Very Frustrated 'Obese' Chick

Options
I am so overwhelmed with the amount of weight I have to lose, but more by how many times I've ALMOST reached my goal and have quit every time. My husband in the politest way offered to to whatever he had to do (work overtime, stay with the kids, etc) to help me lose 10-20lbs even though I have 50-60lbs to lose. I have in the past been super consistent for like 3 weeks, lost 17lbs, only to gain it back + some. It is incredibly frustrating and I'm tired of yo-yo calorie watching. I've had enough. I'm sick of myself and honestly hate myself for not being able to stick to what I know is right for me. So tired of letting myself down and it hurts to know that my husband is probably needing me to lose weight so I am a bit more attractive. He loves me very much and is super supportive, so this isn't a man downing on me, he really wants to help, but he is being honest...yet, it still kills me. I am tired of what I have become and hiding behind my excuses. I want to make changes and empower myself as an individual, yet I lack will power. But, at least I'm here, right? That's a first step, right? Just how can I stay motivated?! It is very hard to lose weight and still feel the same about yourself inside. You know you fit into your clothes better, yet your mentality is still "I look awful" or "I have so much further to go" or just general dissatisfaction. That can be good for some, but for me, it has just been a crutch to falling back into the same old dumb routines. I'm just babbling here, but I could really use a cyber shoulder to lean on. I really have no one to support me through this and while I'd love to lean on my husband, I'm too angry at him for being right.
«1

Replies

  • shesblossoming
    Options
    Someone stated it perfectly... motivation is what gets you started, but it's how driven you are that makes you go all the way to your goal. I'm realizing that what I'm doing right now is something I have to do for the rest of my life. I have to eat right and exercise and make sure that I'm listening to my body. Do you feel like there's a reason for you giving up? Does something happen to make you stop, or do you just feel like you lose that motivation? The thing about being here is that there are just as many bad days than good. But everyday I feel terrible, I see all of my friends on here exercise and eat right and even if I don't want to, I do it anyway. It's what my body needs, and it's what I want. I made the mistake of being in a funk for a week and wasted that time eating whatever I wanted and felt terrible. And then I realized that the secret to success here isn't a secret: You are going to feel terrible at times, but you have to push through it. With exercise and with eating, you're going to have to give it everything you have. Even if it's just walking and eating a Lean Cuisine. Even if it's you walking down the street. Each small effort adds up and at some point, you're not going to give up because you feel terrible. You're going to keep on going, because being here isn't just about reaching a goal, it's about forming into the person you know you're meant to be.
  • stacyrhoades11
    stacyrhoades11 Posts: 50 Member
    Options
    Make mini goals for yourself, It helps to make you reach them quicker and you feel great when doing so!! I know ive been where you are too and I still have those days but im determined and focused and this site is awesome! Its nice knowing your not alone in doing this..
  • Diary_Queen
    Diary_Queen Posts: 1,314 Member
    Options
    Glad youre here.... we all have weight to lose... 10 lbs. - 40 lbs. - hundreds.... you arent the only one. take your husband up on that offer and do it proudly to show him your appreciation :)

