Last night was surreal for me...
I went to a co-worker's birthday party at her house. She's new at work and I adore her. There were about 25 other women there none of which I knew.
It was a pretty wealthy neighborhood she lives in and predominately neighbor women at the party. There was an open seat outside amongst about 18 people. The hostess had minutes before introduce me to the group, saying I knew no one there, etc... It was perfectly fine.
Upon sitting one lady literally rolled her eyes and continued talking. I was never acknowledged or even looked at in the 15 minutes or so I sat there, although I did try to add to the conversation when there was anything to add to... but there simply wasn't. The entire conversation was gossiping about the one neighbor that wasn't there. Calling her "odd, bi-polar, something mentally wrong with her," etc...
Awkward.
I'm a single 34 year old divorcee that solely supports my son, has a very successful career, but I do struggle to make ends meet.
Most of these neighborhood ladies were a bit younger than me, and mainly stay at home moms, and almost all of them with children the same age as my son. You'd think it would be easy to make conversation. I'm not awkward in big groups and generally can talk to anyone.
Anyhow, there were about 5 women there that were very kind, that I had great converstaion with. Only one was a "neighbor" the others were her family. So that was fantastic.
I'm struggling with wtf happened here *LOL* I was excited to meet new people. But I left feeling completely torn. Would I love to have a life like that? Am I jealous? Having a bunch of neighbors to have coffee with, go to their giant club, have a million friends for my son, a husband, not struggle for money? Well, yeah... that'd be awesome *LOL* But why the gossip? Why so rude? The *kitten* I heard in those two hours made me with to never associate with the vast majority of them.
Anyhow, no skin off my back one way or the other. But it was surreal... thought I'd share. Criticize me if you will.. I am just randomly spewing.
It was a pretty wealthy neighborhood she lives in and predominately neighbor women at the party. There was an open seat outside amongst about 18 people. The hostess had minutes before introduce me to the group, saying I knew no one there, etc... It was perfectly fine.
Upon sitting one lady literally rolled her eyes and continued talking. I was never acknowledged or even looked at in the 15 minutes or so I sat there, although I did try to add to the conversation when there was anything to add to... but there simply wasn't. The entire conversation was gossiping about the one neighbor that wasn't there. Calling her "odd, bi-polar, something mentally wrong with her," etc...
Awkward.
I'm a single 34 year old divorcee that solely supports my son, has a very successful career, but I do struggle to make ends meet.
Most of these neighborhood ladies were a bit younger than me, and mainly stay at home moms, and almost all of them with children the same age as my son. You'd think it would be easy to make conversation. I'm not awkward in big groups and generally can talk to anyone.
Anyhow, there were about 5 women there that were very kind, that I had great converstaion with. Only one was a "neighbor" the others were her family. So that was fantastic.
I'm struggling with wtf happened here *LOL* I was excited to meet new people. But I left feeling completely torn. Would I love to have a life like that? Am I jealous? Having a bunch of neighbors to have coffee with, go to their giant club, have a million friends for my son, a husband, not struggle for money? Well, yeah... that'd be awesome *LOL* But why the gossip? Why so rude? The *kitten* I heard in those two hours made me with to never associate with the vast majority of them.
Anyhow, no skin off my back one way or the other. But it was surreal... thought I'd share. Criticize me if you will.. I am just randomly spewing.
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Replies
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Honestly, the evening sounds awful to me...I can't stand fake people! Thank goodness you found some nice people to talk to.0
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There are huge differences in classes.
I'm middle class (I know were disappearing) my wife teaches in an area with lot of poverty, my school is middle class(I am IT not teaching) My sister teachers at a school with mostly wealthy. The priorities and values are just so odd.
Case in point, my sister had a parent teacher student conference, the mother commented "You don't want to grow up and have to shop at target." .. it wasn't even ripping on wall mart. ?!?!? We shop at Target.
my wife, a family was sleeping on mattresses in the kitchen and had no fridge. The school chipped in and bought them a fridge. They when and sold it, and went on a family vacation, because they didn't need a fridge.
