sh!# my mom said...
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Back story - my mom's super superstitious for religious/whatever reasons -
#1 - Bird flies into window. "You aren't going anywhere tonight" me - "Wth, why not?" mom - "something bad will happen " me - "Oh ya, how do you know" mom - "The bird hit the window."
#2 - I was in middle school and bought a scary mask for Halloween. In the middle of the night my mom made my dad take that mask to the trash far away from the house. She believed it could possess us.
#3 - mom - "Don't cut your hair on Sunday. It will never grow again"
#4 - mom - "Don't stare at the moon! You'll go crazy"
OMG! I think we have the same mom!! Scary masks, possessions, cant watch scary movies because those (fake) demons might come thru the tv.
LOL!!! At one of the wedding gown fittings for my sister's wedding one time, I was wondering around the wedding dress store and I tried on one of the veils. My mom immediately came to me and just pulled the veil off my head, pulling my hair and some hairs got stuck on the thing because she pulled it off so fast. I was like "WTH mom" and she told me, that if I wore a veil without being married, I would never find a husband........
>.<0 -
my grandma would tell us not to watch dogs do it cause we will get the pink eye.
My Nana said they same thing!!!!! WTH!0 -
this one is kinda morbid and sick but my mom always like to scare us into being aware of our surroundings and if we were with her and it was dark outside she would say "hurry up and get in the car before you get raped and murdered or worse get murdered then raped".
that stuck in my head and now when im out after dark by myself I scurry really fast so that doesnt happen to me. I decided I wouldnt do that to my kids. Breaking the cycle. AGAIN! lol0 -
My mom used to tell me: "If you sing at the dinner table, your husband will have a crazy wife" It took me years before I realized she was calling me crazy! Oh, and if I could sprinkle salt of a bird's tails, it would "freeze" the bird so I could catch it. I wasted almost a whole summer and lots of salt. I think that was the best summer for mom, no 6 year old bugging her!0
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my dad use to say i was wearing a belt for a skirt lol it was not even that short lol0
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My mom and grandmother use to tell me to stay indoors after having really hot soup during the winter/cold weather because if a cold breeze hit me in the face it could make my mouth crooked. :huh: Yeah, I dunno...........0
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As someone who works in the food industry, I can tell you that gets extremely irritating! LOL The biggest thing I get is "I'd like a cheeseburger, plain and dry, no ketchup, no mustard, and no pickles." Well yes, I understood what you meant when you said plain, let's get on with it. Of course it also annoys me when people say stuff weirdly out of order, but normally I don't fault them because they don't know the order I have to hit the buttons on my cash register.
On the flip side.... I ALWAYS order things plain because it saves calories. I hate when they come back and say "so, you dont want any sauces" Right - PLAIN. And then they almost always go on and say "do you want the onions or cheese?" I tend to get snarky at this point and say Bread and chicken please.
Wow, that's silly! If someone says they want something plain I hit the plain button and move on. If they didn't actually want it plain they can come back and ask for the toppings and learn not to say plain anymore. Good for you for getting things plain though, it's amazing how many calories it saves!
My grandma also didn't like me sleeping over with friends who had brothers. Like all brothers are evil rapists or something. She would also buy me a new pair of pajamas when I went to sleepovers so I had something that "matched."0 -
My brother and I have to buy our mom gifts on OUR birthdays? Why? According to her:
I shoved your big *kitten*, ten pound heads out of MY BODY, so this day should be all about ME!!
Ahhh....I love my mom!
^^Oh I love that! Too funny!!
My mother always said "I brought u into this world I can take u out of it!"
Or I always hated "because I said so and that's all the reason u need" LOL I use these now on my kid!
Also when my brothers and I would get arguing she would say " as punishment I'm gonna put u in a padded room together and make u repeat 'i love you're over and over if u don't quit it!"
her! 0 -
If it rained while the sun was shining I would hear---The Devil and his wife are fighting, time to pray.
If lightning and thunder occurred at the same time---The Lord ain't happy with the world right now, time to pray.
If the okra plant was not all giving the same exact number of Okra per stalk---The Lord says you done fall short(since I was the one who planted the damn Okra), time to pray.
One B on my report card all through high school---You done let that Jezebel girl down the street let you stray off your path boy, time to pray.
That is why I cannot win the lotto today. I have used up all up all my prayers as a child. I love my Dad, and miss him dearly. RIP Rev. W.C. Thornton.0 -
Lmbo! Thanx for the laugh everyone! :laugh:0
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And the best one from my Gran: I'm counting on you to give me a legitimate Great-Grandchild. Unlike all my other hussy granddaughters who have had babies out of wedlock!
Haha! That sounds like my Gram.0 -
Ooooh this one cracks me up to even think someone talks like this. My sisters' grandmother was a lot like Granny Clampett and as a matter of fact thats what we called her except she was more like someone from the Wonderful Wild Whites of West Virginia. Anywho, when one of her kids would say something about one of their kids misbehaving or doing something bad she would say "well God love it, it dont know no better". (in the most country redneck granny clampett voice ever)
So, now thats what my mom says to me when im complaing that my kids are being toots.0 -
For me it's not as much what my mom says as it is what she does that makes me crazy. For example, on Mother's Day My sister and her new boyfriend drove me and my boyfriend over to her place. When we pulled up she was riding an adult sized tricycle in circles in the driveway.
