How do you deal with your self confidence while trying to lose weight?
FiberousJ
Posts: 82 Member
I'm actually a very strong-built guy. Have had muscles for a long time. And I've lost more than 25 pounds since the pandemic. I workout every day. I still have a little bit to go. My chest sticks out way more than my belly though. I don't have a big stomach. But I want praise too when I do good. When I posted my before and after picture on social media, I got a lot of praise.
But I haven't seen anyone in person for a long time because of the virus. I feel like it's been a good excuse to hide. But I feel like maybe I should lose a little bit more before I go out and see people. Have you ever felt that way?
But in the past when I felt that I looked good, I would fish for compliments from everyone. And if I didn't get one, like, for instance, someone said they never noticed I was overweight in the first place, I get a bit mad and feel like I didn't do good enough.
Now I avoid people because I want to look good enough and I use Covid as an excuse to not see anyone.
Should I wait until I reach my ultimate goal until I see friends or family again? I have a cousin who always tries to talk to me about weight. Now keep in mind, she is on a lot of medication and has been arrested for being mentally unhealthy. But it got to the point where she was emailing me and harassing me.
I am in pretty good shape. But I hate it when other people get invasive. It makes me not want to see them anymore. I am working on my diet and I work out every single day. It's my business though. I don't know how to stand the ones that make me feel uncomfortable.
I know my post might sound like I'm trolling. But I'm hoping that people will be kind. When it comes to weight, a lot of people are not kind and I always see a lot of arguing.
But I haven't seen anyone in person for a long time because of the virus. I feel like it's been a good excuse to hide. But I feel like maybe I should lose a little bit more before I go out and see people. Have you ever felt that way?
But in the past when I felt that I looked good, I would fish for compliments from everyone. And if I didn't get one, like, for instance, someone said they never noticed I was overweight in the first place, I get a bit mad and feel like I didn't do good enough.
Now I avoid people because I want to look good enough and I use Covid as an excuse to not see anyone.
Should I wait until I reach my ultimate goal until I see friends or family again? I have a cousin who always tries to talk to me about weight. Now keep in mind, she is on a lot of medication and has been arrested for being mentally unhealthy. But it got to the point where she was emailing me and harassing me.
I am in pretty good shape. But I hate it when other people get invasive. It makes me not want to see them anymore. I am working on my diet and I work out every single day. It's my business though. I don't know how to stand the ones that make me feel uncomfortable.
I know my post might sound like I'm trolling. But I'm hoping that people will be kind. When it comes to weight, a lot of people are not kind and I always see a lot of arguing.
6
Replies
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There's gotta be someone else that has not wanted to go out because they wanted to get to their goal first?2
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I think you need to focus on you and not worry about others. Ive gained and lost weight countless times. I went stupidly on a low calorie diet. I lost weight super quickly. Everyone made those comments about how I looked. It actually lead me to an eating disorder. I avoided those people as much as possible for a long time. So worried about what they would say or think. I started crossfit 2 years after that feasco. That helped my self confidence so much even though I was overweight. this is all about you, you can reach your goals.5
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FiberousJ - you sound like you have a lot of focus and commitment to your fitness goals. I hope it doesn't offend you if I say you could use this strength and dedication to develop your attitude. I don't think your attitude is healthy. You don't need other people's validation and you deserve to get out there and enjoy life, not hide away until you are 'perfect'.
If you are interested in developing mindset alongside body, look up some online CBT courses and websites. Mood Gym is good. It's also sometimes free, but not always. Or you can buy workbooks on it. Can;t harm to feel better about yourself inside as well as out!8 -
Recently there was an article I think in the Washington Post about introverts dreading the post COVID-19 reopening. Have you considered counseling? Not to talk about weight but about the social isolation. The reason I ask is because you say you have “a little bit to go.” But you want to use that little bit to keep yourself on lockdown. You say so in your post.
I spent about 10 years in self imposed isolation because of my weight. Don’t cut yourself off from family and friends over your weight or what you think of your appearance. It’s time you can’t get back.10 -
I would also recommend counseling. You stated a number of thoughts which could be addressed. Telecounseling is easily available now with the pandemic, if that would be more desirable to you. It may surprise you how much this could help. 🙂5
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I agree with some type of counseling. It is not good to think that you can't see people because they might think "x" or "y". People think what they do. You don't have to answer anyone's questions. Are YOU happy with your progress, and your body? That's what counts. Don't put your life on hold. Live it. You'll be glad you did one day.3
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Recently there was an article I think in the Washington Post about introverts dreading the post COVID-19 reopening. Have you considered counseling? Not to talk about weight but about the social isolation. The reason I ask is because you say you have “a little bit to go.” But you want to use that little bit to keep yourself on lockdown. You say so in your post.
