It hurts to see people disappear.

Poobah1972
Poobah1972 Posts: 943 Member
in Motivation and Support
I imagine for many of you that have been here for Years, seeing people come and go is pretty old hat.

I just noticed a "friend" is no longer on my friends list whom I was actively supporting and encouraging as best as I could. I find the people I zero in on are some of the people that demand the most help, cause I know how debilitating being extremely overweight can be, and I also know there is no half effort. It's often feels like either your in our your out. Unfortunately all to often we let one bad moment(day) completely undoing all the hard work you put in.

So I actually pay close attention to certain individuals... I notice if they haven't been posting status updates, or skipped a diary entry. Heck I even pay attention to what exactly they are saying and I can see the enthusiasm bleed out of there voices. Often times I make/send private messages in an effort to inspire and put a smile on someone's face.

Anyway, noticed we lost one today... Not that I didn't half expect it... But it sucks none the less.

IF you are having a hard time, don't be afraid to find someone that you can talk to about how your actually feeling (The deep stuff)... The truth of it all is, there are many among us that know exactly what your feeling and would love to share our own experiences with you. You are worth the effort, and you can do this.

Peace all.

Replies

  • suzij27
    suzij27 Posts: 199 Member
    I’m sure your support was appreciated and hopefully they will reappear, for their own sake. It is hard to watch others struggle and give up. I hate it when I see myself doing less of the things that work for me, whatever the reason.

    It is wonderful to know there are caring individuals on MFP assisting those that reach out. Luckily I have support IRL, but I know many people don’t.
  • pessxx
    pessxx Posts: 1,452 Member
    Well I have to say that the subject attired my attentions but I am a happy case
    I still have here the friends some of them from 2016 when I first logged in August 2016 and proud of this

    Some of the ones left become a success story like Mark, some of them are too overwhelmed by their role as dad or mum taking care of the whole family and so they come from time to time but not having time to stay ,though
    they could not forget mfp

    Some of those one who did not logged in daily and keep dairy have left also, I recognize them even whe they were present they did not log too much

    One user I have has written a book of IF , another one has again become a success story
    Others have dedicated their lives to help others as they learnt here

    So It really depends, yes , if they have issues , we should help, but sometimes the reason they left is because they are thinking their mission and lessons are finalised here , we should be thankful they leave ,but they take with them old good memories and what they have learnt on this site
  • MsOpus
    MsOpus Posts: 99 Member
    Wow, I wish I had friends like you.
  • Poobah1972
    Poobah1972 Posts: 943 Member
    AnnPT77 wrote: »
    It's also so, so encouraging when you've been around long enough to see friends who stick with it, and patiently achieve *huge* goals (I learn from those, too).

    That's true, that is something to look forward too. Hopefully some of you shall get to see me get there along the way! :)
    ninerbuff wrote: »
    Well if we're being objective, leaving the site for support MAY be the good thing if they now have the behavior to do it on their own. My job as a trainer is to "get rid of" a client because that shows they can do it on their own.

    Big Fancy Signature Guy (tee-hee)

    Also very true, but I'm 110% that wasn't the case in this scenario, unfortunately.

    Anyhoooo I appreciate the feed back. And MsOPus, I'll do my best. But I must say I'm as the friend list grows it is becoming a daunting challenge to stay on top of it. :wink:

    With a ever growing friend list in mind, no one really knows how much help you might need (other then what can be gleamed from you comments) whether it is a friend to talk to, or just a HooRah from time to time. So if your struggling, know that reaching out to someone is another step in the right direction... Cause if you don't reach out, you sort of resigning yourself to the inner struggle?
  • yensidtoon
    yensidtoon Posts: 82 Member
    I have been here since 2013 but just recently became active again. I have 100 pounds to lose so will be here for a long while. Feel free to friend me. I need the support of friends to keep me stay active. 90% of my 45 friends are no longer active.
  • Poobah1972
    Poobah1972 Posts: 943 Member
    yensidtoon wrote: »
    I have been here since 2013 but just recently became active again. I have 100 pounds to lose so will be here for a long while. Feel free to friend me. I need the support of friends to keep me stay active. 90% of my 45 friends are no longer active.

    Just get the hedge trimmers and hope for the best? :)
  • Brooke2305
    Brooke2305 Posts: 11 Member
    Wow. You are a great friend. You’re worth the effort too! Make sure you have someone that keeps you strong as well.
  • getfitwith_aish
    getfitwith_aish Posts: 44 Member
    I feel like I come in to this community section when I feel helpless. I believe 2 years back I weighed my heaviest; took motivation from the community made some good friends and logged in my food intake everyday. It took me 6 months to get to my fittest form! Slowly with Covid situation, different environments my form is deteriorating and I’m slowly going back to square 1. I really need some help
  • annliz23
    annliz23 Posts: 3,737 Member
    Motivation is so important to keep you on track!
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,976 Member
    lorrpb wrote: »
    wizzybeth wrote: »
    I was friends with someone on here who was really inspiring to me. I commented on many of her posts and blogs. She didn't interact with me very much but I enjoyed seeing her updates. I ended up being off the site for a couple of months and came back the first person I wanted to see was her to see how she had been doing. Oh gee. She unfriended me. That pissed me off and hurt my feelings at the same time. Because really she had never done anything to support me so it wasn't like she was wasting energy on me but I really liked seeing her stories and updates and progress. I took it pretty hard. I don't see why people unfriend people that are inactive for the time being. What do they hurt? They're not dragging you down. And they might come back. What difference does it make.

