My story. In need of motivation.

LargeEricS · May 2021

Man, where do I start. I'm a 25 year old male, standing roughly 6'5 and I'm destined to be fat I think. Seriously, this will be my FOURTH! attempt at sustained weight loss. My journey started in Jan. 2018, when I tipped the scales at 300lbs. I was newly engaged and quite frankly didn't want to be immortalized in my wedding photos at that weight. I decided to set a 75lb weight loss goal for my self by my wedding day. I completely overhauled my diet, turned to HIIT programs like Insainty, and actually hit the gym 6 days a week with a close friend who use to competitvely lift weights. Needless to say, I made my goal, and never felt better. I will add, I never had a negative outlook on my body even at 300lbs, I knew I was heavy but I didn't hate the mirror. Either way I had reached my goal and thought this is the my pinnacle. I walked around with my shirt off everyday till winter, as I reside in Michigan, and I'm not fond of frostbit. At the wedding people poured up to me, blown away at my transformation. I ended up slowing down after and just taking "me" time as I had just grinded 24/7 for nine months to get to my goal. Then it fell apart, I started eating more, rationalizing that my new found muscles and my stature at 6'5 would somehow allow me to eat two ice cream sandwiches a night. Needless to say by the following spring, six months removed from my goal of 225 I found myself at 260 pounds. The utter disbelief that befell me was devastating. The lies one can tell themselves and believe is truly incredible. "Oh, I'm just bloated today," "this is just a bad week." Nonetheless I decided I did it once I can easily do it again, I'm older, wiser, this will be easy, and it was. I fired up the HIIT workouts, gym attire, and got back on the grind. Low and behold by September 1st, six months from my weight gain, and almost one year from my wedding I was 225lbs again. This time around I was softer, less toned but still happy with where I ended. I had changed a lot of my lifestyle and unhealthy habits by the end of this second journey. Life was good......until it wasn't. All these changes I thought I had made were up and gone. I was back unpacking boxes of my "fat" clothes as I had ballooned again in weight. This time I had cut the head of the snake off earlier than before and found myself at 250lbs. Three months, thats all it had taken to lie to myself again. To tell myself I knew better this time, because I had walked this road. There was no way I'd let it get out of hand again. I mean all I have to do is get a fifteen minute workout in here and there when I'm busy to maintain. I had found through my 2nd weight loss journey that instead of squeezing in what I could, I just wouldn't workout if I didn't have a full hour as that was what I had grown accustomed to. But again somehow I had let myself go, and that was the lowest I had ever felt. It was terrible, until then, depression wasn't something I put a ton of weight into believing. Naive as that sounds its the truth. But as cliché as this sounds, love conquers all. My wife, my rock, thee already trim, decided she'd workout with me to help get me remoteivated. And that I was, I had a new lease on life, dusted of those dam Insanity disc again and started working out. Diet, check. Workouts, check. Accountability, check. Not surprising, with hard work through the summer I had gotten down to 230lbs. It wasn't, the 225 I typically shot for and achieved. But I was happy, both physical and mentally. For so long I had tied my happiness to a number on a scale, that it was borderline clinical. I didnt care about numbers anymore though, it was about being healthy mentally this time. Life was soaring upwards for me and it felt great coming from an all time low. My wife and I bought our dream home last fall, and covid while real and something we all deal with, felt like nothing. I even repacked all my "fat" clothes. I could've dropped dead and died a happy man in my books. Which brings us to present day, I've ballooned to 260lbs again and the low I felt last time is something I'd trade my soul for now. What's worse, is waking up everyday and having to look at all the photos hung on the walls. I only ever take photos when I'm thin I've noticed, not to mention those damn wedding photos. Whats worse than being immortalized as a heavier guy is being immortalized as something I feel like I'll never achieve or someone I'll never be again. I don't care about the onset of hair loss, how in two years the way I've clearly aged. My house is no longer my home, just a reminder of this problem, this addiction I have to food, to beer(not an alcoholic)and the way I munch after to many. I wake up everyday and hope it's not in my house. Myfitnesspal use to be my savior, and is now my personal hell. Everything is seemingly a shrine of a person I strive to be, have been, but will seemingly never be. I've tried to use MFP again, and started running and lifting weights again. But one month in, zero pounds lost, diet complete garbage, and not a ounce of will left in my bones to endeavor on my fourth weight loss journey, I am a broken man. A shell of the person I want to be. To be clear, I am writing this because holding it in is not healthy. But also because, if you are walking this road too, there is one person out there who knows exactly what it's like. We'll get through it, I'm not giving up, but the road back starts by getting ride of these negative feelings, the hatred I feel for myself, the negative body image I've created. This is the start of my recovery and I needed to write this.

