I’m not trying to be petty...

kbaby2020
kbaby2020 Posts: 63 Member
in Motivation and Support
Anyone have a friend who is awesome to be around, is funny and easy to get along with, but at the same time, constantly makes you feel like you’re in competition with them? That you have to have something to brag about at all times?

I have that friend.

Now don’t get me wrong - it’s great to have something to brag about now and then. But I’ve dealt with stupid competition with other friends, or my sister, all my life and I’m sick of it.

March of 2020 I had my first baby. I only gained 29 lbs despite the fact that I ate horribly and hardly exercised 🙃 I used to be a lot better at exercising (I was a power lifter and did a bodybuilding competition) but I had a surgery in 2019 that threw me off course and then found out I was pregnant a month later haha.

Now, January 2021, I’m pregnant with my second, due in July :)

Nothing makes me happier than growing a healthy strong baby. I lost the baby weight the first time and know I can again.
But I just found out my friend is pregnant too. And so now the competition begins all over again.
She’s a baby ahead of me, so this is her third. And she makes it seem like she knows all there is to know about being a mom.
And she loves bragging about how quickly she lost all the baby weight both times around, how she has no stretch marks, has six pack abs again etc. etc...
Whereas I have stretch marks, saggy skin, didn’t get back in shape the way I wanted, don’t have abs...
Something that should be so great is now somewhat cast in a shadow because every time I see her she’ll have SOMETHING to brag about and I just don’t know how to let this crap go.

Please. Any advice. Anything.
I know everyone’s journey is different, especially through pregnancy, and I am determined to be healthier and more active this time around, but how do I deal with the competition that I don’t even what to listen to or be a part of?

Thanks for reading all the way through, if you made it this far 🙏🏻

Replies

  • LisaGetsMoving
    LisaGetsMoving Posts: 663 Member
    I can't really give you any good advice, but I'll tell you what a crabby old lady like myself does. She doesn't keep a lot of friends who are too high maintenance, or who don't show up when real help is needed.

    Then there's the subtle trick of giving a friend what they need. It sounds like this friend of yours need affirmation that she's awesome. So shower her with compliments until she can shift the focus away from herself.
  • 7rainbow
    7rainbow Posts: 161 Member
    One thing I learned in life is that being real with your feelings saves so much time and hassle. Just tell her how you feel about it all, just like you told us. Say something like "Hey, you are such a great friend to me, and I do appreciate your accomplishments, however sometimes it makes me feel bad about myself and almost like I have to compete or make it up somehow". See what she says, true friends will do their best to understand and change their habits if they are harming you. Often people brag when they feel like they need to compensate for other things, or to make themselves feel better, sometimes they may be jealous too. Having a conversation about it may make you both feel better about it.
  • kbaby2020
    kbaby2020 Posts: 63 Member
    7rainbow wrote: »
    One thing I learned in life is that being real with your feelings saves so much time and hassle. Just tell her how you feel about it all, just like you told us. Say something like "Hey, you are such a great friend to me, and I do appreciate your accomplishments, however sometimes it makes me feel bad about myself and almost like I have to compete or make it up somehow". See what she says, true friends will do their best to understand and change their habits if they are harming you. Often people brag when they feel like they need to compensate for other things, or to make themselves feel better, sometimes they may be jealous too. Having a conversation about it may make you both feel better about it.


    I suck at confrontation haha. But you’re probably right. This has been going on for a long time now.. I just never did anything because I was too upset with myself for getting jealous and petty over stuff that shouldn’t matter.
  • holly_roman
    holly_roman Posts: 116 Member
    It sounds like you need to love yourself more and stop worrying about others. There are actually many self help books that could get you there. Quick Google search will help you find them. You cannot change her behavior and I don't think you want her walking on eggshells around you because of your feelings. No one can affect your feelings if you don't let them. It took me a long time to come to grips with this one. You just be the best you. Don't compare yourself or it feeds into your insecurities. Learn to be genuinely happy for others as their accomplishments have no bearing on you. You are awesome, tell yourself that until you believe it.
  • snowflake954
    snowflake954 Posts: 8,399 Member
    Ask yourself the old question "Are you better off with or without her". Does she have redeeming qualities as a friend?

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