second wedding advice question

BrenNew
BrenNew Posts: 3,420 Member
edited September 2024 in Health and Weight Loss
As some of you know, my son is getting married next month, and since I don't know the answer to some questions I have, I'm asking my wonderful MFP friends to give me your thoughts.
Anyway, THIS time around, my question is, how much of a cash gift should I, as the mother of the groom, give as their wedding gift? Thanks in advance for your advice. Brenda :smile:
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Replies

  • BrenNew
    BrenNew Posts: 3,420 Member
    As some of you know, my son is getting married next month, and since I don't know the answer to some questions I have, I'm asking my wonderful MFP friends to give me your thoughts.
    Anyway, THIS time around, my question is, how much of a cash gift should I, as the mother of the groom, give as their wedding gift? Thanks in advance for your advice. Brenda :smile:
  • mrsyac2
    mrsyac2 Posts: 2,784 Member
    As some of you know, my son is getting married next month, and since I don't know the answer to some questions I have, I'm asking my wonderful MFP friends to give me your thoughts.
    Anyway, THIS time around, my question is, how much of a cash gift should I, as the mother of the groom, give as their wedding gift? Thanks in advance for your advice. Brenda :smile:

    150.00-300.00
  • mrsyac2
    mrsyac2 Posts: 2,784 Member
    when me and my husband got married we made a killing- every guest brought cash $$$$- we even joked about getting divorced then married again
  • réalta
    réalta Posts: 895 Member
    i think it depends on your financial situation?

    not sure really, it depends with each family

    :flowerforyou:
  • lotusfromthemud
    lotusfromthemud Posts: 5,335 Member
    i think it depends on your financial situation?

    not sure really, it depends with each family

    :flowerforyou:


    I would second that. . .he's your son. . .so you probably want to be generous, but your level of generosity is personal. :flowerforyou:
  • molsongirl
    molsongirl Posts: 1,373 Member
    Did you help out with the wedding at all? Pay for catering, or her dress, or the alcohol? because I think when it's a second wedding if you helped out financially with the cost of the wedding itself, then no further gift is required...just my two cents, not to say that if you want to give them cash, then do so. I guess i'm old school, I would never gift cash.
  • Stacey82
    Stacey82 Posts: 69
    I got married last year and my Mom gave us a check for $100.00. For my Dad, money was tight...he helped with everything I asked of him as far as setting things up, but finacially his only set back was the cost of his and my two brothers tuxes. My husband's Mom bought us a new dishwasher...on her credit card...because mine died. My husband's Dad and Step-Mom gave us a DVD about making marriage last and a check for $100.00...and money isn't an issue for them!

    For me personally, the gift that meant the most, was all of my Dad's help and him paying for his and my brother's tuxes...that was like $300...quite a bit for someone that was laid off! Outside of that, $100.00 seems to be pretty standard among people I know. Other family members and guests gave $20-$50...but maybe I just know a poorer class of people! I was just more interested in them celebrating with us than what gifts we got from them
  • ccano
    ccano Posts: 149 Member
    As some of you know, my son is getting married next month, and since I don't know the answer to some questions I have, I'm asking my wonderful MFP friends to give me your thoughts.
    Anyway, THIS time around, my question is, how much of a cash gift should I, as the mother of the groom, give as their wedding gift? Thanks in advance for your advice. Brenda :smile:

    How old are they? How settled are they in terms of household items? What are you comfortable giving? Would you be more comfortable giving something other than a cash gift? Are you helping to pay for the wedding at all? If yes to the last question, IMO that would be gift enough. My parents are helping to pay for our venue. It's not a second wedding for us, but I think that is MORE than generous and would not expect a gift in addition to that.
  • sweetassurance
    sweetassurance Posts: 461
    If you can afford it give them 100.00 plus a gift that they will cherish always. If not then give them what you can and a gift that will be meaningful to them both. :bigsmile:

    It does not cost a lot of money to build memories but a lot of love and imagination. :love:
  • Mommy2Girls
    Mommy2Girls Posts: 100
    It absolutely depends on what you are able to afford.

    When my brothers got married my parents gave them $1000 each and paid for their honeymoon's as well as helped out with a few other small things pertaining to the wedding.

