lost 30lb, regained 15lb over winter, finding it hard to forgive myself

tartanshep
tartanshep Posts: 13 Member
in Motivation and Support
hello,

I went from a BMI of just under 25 to a BMI of just under 22. Because I didn't have much to lose, it took me over a year as I wanted to do it slowly. In the past I have had issues with overeating and undereating. At university I was about 120lb (I am 5'10) in second year, but when I left uni the year after I was 160lb... so I have yo-yoed in the past.

In the first spring lockdown, I was working out most days and running. Admittedly I was not eating enough for my height.

We went into a second lockdown in England in November and I think that's where I began eating more. It was Christmas and my birthday and I had lots of excuses and I used all the excuses.

The last time I saw my family, I was about 145lb. I am excited for when I can see them again, but I am now between 155lb and 158lb. I find it hard to believe and I feel that I have let myself down and that when I see them again they'll think "oh, she's put weight back on" and judge me. I am judging me. When I was 145lb I bought some new jeans and now wearing them gives me a stomach ache (they are 28 inch waist, but have no elastic in them so they don't give at all) and doing them up is difficult. When I walk, I am hyper-aware of how my body feels at this weight. I do 16:8 IF but have been very hungry lately and found myself eating more. I need to stop! I could have been 140lb by now (my goal weight) - I was so so close...

I know I just need to eat less but I feel I don't eat much (I know this is silly because obviously I have been eating a lot) and I am hungry all the time.

My plan is:
get more cautious about logging (I stopped logging fruit/veg but that was silly, clearly)

go for more walks (banned from running at the moment because I had a seizure) and do workouts/yoga (not to burn calories but just to get back into the habit of moving my body)

strictly stick to 1500 calories a day

stop drinking beer! Only drink alcohol twice a week.

Stop snacking! Meals only. Yoghurt for pudding.

Replies

  • mel941980
    mel941980 Posts: 49 Member
    Most of us have been there. The most important thing is you're aware of it and you have a solid plan in place. Now give yourself some grace, work the plan, and the pounds will come off. Also, wear something you like and feel comfortable wearing when you visit your family. That helped me after I put on quite a bit of weight after an illness. I was dreading my first family gathering, but it went better than expected.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 49,024 Member
    There will usually be a feeling of letdown when you reached a goal and let it slip. Sometimes it's part of the reason many people DON'T ever reach their goal at all because they KNOW that they have to keep doing what they are doing to stay on top of it.
    Beating yourself up serves no purpose. You UNDERSTAND how it happened and why it happened. And it's correctable.
    Now all you need to do is reimplement a good plan and be consistent with it to get back.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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  • AndreaTamira
    AndreaTamira Posts: 272 Member
    I think you are doing great.

    You know why? After my last slip after losing weight if took me several years to first admit I had slipped and than work through the anxiety and disappointment in myself to try again. You? You are picking yourself up within months. That's admirable.

    Also, you had a freaking seizure? That's scary and definitely would throw off any exercise plans you had set yourself.

    Definitely set yourself a plan with goals you can follow, but don't forget to be kind to yourself in the process.

    Screw ups happen. Things go wrong in life or we make mistakes. But beating yourself up over that while you are actually working on making things better is counterproductive.
  • ALZ14
    ALZ14 Posts: 202 Member
    I lost 32 last summer and gained back 16 from November and March 1. It is disappointing, but I stopped moving and started over eating and I’m grateful I didn’t put on more weight than I did. I’m working on taking it back off now that the weather is sorta kinda getting better here, I’m ready for warmer weather so I can enjoy my long walks again.

    While it is really easy to feel guilty and be ashamed and any number of other feelings, take a moment and feel them, then brush yourself off and decide if you want to stay where you are or lose the weight again. We are human and if we had a great relationship with food none of us would be here. Most of us will have a lifelong battle with our weight.

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