Ready to give up...

dosesr4winners20
dosesr4winners20 Posts: 362
edited October 2 in Motivation and Support
I have to tell someone, i have been holding this in for roughly a year or so now. MFP is the only place where anyone knows I have PCOS. My hubby & I have been trying to have kids for over 2 years now and it's not working. i know it's me. kids are super super important to him and his family is putting more pressure on him b/c he's over 30 blah blah blah.

my dr. put me on birth control to "fix" the hormonal problems or atleast bring them down closer to normal. so that means a for sure no b/c of the pills. i don't know what to do and i have no one to talk too.

this is starting to cause me to be depressed more and more. i want kids too, i feel broken, and almost 100 lbs lost hasn't made my cycle normal or any of the other "promises" from doctors.

I also think i might have an autoimmune disorder. I tested neg. for lupus and RA. but waking up with sore joints and swollen hands covered in blisters isn't helping anything.

Sorry to carry on like this. I just don't know what to do any more.

Replies

  • Scoochie1
    Scoochie1 Posts: 121 Member
    PCOS shouldn't mean 'no babies'. Its a bit more tricky but women with PCOS have babies every day.
    Can you get a 2nd opinion?
  • trainerjoshharper
    trainerjoshharper Posts: 3
    Don't give up....be strong and keep searchign for answers....it'll pay off eventually. :)
  • wutamunkee
    wutamunkee Posts: 440 Member
    I hate to hear what you are going through. I wish you the best...
  • janet_pratt
    janet_pratt Posts: 747 Member
    In a rush...late for work, but pm me later. Been there. I get it.
  • pamfin
    pamfin Posts: 169 Member
    {hug} :flowerforyou:

    I'm sure someone will be along with some top advice soon but have you told the doctor how your feeling? Also, I know you might not want to make it all public, but how would you feel about telling people IRL about what's going so they back off and stop putting the pressure on?

    Edited to add: Wow! I'm a slower typist than I thought, there were no responses when started typing!
  • DiamondRubyMom
    DiamondRubyMom Posts: 147 Member
    I'm praying for you. It sounds like you are going through some very difficult times. Do you have a religious leader whom you can talk to? He/she might be able to help you sort through your emotions and any solutions your faith may bring. God has not called all to be parents and he still loves you. If parenting is a must for you and your spouse, I personally know many happy couples who have adopted.
  • Scatterdragon
    Scatterdragon Posts: 225 Member
    I know a few people that have PCOS and are pregnant, or have babies. Most of them used something called vitex to help stabilize their cycles. I could ask some of them for information for you if you would like.

    *hugs*
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Have you looked into adoption?
  • Falling_star
    Falling_star Posts: 204 Member
    my friend has pco and has had one child, and is now pregnant with another after another 8 years of trying so it is not impossible it can happen, but it wont while you worring about it. you need to relax.
  • TOBUNNZYE
    TOBUNNZYE Posts: 29
    I REALLY DIDNT WANT TO ANSWER THIS BUT - HERE GOES. WHY THE H___ WOULD SOMEBODY PUT PRESSURE ON YOU TO HAVE CHILDREN? THAT'S NOT AN OPTION FOR EVERYBODY, GOODNESS HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE THERE WHO CANT HAVE CHILDREN - DONT KNOW DO YOU? ITS TOO MANY TO EVEN TRY TO CALCULATE. I'M OLD SO I'M GONNA CALL YOU THIS - BABY, LIVE YOUR LIFE AND BE HAPPY. MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY EVEN IF YOU REALLY MAY NOT HAVE A BIRTH CHILD IN YOUR FUTURE. DONT ALLOW OTHERS TO BRING YOU DOWN. DONT ALLOW IT!!! NOBODY CAN BE MORE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOU, YOUR HEALTH, AND YOUR HAPPINESS - THAN YOU YOURSELF. DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO. LOTS OF LOVE AND LUCK IN YOUR LIFE.
  • LivLovLrn
    LivLovLrn Posts: 580 Member
    have you tried a naturopathic dr? I found one I like and he helped me with a lot of things, including getting my hormones back on track. praying for you :)
  • dosesr4winners20
    dosesr4winners20 Posts: 362
    I know a few people that have PCOS and are pregnant, or have babies. Most of them used something called vitex to help stabilize their cycles. I could ask some of them for information for you if you would like.

