Please, my Friends, don't lecture me
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TheWaistBasket
Posts: 56 Member
I am all game. I am obese, almost housebound. I don't know anything about exercise. I am here fighting for my life. I have lost 25 pounds with the help of MFP, a dietician, books I bought about emotional eating like "you can't eat love". I don't need a quick fix. I need to find a way that will work forever. I am a woman who weighs over 300 pounds.
You all mean so well, but please stop lecturing me or give me advice or send me messages telling me what I should do. It's all so confusing.
I don't want to have gastric bypass surgery.
I don't want diet pills.
I don't know what micro nutritions are.
I don't know what Keto is. Maybe later.
I don't want to eat more protein. 4000 calories of protein are still 4000 calories.
I can't exercise. I have to get my strengths up to be able to walk first.
I don't want to cleanse. I only clean my house occasionally.
I don't want to go to therapy.
I don't want a personal trainer (yet).
I don't want to become a vegetarian.
I don't want to give up all my comfort food.
I know I have days when everything goes south. Don't we all?
I drink water I just don't log it.
I don't want to buy the products you want me to buy.
I am in this mess because I eat too much and I never questioned why. There is no quick fix. This will take time.
I cut down calories and I try to get more mobile. That's all I can do for now. It takes all I have+
I love motivation and inspiration. I love all the comments. I love knowing I am not alone. I suck up the success stories.
Please, no more telling me what I need to do or change. I am trying.
You all mean so well, but please stop lecturing me or give me advice or send me messages telling me what I should do. It's all so confusing.
I don't want to have gastric bypass surgery.
I don't want diet pills.
I don't know what micro nutritions are.
I don't know what Keto is. Maybe later.
I don't want to eat more protein. 4000 calories of protein are still 4000 calories.
I can't exercise. I have to get my strengths up to be able to walk first.
I don't want to cleanse. I only clean my house occasionally.
I don't want to go to therapy.
I don't want a personal trainer (yet).
I don't want to become a vegetarian.
I don't want to give up all my comfort food.
I know I have days when everything goes south. Don't we all?
I drink water I just don't log it.
I don't want to buy the products you want me to buy.
I am in this mess because I eat too much and I never questioned why. There is no quick fix. This will take time.
I cut down calories and I try to get more mobile. That's all I can do for now. It takes all I have+
I love motivation and inspiration. I love all the comments. I love knowing I am not alone. I suck up the success stories.
Please, no more telling me what I need to do or change. I am trying.
82
Replies
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I hope you have not banned hugs and best wishes. Willing you all you need to succeed.12
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Hugs and best wishes have 0 calories. Bring it on33
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I can see how messages with all of those things on that list can seem extremely overwhelming and honestly a whole lot of noise that is unnecessary to reach your goal.
I think you are already spot on actually. You have lost 25 lbs so clearly what you are doing is working!
Most people on the boards here are supportive and helpful, but as you have seen, it is also possible to get bad and unhelpful information too. Trust yourself, you already know how to lose weight. You’re doing it.
As much as I have read on here, the most successful ones implemented small changes over time leading to a healthier and sustainable lifestyle. No quick fixes, no temporary overly restricted diets.
Your approach is sound and it will evolve over time as you lose weight, become more mobile, learn more about yourself and your body.18 -
I've not read the other threads where you've got such advice.
I just wanted to say: you are SPOT ON! You already know what to do.
Cut down (sensibly and sustainably) on calories and move as your body and energy levels allow.
The rest of the advice is just noise.
You've got this. Keep going.6 -
While I would suggest that all MFP forum advice, including my own, should be double checked, non-public advice should rate a triple or quad check!13
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Not a lecture but a suggestion: save the URL to this thread.
That way, the next time someone offers you unsolicited advice your only reply is a link that leads them here.
You'll quickly whittle down friends to get to the most constructive interactions you need at that point in time.24 -
Not a lecture but a suggestion: save the URL to this thread.
That way, the next time someone offers you unsolicited advice your only reply is a link that leads them here.
You'll quickly whittle down friends to get to the most constructive interactions you need at that point in time.
Love it. Will do.1 -
25 pounds loss is an awesome start!! (sometimes when I feel like, "well, I only lost 5 pounds this month" or whatever the timeframe ...I grab a 5 pound weight and say..you know..5 is a lot! .. and then I leave it on the counter as a trophy, lol. Imagine picking up a 25 pound weight..that's a victory!) Celebrate your victories. Stay strong, stay positive, and believe in yourself ...sounds like you're on the right path11
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They say losing weight is 80% diet and 20% exercise. I reckon it's also at least 50% will. I know the maths on that doesn't work out, but I don't care.
You have the will. You know that it's possible to completely overcomplicate things, but in the end it's pretty simple. you know that and are doing it and seeing the results. Just keep at that. You'll get to where you want to be.5 -
Your post gave me a big smile, OP. Sounds like you know what you’re doing. And really, who wants unsolicited advice? Kick that to the curb and press on!7
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Well done on losing 25lbs!
Other than that: if this advice is coming from ' friends' here then just unfriend them. If people send you private messages even though they aren't your friends and you don't ask for it then ignore them. Maybe ignore messages in general. Social media doesn't mean we need to read everything.7 -
Well done on losing 25lbs!
Other than that: if this advice is coming from ' friends' here then just unfriend them. If people send you private messages even though they aren't your friends and you don't ask for it then ignore them. Maybe ignore messages in general. Social media doesn't mean we need to read everything.
