Child-free?

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live2dream
live2dream Posts: 614 Member
in Chit-Chat
Anyone else out there child-free (by choice or not?) . I am by choice. I'm still unsure whether I want to have kids. I'm 30 now, and people ask me constantly when I'm going to have kids. What if I'd rather keep traveling and work on my getting my business going? (We've been to 17 countries and 4 continents in the past few years) And then if I change my mind, I could always adopt. My husband agrees. We have seen all the homeless kids in poor countries and I've been tempted to adopt at some point. There's SO MANY kids out there that need a loving home. So why the need to give birth? It's fascinating to me, but just doesn't seem very fun- the pain, mess, breast-feeding, etc.

Plus the fact that we have so many kids with problems in both sides of the family (cerebral palsy, downs syndrome, other mental illnesses, etc) that I worry I will have a child with problems as well. That I would love the same of course, but I've seen how hard it is on the child and parents that go through all that.

Another thing is I have no family to watch my kids, and daycare just seems sooo, i don't know, scary... with kids being sick and passing it around.. and your kid being raised by strangers... and taking a huge chunk of income. AND it seems kids are a strain on marriages in most cases... and we already have enough strain.

I'm just incredibly overwhelmed with all the women that are pregnant right now, it's kinda driving me crazy. No offense...I think it's just my clock...stomp, stomp, stomp...ticking...LOL ... I only have a couple friends that are childfree left. I kinda feel like the odd one out. But I just don't feel like I'll ever be ready...they say if you wait until you are ready, you'll never have any...well....
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Replies

  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
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    Me! I spent almost all of my 20's trying for a kid. Had 2 losses and sorta gave up. I thought about adoption but I must not want it THAT bad.

    I'm sort of used to it now. If I, by some miracle got pregnant, I would probably be ecstatic but again, I must not want it THAT bad since I avoid getting pregnant now.

    The quiet house used to make me sad and now if I'm at my mom's house where all the nephews are, OMG I am ready to go home after a day or 2.

    I like that I can get up and go. I like that I can travel whenever I want. I love that my hub and I can go to the movies at 12am if we feel like it. I LOVE that I can go out and stay out all night with my gfs for the hell of it.

    We shall see if it changes. I'm getting older and I do think about that but for now, I'm ok.
  • rbryntes
    rbryntes Posts: 710 Member
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    I am CFBC.
  • albinogorilla
    albinogorilla Posts: 1,056 Member
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    you can have my 2, 3.5 and 1.5..........that will help you make up your mind, but no givesies backsies...........
  • ZoayZoay
    ZoayZoay Posts: 60 Member
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    You sound realistic about what it might be like. There are 6 billion of us already. You don't have to have any ;)

    (it's lovely in an "ok no life of my own then" kind of way.)
  • wendyannvantiem
    wendyannvantiem Posts: 188 Member
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    You could always be a Big Sister to someone. That way you can spend time with a child who needs someone but then you don't have to take them home.
  • dez_yaoichan
    dez_yaoichan Posts: 454
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    im a little younger, 24, but almost all of my friends have kids too. i just dont understand the point in having kids so early (friends my age have kids between 3 and 6) i dont want kids but if i every did, i would adopt. i'd like twin boys but like i said, i dont really want kids at all. why bring more kids into the world when i could care for the ones already here and in need of love?
  • RocketsGirl75
    RocketsGirl75 Posts: 648
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    ME!

    Not sure if I ever want to have them. I think I like the "idea" of having kids than the actual having kids part! People look at me crazy when I say that I am not sure if I want them and I am like WHAT? I am not the only person alive that doesn't or isn't sure if they want them!

    Cheers to you and don't let others pressure you into something you don't want!

    :drinker:
  • writtenINthestars
    writtenINthestars Posts: 1,933 Member
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    I always thought I'd want kids but now...I kind of enjoy just having to worry about myself and the hubs and doing our own thing. Part of me feels slightly guilty because on my side, I'd be the only chance for my parents to have grandkids because children are absolutely out of the picture for my brother's future. My mother in law is always anxiously awaiting for us to get pregnant.

    We have chosen for the time being to avoid getting pregnant because our marriage is a bit out of shape and that's more important to us-to get it right first. My feelings may change if and when we are back on track.