As for things she says that drive me nuts she also says warsh instead of wash and she uses "says" instead of "said." It goes like this: "And so I says 'What do you mean he went to Warshington D.C.?' and then she says, 'He got a job warshing dishes at the White House.'" It drives me bonkers.0 -
OH and my coworker says words wrong all the time !! for exmaple:
The store BOSCOVS she says BOSCOS....
The word specifically she say : PACIFICLY
Cheesecake she says CHEESE PIE
The word Root as in root canal she says: RUT Canal
OH and here is a good one...when she refers to the oldies music as the NIFTY'S !!!!!!!!!!! WTF is that ..Her sentence would sound like this...Oh Im listening to the niftys this morning !0 -
Here's a link for you guys. WAY better than the TV show.
http://twitter.com/#!/****mydadsays0 -
My grandma always used to ask me if my face hurt & when I would say no she would say well it hurts me.
My Dad would ask us to read those road signs that say Stop Ahead & when we would read it out loud he would take the heel of his hand & smack us in the forehead ( Stopping a head) I quit reading them eventually.
My Grandpa used to tell us if our hand was bigger than our face it meant we were going to die. When we'd put the hand up to measure he'd smash it into our faces. It hurt- stopped that one pretty quickly too.
Reading these now it sounds like my dad's side of the family was kind of messed up...haha...but I always knew it was in good fun & they are a very loving family- full of joksters
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EVERY time we were driving and we would pass by a cemetery, my dad would say “Look guys! People are just dying to get in there.” Really dad? Kind of morbid.
My mom is actually pretty awesome. She joins in on all the dirty minded conversations me and my sisters have. She talks all the time about how and when my sisters and I were conceived, I think it’s just to gross us out.
I think we all got our dirty minds from her.0 -
My mom(an otherwise intelligent woman) has some medical issues, she does two things that drive me crazy.
They recommend that the medications be taken with food.
She asked her doctor what this meant and he said "Something small, like a COOKIE".
So when we go out to eat, and I mean the best restaurants around, she finishes her meal, eats the restaurant dessert and pulls a freakin' COOKIE out of her purse to take her medicine.
She is also supposed to keep her potassium levels up by eating bananas,so after the cookie, comes a stupid banana out of her purse. It never fails that the bus boys stop briefly when they get to the banana peel on her plate.
Ugggghhhhhh
Its not like she is going to go home and not eat for 12 hours. She eats constantly!!!!!!(and isn't heavy)0 -
"It's going to fall off if you don't quit playing with it!" -Hasn't happenedd yet..
She was also extremely superstitious. She said it was bad luck to turn left. It took FOREVER to get anywhere when she drove.0 -
My grandma is so cute and innocent ...typical nice old lady.
Anyways, she likes hotdogs but instead of saying hot dogs she says wieners.
On day at a family gathering we're having hot dogs and she says, I love these big wieners, they taste so good in my mouth.
My bothers and I almost died laughing and she didn't even know what she had said that made us laugh.0 -
Oh yeah, My grandma also used to tell us that if we ate cottage cheese it would give us big boobs...haha... I think it may have worked :laugh:0
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this one is kinda morbid and sick but my mom always like to scare us into being aware of our surroundings and if we were with her and it was dark outside she would say "hurry up and get in the car before you get raped and murdered or worse get murdered then raped".
that stuck in my head and now when im out after dark by myself I scurry really fast so that doesnt happen to me. I decided I wouldnt do that to my kids. Breaking the cycle. AGAIN! lol
My mom would pretty much do the same thing.
She would say:
"Sure you can walk to your friends but when you are chained up in some guy's basement when he is molesting you don't cry for your momma because I can't hear you!"
I am extremely precautious now, on everything I do, and everywhere I go. It may have been harsh but it worked.0 -
My Mom (God rest her soul) had a few funny ones:
If we'd ask for money, she'd say "What do you want me to do, jump up and poop in my money belt?" (never understood that one, but Mom saying poop was funny!)
We're a musical family...if anyone would break out in song at the dinner table, she'd say, "The Virgin Mary cries when you sing at the dinner table" (really, Mom? How do you know that??)
As a good Catholic family, we were surrounded by nuns in school and such. The "order" of this group was the OSB (Order of the Sisters of the Benedictine). If Mom was mad at a nun for any particular reason, she'd call that one "an SOB"!0 -
"It's going to fall off if you don't quit playing with it!" -Hasn't happenedd yet..
She was also extremely superstitious. She said it was bad luck to turn left. It took FOREVER to get anywhere when she drove.
ROTF LMAO!!!!!!0 -
this one is kinda morbid and sick but my mom always like to scare us into being aware of our surroundings and if we were with her and it was dark outside she would say "hurry up and get in the car before you get raped and murdered or worse get murdered then raped".
that stuck in my head and now when im out after dark by myself I scurry really fast so that doesnt happen to me. I decided I wouldnt do that to my kids. Breaking the cycle. AGAIN! lol
My mom would pretty much do the same thing.
She would say:
"Sure you can walk to your friends but when you are chained up in some guy's basement when he is molesting you don't cry for your momma because I can't hear you!"
I am extremely precautious now, on everything I do, and everywhere I go. It may have been harsh but it worked.
OMG i cant stop laughing cause this is my mom all the way! Its so dramatic. I am scared of my own freaking shadow. I now have told my kids when they want to go run off or something I say "no the perverts are over there" . My son thinks perverts are people that live in the woods. Im going to have to clarify that cause I was saying how my mom and stepdad kinda live out in the woods and he said "ooooh are they perverts?". Im going to pee my pants right now. This is hilarious.0
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