Too embarrassed to wear a Swimsuit...

Nimbette2 wrote: »

This is many years later, but still rings true for me. I envy the ladies that wear a swimsuit - thongs even - when overweight. I have a group of acquaintances that love to go to the hotel pools and beaches a lot and I am the only one not comfortable in a swimsuit. I do the board shorts and tank and they always ridicule me over it. It is gotten to the point that I just go do that alone now. It is easier and makes me feel so much better emotionally. I have a Hangup about it and I am tired of having to explain it each time I go with them. Some people do care and make fun and comments .. so you have to be careful when you decide to go .. be ready in case you are questioned. I am over it and will stop going to those events for a while. I also bought a house with a pool so I can swim on my own terms.

I share others' perspectives that it might be time to re-examine those friendships, especially if your group is beyond teenager-hood in age. (Sometimes, *some* younger people don't have fully developed empathy circuitry yet, even though they're basically good people. People who hold onto the idea that it's OK to make fun of "friends" into later stages in life are good candidates to be *former* friends, IMO. Sometimes polite but assertive behavior can help bring good people to realization, but it's tough to carry off, I know. "Swimming isn't fun for me when you criticize my appearance" kind of thing, delivered somewhat privately, for example.)

But the point of my posting is to encourage readers in general to know that such judgement isn't universal, . I started taking adult learn-to-swim classes at my Y in my 50s, while I was still class 1 obese, and when I was also post-bilateral-mastectomy (without reconstruction or prosthetics, so flat or even a little concave up top). It was tough to find suits that would give me adequate coverage, but I did manage to find normal one-piece suits that worked. I was fat, completely flat, jiggly, and a shockingly bad swimmer, but I went to class every Saturday, then went to the Y other times to practice.

I took the class with two friends (we were learning to row, and rowers need good swimming skills). They were slim, as was the instructor, and the small number of other students. (Amongst the whole community of swimmers there, most were reasonably slim, but there were other overweight people, some quite overweight.) My friends never mentioned any judgement of how I looked, and I didn't sense any. Instructors, fellow students, lifeguards, people at the pool, people in the locker room . . . no obvious judgement or shaming or criticism. They were casually friendly, or ignored me.

For sure, there are places where it would be different, bad. But I want people to know that that's not true everywhere, that one can wear swimsuits and swim at any size, and that if the first place you try isn't welcoming . . . look for a different setting. There's nothing wrong with *you* that you need to be ashamed of or hide. There's something wrong with the people who shame or criticize or make inappropriate jokes. Let that be *their* problem, if you possibly can, not a limitation on you doing fun things you want to do.

I have felt embarrassed to wear a swimsuit, too. I am still not at my ideal weight but I am a little more comfortable now. I have a one piece suit that seems okay.

My son is overweight and loves swimming. He wears a swim shirt and shorts. None of his friends think twice.

It is more my feeling ashamed than what anyone else thinks or says, so I have to accept that this is where I am at and I am working to change.

Are these people REALLY friends? If so, then I'm guessing that they already know you're a bit rubenesque, so seeing you in a bathing suit won't be a surprise or a source of scorn or ridicule.

Get something that feels comfortable and flattering (I prefer a fairly conservatively cut neckline and a ruffle or skirt bottom that doesn't cling to my butt) and GO!

Speaking of bathing suits - can anyone recommend a bathing suit for a woman that does not fill up with air in a hot tub? I keep trying different kinds but so far no luck. I bought a white one peice and I look like Baymax on Big Hero 6.