    When i reach my goal, i will have lost 157 lbs. It's doable and you should be proud to do it!
  • horsepullerlovesme
    Options
    i have over a hundred pounds to lose and i make small goals. and it seems easier that way and not so overwhelming. and my hubby makes me feel sexy even if i think i am not. he is also supported me throught the years. keep ur head high girl dont give up. and stay positive. u can do this. dont fret. it is hard but u can do it.
  • kellyscomeback
    kellyscomeback Posts: 1,369 Member
    Options
    Find an exercise program that you like and you can stick to.
    Weigh yourself weekly. Seeing the numbers go down keeps me going.
    Set small weight loss goals. I set a goal for ever holiday and I do it based on my target of a 2 lbs/wk loss.
    Log everything, the good, bad, and f*cking ugly. You will quickly change your habits.
    Find free exercise programs on TV (Exercise TV On Demand is free + online) or on YouTube.
    Throw away all of the crap in the house and replace it with better foods.
  • mumster63
    mumster63 Posts: 29 Member
    Options
    Every day is a new day to get it right. Don't think about all the weight you have to lose, think more about one day at a time. Small steps. Keep moving forward....every day. Success breeds success
  • Katbaran
    Katbaran Posts: 605 Member
    Options
    This is just MHO, but first of all, ditch the negativity. Yes, when you start losing you WILL still have a long way to go. One day at a time. Sounds silly, but think not of how far you still have to go but how far you've come. I know I still have about 80 pounds to lose, but I look at the clothes that are too big now and feel good about how I'm NOT that person any more. I'm becoming a new, healthier, smaller person. Don't worry about the exact size or how some parts of you are still bigger than others. Don't obsess over any particular body part. Look at the big picture of how much you're losing.

    Take it one day, one meal at a time if you have to and soon those 'one days' will add up to a whole lot of days where you did well. I've been on this weight loss trip for a long time and yes, I get tired. But I don't give up. We all stumble, you just have to pick yourself up and go on.

    Best of luck! You CAN do it!!!!
    Kathy
  • aunt_hbomb
    Options
    Don't do any of it due to how you look. Do it because of how you feel, or want to feel. For me it was more about health than anything else. I am a type 2 diabetic and basically it comes down to not wanting to lose a foot or a leg or my eyesight because I've let myself go. You have to find your own inner reasons for this to work. I wish you many successes.

    Friend any of us, we are all here for support both giving and receiving.
  • Fitnin6280
    Fitnin6280 Posts: 618 Member
    Options
    I have about 100lbs to loose. I just decided that I will do this for as long as it takes to reach my goal, and then I will have to keep doing it to maintain. Just remember, there are people here who will help motivate you even when you are close to giving up. This is the place to do it! Don't give up, you are worth the work!!
  • shad1018
    shad1018 Posts: 191 Member
    Options
    You are in the right place! I am so glad that you have a loving and supportive husband, you are truly blessed. One of the best things I heard on MFP and I've heard alot of great motivating suff here! Don't have a goal weight, have a Goal Life - you want to be healthy, not just lose weight. You are not on a Diet, you are making a change to a healthier lifestyle.

    Set a few small behavior goals, and stick to them.

    Daily excercise
    Tracking all food intake
    Drinking water instead of cokes, juice, milk beer, etc....

    You can do it - and I'll be happy to be your friend, send me a request.

    Susan:smile:
  • SkinnyRuthy
    SkinnyRuthy Posts: 154 Member
    Options
    You all are so supportive. I actually didn't expect anyone to respond to my whining. Wow. Thanks ladies!! I've been needing serious support and look at how nice all of you are to respond and lift me up. *hugs to you all* seriously. thank you. You have no idea.... or maybe you do...
  • naturallykat
    naturallykat Posts: 118 Member
    Options
    Oh bless you. I feel exactly the same at the moment, and am frustrated because I can't seem to get to the bottom of the WHY - the real reason I eat too much, and I'm sure if I identified that and dealt with it I would be successful - I just need a hand to find that out.

    I'm considering hypnotherapy - do you think that might work for you?
  • Sherie13
    Sherie13 Posts: 250 Member
    Options
    We all get a little unmotivated at times, but I think you just need to take it one step at a time. Don't think of it as trying to lose 50 lbs. Try to lose 10. When you lose that, then go for another 10. Small steps are better.

    I had a look at your profile and you didn't fill it out. I think you need to sit down and fill it out. Think about your motivations for this long and hard. Put it down on paper. That way, when you are unmotivated, you can come back and read it again. It will remind you of why you are doing this.

    I think you being on here means you are serious about this and moving in the right direction. It's not easy for any of us. I know I have no will power at all, but I remind myself all the time of why I'm doing this and find ways to get it done. If you need a shoulder to cry on or someone to motivate you or just to talk to, feel free to add me as a friend.

