I think I just came out of my denial...

Mskraizy
Mskraizy Posts: 138 Member
edited October 2 in Motivation and Support
After I LOST 23 pounds of it. I was on the computer last night when I started going through some of my pics because I had been so inspired by that Everyone's Before and After progress pics threads that I wanted to go back and see some of my before pics. I was at a whopping 214 lbs when I started losing weight, I think that was the highest I had ever been in my life. Knowing I was big, the pictures I saw last night just made me drop down and cry.:sad:

I don't know if they were tears of joy or tears of hopelessness, but I cried for like a good HOUR. I couldn't believe how BIG I was. I didn't know I looked that HUGE compared to how I looked now. I haven't lost a drastic amount of weight (not compared to what I'm trying to lose...another 26 pounds), but I didn't think I was that big in my HEAD. Simply because family and friends would always tell me I looked so beautiful, and I carried my weight so well, and I'm 6 feet so my weight went with me and all that blah blah blah. And I would ASK them if I needed to lose weight, I would ASK them if I looked okay and I can't believe that they would stand there and LIE to me like that KNOWING that I didn't look HEALTHY. For people to have told me I carried my weight well I looked UTTERLY un-proportioned (is that the world I'm looking for?). And then on top of that I was a TALL teenager, goofy, and shy, THAT doesn't make the picture any better. And it seems like I'm not far from it because I'm only 191. Thank goodness I've been hanging onto that number for like a month now because I can't I just can NOT see myself going back into the 200s. And I still can't believe I let that happen to me again when I got down to 187 and everyone started to tell me how "stringy" I looked compared to how I was and I bought into how I didn't need to lose weight, I needed to eat more, blah blah blah. I could be 185 now but that was MY mistake because I kept listening to them! After that moment last night, I am DETERMINED not to go back to those 200s. I don't even wanna post my before pictures because it's embarrassing. And even though now I do look noticeably "skinnier" it's not enough for where I'm trying to get to. My journey now is based on toning up because I, for the most part, am comfortable with my weight now but it just needs some toning. But, I guess I just needed to vent. I literally went to bed depressed about that......That's why I don't look at old pictures. I gotta stay optimistic about this thing. I know it'll do me some good when I get further down the road.


PHEW. If you actually read all of that, thank you. I just needed to vent. And if you have some encouraging words, please don't hesitate to say something. Cause that kinda hurt. Like soccer ball to ya FACE hurt. :laugh:

Replies

  • lbeasey
    lbeasey Posts: 254 Member
    You are doing this for no one but yourself...set your goal...get your mini goals and don't look back. Be the person you want to be don't be swayed by those other people. Good luck with your journey!
  • sc1572
    sc1572 Posts: 2,309 Member
    You're doing this for YOU and no one else! Set your goals and go at them at your own pace. Believe me, I've cried looking at old pictures, too. However, it helps me even more to be motivated. Keep your head up, beautiful! :D
  • anharrison
    anharrison Posts: 74 Member
    So nice to hear another's perspective. I recently had the same experience. I was 215 at my highest, and I'm only 5'5. I knew I was 'heavy' but didn't realize how large and unhealthy I really was. I'm now down to 170 and would like to lose at least 20 more llbs but I'm much more confident thus far. It's quite an interesting journey when you realize how bad it actually used to be! Great motivation to keep going.

    Thanks for sharing.
  • Mskraizy
    Mskraizy Posts: 138 Member
    Thank you everyone for the love and support!

    So nice to hear another's perspective. I recently had the same experience. I was 215 at my highest, and I'm only 5'5. I knew I was 'heavy' but didn't realize how large and unhealthy I really was. I'm now down to 170 and would like to lose at least 20 more llbs but I'm much more confident thus far. It's quite an interesting journey when you realize how bad it actually used to be! Great motivation to keep going.

    Thanks for sharing.

    It really is great motivation. I used to think I could look back at some of my pictures and be like "I wish I could get back to that". I look at my before pictures and say "Oh my goodness!" lol It really does change you though. Thank you for your support!
  • CatMauro
    CatMauro Posts: 225 Member
    Our family and friends "lie" to us because they care for us and because they just want us to be happy. Don't be too hard on them, or yourself. Take your before pics and commit to never being that size again, then move on. Our past is exactly that. Can't do anything about it but learn from it.
  • SueInAz
    SueInAz Posts: 6,592 Member
    It's moments like last night was for you that help to motivate us to continue to work hard and make it easier to say "no" to that cookie or realize that while our friends and family mean well, they don't know what's best for us.

    Keep striving for your goal. With your new outlook and a bunch of determination you can do anything you set your mind to do. Oh, and ice will help that owwie on your face.
  • owlcalls
    owlcalls Posts: 16
    I had my "aha" moment after a friend tagged me in her wedding photos from the summer. I could not BELIEVE that was me. So when a friend joined this site and told me about it, I was ready to go, because after seeing those photos and crying about them I was done with doing nothing.
  • Mskraizy
    Mskraizy Posts: 138 Member
    I'm trying not to be hard on anyone anymore. I'm just trying to be positive about it so it'll be that much easier to make exercising more exciting and fun rather than another "chore". I think that's why i had fell off the wagon so many times. =/

    And yes, it was VERY easy for me to get up and do some more exercising. I even got in a better food diary today! NO JUNK! lol Now I understand that "realization" a lot of people have before they start losing drastic weight. It had never hit me until it hit me last night. And the fact is, I had already lost HALF of it, so why did it still depress me?

    Oh and sfoust I didn't really get hit in the face with a soccer ball. LOL!
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