Whatsthemotive · May 2021

Maybe work on slower weight loss and sustainable life style changes. Like working out three times a week and trying for a smaller calorie deficit. It sounds like when you are in weight loss mode you are devoting a tremendous amount of time and energy to it and maybe neglecting other aspects of your life. And that you don’t want to live in constant 24/7 diet mode. I wouldn’t either.

Be kind to yourself. Focus on improving your health so that you can have a life that is more enjoyable and fulfilling.

NovusDies · May 2021

If you lack motivation then you are probably ready to get after this the right way. The downside of being highly motivated is that you engage in ideal living. Eventually real living catches up with you.

No drastic changes this time. Do the minimum for awhile which is getting into a calorie deficit eating as much good and fun food as you can while still controlling your hunger. You have worked really hard in the past. Now lose weight as easily and lazily as you can... for a short time.

You will need to exercise but if you are dusting off the videos then you are not sustaining the exercise past your goal line. Find an exercise that you can see yourself doing for at least 5 years.

You need good nutrition but you do not have to eat all "healthy" food. Keep nudging your way of eating until it gives you a good balance of nutrition and still provides a sense of normal eating for yourself.

Do not worry about goals or how long it will take to get there. You will be doing this for the rest of your life starting now so what difference does it make how long the weight loss portion takes? Slower gives you a chance to make permanent changes.

It is not just about losing weight. You must change the habits and mindset of the person who is gaining it. If you don't you just keep taking a vacation from your weight.

I have lived your story but in a much higher extreme. It took me a long time to get my head straight and when I did I was looking down the barrel at more than 250 pounds to lose. My life has dramatically improved.

MidlifeCrisisFitness · May 2021

Friend this guy... He is an inspiration @cdubks88

izzyred9400 · May 2021

Thanks for sharing your story.I hope it felt better to get all those feelings out in the open ! It sounds to me that you have definitely been too hard on yourself.I have been on this journey many times & labelled myself a typical yoyo dieter.The experts used to say this way of dieting is bad for your body but recent research states every time you lose the weight it benefits your health.I think you shouldn't think of it as a diet & focus on restrictions that implies.Think of it as a life style change.Yes make healthy food choices but measure treats into your daily calorie goals.Be positive about the good things in your life.You have a wife who loves you whatever your size.Take things slowly & find a way to like you & dont beat yourself up too much.Good luck in your journey.

cdubks88 · May 2021

KHMcG wrote: »

Friend this guy... He is an inspiration @cdubks88

Appreciate that, Kevin.

I got a FR and didn't know at all who it was, so I didn't respond, but then just saw this here and realized who it was....

