Life

LatoriaMcAdoo
LatoriaMcAdoo Posts: 52 Member
in Motivation and Support
Today is November 8, 2020, I am truly happy with the relationship, and with my family. I don't believe that I am happy with myself though. I feel as if I let myself go for some time now at least 7 years. When I got with my boyfriend on 8/24/16 I was around the same weight that I am currently, but I cleaned up the house my room wasn't a mess clothes were done all the time. I believe I might have a little depression. When I look at myself in the mirror I am filled with disgust and just resentment towards my own self, how crazy is that. I come to work every day and do a job that I love to do but also get so aggravated at then I go home and sleep and I vent but it doesn't help. I sleep a lot more now than I did when I worked 12-hour shifts which I believe should be the opposite. I want to feel good about myself and be happy. I tried dieting or just think of healthy foods but I just can't stick with it. I want a better life a healthier life. I am 30 years old I want to get married and have kids and I see my friends with kids or getting married or even engaged and when I see them in pictures or making posts I get so sad I just want to cry but I can't because I'm not alone. My SO says I'm his future wife and wanted to have kids with me but we have been together for 4 years and some months but nothing changes I get sadder and sadder. I think well maybe it's the way I look or the way I don't keep up with the house anymore it makes me think bad things which makes me even sadder. I want to feel happy with who I am and what I look like. I need something to change and I need it to stick and not go away. For breakfast, I ate 1 1/2 fried egg well done with salt and pepper on it, 3 slices of pork bacon, and 3 8oz cups of apple juice. I would have drunk water but didn't have water at work today. I know I need to do better at it. For lunch, I brought baked chicken and rice(I know bad). I'm going to cook fish for dinner with vegetables.Starting 11/9/2020 my co-worker & boss are supposed to do the biggest loser challenge to see who can lose the most weight. We had done this three months ago and I lost 12lbs I was proud of myself then I just stopped and ate horribly I don't know why I do this to myself all the time. I'm excited to get back on this journey of healthier eating but I want it to actually stick this time. I don't want to back peddle and fall off the wagon again. I'm so embarrassed of my weight I can't even put it on this post even though no one I know will ever read this. I really am scared that I won't ever be healthy because I can't stick to dieting, I feel like it is taking a toll on me physically and mentally. Last night it was heavy on my mind so I wasn't even talking to my boyfriend because I just want to scream, cry and ask what happened to me why can't I stick to it.

Replies

  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 34,087 Member
    Hugs!

    If you may be depressed, it would be a good plan to speak with someone about that, and there should be no stigma about doing so. (We use trainers for help with exercise routines, dietitians for help with eating practices, no different to consult a professional when it comes to thought patterns.)

    Beyond that, it sounds like your past weight loss practices have been somewhat extreme (the Biggest Loser kind of approach, thinking in terms of "bad foods" (I assume it's the rice that's worrying you, but rice is a nutritious food we can eat in reasonable portions), etc.) Since that hasn't led to long-term success for you, maybe just try a different approach, of making small, manageable changes one or two at a time, and once those are grooved into your daily habits and routine, pick another couple of small things? This can work!

    You are absolutely worth this effort, and you are also absolutely capable of succeeding at it. I'd predict that taking some sensibly moderate steps toward change, and making them stick, will be very empowering. The effects of those things add up over time, and you will surprise yourself.

    Hang in there!
  • VeryKatie
    VeryKatie Posts: 5,961 Member
    I'm not going to be the most help here, sorry. I agreed with what AnnPT77 said. A couple random comments...

    Why is chicken and rice bad? Its not...

    If you want to get married, talk to your SO, or propose, or what have you... take control if that's what you need. See what he says. You dont have to wait for him to do it. And it doesn't have to be anything fancier than a conversation if you dont want it to be. If you need something to move forward, start that conversation.

    I agree with approaching a counselor or your gp, as you do sound like you might have some depression. It isnt fun living that way, I know. So doing something about it might help.

  • MaltedTea
    MaltedTea Posts: 6,286 Member
    You mentioned that you work. Does your job come with group insurance for healthcare? If so, mental health support benefits are hopefully included. Cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) has been shown to be helpful for both weight loss and weight maintenance.

    Best of health to you; both physically and mentally @LatoriaMcAdoo
  • LatoriaMcAdoo
    LatoriaMcAdoo Posts: 52 Member
    I believe we do thank you
    MaltedTea wrote: »
    You mentioned that you work. Does your job come with group insurance for healthcare? If so, mental health support benefits are hopefully included. Cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) has been shown to be helpful for both weight loss and weight maintenance.

    Best of health to you; both physically and mentally @LatoriaMcAdoo
    MaltedTea wrote: »
    You mentioned that you work. Does your job come with group insurance for healthcare? If so, mental health support benefits are hopefully included. Cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) has been shown to be helpful for both weight loss and weight maintenance.

    Best of health to you; both physically and mentally @LatoriaMcAdoo

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