    Good Luck!
  • Rachaelluvszipped
    Rachaelluvszipped Posts: 768 Member
    Options
    Add me! :flowerforyou:
  • Eleanorjanethinner
    Options
    Hi there,

    I know how you feel - I tend to lose the same few pounds again and again. I'm here trying to actually make a significant difference.

    A couple of things occurred to me from your post... firstly I think it sounds like you're crash dieting to lose 17 pounds in three weeks! So of course you bounce back 'cos no-one can keep up that routine (except Posh Spice and she's a freak). So, I'd say go gentle in your diet and exercise and you'll be more likely to keep it up. Aim for a pound or so loss a week (as recommended). Don't cut out your favourite foods entirely, just reduce portions. Don't push yourself to ridiculous amounts of exercise that you can't sustain.

    As someone said earlier, make little goals and celebrate each success.

    And that brings me to my second thought in that it sounds like your self-esteem is pretty low at the moment. I think you need to change your login name for starters. And try very hard to be kind and gentle and nurturing to yourself (without comfort eating). Comfort eating is a vicious cycle (I know from personal experience). It helps at the time, then you feel worse afterwards... So try to gently ease yourself into a virtuous cycle so you can experience small successes and use them to motivate yourself to keep going. A journey of 1000 miles starts with a single step...

    Good luck on your journey!
  • fitby2012
    fitby2012 Posts: 167 Member
    Options
    Play with this until you find what works. Understand that you will have days where you will need a break from it all. Set small goals, and try to master 1 thing at a time. Many people can't cut calories, give up soda, hit the gym, and log each and every bite of food they eat all at once and stick to it all. So phase the bad stuff out slowly. It will make it easier to stick with your plan and make this a lifestyle.

    Hang in there and lean on everyone here for support. We all go through it from time to time.
  • SkinnyRuthy
    SkinnyRuthy Posts: 154 Member
    Options
    *hugs* I know I eat when I'm bored, frustrated, happy, sad, I mean truly, I LOVE food! I love to cook it, smell it, make it, watch peopel enjoy something I've created, so it's a deep thing for me. Plus, when I took a deep look back at my past, I realized that "happy" moments in my childhood revolved around food... I need to refocus my energy and thoughts into being happy that I'm healthy and I'm creating a healthy home for myself and my lovely family.
    Oh bless you. I feel exactly the same at the moment, and am frustrated because I can't seem to get to the bottom of the WHY - the real reason I eat too much, and I'm sure if I identified that and dealt with it I would be successful - I just need a hand to find that out.

    I'm considering hypnotherapy - do you think that might work for you?
  • acireme
    acireme Posts: 10 Member
    Options
    Hi sweet fatruthy,

    What has helped me along on my journey is to be confident that my eating right and exercise will keep me healthy FIRST and the weight loss will be a byproduct of that. I focus on loving myself--not necessarily accepting my obese body and loving that--but accepting that I am where I am, it's not going to happen overnight, and one day, after day after day of making good decisions, I will be at a place where my outsides match my insides. It sounds like there is a lot of guilt coming from you, a lot of emotional baggage. If you have the money, may I suggest counselling? If you have the money, may I suggest a personal trainer? My personal trainer gets me to the gym once a week, every week, because I pay for it and eventually that once a week turned into twice, three times...now I work out 4-5 times a week (once with my trainer, 3-4 times on my own). I enjoy the classes at my (all female) gym. I enjoy getting the positive energy from my trainer, and beating the negativity out of myself. :) I'm a little competitive anyway, so that helps. If you can't afford those things, it may be a little more difficult to get motivated to do so, but grab hold of that drive and fly. There's a poster of Neil-Patrick Harris and it says,"When I'm sad, I stop being sad and be AWESOME instead. True Story." You must fight your negative self and conquer it with your positive self. Unfortunately, there is no magical *thing* that anyone can say or do for you; it must come from within. I know, I've been battling myself for over 10 years. There needs to be a switch that takes place, something you ignite within your strong self that says you're worth all the health you can give to yourself and your physical body will reward you. When you start to feel better emotionally and physically from eating better and exercising, your transformation takes over and it is more difficult to make poor decisions. When you do, your body pays attention--make your mind pay attention to what your body does! Yes you can. You can do it. You can, you can, you can. I don't know you but I know that you can. Keep coming on here, get out of your comfort zone, step into your fit zone. You can do it. Don't ever let anyone tell you that you don't want it badly enough. I know you do. Habits, lifestyle are difficult to change. Make that change every chance you get. Don't get mad at yourself for slipping up. Enjoy your breaks, but damn it, get back up the very next opportunity you have, each and every time. Fight for yourself. You can do it.
  • pixardad
    pixardad Posts: 184 Member
    Options
    You all are so supportive. I actually didn't expect anyone to respond to my whining. Wow. Thanks ladies!! I've been needing serious support and look at how nice all of you are to respond and lift me up. *hugs to you all* seriously. thank you. You have no idea.... or maybe you do...