Bizarre..0 -
Our society has major issues......especially women........I just don't get it. I would feel exactly the same way! I am a people person and can truly talk with just about anyone, but when people act snobby or elite...it really just turns me off. Seems to be that ALOT of women these days like to act that way. Almost like it's a trend or something? Ugh ...again...I cannot explain it! lol But good for you for going out and trying to be social! Nothing wrong with that! Good luck! And I guess what I always do when trying to make new friends is TRUST MY GUT! You've got the intuition inside of you:) why not use it?!:flowerforyou:
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Just MHO, but it sounds like you have a real life. You have real issues to deal with and work to be done. Some folks seem to have too much time on their hands to gossip and b$tch about trivial stuff. Sorry you had to deal with that. Sure, we'd all like to have enough money to be comfortable, but I hope I never get like that. Spoiled is the word that comes to mind. Not all folks with comfy incomes are like that, perhaps that's why they find the neighbor odd--she doesn't buy into that crap.
Good for you putting yourself out there and trying to make friends! Keep at it, you'll find some kindred spirits out there. These folks were just not the right ones!0 -
It sounds like a miserable evening. I'm a single working mom too, and I've noticed many times that I'm often ignored by stay at home moms. You just have to shrug it off, but it does suck.0
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That sounds awful! I am so sorry you had to go through with that! Thankfully the night had some redeeming qualities in the nice group of women that you met.0
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it happens. i think the media plays into that stuff alot you see the shows with all these rich people who do nothing all day but look down on others and its perpetuated as a good thing. think Real housewives of __________, Basketball wives etc. I consider myself a people person and i grew up in a low income area with a single mom who struggled to make ends meet but kept us pretty much at middle class level and now i'm a blue collar type with a middle class income in a lower class neighborhood (moving soon) but at the end of the day people are people some are more fortunate in one way or another than others, but honestly i wouldnt have wanted to be around those people who would look down on you because you dont live their lives, i guarantee you are a happier person than the majority of them. money does not equal happiness at all0
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Insecure people gossip...sad that they have all this good stuff in their life but still aren't "happy". There are some super sweet rich people. The spoiled/snobby ones usually didn't have to work to earn the money for all the luxery they enjoy. Silver platter syndrome.0
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It's sounds as if your resume does not come with the prerequisites required to be friends with some of the women at the party. Sorry. You have higher standards than to gossip about the lives of others when in reality no one knows what's going on someone's home. You have a successful career that keeps you busy and well versed in your area of expertise. You have a son you adore and desire to spend time supporting him in the activities in which he participates. Most likely you also get involved in his education. Unfortunately you haven't learned the fine art of rolling one's eyes when introduced to someone new. Instead your personality comes equipped with looking someone in the eye, smiling, and welcoming him/her to the social event and inquiring about their lives.
My suggestion would be to look for another social network in which you're more qualified. It sounds like some at the party have the same skills as you. You might want to invest your time and talents with them.0 -
There are huge differences in classes.
I'm middle class (I know were disappearing) my wife teaches in an area with lot of poverty, my school is middle class(I am IT not teaching) My sister teachers at a school with mostly wealthy. The priorities and values are just so odd.
Case in point, my sister had a parent teacher student conference, the mother commented "You don't want to grow up and have to shop at target." .. it wasn't even ripping on wall mart. ?!?!? We shop at Target.
my wife, a family was sleeping on mattresses in the kitchen and had no fridge. The school chipped in and bought them a fridge. They when and sold it, and went on a family vacation, because they didn't need a fridge.
Bizarre..
That is not the first time I have heard a story like yours...if you are interested in this topic you should read "Bridges out of Poverty." http://www.amazon.com/Bridges-Out-Poverty-Professionals-Communities/dp/0964743795 so interesting, even though it's a textbook!!
But regarding your story. I hate that. Unfortunately, it happens to me more than I'd like. I think my issue is coming up with small talk. And if my friends and I are gossiping about somebody at a party, and somebody we don't know comes up or is in our conversation, we at least try to fill them in a little bit!0 -
Wow... Wish I was a itty bitty fly on that wall last night! After some point in our lives we need to stop being two faced and caddy. Look on the bright side... They showed their cards early on so you at least maybe you prevented yourself from being the topic on one of their group meetings. I think the hard part is if you start a friendship with your co worker, she may invite you to other functions where her family is gonna be and who wants to expose themselves to those type of ladies.
Did you tell your co worker friend anything that night or will you say something come Monday?0 -
I grew up in a pretty mid-upper class neighborhood, but that just didn't happen *LOL* Maybe I'm naive, but my folks friends all came from work or church as well as the neighborhood and there was always a big mix of classes, etc....