    I can understand though...I have 2 close coworkers/friends who just had babies within the last 6 weeks, another close coworker/friend who's due in a few weeks, and another close coworker/friend who recently found out she was pregnant. Apparently it's in the damn water here!!! :tongue:

    I also turn 30 this year and hubs and I have been together for 11 years in April...so the pressure is there in concerns of our age but if all else fails and I still want a child, I'd be very grateful to become a foster mom or adopt a child. :heart:
  • robinxhope
    robinxhope Posts: 125 Member
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    I am turning 30 this year. My husband and I will be celebrating our 7th anniversary. No kids yet and no plans soon. We go back and forth on it. But I completely hear you about all the reasons to not have a kid. I think if I took the opportunity off the table completely I might feel deprived of it, but I can see the possibility of us never having children. We really love our time together and we talk cautiously about all the challenges our relationship might incur from having a baby. We have a really nice thing going. One of the major incentives of having one is that I would get a full 12 months maternity leave. But that's not a definite reason to have a baby. Only time will tell.
  • Ladydi1982
    Ladydi1982 Posts: 218 Member
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    I don't have any children yet (we're trying :wink: ) But it seems to me that in your situation, it's not about being ready, it's about actually wanting one. I think having a child (or more) is completely up to the couple. And with your knowledge and experience around the globe, you seem like you would be more comfortable adopting one of the MILLIONS of children in desperate need of a loving family.

    Hopefully peer pressure from your family does not become an issue with you; I know it is with mine... :grumble: I'm going to be 30 in April and my family is already looking at me like I'm barren. It's like, come on people, we've only been trying for a month! Give us a break!

    Good luck with whatever decision you both make, and make sure it is your own.

    Stay positive!!! :flowerforyou:
  • anubis609
    anubis609 Posts: 3,966 Member
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    I just like practicing making 'em. There are plans to spawn little hellions one day. Just not anytime soon.
  • Softly_Sedated
    Softly_Sedated Posts: 11
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    My husband and I are undecided, but I feel no pressure in terms of a ticking clock. It pisses me off when people ask when we are having kids - we were even asked at our wedding! I tell those people "I didn't go to school and rack up $45,000 in student loans to pay back just to have a baby as soon as I finished!" That usually shuts them up. I am twenty-eight and my husband is twenty-seven. We have discussed having children, fostering, and/or adopting, but at the moment we are very happy with it just being the two of us and a few pets. We love to nap, and love that we don't have a child that prevents us from doing so!

    I am also a Big Sister, but that has nothing to do with wanting kids, that's me wanting to make a difference in a child's life.
  • teemarania
    teemarania Posts: 62
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    Two of my sisters and a sister law are pregnant and all of them are scheduled to give birth this month -- my sisters on the same day. This has been the most annoying 9 months of my life!! All they talk about and status update on FB is about their pregnancies!! lol...I love them, but as the only sister without a child and just turning 29, it gets pretty old. Plus, my two younger sisters had children before me.

    I would like children...someday...but one, I don't have a long-term partner, and two, I prefer my career and having my freedom and being able to travel compared to the responsibilities of motherhood. For the moment, anyway. It could change.

    I don't think there's anything wrong with not wanting children. Any you're right about so many children without families already.

    However, as Carrie Bradshaw opined, we should have our own special 'child free' day and register for gifts somewhere too!!! ;0)
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
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    Babies crap themselves and the parents are expected to clean it up.
  • SixCatFaerie
    SixCatFaerie Posts: 692 Member
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    My Hubby and I have been together for about 17.5 years & married for 15.5 or so. No kids for us! We have cats instead! :heart: There have been times when we can't go do something because we can't leave the cats for too long by themselves. (couple days max.) Imagine what it would be like with kids! :sad: I'm 34 & have yet to change a diaper or even feed a child with a bottle or spoon. People think I'm nuts for never having experienced any of it, they automatically assume that since I'm female that I know how or want too! Nope, can't make me! :angry: Read this! http://articles.cnn.com/2009-02-04/living/biological.clock.broken_1_tick-new-parents-kids?_s=PM:LIVING

    Only one other couple out of all of our friends don't have kids... yet. No one gets to listen to the music they want, watch the t.v. they want, watch the movies they want.(forget about going out to the movies or dinner!) No social lives at all & if they do it is centered around the kids. (nothing worse than a bunch of parents going on for HOURS about their kids - then they act like something is wrong with me for not having any :explode: ) They don't ever get to do anything for themselves or have any time for their relationship with their spouse or significant other. :huh: When I was a kid, I watched what my parents were watching & listened to the music that they listened to. Now I have a great appreciation for classical music & oldies. Same goes for classic movies & television. I spent a lot of time playing outside & I'm grateful for it! :flowerforyou: (didn't even have a game console or computer til I after I met my hubby!)

