This might be a stupid question but..
UmaMageswarymfp
Posts: 280 Member
Okay hear me out please , I just started lifting but not much just very light like 5kg / 10kg weights . Mostly on my upper body because I’ve lost 25kgs with calorie deficit but the flabby skin and loose skin lowkey scarring me so I’m trying to lift to make it toner or something but ever since I started lifting my weight have been fluctuating like crazy some days I even gain weight but I understand it could be water retention and muscle weight. Problem is I have an event soon , which I want to look THINNER in whatever I wear. Now lifting automatically makes me look BIGGER not muscular but bigger like I’m swole. Last time when I stopped lifting for 2 weeks people started saying “omg you lost so much weight” So I decided to stop lifting overall . Now 2 weeks before the event should I stop lifting so that I look thinner ??? I mean to start back lifting is so exhausting so I kinda don’t want to stop but I still need to look thinner 😭 it’s dumb but advixe meeee
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Replies
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Weight fluctuation from weight training is normal. (I know that that doesn't make it any more fun or tolerable, but it's a side effect that's going to happen, for many people.) Primarily, it's water weight. (Muscle growth is slow - less than a quarter pound a week, at best, for women, except those who take illegal/dangerous performance enhancing drugs.)
I'm sorry to say that only you know the answer to what you should do before your event. You have competing goals. One is to do your strength training for your long-term benefit. But you believe continuing it will make you look bigger at your event. (I admit, something like swole is possible.)
You want to look thinner at your event, but to do that you need to delay your body improvements that are going to come from lifting.
Only you know which of those is more important to you.
I'd say, don't go by what people say. People notice random things (or imagine them!) at random times. Do some measurements, at regular intervals. See if you really are significantly bigger. Measurements will tell you. People's opinions won't. (Sometimes something we did 6 months ago just gets noticed today. People are weird that way.)
I will say this: I used to hang out with college-age rowers from a really good team. Sometimes, I even went to dress-up events with them, where they were wearing pretty little spaghetti-strap short dresses and things like that. Now, on the rowing dock, in their unisuits (rowing uniform - spandex one-piece short/tank kind of thing), after a race, they looked ripped. Very muscular. After all, these were women who were weight training, especially legs, with weight plates that looked like freight-train wheels to me! (Yes, I saw them actually weight train.)
But when *not* right after a race or workout, in their revealing party dresses and high heels and everything? They looked *gorgeous*: Lean, toned, proportioned, beautiful. They were still lifting and working out daily. but by the time they got showered and dressed up and so forth, the only thing that was notable was that their bodies looked (I'm sorry to say it) more beautiful than the average college-aged woman. Obviously, this is just my opinion, but I think most people would objectively agree.
Like I said, only you can evaluate your long-term strength/toning goals vs. your short-term look-thinner goal for that one event. If you have to, take a piece of paper, and make a list, of pros and cons of each. Then decide what's most important TO YOU. We can't give you the answer, because it's about what YOU want, y'know?
Wishing you a good outcome, no matter what you decide!10 -
Weight fluctuation from weight training is normal. (I know that that doesn't make it any more fun or tolerable, but it's a side effect that's going to happen, for many people.) Primarily, it's water weight. (Muscle growth is slow - less than a quarter pound a week, at best, for women, except those who take illegal/dangerous performance enhancing drugs.)
I'm sorry to say that only you know the answer to what you should do before your event. You have competing goals. One is to do your strength training for your long-term benefit. But you believe continuing it will make you look bigger at your event. (I admit, something like swole is possible.)
You want to look thinner at your event, but to do that you need to delay your body improvements that are going to come from lifting.
Only you know which of those is more important to you.
I'd say, don't go by what people say. People notice random things (or imagine them!) at random times. Do some measurements, at regular intervals. See if you really are significantly bigger. Measurements will tell you. People's opinions won't. (Sometimes something we did 6 months ago just gets noticed today. People are weird that way.)
I will say this: I used to hang out with college-age rowers from a really good team. Sometimes, I even went to dress-up events with them, where they were wearing pretty little spaghetti-strap short dresses and things like that. Now, on the rowing dock, in their unisuits (rowing uniform - spandex one-piece short/tank kind of thing), after a race, they looked ripped. Very muscular. After all, these were women who were weight training, especially legs, with weight plates that looked like freight-train wheels to me! (Yes, I saw them actually weight train.)