Anyhow, it honestly makes me really sad. I'd love to invite them all to go volunteer at a damn food pantry or something other than wine at the club *LOL*0 -
Wow... Wish I was a itty bitty fly on that wall last night! After some point in our lives we need to stop being two faced and caddy. Look on the bright side... They showed their cards early on so you at least maybe you prevented yourself from being the topic on one of their group meetings. I think the hard part is if you start a friendship with your co worker, she may invite you to other functions where her family is gonna be and who wants to expose themselves to those type of ladies.
Did you tell your co worker friend anything that night or will you say something come Monday?
Oh, I say BRING IT! I'd totally go again... but this time mentally prepared :bigsmile: I'd be happy to put someone in their place and remain the outcast if invited again *LOL*
If I had to guess, not everyone was comfortable with the conversation and gossip... but they don't have the balls to stand up to the ring leader women in the neighborhood.
Well guess what? I've got huge balls. HUGE.
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It's sounds as if your resume does not come with the prerequisites required to be friends with some of the women at the party. Sorry. You have higher standards than to gossip about the lives of others when in reality no one knows what's going on someone's home. You have a successful career that keeps you busy and well versed in your area of expertise. You have a son you adore and desire to spend time supporting him in the activities in which he participates. Most likely you also get involved in his education. Unfortunately you haven't learned the fine art of rolling one's eyes when introduced to someone new. Instead your personality comes equipped with looking someone in the eye, smiling, and welcoming him/her to the social event and inquiring about their lives.
My suggestion would be to look for another social network in which you're more qualified. It sounds like some at the party have the same skills as you. You might want to invest your time and talents with them.
Indeed :flowerforyou:
At my age, with a very small company, it can be hard to meet other women, so I'm always game for a new experience... but this isn't the long term friendship potential *LOL*0 -
Seems to me they have rather dull lives.0
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sounds like you had a great night. I would have reached for the nearest fork and jabbed it in an eyeball-and not necessarily my own. it's not jealousy...just two totally different worlds. bravo to you for getting out there and meeting new people...too bad they were too wrapped up in themselves. honestly tho, could you really see yourself socializing with these women??
It's the stay at home mom syndrome. it pains me to sit in the same room with most of them. it's like they forget there's a world out there beyond their own. all they talk about is the other moms and their kids. oh, and how their husbands would kill them if they ever found out how much money they spent on Pampered Chef, Tupperware, Avon, whatever.
I'm a divorced single mom doing it all on my own too...i have sole custody and her dad has had nothing to do with her since birth. i don't get child support. I have a good job, i bust my *kitten* day in and day out...but it's a struggle. but i'm here, on my own two feet and raising a well adjusted kid who's an angel compared to most. i may not have much but i'm proud of what i've accomplished thus far and wouldn't change a thing. (except maybe win the lottery)0 -
Becks, we lead very similar lives
No child support, and proud to stand on our own two feet 0 -
OMG! It totally sounds like the silly bunco ladies my mother had to hang out with in her neighborhood. Its why I refuse to go to anything like that. They were so freaking DULL - and then they'd complain about how their poor children are forced to go to the middle class school when they should really be going to the upper class one. Or how they managed to ruin their $400 pair of jeans accidentally and wanted sympathy. My mother just sort of laughed and said - "why'd you buy a pair of $400 jeans?" Needless to say, bunco night stopped inviting my mother. Simply ridiculous.
I've also had a similar situation at my dance studio - that show "dance mom's" is totally true!!0 -
OMG! It totally sounds like the silly bunco ladies my mother had to hang out with in her neighborhood. Its why I refuse to go to anything like that. They were so freaking DULL - and then they'd complain about how their poor children are forced to go to the middle class school when they should really be going to the upper class one. Or how they managed to ruin their $400 pair of jeans accidentally and wanted sympathy. My mother just sort of laughed and said - "why'd you buy a pair of $400 jeans?" Needless to say, bunco night stopped inviting my mother. Simply ridiculous.
I've also had a similar situation at my dance studio - that show "dance mom's" is totally true!!
*LOL* I play Bunco With my mom, some of her friends and some of my friends Some have money, some have extremely little... But it's always damn fun... sometimes we forget to play the game because the wine is flowing :drinker: 0 -
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Well guess what? I've got huge balls. HUGE.