    When I was married my parents paid for the wedding (venue), our honeymoon and my dress.
  • Iceprincessk25
    Iceprincessk25 Posts: 1,888 Member
    When I got married the 1st time my parents pretty much paid for everything and she got me the Kitchen Aid mixer that I had been yearning for! :smile:

    This time around.....not sure what they're going to do! I feel like since they already paid for one I don't think they should pay for another one.
  • kerrilucko
    kerrilucko Posts: 3,852 Member
    I know everyone loves getting money, but I'm partial to giving and receiving gifs instead. It's more personal. I HOPE our guests give us gifts instead of money. The reason? I'm super practical. If someone buys me a toaster, or a set of satin sheets, or new towels... etc, I'm happy, it's a luxury that I probably wouldn't buy for myself. Even when I need something, like clothes that actually fit :laugh: , I feel guilty buying it. So when I get money as a gift, I can pretty much guarantee it's going towards rent, or gas, or the phone bill... you know? If I were you, I'd find out something that they really WANT (not need) and get it for them. Maybe a new digital camera... a Blueray DVD player.... a camcorder... or something smaller like a lush duvet. Another nice idea is a gift certificate to their favourite restaurant. I like gifts... as long as you know it's something they'll enjoy. :flowerforyou:
  • Iceprincessk25
    Iceprincessk25 Posts: 1,888 Member
    See, I think there's NOTHING wrong with money or gift cards. It gives ME the gift of shopping which is my favorite gift of all!!!

    Plus it saves me the time of returning something!
  • Sapporo
    Sapporo Posts: 693 Member
    Second wedding to the same girl or to a new one? If it's a new one it's not her fault he was married before so 2nd marriage should have nothing to do with their gift.
  • BrenNew
    BrenNew Posts: 3,420 Member
    Oops, guess I've gotta explain my subject line. :laugh: :embarassed: It's MY second question to you MFP friends about my son's wedding. It's only his FIRST wedding.
    He's 25 and she's about 22 I guess. They're registered at a Bed, Bath and Beyond site, and for her bridal shower gift, I just bought them the flatware set that they wanted. Plus, I've wrapped up the Christmas stocking that my ex's mother handmade for him, and then was passed down to my son, and I've got a note with it that says:
    Rebecca,
    I am so thrilled that you will soon be my daughter in law! You’re everything that a mother
    could hope for in a wife for her son. I don’t think that I could have chosen a sweeter,
    brighter, prettier young woman than my son did, when he had the great fortune in
    finding you! I know that you will be a wonderful wife to him, and (hopefully, someday!)
    that you will make a fantastic mother too! Therefore, it gives me great pleasure to pass on
    for your safe keeping the Christmas stocking that was lovingly handmade by Ricky’s
    Grandma Wiedeman for her own son, Rick, and then passed on down to our son, Ricky.
    I wish for you and my son a life filled with friendship, laughter, happiness, and love!
    Welcome to our family! Love, Brenda


    Her parents are paying for the wedding, though I'm going to give the kids 200.00 to put towards flowers or whatever. Plus, my ex, myself, and my second husband, are all paying for the rehearsal dinner. I don't have very much money, but I've been saving for my son's wedding for over a year now.
    I'm of the belief, (or old school or whatever you want to call it!) of giving money as a wedding gift. I was THINKING about 500.00 at the MOST, since like I said, I'm not exactly rolling in dough! :laugh:
    Since I don't know about this stuff, I figured I could hit up my MFP friends, who are always so great with their advice! :love: :smile:
  • quinnybear
    quinnybear Posts: 243
    when me and my husband got married we made a killing- every guest brought cash $$$$- we even joked about getting divorced then married again

    lucky!! we had about 120 guests and only about half brought any gift at all (not even a card) and a lot were my husband's family. i was pretty upset, i mean, who doesn't bring a wedding gift??
  • Iceprincessk25
    Iceprincessk25 Posts: 1,888 Member
    when me and my husband got married we made a killing- every guest brought cash $$$$- we even joked about getting divorced then married again

    lucky!! we had about 120 guests and only about half brought any gift at all (not even a card) and a lot were my husband's family. i was pretty upset, i mean, who doesn't bring a wedding gift??

    Yeah that's pretty tacky.
  • mrsyac2
    mrsyac2 Posts: 2,784 Member
    when me and my husband got married we made a killing- every guest brought cash $$$$- we even joked about getting divorced then married again

    lucky!! we had about 120 guests and only about half brought any gift at all (not even a card) and a lot were my husband's family. i was pretty upset, i mean, who doesn't bring a wedding gift??

    That sucks did they just come for the food and the drinks--

    It was my husbands family that brought the money Big Italian Family- So it was all about money in envelopes in the middle of the table- Cha-Ching lol
  • Sapporo
    Sapporo Posts: 693 Member
    $500 would be very generous on top of paying for the rehearsal dinner! That note to Rebecca is worth more anyhow. :) Even $300 would be good for a cash gift. She's lucky to be getting you as a mother in law.
  • Mommy2Girls
    Mommy2Girls Posts: 100
    when me and my husband got married we made a killing- every guest brought cash $$$$- we even joked about getting divorced then married again

    lucky!! we had about 120 guests and only about half brought any gift at all (not even a card) and a lot were my husband's family. i was pretty upset, i mean, who doesn't bring a wedding gift??