OR --you can block people that send you messages you don't like. People trying to sell you things should be reported--it's against the rules.9 -
Awww. I get that completely. Every single one of us has to find our own individual way(which is why everybody has their own opinion and is more than happy to share) through this quagmire of feelings, wants, abilities and needs. It sounds like you're finding yours. Just remember to be patient, kind, gentle with *yourself* about all of this. Don't shoulder guilt, heavy expectations, disappointment and defeat, resentment or bitterness towards yourself. Perfection is NOT attainable, unless you're God so that's another whole topic. So strive for consistence and better than before.
And I know this is one of the oldest clichés in the book and nobody wants to hear this BUT it is truly one day at a time. Take care.5 -
Earlier I think I read in your thread someone giving a common perception the balance between calorie restriction/food intake against exercise required for weight loss.
Some time ago I found an article about an approach taken in some care home to help residents with mobility issues. (I used to work in care which is why my interest) The findings were, where less mobile persons were encouraged to simply work on their muscle tone/posture helped their mobility immensely. And as a bonus It seems, one uses more calories to sit up or stand well than one does slouching into a pile of cushions. So some find things can be helped by seemingly little changes. Its just a thought which you may find heartening.
Over many years I've had difficulties with my shoulders and neck. I'd not realised how it had changed the way I stood. Long story short, after some help, I've been able to change my posture more back to how it should be and I feel better in myself. I would like this for you. Doing what works for YOU, no one else matters.
I was also reading something in the New Scientist. The short burst of activity programs often work better than protracted hours at the gym. Again, as ever, its what suits the person.
I'd like you to feel better in yourself. Do what you feel able, what ever it is, make sure you enjoy the feelings of achievement, even if they are the, I managed that today or what ever. In time you may realise just how far you have come. Not to mention, probably find another pound or two gone to go with the previous 25. You achieved those 25 without my thoughts, go for what you want how you want.6 -
This unsolicited advice is why, ultimately, so many people are afraid to reach out for support during weight loss. There's a lot of noise. Answering questions or giving advice when asked is one thing but at the end of the day stuff like commenting on diary entries with suggestions for 'improvement' is a Problem.
Seconding the 'save the URL and send it to people who pull this crap' suggestion.
Support doesn't mean telling people what to do. It IS well intentioned but it is also harmful. (And tbf why I scream so loudly about eating candy bars and fast food, still, and that exercise IS NOT necessary to lose weight. Yeah, yeah, after a while most of us end up somewhere else and excited about it but there's a whole journey and every person's is unique and they need to be the one to find the path and travel it.)
TL:DR: This isn't okay and I'm sorry you're experiencing it.12 -
I hear you! Keep counting and trust the process. Other things can for sure help, but calories counting alone (staying at deficit) WILL get you there eventually!4
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The one thing I'll add is that for myself and alot of people, once you gain some experience and are staying on track something really good can happen. Your mind can change in a way that becomes super motivated. You feel like you are in the 1% of people on the planet working on themselves like you are. You know you will get to the finish line.
Mentally, you get into this really positive state that makes you just want to keep going every day. While everyone is different and will be effected differently, don't underestimate the mental health benefits of living a healthy lifestyle and what that can do for your mind. If you happen to be in a tough place mentally right now, healthy living can be like therapy. Not saying anyone needs therapy or has issues, just saying a healthy lifestyle where you are doing the work and getting results, it can do wonders for the mind. Everything gets easier.
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Congrats on the weight loss. Has a doctor tested your thyroid function? Low function and can increase hunger and reduce activity. It's fairly common with women.5
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Cherimoose wrote: »Has a doctor tested your thyroid function? Low function and can increase hunger and reduce activity. It's fairly common with women.
👆🏻 Add this one to the list up top 😉👍🏼7 -
Because I've worked with a BANT Nutritionist, UK only, the organisation take a more, why is the body doing this and not that, what does it have too much or too little of to function properly, I strongly suggest its not just one's thyroid which often needs looking into its the full endocrine system. Particularly the pituitary and associated glands.
My reason is, the thyroid is the gland which reacts to the imbalances in other glands and because of the potential for issues in these feed back loops in my view its essential, it was in my situation and I'm not on my own. The only way to ensure your t3 levels, its the active form of thyroid hormone is sufficient for your needs, without selenium the t3 can be made the wrong way round, which means, it will not work, so total t3 is not enough to know either, you need to know you are creating t3 in the useful form rather than the reverse form. Many medical systems do not test t3 at all, the NHS does not. Its assumed you always have the ability to convert. If you do not have the ability to convert the t4 to t3, which means removing one iodine atom from the t4, rarely one can be born without the ability but as one gains maturity one can loose the ability for so many reasons, you can end up in a very sorry state.
Trust me, the endocrine system is not as simplistic as our NHS makes out. I'm in my 70's now, been on various supplements which includes tissue to provide t3 and minerals to support conversion for may be 9 years, no more. I'm living, I have a life deigned me since my 30's, causing me to require some serious surgery because it did not have the best treatment for me. I was told this by a local Immunology Professor. low thyroid function caused the neck/shoulder/back pains, acupuncture is relieving the distortion.
Being hypo effects ones muscle tone and muscle functions, digestion, circulation, respiration, reproduction of cells and species. I can't understand why it is considered so very trivial. Most hypo persons are/also have Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, which erodes ones thyroid, its one of many autoimmune conditions but is generally treated as if its the same as being low in iodine, which is all levothyroxine is, iodine in the synthetic form. (This unnecessary pain as in restricted quality of life, really gets to me. Why its reasonable to let women principally suffer, it occurs in men but not as often)
I've been really active today. Behaving like someone half my age, its wonderful. Together with my husband we have been child minding, principal back up for two little boys, one 3 1/2 the other 18 months, sometimes its bordering on full time. I could not have done it in my 40's. Anyone do your own reading and learn.6
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