I've lost my mojo and am near quitting!

To be honest, I've always said that it's a food phobia, I know the exact reasons why I'm sick with it, I just have no idea how to combat it. My aunt insists it's intolerance though and since arguing with her has resulted in me being thrown out the house before I've learned not to even bother. Even when I can proove otherwise, o I've just taken to calling it a food intolerence to keep the peace because I actually like her :P

What happened is, when I was little I was "allergic" to e-numbers. It's not a real allergy, but I was about 6 and this is how my parents explained it. They sent me completely hyper beyond control, so I had to be put on a "special diet" which was basically fancy speak for making me miserable. I was restricted to the cleanest diet you have ever een. I couldn't have food colouring, artificial preservatives or most e-numbers. Translation, nothing nice. I wa only allowed 1 soda, 7-up, other than that I was on water because even most fruit juices had something I couldn't have. Candy? Forget it. If I was very lucky my nanan would sneak me nougat when we visited, but my mum severed all contact with her when I wa six and I never saw her again until her funeral. My little sister and my cousins and my friends were allowed anything they wanted. So my sister would get chocolate and I'd get an apple. yay. Even school was in on this plot to make me miserable and while the other children got pudding and juice at lunch, I got an apple and water. And they wondered why it didn't work. I stopped reacting to the e-numbers, I just started acting out until they took me off it when I was around 10 and had to send me to a "Special school" where the nurses helped me control myself even when eating the e-numbers, but I never touched fruit or veg again. My family tried to make me and I started being violently sick and crying hysterically. They eventually stopped forcing me because watching a ten year old crying hysterically and throwing up becaue you're feeding them something vs them not getting enough fruit and veg but being happy...my family opted for the happy. I still ate 10 carrot slices every sunday though until I turned 14 and we stopped going to my grammas for sunday dinner, then I stopped entirely and haven't eaten it again until I finished college and now just 1 spoon of anything will send me down that path. I WANT to eat it, I'm WILLING to give it a go, but I'm terrified of being sick from it and I do get sick from it.

On a good day I can eat an apple! But only if I use a knife (biting it feels wierd) and I have to eat it before it goes brown, the brown bits make me sick. I like grapes, but the texture makes me sick, so I can only have a couple, same with cherries and blueberries, but that's all I can eat and they're very expensive when I can't eat all I buy and throw away almot an entire tub every time

Also, I'm still loosing weight yes.

I really should go to see a doctor, I know. I just haven't had time yet. I've not had an ept, don't know what one is.

Also, my dog is a patterdale terrier, he may be small, but he's bouncey, I walk 3.5 miles an hour, with him I average 3, but only because we also stop to chat and play with friends while we're out, which I'd do on my own too. Plus we race while we're out, there are a flight of steps in the woods, dunno why and we race up them, something I wouldn't do on my own, he always wins, but I've come close a couple of times and I used to beat him, but he's a bit tubby too, so walking without him really wouldn't be a better work out at all :P Nor can I do less than that as Paws needs both walk, his morning one keeps him from killing us all as he races us on the stairs at home and his evening one stops me cleaning poo up in the morning :P