Feeling lonely and discouraged. Looking for friends who can provide support and encouragement.

TinaZ2018
TinaZ2018 Posts: 314 Member
in Introduce Yourself
Hi!
I'm Tina, a 35 yo woman from Europe, Romania who used to be overweight and changed her life in January 2020.
Now I'm 2.5 months post surgery with several restrictions at least until September so I feel lonely and discouraged, especially because my muscle mass had to suffer and even started hanging on arms and legs (I know that it doesn't look so but I compare with my version from February and it's true). I haven't stepped in a gym in 15 years and I train only at home with YouTube videos. I've started from rock bottom (I was a VERY sedentary person and a foodie) and before surgery set PR like RDL/hip thrust 1x bw (56kg), 50 push-ups/set, 300 push-ups/workout, 5 clap push-ups, 6min25s wall sit, 6 min plank, 46kg barbell squat, 5000m rowing in 24.55 min, 36kg chest press - so I was in good shape. Now I pretty much feel like a grand'ma.
I just managed to lose some weight. I'm just trying to get back in the saddle and harden these muscles.
I want new friends to support me and give me a morale boost. If you are that person, please send me a friend request, if possible with message saying where are you from and what are you up to. :)
See below my current state.

Thanks,
Tina

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Replies

  • TinaZ2018
    TinaZ2018 Posts: 314 Member
    If anyone is interested for the long story, you can read my Success story thread here: https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10686689/my-journey-to-a-healthy-life-this-is-my-progress#latest
  • springlering62
    springlering62 Posts: 8,457 Member
    Hi, Tina. Welcome to MFP.

    Just a heads up. MFP will not let anyone send you a message until you’ve actually approved them as a friend. Yes, I know people can type a message in the box with the friend request, but for some reason you’ll never see that message.

    What I do myself is put their user ID in the forum search to see if they are an active user. Also, look carefully at their profile picture to make sure their photo isn’t porn-like, and check their friends and make sure there’s not a lot of porn friends on their list, too.

    There’s a handful of users here who troll the ladies. They start by trying to chat you up and later ask for your personal contact info outside of MFP. Some use photos of “their” children to make you comfortable. Just use caution.

    I know it’s a lot of trouble, but it’s best to be safe out here.

    You did an excellent job with the weight loss and reshaping your body. I know personally how hard that is and how much time you’ve invested in yourself. (And I actually will be a granny soon, lol!) I’ve often worried what I would do if I had to stop exercising, and worry that the weight will pile back on overnight.

    Ask your doctor what you can and can’t do. There’s no point in trying to start again too soon and hurting yourself even worse.

    I had a breast reduction about twelve years ago and was anxious to get back to stretching and yoga. I did not follow my doctors advice and it added months and months more time to the healing process, and now I have extensive scarring from breaking the surgical stitches open.

    Reduce your calories a bit, due to the lack of activity. Maybe ask your doctor if simple walking is OK?

    Hugs, sweetie.
  • Lietchi
    Lietchi Posts: 6,839 Member
    I've seen your progress thread, never would have thought you'd feel discouraged 🙂

    I can relate a bit to being frustrated from not being to exercise, or at least not the way you want. I had knee issues last year and more recently plantar fasciitis issues, stopping me from running and doing lower body workouts. It's frustrating, but at the same time it's better to heal well instead of recovery being drawn out.
    I'm nowhere near your fitness level, even in your current 'grandma' state 😉 (I've come from a lot further, 94kg to 66kg now) but working on improving myself - running on my treadmill, doing strength training and some indoor rowing as well. And walking/hiking when I'm on holiday.

    I'm not as 'fanatic' as you (no clean eating for me, just regular balanced meals and treats if it fits in my calorie goal) but I've always enjoyed reading your updates, inspirational!
  • robertw486
    robertw486 Posts: 2,399 Member
    It's easy to think you have lost progress and fitness when you are restricted from doing what you usually do, especially in a case like yours where you stayed really active on the exercise front. To some extent any restriction can slow things down, but chances are you aren't loosing nearly as much in terms of fitness as you think you are.

    Look at it as a new challenge. Find something you can work on with your current restrictions, and make progress in that area. Even if your restrictions are more a "slow down everything for a while" type of general restriction, look at it as a way to work on eating right when you can't work out as much.

    I'd agree with some of the other suggestions regarding recovery. Don't rush yourself into slowing your recovery, it's just never worth it. Figure out what you can do without slowing the recovery, or if anything might actually help speed the recovery, then adjust the best you can.



    As for feeling like a grandma.... well there are some very fit grandparents these days. But I doubt most would put you into the stereotype of any unfit grandma by any means. You just set a high bar for your fitness, and you're finding it hard to back down from your goals and further progress.
  • NovusDies
    NovusDies Posts: 8,940 Member
    edited June 2021
    The healthy version of yourself is going to change based on circumstance and age. Right now you are using the wrong scoreboard. You are worried about some changes to your physical appearance and your list of pre-surgery abilities. You should be worried about recovery and being the correct healthy version of yourself in this moment. Your goal is to recover as fast as you can. After that happens you can change your goal to something else.

    Try to do a better job of aligning what you want and what you need. You might want to be in your February shape but that is not what you need right now. It is okay to want to be in a higher level of fitness, it is not okay for that to overwhelm you. That is not an appropriate balance.