I spent about 10 years in self-imposed isolation because of my weight. Don’t cut yourself off from family and friends over your weight or what you think of your appearance. It’s time you can’t get back.
10 years wow. So I'm not the only one. Yea I keep telling myself, I'll step out and see people that I know when I have the perfect body and am ripped.
One of my friends who I see on Zoom didn't even notice I lost weight, I don't think. But I showed her my before and after pictures from a year ago. She said I look great but she loves me no matter what my weight is. She said if I feel good, then that is all that matters and wouldn't continue the conversation further.
See the thing is I have gone through something like this before. I remember in the past when I also lost a lot of weight. Some were shocked. But some truly didn't even notice. Then when I show them before and after pictures they just change the subject. It made me feel like I did it all for nothing. Maybe you're right that I have to do it for me, not for others.
What are 2 reasons why I have become even more self-conscious? And why do I think it's not okay to just look good but to look perfect? Because I have 2 cousins that make things uncomfortable. One really does have a mental illness. She's been arrested numerous times for going crazy in the streets. And many times she would talk to me about my weight and even emailed me to tell me to lose weight. One time I ran into her at the mall and she pointed at a fish food place in the food court and told me how much of it to eat. Then told me to get a tummy tuck. Started talking about prices. One time I ran into her at the gym and she said, ''You need to get smaller.'' Then she even emailed me about it. It made me really self-conscious.
Then I have another cousin and all she ever talks about is weight and diet. She's a little on the heavy side herself but is always trying to talk about it with other people. She even constantly yells at her son, who is my friend. It makes me uncomfortable.
So now you can see one reason why I want to be perfect. So that I can show them. I'm already more fit than they are. But I keep feeling I need to do just a little more. Probably won't see them for a while anyways but still. My cousin who is mentally insane would start arguing with me and wouldn't get out of my face. Maybe she has calmed down, she's been taking meds.
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Big hugs man 🤗
So many things come to mind after reading your post but frankly nothing I say can change how you feel about yourself.
You are enough no matter what you look like, I believe that of myself and everyone else. That your cousin makes you feel less in someway tells me she's best avoided.
I get that given all thats happened in the world recently that many feel similar and hiding away has become comfortable in some way. I don't have any answers for you Im sorry.. but I do hope you gain the confidence in yourself to get out and participate in life and be ok with your looks and who you are.. non of us are perfect though. 🙂 I embrace my quirks .. 😂1 -
slimgirljo15 wrote: »Big hugs man 🤗
So many things come to mind after reading your post but frankly nothing I say can change how you feel about yourself.
You are enough no matter what you look like, I believe that of myself and everyone else. That your cousin makes you feel less in someway tells me she's best avoided.
I get that given all thats happened in the world recently that many feel similar and hiding away has become comfortable in some way. I don't have any answers for you Im sorry.. but I do hope you gain the confidence in yourself to get out and participate in life and be ok with your looks and who you are.. non of us are perfect though. 🙂 I embrace my quirks .. 😂
Thanks for the response. Yes, what has happened to the world has made me feel comfortable hiding away. And as a result made me more self conscious because I'm with myself.
Sometimes when someone calls me ''big guy'' it offends me. I am muscular. So I don't know if they mean big as in strong or big as in fat.0 -
slimgirljo15 wrote: »Big hugs man 🤗
So many things come to mind after reading your post but frankly nothing I say can change how you feel about yourself.
You are enough no matter what you look like, I believe that of myself and everyone else. That your cousin makes you feel less in someway tells me she's best avoided.
I get that given all thats happened in the world recently that many feel similar and hiding away has become comfortable in some way. I don't have any answers for you Im sorry.. but I do hope you gain the confidence in yourself to get out and participate in life and be ok with your looks and who you are.. non of us are perfect though. 🙂 I embrace my quirks .. 😂
Thanks for the response. Yes, what has happened to the world has made me feel comfortable hiding away. And as a result made me more self conscious because I'm with myself.
Sometimes when someone calls me ''big guy'' it offends me. I am muscular. So I don't know if they mean big as in strong or big as in fat.
Im sure they aren't intentionally being offensive to you.. hell here being called "big guy" or "big boy" is meant to be in some way kind of positive...
If you're muscular and called "big guy" Im certain they aren't calling you fat.