    Whenever I go to a wedding I usually give a gift that would cover the costs of me being there. So a cousins wedding let's say with my family of 4 I would probably give $150.

    We too made a killing at ours!!! We actually did not receive 1 gift - it was all $$ gifts.
  • AnneElise
    AnneElise Posts: 4,206 Member
    Hi, I just got married in November and his parents paid for the alchohal and rehersal dinner and gave us 300$. My parents gave us 500 after paying for a lot of the wedding... either way it was a gift that we loved! Just do what you feel is right... another option would be to have them pick out something for there house (a dining room table, a coffee table, lights, a tv) and buy that for them!
  • JessicaT2007
    JessicaT2007 Posts: 553 Member
    That letter to your future DIL made ME cry, I can only imagine how she will react! LOL

    Both sets of our parents (all of them are divorced and re-married) helped out with a big part in our wedding and then his mom and my mom gave us a gift/money as well. My dad was very hard up for money, so him helping out was all I could ever want. I was not going to even let him do that, but he said it would hurt his feelings if he could not contribute.

    It really does depend on your money situation. You say money is tight and you want to give $500, that is very generous.
  • jdelisle
    jdelisle Posts: 1,050 Member
    For my wedding, my Dad gave us $500 plus a patio set and he paid for my flowers ($2,000).

    My mom gave us a really nice fully loaded BBQ (probably in the $500-750 range) & paid for my wedding dress ($2,500) and dinner & reception rental ($2,500).

    My mother in law bought is some solar outdoor lights.

    My father in law gave us $1,000 and his old truck ($7,000)

    So really... depends on your situation. To me it didn't really matter what I got! The whole gift opening experience was kind of uncomfortable for me to be honest. I hate it when people make a fuss. I think the whole wedding gift thing is hugely over rated.
  • beagle595
    beagle595 Posts: 226
    Brenda you did great for Christmas! What a lovely note your wrote your Daughter-in-law to be.. And giving up something so personal that was from your son's childhood. And you are doing your part/ Etiquette paying for the rehearsal dinner. And they should be happy with the $200.00. I told you before I'd swap you in a heartbeat to be my Mother-in-law. LOL! You have been doing great!!!:wink:
    I was raised in giving monetary gifts for weddings. Household items are to be given at the Bridal Shower, that used to be the golden rule of Etiquette. But times have changed so much. And I was also raised to at least cover your plates at a wedding and additional $ towards making the monetary gift. Also I always increase the gift amount with inflation. A nice dinner and open bar with top-shelf liquor isn't cheap. So I always tell friends who ask how much to give as a gift... to look at it that way.. What would a nice Filet Mignon dinner cost with dessert and 3-5 coctails, tax and tip per person? Quite a heafty amount.. My Parents taught me to give from the heart, use common sense and don't ever be cheap. Salute! :drinker:
    (*quinnybear... your husband and my husband must be brother's... LOL! My Father' and Mother's family raised thru the depression, middle class workers.. We got anywhere from $100.00-400 per couple. In-laws even though it said "Adult Reception" they included their 3-5 kids on the response card. We paid $40/plate back in 1995.. so needless to say I had to make several phone calls to clarify what "Adult Reception" meant. I'm not a snob.. just raised with class, etiquette, morals, common sense. . And yes Aunt & Uncles still came with kids, family of 4-5 people and gave a $20 gift. So we got to save $ when we returned the honor of attending their weddings... :wink: )
  • BrenNew
    BrenNew Posts: 3,420 Member
    Brenda you did great for Christmas! What a lovely note your wrote your Daughter-in-law to be.. And giving up something so personal that was from your son's childhood. And you are doing your part/ Etiquette paying for the rehearsal dinner. And they should be happy with the $200.00. I told you before I'd swap you in a heartbeat to be my Mother-in-law. LOL! You have been doing great!!!:wink:
    I was raised in giving monetary gifts for weddings. Household items are to be given at the Bridal Shower, that used to be the golden rule of Etiquette. But times have changed so much. And I was also raised to at least cover your plates at a wedding and additional $ towards making the monetary gift. Also I always increase the gift amount with inflation. A nice dinner and open bar with top-shelf liquor isn't cheap. So I always tell friends who ask how much to give as a gift... to look at it that way.. What would a nice Filet Mignon dinner cost with dessert and 3-5 coctails, tax and tip per person? Quite a heafty amount.. My Parents taught me to give from the heart, use common sense and don't ever be cheap. Salute! :drinker:
    (*quinnybear... your husband and my husband must be brother's... LOL! My Father' and Mother's family raised thru the depression, middle class workers.. We got anywhere from $100.00-400 per couple. In-laws even though it said "Adult Reception" they included their 3-5 kids on the response card. We paid $40/plate back in 1995.. so needless to say I had to make several phone calls to clarify what "Adult Reception" meant. I'm not a snob.. just raised with class, etiquette, morals, common sense. . And yes Aunt & Uncles still came with kids, family of 4-5 people and gave a $20 gift. So we got to save $ when we returned the honor of attending their weddings... :wink: )