    Ladies?!?! Let me fill you in on a little secret: gender doesn't mean squat here. I have 80 pounds to lose. I've been on this site before under a different alias. My posts were doom and gloom, arguing with anyone willing to give me support. One day I just stopped. I left the negativity with that old account...it doesn't help.

    Sweet, sweet Ruthy. I can hear in your words how much pain you feel. You can do it. We are all here to help you. You're here to help us. As someone who has felt (and sometime still does feel) the way you do, kind words are one thing, but actions are something else.

    Please, as a second step (your first was joining this site), *CHANGE YOUR USERNAME*! Start letting the negativity and self-demotion go by choosing a better user name.

    As a third step, add everyone who offers you friendship. This site is full of truly wonderful people. I've experienced them before and I came back to continue with a better attitude...both for me *and* for them.

    My username is "PixarDad", add me as a friend. Yes, I want *you* to take that step. I'll be here when you do.

    --PixarDad
  • webdiva1
    webdiva1 Posts: 326 Member
    Options
    Pretty good advice here, from what I'm reading. And it's cool that you're open to it. I'll add my $.02; keep what you like and roll your eyes and mutter under your breath about everything else. :)

    If you want to succeed, you pretty much HAVE to forgive yourself for past failures. You can't change anything anyway, right? I encourage you to stop wasting energy on that. Chances are, you're gonna blow it once in a while in the future, too. If that happens, getcherself up, dust yourself off, and get back at it.

    I also suggest you work real hard to improve your self-image. I get it that you're pissed right now. OK. So use that as a motivator. In my experience, it's really hard to want to do good stuff for something or someone you don't like much. I suspect your self image will improve greatly as you lose pounds, but still. Learn to love yourself as you are now if you can ... it'll just get better as you go along. No, really. It will. :)

    Did you *really* lose 17 lbs. in 3 weeks? If so, it's probably not too surprising those pounds didn't stay off. Consider changing your expectations to lose 1-2 pounds a week *max*. Slow but sure is healthy and sustainable but much more than that isn't, far as I'm concerned. Just my opinion.

    I encourage you to get your head around the fact that we're not talking diet here. For long-term success, you probably need to make some long-term (as in lifelong) changes. Best part is, as you eat healthier and shop healthier and cook healthier and exercise, your entire family will benefit. That's a pretty powerful motivator.

    Like others have said, small goals = lots of small successes. Focusing on the big number can be overwhelming, so I don't go there. But I'm doin' the happy dance every time I lose 5 lbs. :)

    Finally, drink water. Lots of water. There are different schools of thought about how much is enough/too much. For me, right now, 15-20 8 oz. glasses a day works. Start with eight 8 oz. glasses a day like MFP suggests, if you can, then experiment a bit to see what works best for you.

    Welcome to MFP. Let's go. :)

    Edited to add this:
    See that note from PixarDad about changing your username? I vote yes. :)