    *hugs*

    thanks for the tip. i took vitex for months as directed with not much success. i have also gone low carb, low sugar as directed with not much avail.
  • plumpjennifer
    plumpjennifer Posts: 2
    the sore joints and blisters may be Raynauld's syndrome, also have you had your thyroid checked?? have them test for thyroid antibodies, alot of docs overlook this. in general, if you have one autoimmune disease, you probably have another. i know this may not help much with getting pregnant, but get yourself healthy first!! and the thyroid does control alot of hormonal stuff. good luck.
  • fatgirlslove
    fatgirlslove Posts: 614 Member
    you keep you're head up! I hope that you acquire everything you desire. I'm praying for you!
  • Sumo813
    Sumo813 Posts: 566 Member
    :frown:

    Sorry to hear that things are so rough for you right now, hon. All I can do is lend an open ear (or eyes, as it may be). I don't know much, if anything at all, about PCOS. But it doesn't sound like a very exciting thing, so the depression is understandable. I can also say a prayer that will hopefully be answered (I'm not devout by any means, but I do know that the power of prayer is REAL).

    Sending you great big hugs! I know it's not what you want or need really, but I'm sending them anyway. I hope that everything works out and you can get out of this depression funk.

    :flowerforyou:
  • MIMITIME
    MIMITIME Posts: 405 Member
    The short answer is your husband's family needs to quit putting pressure on him. He may not realize it but the pressure put on him by his family is spilling over to you causing you to have more health problems as in depression. Maybe if you explain this to your husband he will explain it to his family and they will back off. My hopes are that the family would not want to intentionally harm the two of you. Just tell them the problems their well intended pressure is causing and surely they will understand that they are not helping. Congrats on your huge weight loss.
  • Wolf_Girl
    Wolf_Girl Posts: 5 Member
    hEY

    Have you tried with bioenergy sessions? My mother does that and she has help many women get pregnant. For your cycle have you tried clay wraps l wraps on your lower stomach where the ovaries are. About your hands and joints have you tried Hypericum perforatum oil and Symphytum officinale ointment ? I used latin names because im from Croatia so we have names for this plants that can't be translated by dictionary.
  • dosesr4winners20
    dosesr4winners20 Posts: 362
    the sore joints and blisters may be Raynauld's syndrome, also have you had your thyroid checked?? have them test for thyroid antibodies, alot of docs overlook this. in general, if you have one autoimmune disease, you probably have another. i know this may not help much with getting pregnant, but get yourself healthy first!! and the thyroid does control alot of hormonal stuff. good luck.

    thanks for the heads up. i'm going back to the doctor soon for a 2nd option and will be asking about this.
  • dosesr4winners20
    dosesr4winners20 Posts: 362
    :frown:

    Sorry to hear that things are so rough for you right now, hon. All I can do is lend an open ear (or eyes, as it may be). I don't know much, if anything at all, about PCOS. But it doesn't sound like a very exciting thing, so the depression is understandable. I can also say a prayer that will hopefully be answered (I'm not devout by any means, but I do know that the power of prayer is REAL).

    Sending you great big hugs! I know it's not what you want or need really, but I'm sending them anyway. I hope that everything works out and you can get out of this depression funk.

    :flowerforyou:

    Thanks for your support as always sumo!
  • bregalad5
    bregalad5 Posts: 3,965 Member
    Have you looked into adoption?

    This is definitely something to think about if nothing else works. I was adopted. My parents were told they couldn't have kids, so they adopted me, then 3 years later adopted my sister (she's not my biological sister), then 3 years later they got pregnant with my brother, and 2 years later with my other brother. Then they finally said ENOUGH!

    I don't know what the situation was with my biological parents, but there are lots of kids out there in horrible situations who need a home. Not just in Africa or Asia, but right here in the US.

    Obviously adoption isn't for everyone, and it can screw up a kid's head, but it's better than the situation they likely would have been in.
  • KayaSamantha
    KayaSamantha Posts: 157 Member
    I am so sorry you are going through this. I was diagnosed after I had a miscarriage in April and it was devastating! It is possible to overcome and you will do it. I might suggest looking into another opinion from a endocrinologist or naturopath to see if there are some more options for you. Also talking to your partner about it. I know it is intimidating to admit that something is "wrong" that you can't help and I was terrified that my boyfriend would blame me for the miscarriage but it all worked out and now he is my number one supporter. Good luck and lots of hugs!
  • MIMITIME
    MIMITIME Posts: 405 Member
    I forgot this on my first reply. On your hands and joint aches, it would not hurt to see a dermotologist on the blister thing. If it is the beginning of Psoriasis (sp?) that is a sign of an auto immune disease. However, it could be that you are allergic to something and allergens can cause other things like joint aches. A friend of mine had a terrible breaik out of reddness and blisters around her mouth and face. The cause was tracked to the baby wipes she kept in her vehicle to wipe her mouth and face with after working out so you just never know.
  • dosesr4winners20
    dosesr4winners20 Posts: 362
    Have you looked into adoption?

    This is definitely something to think about if nothing else works. I was adopted. My parents were told they couldn't have kids, so they adopted me, then 3 years later adopted my sister (she's not my biological sister), then 3 years later they got pregnant with my brother, and 2 years later with my other brother. Then they finally said ENOUGH!

