Nervously excited to lose over 100lbs

jamie_playftl wrote: »

Hi, everyone. My name is Jamie. I’m 28 years. And I? I’m fat.

I know that that’s not a very nice way to describe yourself and it’s an even worse way for someone else to describe you, but there comes a time when you have to face the reality of a situation. And I? I’m fat. I’ve been fat for a very long time. For me, being overweight has been the same kind of personal descriptor as having brown hair or sporting blue eyes.

I can’t really remember a time when I wasn’t the overweight kid. I knew it, too. Of course you know it. You’re just a little bit rounder than the other kids in class or it’s a little bit more difficult to fit another person on the bus seat with you. As I went through middle school and high school, it became more and more obvious that you’re incredibly overweight because you can’t shop at the same clothing stores or wear the same brands that everyone else is ogling over. You just can’t because you’d never fit in even the largest size they sell.

That translated to me never wanting to go shopping with my friends or really doing much at all. I was embarrassed of myself. I never wanted to go to school dances or events outside of school. Why would I? Everyone would look at me. That’s how it felt. It felt like everyone who laid eyes on me was disgusted by my weight. I was.

It was almost like I thought people would look at me and think things like “how dare she come out in public looking like that” … that kind of thing.

Now is about the time you might be wondering why I didn’t do something about my weight. Right? Why not just lose it? Like, put down the cupcake tubby.

The problem was a bit deeper than that. I’m not saying that losing weight is hard. Objectively, it’s not hard. You eat less and you exercise more.

But, this isn’t a black and white thing. I was depressed and unhappy. This translated to finding comfort through food. I wouldn’t just eat a cupcake...I would eat an entire box of cupcakes. I’d hide the food in my shirt or pants or backpack and take it into my room and gorge. It is an embarrassing thing to talk about. I’m not proud of the clearly poor relationship that I have had with food. Binge eating is such a comfort source for me, but it’s also one of the main reasons that I am forced to write this at 28 years old.

Let’s jump to now, I’m 28 years old. I had a bit of a mental breakdown recently over my weight and being fat.

I would like to not be embarrassed of myself or worry about what my kids will think of me when they get older. I’m worried that my bad habits will become their bad habits... and quite frankly I would never forgive myself for that.

I’m just over this.

I’m over worrying about being the largest person in the room. I’m over even concerning myself with what other people look like. I don’t like the comparison game. I don’t like sighing with relief when there’s someone else who is large, especially when they’re larger than me.

Isn’t that an awful thing to say? I would literally scan the room to see if there was someone else like me. Fat.

This is the last year of my life that I plan to describe myself as fat.

I’m ready to unlock all of my weight loss and health achievements. Feel free to follow my journey. I’m not stopping until I reach my goals. For me, for my husband, for my daughters, for the woman staring back at me in the mirror. It’s time. 2021 will be my year!

It’s nice to be surrounded by people who understand and are on the same pathway. Feel free to friend request me! I’d love to celebrate your victories and be there for you on your hard days too. Let’s rock this year!