Fighting life scares me

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EternallyinGodsHands
EternallyinGodsHands Posts: 4 Member
in Chit-Chat
I am a 63 year old EMT that sees life coming to an end. I just can't do it no more. Overweight, depressed, just no will power. I've had a heart attack and my health sucks. Had several scares and still no wake up calls to change my eating. Time is running out for me and I'm scared. What is it going to take. I am lost. I'm tired of doctors, heart catherazations, pills, C-Pap machine, Tachycardia, heart skipping beats, feeling and thinking of dying every single day. Waiting for it to happen. One way of going down the wrong road and I'm just tired.

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  • airmidthehealer
    airmidthehealer Posts: 18 Member
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    I think you nailed it when you mentioned depression. I know you are tired of doctors and pills but please see someone for the depression. Once you feel better, you'll be able to make better decisions about your health. As a healthcare professional you know that your state of mind affects your health.
  • KosmosKitten
    KosmosKitten Posts: 10,476 Member
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    airmidthehealer wrote: »
    I think you nailed it when you mentioned depression. I know you are tired of doctors and pills but please see someone for the depression. Once you feel better, you'll be able to make better decisions about your health. As a healthcare professional you know that your state of mind affects your health.

    This. 100%. Please, PLEASE go see someone. I struggle with depression and generalized anxiety and even though I rail against pills and I despise being on medication all the time, even with diet, exercise and people who love me, I am still overweight, I am still massively depressed, I still have anxiety issues and I still have suicidal thoughts. Some weeks are better than others.

    Finding a medication or therapy (that doesn't have to be medication, btw!) can help immensely. If you can work on therapies or coping mechanisms to get you through what I refer to as "the pit of despair" and see over the lip of that pit, you can then eventually work on the other things to help you be a healthier you.

    Is it easy? Heck no. There will still be days that suck. But please, for YOURSELF, go see a medical professional (psychologist, mental health therapist or a psychiatrist). There are both medications and dosages that will work for you (it might take awhile to find the right combination for your brain) *or* there are psychologists and other therapists who will work with you and introduce therapies (that don't involve medication) to help aid you while also talking to you about why you're depressed (if anything is triggering it or making it worse, for example).

    Much love and strength to you and most of the people here (especially on this board) are here to help and urge you on. :heart:
  • 7rainbow
    7rainbow Posts: 161 Member
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    Hey there,
    I totally get ya. As someone who dealt with depression, suicide attempts, PTSD, eating disorders, and anxiety I totally understand feeling hopeless about things. Firstly, I would say do your best to deal with the depression. When you are sad and hate yourself, it feels impossible and is super hard to eat right. It is much easier to eat healthy when you love yourself. Try different therapists, I used to think that therapy was useless for me but after many tries I found one who truly cared about me. Reach out for help when it comes to those around you as well, having friends to support you and to talk to really helps. If your job is stressing you out, consider your options. Is there something else you are similarly qualified to do that you could do instead? Are you able to retire yet? Or perhaps a stress leave may be necessary? Can you even just reduce your hours a bit? Things to consider. Next, I find having something I'm passionate about really distracts me and lifts my mood up. When I was in a mental hospital after attempting to take my life I spend most of my days colouring which made me feel better. Now, I use my spare time to paint. I may not be the best at it, but it makes me feel productive and I get enjoyment from it. It's really tiny, but I find I feel so much better than I did when I just scrolled through my phone all the time. Try to see if you can adjust your medication (or take some if you aren't on any) for your depression. I've tried countless meds but finally found a combo that makes me get through the day. Talk to your doctor or psychiatrist about what you may need. Lastly, weight loss. I feel super unmotivated myself right now too. If you have friends, family, or a partner, try to get them involved. I got my family to help and it's starting to make a difference. Get them to workout with you, grocery shop with you so you don't buy junk, meal plan with you and give you ideas, etc. When someone is making you accountable it really helps. Hope my advice does some good, feel free to reach out if you ever need. Sending hugs! We've got this!
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
    edited January 2021
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    Is your condition one that can be turned around by turning around your lifestyle? If so, then please seek professional guidance towards that. It might be time for drastic measures as opposed to CICO type of thinking. Honestly, don't give up. Life is worth every hour you can coax out of it, even if you don't think so. :( Look around at all the beauty surrounding you every day. Look at it with the eyes of someone who must have a caring and kind soul; I assume that because of being an EMT; it's not a job for the weak and uncaring. Look at it through the eyes of all who matter to you; how would they feel if you weren't there? And even take into account all those that you had no idea you mattered to. If one piece of my life came up missing, I'd feel incomplete, changed, less, a void of some sense to my being. If an MFP poster(probably sounds silly to some :() came up missing, I feel it. If people I meet during my grocery shopping trips don't appear within a few times, I feel their absence. There are a whole lot of people in everyone's lives, that they'd have no clue they matter to.
    So PLEASE don't give up. Reach out. Call a crisis center to put you on the right path and support you in your endeavors. You'll never know what the possibilities are and what could happen if you stop trying.

    Just one more thought....don't look ahead to the whole process because it does feel overwhelming. Baby steps. One day at a time. All cliches but for good reason.

    {HUGS} and best of luck to you in all ways.

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