But when *not* right after a race or workout, in their revealing party dresses and high heels and everything? They looked *gorgeous*: Lean, toned, proportioned, beautiful. They were still lifting and working out daily. but by the time they got showered and dressed up and so forth, the only thing that was notable was that their bodies looked (I'm sorry to say it) more beautiful than the average college-aged woman. Obviously, this is just my opinion, but I think most people would objectively agree.
Like I said, only you can evaluate your long-term strength/toning goals vs. your short-term look-thinner goal for that one event. If you have to, take a piece of paper, and make a list, of pros and cons of each. Then decide what's most important TO YOU. We can't give you the answer, because it's about what YOU want, y'know?
Wishing you a good outcome, no matter what you decide!
Thank you for always coming thru with the great advices Ann, you’re right like it’s up to me but I want to people see I lost weight because I haven’t met them in years . I feel like lifting and looking swole defeats the purpose. Is there any other way I can reduce the water retention or looking swole? Do I have to stop lifting in order to look thinner?0 -
I would vote to just go out and find an outift that works for you and that you feel gorgeous in even with the extra water retention.
I’m sure there are many great options, and don’t be shy about the shapewear/undergarments as needed. I understand you have lost a significant amount of weight, so dare we hope that to many of the attendees they might notice the change instead of focusing on potential temporary swelling?4 -
Try Braggs apple cider vinegar it controls water retention.
2 tbsp dilute with 16-20 oz water1 -
UmaMageswarymfp wrote: »Problem is I have an event soon , which I want to look THINNER in whatever I wear.
You will look thinner in whatever you wear to the event because you ARE thinner. You've lost 25kgUmaMageswarymfp wrote: »Now lifting automatically makes me look BIGGER not muscular but bigger like I’m swole. Last time when I stopped lifting for 2 weeks people started saying “omg you lost so much weight” So I decided to stop lifting overall . Now 2 weeks before the event should I stop lifting so that I look thinner ???
There's a lot to break down here. The main point I would like you to really think about is what is in bold. Why? It is an example of a correlation. Just two pieces of observational data that MAY or MAY NOT be related.
You happened to stop doing upper body work, and you happened to get comments about your weight loss during that time. But had those people seen you 2 weeks prior? 2 months prior? 2 days prior?
I personally don't think there's a relation between the two and that you should wear the heck out of whatever outfit you decide on for your event. You'll look amazing!
Sidenote: I've been meaning to tell you that your skin photographs so well! It's smooth and has a wonderful, dewy tone to it. So, like, again AMAZING is the only way you could possibly look.
Edit: It would help if I actually put in bold what I wanted to hightlight lol5 -
A man’s two cents. Women who are confident and strong are the most beautiful to us. I can’t see what you’re describing but I’m willing to bet you will look more confident and more strong if you keep up with your resistance training!
You lost 25 kg and you lift weights!! Go show off!!!7 -
AwesomeSquirrel wrote: »I would vote to just go out and find an outift that works for you and that you feel gorgeous in even with the extra water retention.
I’m sure there are many great options, and don’t be shy about the shapewear/undergarments as needed. I understand you have lost a significant amount of weight, so dare we hope that to many of the attendees they might notice the change instead of focusing on potential temporary swelling?
Wait this works too but let me see if I can find something nice for my size and body type love 😂😭1 -
UmaMageswarymfp wrote: »Problem is I have an event soon , which I want to look THINNER in whatever I wear.
You will look thinner in whatever you wear to the event because you ARE thinner. You've lost 25kgUmaMageswarymfp wrote: »Now lifting automatically makes me look BIGGER not muscular but bigger like I’m swole. Last time when I stopped lifting for 2 weeks people started saying “omg you lost so much weight” So I decided to stop lifting overall . Now 2 weeks before the event should I stop lifting so that I look thinner ???
There's a lot to break down here. The main point I would like you to really think about is what is in bold. Why? It is an example of a correlation. Just two pieces of observational data that MAY or MAY NOT be related.