    Aww, thanks Beagle! You're sooo sweet to say you'd swap me for a mother in law! LOL.
    I was raised the same as you, I ONLY give money too for the weddings. The gift is for the bridal shower, money for the wedding!
    I always thought that 50.00 was a good enough amount, but then again, I haven't been to a wedding for MANY, MANY YEARS, so I guess with inflation, I can see "maybe" giving a 100.00. Course, that's NOT for my son and his future wife, they'll get more! I just have to decide if it'll be 500.00, or if it'll be 300.00, since we'll also be giving them 200.00 to use towards the flowers, the flatware set, and don't forget the rehearsal dinner.
    Anyway, thanks for your nice comments and advice! Brenda :smile:
  • BrenNew
    BrenNew Posts: 3,420 Member
    $500 would be very generous on top of paying for the rehearsal dinner! That note to Rebecca is worth more anyhow. :) Even $300 would be good for a cash gift. She's lucky to be getting you as a mother in law.



    Aww, thanks, I AM thinkng about only doing the 300.00, since they WILL also be getting the flatware, 200.00 to use towards flowers, as well as us paying for the rehearsal dinner. I don't make a ton of money, FAR from it in fact, so I'd LOVE to just give them the 300.00. I just don't want it to look too "cheap", since after all, HER parents are paying a fortune for the wedding!
    Thanks again for your nice comment! Brenda:smile:
  • MissGorgeous
    MissGorgeous Posts: 394 Member
    yikes rough question
    my parents said 10grand for a wedding or you can have the cash
    we opted for the cash and did a vegas wedding
  • BrenNew
    BrenNew Posts: 3,420 Member
    That letter to your future DIL made ME cry, I can only imagine how she will react! LOL

    Both sets of our parents (all of them are divorced and re-married) helped out with a big part in our wedding and then his mom and my mom gave us a gift/money as well. My dad was very hard up for money, so him helping out was all I could ever want. I was not going to even let him do that, but he said it would hurt his feelings if he could not contribute.

    It really does depend on your money situation. You say money is tight and you want to give $500, that is very generous.


    Awww, sorry I made you cry! Hopefully Rebecca WILL like it and realize that I DO care about her!
    I'm still debating about just how much money to give them though, but, I'll figure it out one of these days I suppose! I'd BETTER anyway! :laugh:
  • JessicaT2007
    JessicaT2007 Posts: 553 Member

    Awww, sorry I made you cry! Hopefully Rebecca WILL like it and realize that I DO care about her!
    I'm still debating about just how much money to give them though, but, I'll figure it out one of these days I suppose! I'd BETTER anyway! :laugh:

    It's ok that you made me cry, I am a big sap when it comes to those things! LOL. I'm sure you will decide on the right amount and will feel good about it soon! Don't agonize too much. :happy:
  • quinnybear
    quinnybear Posts: 243
    Brenda you did great for Christmas! What a lovely note your wrote your Daughter-in-law to be.. And giving up something so personal that was from your son's childhood. And you are doing your part/ Etiquette paying for the rehearsal dinner. And they should be happy with the $200.00. I told you before I'd swap you in a heartbeat to be my Mother-in-law. LOL! You have been doing great!!!:wink:
    I was raised in giving monetary gifts for weddings. Household items are to be given at the Bridal Shower, that used to be the golden rule of Etiquette. But times have changed so much. And I was also raised to at least cover your plates at a wedding and additional $ towards making the monetary gift. Also I always increase the gift amount with inflation. A nice dinner and open bar with top-shelf liquor isn't cheap. So I always tell friends who ask how much to give as a gift... to look at it that way.. What would a nice Filet Mignon dinner cost with dessert and 3-5 coctails, tax and tip per person? Quite a heafty amount.. My Parents taught me to give from the heart, use common sense and don't ever be cheap. Salute! :drinker:
    (*quinnybear... your husband and my husband must be brother's... LOL! My Father' and Mother's family raised thru the depression, middle class workers.. We got anywhere from $100.00-400 per couple. In-laws even though it said "Adult Reception" they included their 3-5 kids on the response card. We paid $40/plate back in 1995.. so needless to say I had to make several phone calls to clarify what "Adult Reception" meant. I'm not a snob.. just raised with class, etiquette, morals, common sense. . And yes Aunt & Uncles still came with kids, family of 4-5 people and gave a $20 gift. So we got to save $ when we returned the honor of attending their weddings... :wink: )

    wow... our husbands must really be brothers. we too said "adult reception" and his family still brought a bunch of kids!
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