using the whole cruise as an excuse to be upset with him?:flowerforyou:
  • Mom2rh
    Mom2rh Posts: 612 Member
    Pay for your own excursion. And offer to pay for his too. That would be the decent thing to do.
  • boomboom011
    boomboom011 Posts: 1,459
    dammit, i will go with him then. no sense in you torturing yourself. There problem solved.
  • kennethmgreen
    kennethmgreen Posts: 1,759 Member
    This whole thread kinda freaked me out. Just went to places I didn't expect. Also, the gerbil.

    But props to the original poster for not getting bent out of shape over some of the harsher replies. Sorry that you aren't getting the cruise you want.
  • RocketsGirl75
    RocketsGirl75 Posts: 648
    I suggest talking to him and being honest....don't do the ultimatum thing because that just sucks but tell how you feel!
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