    Don't even get me started on the "must be their own biological child" rant. (the extremes some people go through to have a child of their own is ridiculous!!! :mad: ) I agree completely about the adopting a child that needs a home. Only thing is to me it should be a child from whatever country your from. I'm from the USA & so I would think that if I were ever nuts enough to want a kid it would be one from here. :wink: (how can we help the world if we don't better ourselves first? - yes, another rant... I'm sure a lot of people will disagree with me! :grumble: )

    In the end, I found that I have PCOS & that it would be really difficult for me to have a child anyways. Every birth control that I've ever tried makes me sick, so Hubby got a vasectomy & the world is better for us because of it. (mental illness & some other things run through both of our families as well :ohwell: )

    If anybody has any concerns about how my Hubby feels, rest assured that he feels the same as I do. :smooched:

    If anyone has read this far: Scariest thing ever... A week or so ago, I ran into a woman that I went to high school with. (hadn't seen her since junior year) She is a little over a year older than me, so a little over 35. She had a cute little girl with her & I asked how old her daughter was. She said "She just turned 4, but she isn't my daughter. She is my GRAND-Daughter." I was shocked to say the least!!! I mean really! That means that she had a kid around 16 & then her daughter did the same! BEYOND NUTS! Made me feel old... :cry:
  • stelid
    stelid Posts: 60
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    I don't have kids. I am pretty young yet (23), but whenever someone asks me when I will get married and have kids, or even when my boyfriend talks about it in the future, I instantly feel sick and uncomfortable. I think you have to sacrafice so much to be a mother--you have to be selfless and and I am not ready to sacrafice certain things: I have a hard enough time trying to lose weight let alone being prego, I like using my vacation time from work to do fun things that don't involve "the daycare closed today", I like having a ton of free-time to work out, I like going out with my friends and not worrying about who is watching my children, I like the idea that if I really want to, I can pick up and move and start a new job for less pay and I don't have to worry about my children's welfare. My mother sacraficed those things for me and I am just not ready to do that. I honestly don't know if I will ever be ready to do that. The screaming children in the grocery store tell me I won't.
  • live2dream
    live2dream Posts: 614 Member
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    Babies crap themselves and the parents are expected to clean it up.

    LMAO! I just spit out my water everywhere!
  • SixCatFaerie
    SixCatFaerie Posts: 692 Member
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    Babies crap themselves and the parents are expected to clean it up.

    LMAO! I just spit out my water everywhere!

    Yep! Happened to me too!

    P.S. for my long rant above... I helped raise my step-brother and step-sister. Acted as their mother... so I do know what it is like to be responsible for a child. I know what it is like to give up everything for them.
  • rbryntes
    rbryntes Posts: 710 Member
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    It pisses me off when people ask when we are having kids - we were even asked at our wedding!

    Yeah, this happened to me, and those SAME PEOPLE, when I was getting a divorce, all said, "Thankfully you two don't have any kids!"

    ::headdesk::
  • HoopFire5602
    HoopFire5602 Posts: 423 Member
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    I've never really caught baby fever. I had a string of friends that were pregnant last year....three baby showers I attended, one I hosted. I'm sure having a kid is great and all, I just don't see myself having one, nor do I want one. I guess I'm kind of selfish in that fact...I want my husband to myself, I want my freedom (The military has taken most of that away). If I want to go to a burn event and spin fire I don't want to have to watch my kid too. If I want to run away and join the circus, I will. It's about my life and I don't see a kid adding to that. Besides, there are millions of kids out there that need families. I'd rather adopt one then have one myself.
    Which brings me to my second point....I would have to be on a certain type of blood thinner for 9 months that i have to inject into my stomach. Also with my past history of blood clots, I am even more at risk for another occurrence. And I have two stents in my pelvis that would probably be crushed with the weight of a child. So, tons more medical bills, a few more operations. Not on my list of things to do.

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