You happened to stop doing upper body work, and you happened to get comments about your weight loss during that time. But had those people seen you 2 weeks prior? 2 months prior? 2 days prior?
I personally don't think there's a relation between the two and that you should wear the heck out of whatever outfit you decide on for your event. You'll look amazing!
Sidenote: I've been meaning to tell you that your skin photographs so well! It's smooth and has a wonderful, dewy tone to it. So, like, again AMAZING is the only way you could possibly look.
Edit: It would help if I actually put in bold what I wanted to hightlight lol
About the bolded point , I didn’t meet that friend for 2 weeks the whole that I didn’t lift that’s why I felt like lifting made me look swole but now I got back into it , this event is making me question things but I’m going to try my best to stay in deficit and lose WEIGHT to look thinner even if I’m swole by lifting. Also awww thank you so much for making me feel better about the skin 💜 I really hope I turn up looking good hahaha2 -
Onedaywriter wrote: »A man’s two cents. Women who are confident and strong are the most beautiful to us. I can’t see what you’re describing but I’m willing to bet you will look more confident and more strong if you keep up with your resistance training!
You lost 25 kg and you lift weights!! Go show off!!!
Aww 😭 that’s true and I’m defo not confident 😂 working on it though 💜2 -
UmaMageswarymfp wrote: »Onedaywriter wrote: »A man’s two cents. Women who are confident and strong are the most beautiful to us. I can’t see what you’re describing but I’m willing to bet you will look more confident and more strong if you keep up with your resistance training!
You lost 25 kg and you lift weights!! Go show off!!!
Aww 😭 that’s true and I’m defo not confident 😂 working on it though 💜
OK, here's a thought. Bear with me.
In terms of appearance, confidence can be simulated, to a certain extent. It has to do with things like posture, gaze, voice, and more. The exact details will differ in different subcultures or contexts, so I won't try to give you details. But think about what you visualize when you imagine "a confident woman". How does she stand, walk, speak, interact with others? Then, get yourself in front of a mirror, and try on some of those postures/behaviors. Be bold, be committed to it, not sheepish about it or tentative. Go for it - no one is looking. Practice. *Look* confident, even if you maybe don't feel confident.
Some people may say this is fake. I don't feel that way. When we pursue personal changes that are important to us, sometimes our thinking/feelings take the lead, and sometimes our body takes the lead. This "act as if" approach is an example of behavior leading. Changing behavior can change our thinking/feeling, just like our thinking/feeling can lead to behavior change. Two way street.
Personal story: I'm by nature very introverted. That's probably why I went into info tech, as a career. Trouble is, I eventually ended up in management. That meant I needed to overcome my inclination to shyness, reticence, etc. The people who reported to me needed me to be strong, bold, assertive, confident in doing so. So, I thought about how to act as if I belonged, how an effective person would behave, speak, dress, and more. It was needful, but hard at first . . . eventually I grew into it.
Sometimes people call this a "fake it til you make it" approach. Whatever you call it, it's an approach you could *consider*. Get that beautiful, well-fitting outfit for your event. Try it on, with your planned shoes, accessories, etc. Stand in front of the mirror, w and try out how to move in it as if a confident woman. You may surprise yourself. (I think it also increases odds of people noticing your progress, in a way: "UmaMageswary looks so great, different somehow - y'know, I think she lost weight, looks fitter!" 😉) If you think you can do it, give it a shot.
Best wishes!7 -
UmaMageswarymfp wrote: »Onedaywriter wrote: »A man’s two cents. Women who are confident and strong are the most beautiful to us. I can’t see what you’re describing but I’m willing to bet you will look more confident and more strong if you keep up with your resistance training!
You lost 25 kg and you lift weights!! Go show off!!!
Aww 😭 that’s true and I’m defo not confident 😂 working on it though 💜
OK, here's a thought. Bear with me.
In terms of appearance, confidence can be simulated, to a certain extent. It has to do with things like posture, gaze, voice, and more. The exact details will differ in different subcultures or contexts, so I won't try to give you details. But think about what you visualize when you imagine "a confident woman". How does she stand, walk, speak, interact with others? Then, get yourself in front of a mirror, and try on some of those postures/behaviors. Be bold, be committed to it, not sheepish about it or tentative. Go for it - no one is looking. Practice. *Look* confident, even if you maybe don't feel confident.