  • TinaZ2018
    TinaZ2018 Posts: 314 Member
    springlering62 wrote: »
    Hi, Tina. Welcome to MFP.

    Just a heads up. MFP will not let anyone send you a message until you’ve actually approved them as a friend. Yes, I know people can type a message in the box with the friend request, but for some reason you’ll never see that message.

    What I do myself is put their user ID in the forum search to see if they are an active user. Also, look carefully at their profile picture to make sure their photo isn’t porn-like, and check their friends and make sure there’s not a lot of porn friends on their list, too.

    There’s a handful of users here who troll the ladies. They start by trying to chat you up and later ask for your personal contact info outside of MFP. Some use photos of “their” children to make you comfortable. Just use caution.

    I know it’s a lot of trouble, but it’s best to be safe out here.

    You did an excellent job with the weight loss and reshaping your body. I know personally how hard that is and how much time you’ve invested in yourself. (And I actually will be a granny soon, lol!) I’ve often worried what I would do if I had to stop exercising, and worry that the weight will pile back on overnight.

    Ask your doctor what you can and can’t do. There’s no point in trying to start again too soon and hurting yourself even worse.

    I had a breast reduction about twelve years ago and was anxious to get back to stretching and yoga. I did not follow my doctors advice and it added months and months more time to the healing process, and now I have extensive scarring from breaking the surgical stitches open.

    Reduce your calories a bit, due to the lack of activity. Maybe ask your doctor if simple walking is OK?

    Hugs, sweetie.

    Hi! I've been on MFP since 2018. I just haven't been active on the Forum due to lack of time.
    I didn't know about the message thing. Good to know.
    Thanks for the advice.
    Oh, that sounds pretty bad. I'm already past the walking stage. I am doing spinning and body weight exercises but since I can't do HIIT/jump/use weights, they don't burn as much as I'd want to.
    Hugs!
  • TinaZ2018
    TinaZ2018 Posts: 314 Member
    Lietchi wrote: »
    I've seen your progress thread, never would have thought you'd feel discouraged 🙂

    I can relate a bit to being frustrated from not being to exercise, or at least not the way you want. I had knee issues last year and more recently plantar fasciitis issues, stopping me from running and doing lower body workouts. It's frustrating, but at the same time it's better to heal well instead of recovery being drawn out.
    I'm nowhere near your fitness level, even in your current 'grandma' state 😉 (I've come from a lot further, 94kg to 66kg now) but working on improving myself - running on my treadmill, doing strength training and some indoor rowing as well. And walking/hiking when I'm on holiday.

    I'm not as 'fanatic' as you (no clean eating for me, just regular balanced meals and treats if it fits in my calorie goal) but I've always enjoyed reading your updates, inspirational!

    Thank you so much!
    Well... I have not. I notice that as soon as I eat a bit more freely, I gain weight or get fluffy. It's frustrating after working so hard to get abs. Ugh...
    That must have been hard. I hope you are okay now.
    Hugs!
  • TinaZ2018
    TinaZ2018 Posts: 314 Member
    robertw486 wrote: »
    It's easy to think you have lost progress and fitness when you are restricted from doing what you usually do, especially in a case like yours where you stayed really active on the exercise front. To some extent any restriction can slow things down, but chances are you aren't loosing nearly as much in terms of fitness as you think you are.

    Look at it as a new challenge. Find something you can work on with your current restrictions, and make progress in that area. Even if your restrictions are more a "slow down everything for a while" type of general restriction, look at it as a way to work on eating right when you can't work out as much.

    I'd agree with some of the other suggestions regarding recovery. Don't rush yourself into slowing your recovery, it's just never worth it. Figure out what you can do without slowing the recovery, or if anything might actually help speed the recovery, then adjust the best you can.



    As for feeling like a grandma.... well there are some very fit grandparents these days. But I doubt most would put you into the stereotype of any unfit grandma by any means. You just set a high bar for your fitness, and you're finding it hard to back down from your goals and further progress.

    Your message made me smile. Thank you so much for the appreciation.
    It was incredibly hard to get as fit as I an now, working out like crazy for 1 year. I guess it's just my fear of not getting back to where I was when all this started...
    Hugs!
  • TinaZ2018
    TinaZ2018 Posts: 314 Member
    NovusDies wrote: »
    The healthy version of yourself is going to change based on circumstance and age. Right now you are using the wrong scoreboard. You are worried about some changes to your physical appearance and your list of pre-surgery abilities. You should be worried about recovery and being the correct healthy version of yourself in this moment. Your goal is to recover as fast as you can. After that happens you can change your goal to something else.

    Try to do a better job of aligning what you want and what you need. You might want to be in your February shape but that is not what you need right now. It is okay to want to be in a higher level of fitness, it is not okay for that to overwhelm you. That is not an appropriate balance.

    You are perfectly right.
    Probably is because I'm frustrated. Worked really hard to get rid of the cellulite and now it's allover me and I feel pretty bad about my image. I know it's not only about the looks but...
    I am recovering very very well. My scars looked at 1month since others at 6 months. Doc says that having a healthy life style, eating right, being active, listening to his advices all matter a lot.
    Thank you for taking the time to answer me.
    Hugs

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