    I don't know what the situation was with my biological parents, but there are lots of kids out there in horrible situations who need a home. Not just in Africa or Asia, but right here in the US.

    Obviously adoption isn't for everyone, and it can screw up a kid's head, but it's better than the situation they likely would have been in.

    I was adopted myself, along w my brother and sister. it is a great thing and probley saved me from living a terrible life. for me it is an option but i don't think so for dear hubby. i had brought it up before and he seemed resistant to it. mayeb give that idea time.
  • JoAnn73
    JoAnn73 Posts: 161 Member
    You are your family are in my prayers.
  • bregalad5
    bregalad5 Posts: 3,965 Member
    Have you looked into adoption?

    This is definitely something to think about if nothing else works. I was adopted. My parents were told they couldn't have kids, so they adopted me, then 3 years later adopted my sister (she's not my biological sister), then 3 years later they got pregnant with my brother, and 2 years later with my other brother. Then they finally said ENOUGH!

    I don't know what the situation was with my biological parents, but there are lots of kids out there in horrible situations who need a home. Not just in Africa or Asia, but right here in the US.

    Obviously adoption isn't for everyone, and it can screw up a kid's head, but it's better than the situation they likely would have been in.

    I was adopted myself, along w my brother and sister. it is a great thing and probley saved me from living a terrible life. for me it is an option but i don't think so for dear hubby. i had brought it up before and he seemed resistant to it. mayeb give that idea time.

    Ahh wonderful :) A lot of people are resistant to it, so I find myself presenting it in the light I just did, a lot. If it weren't for my adoptive parents I actually wouldn't be here, as my mom's friend worked in an abortion clinic and my biological mother was in there to get an abortion (that's all I know of the situation, I don't know why or anything of that nature). Hopefully your hubby will come around to it, if it comes to that. Hopefully it won't, but what's the saying? Prepare for the worst, hope for the best. :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
  • rbryntes
    rbryntes Posts: 710 Member
    In my opinion, PCOS *is* (or *can be*) an autoimmune disorder - I have had symptoms going back to the age of 4 of an insulin problem. Autoimmune disorders run in my family. My doctor also told me that unlike some women, who have more of an acute onset of PCOS that can easily be managed, I will have symptoms/problems for my entire life. It may be you are like me.

    A few things:

    Have you spoken with your doctor(s) about Metformin?

    Have you told them you are TTC?

    Please do not blame yourself about the kids issue. I apologize for being blunt and I don't want to get into your business, but how do you know your husband also may not have issue(s) that would affect conception?

    Depression has been known to be linked to PCOS.

    I don't believe that this should provide you help, just know there are others out there like you, that you are not alone, and the inability or difficulty to conceive does not make one less of a woman in any way.
  • ajfranzen77
    ajfranzen77 Posts: 118
    My husband and I tried for 4 years before I got pregnant. Constantly thinking about it will only put stress on you making it harder to get pregnant. To tell you the truth I had given up on getting pregnant and bought a puppy, 4 months later I was pregnant. I think it was because I wasn't thinking about it anymore, rather I spent my time with the new puppy and she made me happy. I know how hard it is every month to hope and then to be disappointed. I was on the pill and it never did regulate my period. So I guess my advice would be... tell his family to back off they aren't helping by stressing you out, it will happen when it happens, two get off the pill can't get pregnant while your on that. And have fun, don't stress about having a baby. because being depressed won't help either.


    Good Luck and try to stay positive and talk to your husband about your medical issues, I'm sure he will sympathetic to your situation and what your going through.
  • vannie18
    vannie18 Posts: 55
    Hi, I I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 24 years old and trying to get pregnant, I was 240 pounds.We try with a RE for 8 months with metformin, clomid and iud's and finally became pregnant just to lose the baby at 18 weeks, let me tell you after trying for so long, them having to go through that was probably the most terrible thing that can happen to someone, I gave up on having children and stop trying to, I decided to focus on my health and my body, I started working out and eating better and lost 70 pounds, then guess what I was feeling weird and decided to take a pregnancy test and I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the + sign. Now I have a 3 year old and after 14 months I became pregnant with my now 1 year old. I'll I can tell you is to never give up and never lose faith and stop trying so hard because the moment you relax and focus your energy into something else is the moment that is going to happen for you. Talk to your doctor about metformin if you are not taking it already, this help me a lot to regulate my periods and to jump start my ovulation. Good luck!!!!
  • cortycrazy
    cortycrazy Posts: 61 Member
    you can't give up hope. there's a plan for everyone, and the way i try to live day to day is knowing that everything happens for a reason. every struggle you go through is a test, and as much as they may suck you have got to keep pushing through. just know that there are so many people in your life, and on MFP that are here to at least lend a shoulder to cry on. we're all rooting for you, keep your head up. everything will work out the way it's supposed to. <3
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