Some people may say this is fake. I don't feel that way. When we pursue personal changes that are important to us, sometimes our thinking/feelings take the lead, and sometimes our body takes the lead. This "act as if" approach is an example of behavior leading. Changing behavior can change our thinking/feeling, just like our thinking/feeling can lead to behavior change. Two way street.
Personal story: I'm by nature very introverted. That's probably why I went into info tech, as a career. Trouble is, I eventually ended up in management. That meant I needed to overcome my inclination to shyness, reticence, etc. The people who reported to me needed me to be strong, bold, assertive, confident in doing so. So, I thought about how to act as if I belonged, how an effective person would behave, speak, dress, and more. It was needful, but hard at first . . . eventually I grew into it.
Sometimes people call this a "fake it til you make it" approach. Whatever you call it, it's an approach you could *consider*. Get that beautiful, well-fitting outfit for your event. Try it on, with your planned shoes, accessories, etc. Stand in front of the mirror, w and try out how to move in it as if a confident woman. You may surprise yourself. (I think it also increases odds of people noticing your progress, in a way: "UmaMageswary looks so great, different somehow - y'know, I think she lost weight, looks fitter!" 😉) If you think you can do it, give it a shot.
Best wishes!
Can’t believe I didn’t get notification for this amazing reply, Ann thank you so much. I actually have all the outfits planned in my head and I want to try your method. Hopefully it comes of natural rather than faking it 🥺 thank you so muchhh 💜💜3 -
If you've been working out your upper body it could give the illusion of a tinier waist. Why do you think we oldies word giant shoulder pads in the 80s? We were told it would give the illusion of a smaller waist
Now as to being confident the fake it til you make it is a good approach. Just walk in like you own the place. My dad always appeared to have tons of confidence, my brother too because they just walk into a room like they own it. Meanwhile inside they might be freaking out a bit but no one sees that they see this person who doesn't seem to care what others are thinking and in turn people gravitate to them.
The trick is when you're about to go in the front door you tell yourself I'm as worthy as anyone in there. My opinions are just as important and so am I. A little confidence goes a long way3 -
AliNouveau wrote: »If you've been working out your upper body it could give the illusion of a tinier waist. Why do you think we oldies word giant shoulder pads in the 80s? We were told it would give the illusion of a smaller waist
Now as to being confident the fake it til you make it is a good approach. Just walk in like you own the place. My dad always appeared to have tons of confidence, my brother too because they just walk into a room like they own it. Meanwhile inside they might be freaking out a bit but no one sees that they see this person who doesn't seem to care what others are thinking and in turn people gravitate to them.
The trick is when you're about to go in the front door you tell yourself I'm as worthy as anyone in there. My opinions are just as important and so am I. A little confidence goes a long way
Yup. And in addition, if we act confident, people subtly respond to us as if we were confident (positive feedback), and that feedback is part of what helps us actually *feel* confident on the inside, longer term. This is such a subtle thing, that we may not even notice as it's happening, but it's Good Stuff.2 -
Maintenance level lifting - not so much it's a repair session for the body, just maintain what you got?
Should be little to no water retained for repair, if still in a diet and your daily burn went down, your eating level goes down, your carbs eaten likely goes down, your stored glycogen in muscles with attached water goes down.
To that end 2/3's of what got you there - but keep the intensity (weight).
https://bodyrecomposition.com/training/weight-training-while-dieting#Maintenance_Training_Loads
Ditto's to walking tall and proud of your accomplishments can usually help the body imagine.
Until you scare these folks and they have to find a reason to nit-pick to find fault to feel better about themselves. But they were going to do that anyway!
3 -
Thing about lifting- I haven’t really built much muscle mass because my body had a lot of muscle already to carry that extra 💯 of weight. But I know I am “stronger” and i feel so much more confident in my own skin.
Keep lifting- confidence will come. Try to focus on your amazing achievements!! Because they are amazing and so many people in this world wish they could do what you have already done!!!2
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