sh!# my mom said...

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  • kmo566
    kmo566 Posts: 16 Member
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    And the best one from my Gran: I'm counting on you to give me a legitimate Great-Grandchild. Unlike all my other hussy granddaughters who have had babies out of wedlock!

    Haha! That sounds like my Gram.
  • boomboom011
    boomboom011 Posts: 1,459
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    Ooooh this one cracks me up to even think someone talks like this. My sisters' grandmother was a lot like Granny Clampett and as a matter of fact thats what we called her except she was more like someone from the Wonderful Wild Whites of West Virginia. Anywho, when one of her kids would say something about one of their kids misbehaving or doing something bad she would say "well God love it, it dont know no better". (in the most country redneck granny clampett voice ever)

    So, now thats what my mom says to me when im complaing that my kids are being toots.
  • EmpressOfJudgment
    EmpressOfJudgment Posts: 1,162 Member
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    For me it's not as much what my mom says as it is what she does that makes me crazy. For example, on Mother's Day My sister and her new boyfriend drove me and my boyfriend over to her place. When we pulled up she was riding an adult sized tricycle in circles in the driveway.

    As for things she says that drive me nuts she also says warsh instead of wash and she uses "says" instead of "said." It goes like this: "And so I says 'What do you mean he went to Warshington D.C.?' and then she says, 'He got a job warshing dishes at the White House.'" It drives me bonkers.
  • skinnywithin
    skinnywithin Posts: 1,392 Member
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    OH and my coworker says words wrong all the time !! for exmaple:

    The store BOSCOVS she says BOSCOS....

    The word specifically she say : PACIFICLY

    Cheesecake she says CHEESE PIE

    The word Root as in root canal she says: RUT Canal

    OH and here is a good one...when she refers to the oldies music as the NIFTY'S !!!!!!!!!!! WTF is that ..Her sentence would sound like this...Oh Im listening to the niftys this morning !
  • TDGee
    TDGee Posts: 2,209 Member
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    Here's a link for you guys. WAY better than the TV show.
    http://twitter.com/#!/****mydadsays
  • leynak
    leynak Posts: 963 Member
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    My grandma always used to ask me if my face hurt & when I would say no she would say well it hurts me.

    My Dad would ask us to read those road signs that say Stop Ahead & when we would read it out loud he would take the heel of his hand & smack us in the forehead ( Stopping a head) I quit reading them eventually.

    My Grandpa used to tell us if our hand was bigger than our face it meant we were going to die. When we'd put the hand up to measure he'd smash it into our faces. It hurt- stopped that one pretty quickly too.

    Reading these now it sounds like my dad's side of the family was kind of messed up...haha...but I always knew it was in good fun & they are a very loving family- full of joksters :smile:
  • Typhanee83
    Typhanee83 Posts: 313 Member
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    EVERY time we were driving and we would pass by a cemetery, my dad would say “Look guys! People are just dying to get in there.” Really dad? Kind of morbid.

    My mom is actually pretty awesome. She joins in on all the dirty minded conversations me and my sisters have. She talks all the time about how and when my sisters and I were conceived, I think it’s just to gross us out.

    I think we all got our dirty minds from her.
  • dmpizza
    dmpizza Posts: 3,321 Member
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    My mom(an otherwise intelligent woman) has some medical issues, she does two things that drive me crazy.

    They recommend that the medications be taken with food.

    She asked her doctor what this meant and he said "Something small, like a COOKIE".

    So when we go out to eat, and I mean the best restaurants around, she finishes her meal, eats the restaurant dessert and pulls a freakin' COOKIE out of her purse to take her medicine.

    She is also supposed to keep her potassium levels up by eating bananas,so after the cookie, comes a stupid banana out of her purse. It never fails that the bus boys stop briefly when they get to the banana peel on her plate.

    Ugggghhhhhh

    Its not like she is going to go home and not eat for 12 hours. She eats constantly!!!!!!(and isn't heavy)
  • koosdel
    koosdel Posts: 3,317 Member
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    "It's going to fall off if you don't quit playing with it!" -Hasn't happenedd yet..

    She was also extremely superstitious. She said it was bad luck to turn left. It took FOREVER to get anywhere when she drove.
  • JohnnyDarko
    JohnnyDarko Posts: 11
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    My grandma is so cute and innocent ...typical nice old lady. :)

    Anyways, she likes hotdogs but instead of saying hot dogs she says wieners.
    On day at a family gathering we're having hot dogs and she says, I love these big wieners, they taste so good in my mouth.

    My bothers and I almost died laughing and she didn't even know what she had said that made us laugh.
  • leynak
    leynak Posts: 963 Member
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    Oh yeah, My grandma also used to tell us that if we ate cottage cheese it would give us big boobs...haha... I think it may have worked :laugh:
  • karhaz123
    karhaz123 Posts: 35
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    this one is kinda morbid and sick but my mom always like to scare us into being aware of our surroundings and if we were with her and it was dark outside she would say "hurry up and get in the car before you get raped and murdered or worse get murdered then raped".

    that stuck in my head and now when im out after dark by myself I scurry really fast so that doesnt happen to me. I decided I wouldnt do that to my kids. Breaking the cycle. AGAIN! lol


    My mom would pretty much do the same thing.
    She would say:

    "Sure you can walk to your friends but when you are chained up in some guy's basement when he is molesting you don't cry for your momma because I can't hear you!"

    I am extremely precautious now, on everything I do, and everywhere I go. It may have been harsh but it worked.
  • Pollywog39
    Pollywog39 Posts: 1,730 Member
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    My Mom (God rest her soul) had a few funny ones:

    If we'd ask for money, she'd say "What do you want me to do, jump up and poop in my money belt?" (never understood that one, but Mom saying poop was funny!)

    We're a musical family...if anyone would break out in song at the dinner table, she'd say, "The Virgin Mary cries when you sing at the dinner table" (really, Mom? How do you know that??)

    As a good Catholic family, we were surrounded by nuns in school and such. The "order" of this group was the OSB (Order of the Sisters of the Benedictine). If Mom was mad at a nun for any particular reason, she'd call that one "an SOB"!
  • Ireshgurl
    Ireshgurl Posts: 559
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    "It's going to fall off if you don't quit playing with it!" -Hasn't happenedd yet..

    She was also extremely superstitious. She said it was bad luck to turn left. It took FOREVER to get anywhere when she drove.

    ROTF LMAO!!!!!!
  • boomboom011
    boomboom011 Posts: 1,459
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    this one is kinda morbid and sick but my mom always like to scare us into being aware of our surroundings and if we were with her and it was dark outside she would say "hurry up and get in the car before you get raped and murdered or worse get murdered then raped".

    that stuck in my head and now when im out after dark by myself I scurry really fast so that doesnt happen to me. I decided I wouldnt do that to my kids. Breaking the cycle. AGAIN! lol


    My mom would pretty much do the same thing.
    She would say:

    "Sure you can walk to your friends but when you are chained up in some guy's basement when he is molesting you don't cry for your momma because I can't hear you!"

    I am extremely precautious now, on everything I do, and everywhere I go. It may have been harsh but it worked.

    OMG i cant stop laughing cause this is my mom all the way! Its so dramatic. I am scared of my own freaking shadow. I now have told my kids when they want to go run off or something I say "no the perverts are over there" . My son thinks perverts are people that live in the woods. Im going to have to clarify that cause I was saying how my mom and stepdad kinda live out in the woods and he said "ooooh are they perverts?". Im going to pee my pants right now. This is hilarious.

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