@LargeEricS I sent you a new FR if you,d like.

kelMee2 · May 2021

I totally understand your battle, I'm fighting the same one myself and am back here again at an even heavier starting weight than I was last time I lost the weight. What I've learned though is only do the exercise and eat the food which will be sustainable long term because by not setting out with that plan I'm only setting myself up for failure, I need to log my food daily and continue to do so even when I reach my target and start maintaining, I too made the mistake of going back to old habits once I reached my goal weight thinking it would be fine but the weight crept back on and by the time I noticed I was in full binge eating mode and no longer cared. Remind yourself why you're doing this, I have very few pictures with my kids because I don't like having my photo taken but my own mum died suddenly at quite a young age and there are only a couple of photos that exist of us together, I don't want my kids to feel like I did thinking my mum didn't think enough of me to want to have her pictures taken with me. Also make sure you're eating enough, I made the mistake of exercising more and eating less and I wouldn't recommend it cause your body just holds onto the weight and I've seen people of my feed who are so unhappy with their results but their diaries clearly show they aren't eating enough but they believe they won't lose weight if they eat more.

annliz23 · May 2021

You have acknowledged the problems you just need to keep tweaking food intakes and exercise it's slow but you will get there.

JaneAero · May 2021

Hi Eric, take a deep breath and relax. Firstly, you are not a failure, it must seem very bewildering to keep piling it all back on.
You know I'm 61 and I haven't done any exercise other than normal housework and yet since the middle of January this year I have lost 25lb.
I mentioned that because you don't have to hit the gym, if you fancy just going for a nice bike ride, or walk somewhere outdoors in the countryside that is just as good for your health.
Losing weight in my opinion is calories in vs calories out at its simplest.
Yes we all want to make healthy food choices, so draw up a list of the foods you want in the house, put them in your cupboards, get rid of anything that is a waste of calories from your store cupboards and don't buy the stuff you don't want to eat anymore, that way when you get the munchies there will be healthy options in the fridge and cupboards.
Think ahead to what you will be eating for breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks and space them out during the day.
For myself I'm on 1200 calories a day so I'll have around 250 for breakfast, 250 for lunch, 400 dinner, 300 supper.
I also have a very big appetite and I like to pick at things in the evenings I used to find it quite hard to stop eating all evening long.
This time around, since January, every single night, I have played self hypnosis videos on my mobile phone all night long from YouTube for free.
I'll pick an 8hr self hypnosis weight loss video and leave it playing.
There are both audible and subliminal ones available on YouTube and I really find they have changed my mental outlook as the messages are going straight into my subconscious and supplying all the willpower and making it super easy this time around so that would be my best tip to try some self hypnosis.
I recommend blue sky hypnosis or Thomas Hall ( those are the ones that I use)
Thomas Hall does one hour self hypnosis videos and 5-minute flash subliminal sessions, he also does subliminal videos set to the sound of rain falls and waterfalls and classical music so you can leave them playing in the background during the day.
Don't worry about tomorrow, or the future, or what's gone down in the past, just focus on what goes in your mouth today, that's all anyone can do.
Just be aware of what you're eating, cut back on your portions, make healthy choices and don't be so hard on yourself.
You won't be overweight forever, just make the lifestyle changes and the weight loss will come off again, and you will be able to keep it off as the next time you get the weight off you might have to continue to track your weight or keep an eye on your portion control forever, but you will be able to keep the size that you want if you make the small changes on a daily basis.
As you already know, to keep it off you have to monitor it.
Life sometimes seems really unfair because people who stay skinny and don't put on weight don't have to think about their weight, yet people who have put on weight and lost it seem to have to watch their weight forever.
I've been in your shoes and lost weight in the past and put it back on again, the only way to successfully get it off and keep it off permanently I believe is to monitor it.
I know for myself that when I get to my target weight I will be weighing myself once a week and I will not let myself go past 3 pounds heavier without doing something about it and going back on my diet I will not be letting the scales creep up again and if my jeans get too tight ditto I won't buy a new pair of jeans I will just go back on my diet.
It seems to me when I've started piling the weight back on in the past, instead of doing anything about it I've just thought oh well and been really negative and stupid and just continued to get bigger and bigger and bigger, I have no idea what was going through my brain.
We all have a fresh start at starting again, on the positive side you are in the right mindset to lose the weight again, you have your previous experience to fall back on, you are in the right place, surrounded by people who will support you, so may I wish you the best of luck and you can do this, best of luck Eric, you will succeed.

My story. In need of motivation.

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