Walking the dog—without the dog

Today I was determined to walk the dog up and around the park as usual. Seeing as how the dog forces me to walk quickly, due to her one year old and energetic border collie body, I was a bit upset when she didn’t cooperate. And I didn’t have time to waste.

Giving up, I turned on Britney Spears’ “Work *kitten*” to release my frustration, and set off on my way. I was stunned that I could actually walk in rythmn with the song—so I turned it on “repeat,” hoping it would keep me up with my usual 125 bps heartrate. Focus on left, right, left, right, keeping in time.

Suddenly, I realized I’d missed my turn to the park. Ahead was another path of dirt through a field. It was uphill, and I knew towards the top it got really steep. Someone has put railroad ties in for makeshift steps, but I probably wouldn’t make it that far today. I was searching for the first turnoff. Left, right, work *kitten*!

By the time I found a street, I also saw the railroad tires up ahead. I figured if I kept walking, and picked up the pace, I could reach the top by the end of the song. While I didn’t make it before the song ended, I was stunned to have made it. I was even more stunned that I had succeeded so far in Buteyko’s Breathing by keeping my mouth closed. I felt like my lungs were trying to pop out my nostrils—and although I have asthma, I’d forgotten my inhaler. I opened my mouth and let one “cheater breath” out. I didn’t like cheating, so I closed it again and started chiming in my head, Left, right, left, right, Work *kitten*! I furrowed my brow and meet the pavement—I did it! Barely breathing, but now I was in the home stretch! My right foot kept dragging a little, and I figured I resembled an overweight Frankenstein’s Monster. I looked at my watch—17 minutes. Heartrate - 147!

What?!?!? I was so elated at this point, although I undoubtedly knew my face was purple, I continued my walk—pushing my legs far behind me, flexing my butt with each step. Work *kitten*! Work *kitten*! Britney sang. Her blond hair flipping in my mind—I remember looking that good.

Now, I was passing the park I’d intended to walk around in the first place. There were huge lawnmowers, weed-whackers, and hedgers working at the park. One by one, they turned off their machines and watched me pass. It was seriously like a movie! Then I noticed my hands were going numb and aching at the same time.

Picking them up from my sides, they were reddish-purple. My fingers were swollen. I imagine the reason the lawn workers stopped was in case they needed to call 9-1-1. 😉

But Britney kept hounding me to work…. and I did. By the time I got home, more than half an hour has passed. My heart rate slowed to 135, which isn’t bad, and I climbed the stairs, three flights, to my condo.

Once inside, I smiled at my watch that read I’d burned over 247 calories in a teeny bit over half an hour, over 1.87 miles. For me, this is huge!

While I am admittedly proud of my accomplishment today, it isn’t good to push this hard every day. Tomorrow I’ll watch Grace and Frankie on my exercise bike.

But the lesson I learned from this is that while my dog helped me not be as self-conscious in public, she inevitably held me back. Now I can do it on my own! So while anger and frustration aren’t necessarily good attributes to entertain, when we use them to our advantage, it makes it okay—for a second.

Peace, my new friends! I can’t wait to read your stories.