    To me it made a lot of difference.

    People unfriend inactive people to clean up their friends list. Some people don’t want a bunch of inactives on their friends list. I periodically unfriend those who’ve been inactive for awhile unless I’ve had a personal connection with thEm. When they come back, they can easily send me another FR. Please don’t feel bad 🤗
    I have friends on my list that have been inactive for months. But honestly, if they aren't someone I've really interacted with and they've been gone a couple of months, I unfriend them. I'm not a mind reader and have no idea if they are coming back or not. And if I don't clean up my friends list, it would be pages and pages too long. They can always friend me again and I'll always accept because I don't care what the reason is they want to friend me. Obviously I'm friended due to what I'm posting and they must like it or find it inspiring or informative. And if they want to keep seeing it, I'm cool with that.


    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png
  • Alinouveau2
    Alinouveau2 Posts: 6,421 Member
    I wouldn't feel bad about people leaving your list, even if you have been supportive. Maybe they have figured it out and moved on, maybe they got tired of the glitches here and went to another site. I deleted a former account here with many friends because with all going on in the world I got tired of constantly seeing negative posts. I now have 4 friends who I have known from here for many many years, a few who left and recently returned who I actually now consider friends. Like real friends.

    So if it's meant to be they'll return to you. The internet is a transient place...the anonymity means people often don't feel a real attachment. I also think no one owes an explanation as to why they leave. I'm weird though.
  • tapwaters
    tapwaters Posts: 428 Member
    I always... kind of hope they come back? Like, I'll scroll through my friends list and after being on here for so long, it's also quite long. So many inactives. Anyway, I tend to hope they're succeeding off-line and maybe some day they'll come back with a great update.
  • LisAri72
    LisAri72 Posts: 60 Member
    I myself just came back from being inactive. Most of my friends have also went inactive. I haven’t deleted them yet tho. Would love if anyone would like to add me 🙂
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,597 Member
    ninerbuff wrote: »
    lorrpb wrote: »
    wizzybeth wrote: »
    I was friends with someone on here who was really inspiring to me. I commented on many of her posts and blogs. She didn't interact with me very much but I enjoyed seeing her updates. I ended up being off the site for a couple of months and came back the first person I wanted to see was her to see how she had been doing. Oh gee. She unfriended me. That pissed me off and hurt my feelings at the same time. Because really she had never done anything to support me so it wasn't like she was wasting energy on me but I really liked seeing her stories and updates and progress. I took it pretty hard. I don't see why people unfriend people that are inactive for the time being. What do they hurt? They're not dragging you down. And they might come back. What difference does it make.

    To me it made a lot of difference.

    People unfriend inactive people to clean up their friends list. Some people don’t want a bunch of inactives on their friends list. I periodically unfriend those who’ve been inactive for awhile unless I’ve had a personal connection with thEm. When they come back, they can easily send me another FR. Please don’t feel bad 🤗
    I have friends on my list that have been inactive for months. But honestly, if they aren't someone I've really interacted with and they've been gone a couple of months, I unfriend them. I'm not a mind reader and have no idea if they are coming back or not. And if I don't clean up my friends list, it would be pages and pages too long. They can always friend me again and I'll always accept because I don't care what the reason is they want to friend me. Obviously I'm friended due to what I'm posting and they must like it or find it inspiring or informative. And if they want to keep seeing it, I'm cool with that.


    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png

    Yeah, every few months I go through and delete people who have been inactive for more than 6 months.

    People here come and go. Some go once they've reached their goal. :)
  • anna_nintey3
    anna_nintey3 Posts: 843 Member
    Poobah1972 wrote: »
    I imagine for many of you that have been here for Years, seeing people come and go is pretty old hat.

    I just noticed a "friend" is no longer on my friends list whom I was actively supporting and encouraging as best as I could. I find the people I zero in on are some of the people that demand the most help, cause I know how debilitating being extremely overweight can be, and I also know there is no half effort. It's often feels like either your in our your out. Unfortunately all to often we let one bad moment(day) completely undoing all the hard work you put in.

    So I actually pay close attention to certain individuals... I notice if they haven't been posting status updates, or skipped a diary entry. Heck I even pay attention to what exactly they are saying and I can see the enthusiasm bleed out of there voices. Often times I make/send private messages in an effort to inspire and put a smile on someone's face.

    Anyway, noticed we lost one today... Not that I didn't half expect it... But it sucks none the less.

    IF you are having a hard time, don't be afraid to find someone that you can talk to about how your actually feeling (The deep stuff)... The truth of it all is, there are many among us that know exactly what your feeling and would love to share our own experiences with you. You are worth the effort, and you can do this.

    Peace all.

    It sounds like you're a good friend to have!!
  • annliz23
    annliz23 Posts: 3,737 Member
    I think having friends keeps you on track too!
  • robertw486
    robertw486 Posts: 2,399 Member
    Just do what I do. Be so caustic and uncaring that nobody wants to friend you. With nobody on your list, you don't notice if they stay or go!


    Seriously though... it's the internet. I've had people disappear for no reason that I know of, but then again I delete people if they are inactive for too long. I've thought it just seems a lot easier to have less friends on the list, and then it's easier to keep up with them.

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