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I knew there was a reason we were friends. Mine are also huge. My ex husband often had to borrow mine to stand up to other people. Fortunately, I was able to keep them in the divorce.
I would have acted exactly like you the first time - and then if I got invited back? Yeah. Hey, we should go TOGETHER next time. BAAAHAHAHAHAHA...Oh my.0 -
Some people tear others down, to try and build themselves up.
They are probably not as happy as you think, if they are engaging in this type of behavior.0 -
Im a stay at home mom in a neighborhood pretty similar to this one it seems. I struggle with this all the time. Anything I attend or take my kids too is a gigantic, over produced dramafest. Im pretty sure when Im not around, Im gosspiped about as I dont fit their mold. Quite frankly, Im glad I dont. Im a crunchy granola, independent, smart, witty, tattooed up momma who gets in the floor and plays with my kids. I feel pretty sorry for them that all they have to do is sit around and start stuff and practically ignore their over scheduled kids. Sounds exhausting to me.0
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Some people tear others down, to try and build themselves up.
They are probably not as happy as you think, if they are engaging in this type of behavior.
^^^This - I used to live in this kind of neighborhood before my ex and I divorced. Pathetic. I was eventually driven out - being the sexiest, smartest, and most vibrant person in the neighborhood...and also very single. Yeah. Couldn't have THAT. I eventually BECAME that woman who was the object of the gossip at the party. I feel bad for HER. Living in that neighborhood, with one ringleader - That was my life for about 6 months. I put my house up for rent and got the f**k outta there. Now I live in the ghetto, and my neighbors are nice. Because we're all poor. lol0 -
IMHO I think those ladies are lacking in their lives. Sounds like they have issues and focus on others misery/pain to make themselves feel better. I have wonderful neighbors that get together a lot and we enjoy each other. We gossip a bit, but never to that extent. i would say be glad you don't have folks like that in your life. Look for true friends who won't put you down behind your back.0
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I really wish I understood what their husbands thought.... What is the relationship REALLY like behind closed doors? All the men golf together (the homes are on a golf course). Do they feel any of this? Oblivious to it? Annoyed by it? Pressured to keep up w/ the Jones'? Just intriguing.0
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I think its Perfectionism run amok. The need to keep perfect homes, throw perfect parties, have perfect kids who get into perfect colleges... It sucks a lot of people in. I'm sure the husbands feel a lot of pressure from it. Pressure to keep the income flowing. To constantly need to have more, do more, be more. Like I said before... Sounds exhausting.0
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I think its Perfectionism run amok. The need to keep perfect homes, throw perfect parties, have perfect kids who get into perfect colleges... It sucks a lot of people in. I'm sure the husbands feel a lot of pressure from it. Pressure to keep the income flowing. To constantly need to have more, do more, be more. Like I said before... Sounds exhausting.
I never thought of it that way... but am exhausting just reading about that kind of pressure *LOL* Even at my "middle class" life right now I feel the pressure and hate it!0 -
People of all ages, classes, marital status and socio-economic levels gossip. It's not the neighborhood, it's everywhere.
I think you can go to any party, anywhere and find a completely different demographic behaving in the same manner.
But at those same parties, there will be people you like too, so it's just a matter of tuning out the ones who are annoying.
I'm sure everyone can remember school, before money was relevant. Whispering or teasing another kid because their hair is different, they have acne, she developed breasts, she DIDN'T develop breasts, he has buck teeth, she's a slut . . . .
The irony is, no one ever thinks that THEY are petty, gossipy posers. It's always someone else.
blessings.0 -
I'm a stay at home mom- for right now- and I don't feel as if I fit in with the others at all. The last time I went out with 2 of my friends from school who were also stay at home moms I felt so awkward because they spent the whole time talking (gossiping) about people that I didn't even know. Talk about 3s a crowd- I was bored out of my mind.
I'm a pretty easy going person & I try to be the least judgmental I can be. I know I hate it when people judge me without knowing anything about me.0 -
Ever seen desperate housewives? Not all SAHMs are like that, not all well off women are like that, and not all neighbors are like that . . . but some are. You know what I've found? Women in trailer parks are the same way, as are women in the suburbs, you can find b!tches anywhere.0
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