The Recession hits hard

krash999
krash999 Posts: 476 Member
edited October 2 in Chit-Chat
The recession has hit everybody really hard...

My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

CEO's are now getting their business done while playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.

I saw a Mormon with only one wife.

The bank returned my check marked "Insufficient Funds," I had to call them and ask if they meant my funds or theirs.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Angelina Jolie and Brad adopted a child from America.

Parents in Beverly Hills have had to fire their nannies and learn their children's names.

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

And finally....

I became so depressed about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they asked if I could drive a truck.

Replies

  • KnottyJen
    KnottyJen Posts: 1,070 Member
    LOL!!
  • DreamLittleDarling
    DreamLittleDarling Posts: 800 Member
    bahahahahaha!!!
  • MassiveDelta
    MassiveDelta Posts: 3,271 Member
    Thats good!
  • chocolateandvodka
    chocolateandvodka Posts: 1,850 Member
    Dinner and a movie is now redbox and ramen.
  • baisleac
    baisleac Posts: 2,019 Member
    Bwuahahahahaa.
  • lloydrt
    lloydrt Posts: 1,121 Member
    were so poor, we cant even afford roaches................now thats what you call poor
  • m2purple
    m2purple Posts: 38
    thanks for the laughs! This is great!
  • Shabawan
    Shabawan Posts: 37
    So you can drive a truck :p
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    "How much do you think Senators make? They now make $154,700 a year. But they say it will stimulate the economy because eventually that money will trickle down to the liquor stores, the hookers, the brothels ... then it will get back in the community." —Jay Leno
  • shiggyshane
    shiggyshane Posts: 215
    lmao!
  • porffor
    porffor Posts: 1,210 Member
    "How much do you think Senators make? They now make $154,700 a year. But they say it will stimulate the economy because eventually that money will trickle down to the liquor stores, the hookers, the brothels ... then it will get back in the community." —Jay Leno
    Sounds just like the UK government.. I mean Coalition..
  • lloydrt
    lloydrt Posts: 1,121 Member
    Speaking of how bad it is,...................

    "The economy has been so bad, Im thinking of moving myself and family in with my grandmother ,and we buried her in October"

    Greg Johnson, Comedy central
  • kaza1948
    kaza1948 Posts: 38 Member
    LOL!!!!!
  • Hattie2879
    Hattie2879 Posts: 131
    LMFAO! That's a good one, I had to pass it on. :wink:
  • Kaycurrier
    Kaycurrier Posts: 231
    OMG, thank you so much for such a great laugh!
  • BeastieGirl
    BeastieGirl Posts: 76
    Nice one Krash......from your friend in her cardboard box in t' middle of road, sharing with 24 others......but we're 'appy!
  • mommared53
    mommared53 Posts: 9,543 Member
    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Thanks for the laugh.
  • krash999
    krash999 Posts: 476 Member
    anytime.... that is what i am good at..... whether it is laughing with me or at me i can always give a laugh.....
  • lloydrt
    lloydrt Posts: 1,121 Member
    and a few more about the recession


    Q: What’s the difference between an American and a Zimbabwean?
    A: In a few weeks, nothing.

    Q: George Bush was asked today “what did he think of the Credit Crunch?”
    A: He replied: “It was his favorite Candy Bar.”

    Q: With the current market turmoil, what’s the easiest way to make a small fortune?
    A: Start off with a large one.

    Q: What’s the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza?
    A: A large pizza can feed a family of four

    Q: What’s the definition of optimism?
    A: An Investment Banker ironing five shirts on a Sunday evening.

    I went to the ATM this morning and it said “insufficient funds”.
    I’m wondering is it them or me.

    and my favorite...........

    Quote of the day (from a trader): “This is worse than a divorce. I’ve lost half my net worth and I still have a wife.”

    thank you listverse.com
  • lloydrt
    lloydrt Posts: 1,121 Member
    and some no so recession jokes


    Do you think I"ll lose my looks as I get older?"
    "Yes if you're lucky."

    Has there been any insanity in your family"
    Yes, doctor, my husband thinks hes the boss"

    "My wife doesn't know what she wants."
    "You're lucky. My wife does."


    We have a quiet home life. I don't speak to her and she doesn't speak to me.

    Did you hear about the wife who shot her husband with a bow and arrow because she didn't want to wake the children.

    What do use for washing dishes?"
    "Oh, I tried many things but found my husband best."


    and ladies, you should love this one......


    Why don't you give your husband a divorce?"
    "What, I have lived with him for ten years and now I should make him happy?"


    thank you onelines.com


    Sanjay : "I passed your house yesterday."
    Anil : "Thanks I appreciate it."



    But the psychiatrist really helped me a lot. I would never answer the phone, because I was afraid. Now I answer it whether it rings or not.
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