Friends with excuses :(

She is a big girl (not picking at her weight, just her age here). You can't make the move for her. She has to be ready for it. She obviously isn't. You are a very good friend to keep trying to help her. If she doesn't want it, there isn't anything you can do about it. Good luck on your journey.

It has to come from within them. I know I always wanted to but never did. Then it was like a light finally clicked in my head and I knew that not only did I really want to but I had to. You can't do this for her just keep doing what you have to do to get yourself healthy and let her know you are there for support when she decides it is what she wants to do.

Wow i have the exact same problem with my close friend. Every time I tell her to get on MFP she disses it and says she can't because her husband "doesn't talk to people who count calories". He is very controlling of her though and I think he doesn't want her to lose weight. She tells me about how she is on a diet then I watch her make a dozen scrambled eggs for herself. Ugh.

I think you are being the best example there is! Its sounds like she isnt ready to make the change yet. If you keep going as you are and living your life positively then hopefully that will do the trick. Unfortunately, the only person that can truly force themselves to live a healthier lifestyle is that person. Good luck in all you do and congrats on all the progress you have made!

I had a friend who I was trying to convince to lose weight the right way and turns out you cannot change her. It is up to her, not up to you. The best thing you can do is not pressure her and just set an example. It is ultimately her choice. Don't get frustrated and stressed over it as much, because people do whatever they want. Sad, but true! Maybe if she joined MFP? Good luck to her.

I can relate. I started this because of constant conversations I've had with my sister and fiance'. I'm doing it. They are still talking about it. But I've realized it's their journey. I had to set my mind right before I could do it. And yes, it'd be so much better for them to start and better for me to have someone to do it along side me, but I can't motivate or force them into it. They have to do it when they are ready.

The best thing you can do is be an example. Be consistent with it, get results and let them see what you're doing and how positively it's affecting you in every way.

I agree with what everyone else says, it's hard hearing all the excuses, especially when you're pushing past those excuses and getting healthy yourself!! it's really unfair for her to say you are fad dieting too If she says that again I would nicely suggest that she joins MFP and view your diary, to see what you're really eating

You need to separate that way you feel from the way your friend is acting. If she wants help, then she'll get it by any means necessary. You put the offer out there, which was sincere & genuine & extremely gracious. If she doesn't accept, then it has to be her problem. Put your foot down. When she whines, be blunt..... if she says she never has time, give her some tough love. If she took you up on your offer then she would. Period. My friends were always full of excuses, but I gave them less coddling and more straight forward answers.... "No, I'm not going to lunch with you if you go to the pizza place" "NO.... not even if I COULD have just one piece of pizza, which *I* personally can't". "Sure, we can have lunch another day or you can come with me and have a turkey sandwich and some of that good weight watchers taco soup from the sandwich shop". Their tones change after that when I'm giving them information firmly and without wavering on the point. If she's jealous, then it's going to have to be her problem until she takes action to work on the situation. I think it's great that you offered, but I think you should remove yourself from or nip in the bud the other abusive behavior.

Hey there
I might not be able to offer a solution but I can totally relate to what you are going through because I am just like your friend. I too make every excuse in the book not to work out. I would rather clean my house and all of my neighbors, go to the dentist or do someother unsavory activity just to avoid doing a minor amount of energetic movement.
I don't know how much your friend and I are actually alike, but if she is like me, someone who really does want to lose weight and be fit (and has done it in the past) then her problem might stem from fear of commitment. In essence, I don't like starting things that are hard knowing that in order to see a pay off I have to stick with it and commit.to keeping it up. It is so much easier to procrastinate and believe that I am going to find a quick fix solution that doesn't involve sweat equity. The fasting excuse or any other attempt to make progress with something other than smart eating and real exercise is just a way to avoid commitment while still believing that you are working towards losing weight.
I know all of this about myself and it puts me that much closer to saying yes and doing it next time my good friend (who would be you in this scenerio) asks me to go for a walk with the dogs or head to the gym. One day, soon I hope, I will realize that all my excuses and procrastinations and quick fixes are getting me absolutely no where and I need to just suck it up and get going. I bet your friend is somewhat similar in this respect. This whole losing weight and getting fit is hard for most of us, some of us just have different challenges that need to be dealt with before we can catch up.
Consider yourself fortunate! You are strong, wise and proactive. Hopefully I (and your friend) will be right there with you in the not too distant future.
:drinker:

Oh I forgot to add that she may not really be ready to do something yet. Part of the conversation I previously mentioned should include you asking her if SHE finds it helpful when you make suggestions, or does she just want you to listen to her frustrations and feel supported & loved by you. Everyone travels through the stages of change at different paces. If she only wants you to listen to her, listen and then try to change the subject. Before changing the topic make sure you let her know that you're willing and available to help her if she finds a plan that might work for her.

She's not ready. You can't fix it.

How much does she want to lose?

My trigger to action was when
One day a friend of my said "Just lose the 1st five."
and she showed me MFP.

For ages I was overwhelmed by how much I had to lose.
After the 1st five... I had the outlook that I only had to lose 1 lb... the next 1 lb.

One day when I was living in a 5 floor walk-up I accidentally bought a bookcase that was heavier than I realized. I was overwhelmed with the idea of getting it up 60 steps. Then I thought can I get it up 1 step? I tried and I did... so okay, let's see how many times I can do that.... I needed to be patient and to rest and it took sometime, but I got it upstairs...

So if I can lose 1 lb once I can do it again... and I may need to rest, it may take longer than I'd prefer, I may have to adjust my strategy, but if I'm persistent and determined I'll where I need to be.

She's not ready. You can't fix it.

Agreed. And from what is happening already, I bet the more you lose and the better you look, the more negative she will be towards your success.

both of these

I was just wondering if I could get some help motivating one if my close friends. She is constantly whining about how she wants to lose weight and get healthy but every time I try to help her (offer to babysit so she can go to the gym, walk with her, cook with her, etc) she has a million excuses and "reasons" why she can't. It is really hard for me because she was the one who made me realize how much I needed to change back in May and I really thought we would do it together. She keeps telling me how jealous she is that I am losing weight and that I must be doing something (cheating by fasting, working out and not eating, fad dieting etc) and will not believe that I am just eating better and am more active so I feel attacked. I want her to have success too but it's hard not to roll my eyes when she tells me she's on a soup diet/cleanse one day and the next she's eating cupcakes. I just want to know what I can do to get her in the right direction (I keep suggesting MFP too). Thanks for the input!

OMG! We have the same friend LOL!!! I have a friend just like this! She's always asking for help or advice, which I'm more than willing to give, but then finding excuses for not taking the advice. She's on one crazy diet one day and the next day she's eating ice cream and cookies. And she has a very sedentary lifestyle, very sedentary!! I tell her to just start out slow and uncomplicated, just eat 3 sensible meals a day and take a walk....but nope, she has excuses. Here latest thing is she is going to buy those ALLIE pills for weight loss (I think that's the name). Shaking my head!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But everyone is right on here, you can't help someone who is not going to help themselves. I have to bite my tongue not to get snippy when she asks me a fitness question - here was one of her actual questions to me. Does lettuce have a lot of carbs, because I'm trying to cut down on my carbs (while she was eating fried chicken). Shaking my head again. She is an intelligent woman....so I know she is not as clueless as she acts regarding nutrition and fitness. She is just not ready to put the commitment into it!!!!

if she doesn't want to change, nothing you do will help her.

i have 2 good friends. we were all about the same size. they were always talking about wanting to lose weight so i reached out to them and asked them if they were interested in doing a weigh in every wednesday. i needed/wanted the accountability and the friendly competition. they both agreed. i did mention i only wanted them to participate if they were serious about getting healthy. we've done great and that is one of the main reasons why i stick to my working out and eating good... because i know that damn weigh in is coming up on wednesday and i HAVE to do well. it's embarrassing and sad when i have had a gain and have had to explain myself.

it's awesome and we all are working hard. i made the spreadsheet and keep up with it every wednesday. maybe something like this would help you see if your friend is really serious about losing weight or if she's just talking for now.