Try not to worry about what others are thinking , I know that's easier said than done but the only person who needs to be ok with your looks is you, what anyone else thinks doesn't matter.
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slimgirljo15 wrote: »slimgirljo15 wrote: »Big hugs man 🤗
So many things come to mind after reading your post but frankly nothing I say can change how you feel about yourself.
You are enough no matter what you look like, I believe that of myself and everyone else. That your cousin makes you feel less in someway tells me she's best avoided.
I get that given all thats happened in the world recently that many feel similar and hiding away has become comfortable in some way. I don't have any answers for you Im sorry.. but I do hope you gain the confidence in yourself to get out and participate in life and be ok with your looks and who you are.. non of us are perfect though. 🙂 I embrace my quirks .. 😂
Thanks for the response. Yes, what has happened to the world has made me feel comfortable hiding away. And as a result made me more self conscious because I'm with myself.
Sometimes when someone calls me ''big guy'' it offends me. I am muscular. So I don't know if they mean big as in strong or big as in fat.
Im sure they aren't intentionally being offensive to you.. hell here being called "big guy" or "big boy" is meant to be in some way kind of positive...
If you're muscular and called "big guy" Im certain they aren't calling you fat.
Try not to worry about what others are thinking , I know that's easier said than done but the only person who needs to be ok with your looks is you, what anyone else thinks doesn't matter.
The reason why it's hard for me to differentiate is before when I was bigger, I got called big guy. Now that they're still saying it, it suggests to me that I haven't done good enough. So I have snapped at someone before, but they didn't know why I was mad. For some reason I feel like when you've lost weight you should be called little guy.4 -
slimgirljo15 wrote: »slimgirljo15 wrote: »Big hugs man 🤗
So many things come to mind after reading your post but frankly nothing I say can change how you feel about yourself.
You are enough no matter what you look like, I believe that of myself and everyone else. That your cousin makes you feel less in someway tells me she's best avoided.
I get that given all thats happened in the world recently that many feel similar and hiding away has become comfortable in some way. I don't have any answers for you Im sorry.. but I do hope you gain the confidence in yourself to get out and participate in life and be ok with your looks and who you are.. non of us are perfect though. 🙂 I embrace my quirks .. 😂
Thanks for the response. Yes, what has happened to the world has made me feel comfortable hiding away. And as a result made me more self conscious because I'm with myself.
Sometimes when someone calls me ''big guy'' it offends me. I am muscular. So I don't know if they mean big as in strong or big as in fat.
Im sure they aren't intentionally being offensive to you.. hell here being called "big guy" or "big boy" is meant to be in some way kind of positive...
If you're muscular and called "big guy" Im certain they aren't calling you fat.
Try not to worry about what others are thinking , I know that's easier said than done but the only person who needs to be ok with your looks is you, what anyone else thinks doesn't matter.
The reason why it's hard for me to differentiate is before when I was bigger, I got called big guy. Now that they're still saying it, it suggests to me that I haven't done good enough. So I have snapped at someone before, but they didn't know why I was mad. For some reason I feel like when you've lost weight you should be called little guy.
Ahh ok, I understand.
I hope you can find that happy mind space.. and confidence in yourself. 🙂2 -
If I'm feeling self conscious, I tell my bf and he sends me lots of compliments 🥰0
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Every week that I stay within my caloric goals, I feel more confident.2
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I went to the gym for the first time today since the pandemic. I've had my first shot for 2 weeks. Well I workout 2 to 3 hours a day, just haven't been to the gym. I'm trying to gain some normalcy back.
I don't like to talk to other people about my journey or my weight. How can I gain confidence back when people ask me questions like, ''Still working out?'' ''Been working out?'' ''Did you lose weight?'' ''You look muscular. Are you trying to lose weight too?''
The thing is whenever I lose weight, some people think I got bigger. The reason is I look more fit and athletic but have a broad frame, and so they think I've been working out, bulking up, when in reality I'm a different size.
The thing is I'm not the type to want to do small talk and answer these questions in a clever way. Are there any ways to answer these types of questions in a positive way but also imply you want to end the conversation? My journey is my business. I want to say that but without being rude. I have some self-confidence issues. I don't like to be called a big guy. Isn't it kind of a derogatory word to say big, when the whole point of health is to be smaller? Why is it okay to say big guy but not fat guy? Both imply size or weight.2 -
Thank you. I appreciate your positive interest, but I’m not comfortable answering your questions. Have a good one! (Turn and go back to what you were doing You do not have to explain why you don’t wish to share).
The first time saying it will be really hard; it will get easier.1
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