Things People Say to You When You've Lost Weight....
westrich20940
Posts: 920 Member
I just wanted to see what other people have heard that they think was a 'good' comment that someone said.
For some back story here...I lost ~30lbs beginning in January of 2020, with most of it happening before August of that year...I got back into running basically and logging my food - I'm maintaining now and trying to be more of an intuitive eater and not logging really most days. Still running...and running goals are now my focus. Also, I'm 5'3" so 30lbs *looks* like quite a lot on me. There were people even thinking I'd lost like 50 lbs...and I was like, nooooooooo miss ma'am.
Anyway, so I had tried to prepare myself for when I came back (I work in a school so really co-workers didn't even see me from our Spring Break to August bc we went remote)...but I still didn't feel great with all the attention/comments? Like, I mostly got "OMG, you've lost so much weight!" comments which isn't bad...but someone actually asked me if I was sick. Like straight-faced, said, "You lost a lot of weight didn't you?" to which I sheepishly said, 'yeah' -- to which then they said, "Are you sick?"....and I didn't even know what to say. Like.....1.) I worked hard to do this and 2.) DO I LOOK SICK? I don't have to tell any of you how body image can be really f'd up -- and a comment like that is just as bad as calling someone fat or commenting.
So, the other weekend I ran into a friend/acquaintance that I also hadn't seen in person for a while and she said to me, "You look really happy!"....and I can't even begin to tell you how that made me feel ---- great, obviously. I think it was a way for her to reference my weight loss but not focus on that and focus more on the surrounding stuff she noticed. I'm not saying you have to lose weight to be happy but I thought it was a great thing for her to say.
So anyway - I'm sure that there's always an awkward time when you run into people and they don't know what to say, and usually don't want to make anyone feel bad about their past selves, or current self...so what are some things you think are good to say to people or people have said to you that you felt were good ways to comment. Or would you prefer no one comment at all?
For some back story here...I lost ~30lbs beginning in January of 2020, with most of it happening before August of that year...I got back into running basically and logging my food - I'm maintaining now and trying to be more of an intuitive eater and not logging really most days. Still running...and running goals are now my focus. Also, I'm 5'3" so 30lbs *looks* like quite a lot on me. There were people even thinking I'd lost like 50 lbs...and I was like, nooooooooo miss ma'am.
Anyway, so I had tried to prepare myself for when I came back (I work in a school so really co-workers didn't even see me from our Spring Break to August bc we went remote)...but I still didn't feel great with all the attention/comments? Like, I mostly got "OMG, you've lost so much weight!" comments which isn't bad...but someone actually asked me if I was sick. Like straight-faced, said, "You lost a lot of weight didn't you?" to which I sheepishly said, 'yeah' -- to which then they said, "Are you sick?"....and I didn't even know what to say. Like.....1.) I worked hard to do this and 2.) DO I LOOK SICK? I don't have to tell any of you how body image can be really f'd up -- and a comment like that is just as bad as calling someone fat or commenting.
So, the other weekend I ran into a friend/acquaintance that I also hadn't seen in person for a while and she said to me, "You look really happy!"....and I can't even begin to tell you how that made me feel ---- great, obviously. I think it was a way for her to reference my weight loss but not focus on that and focus more on the surrounding stuff she noticed. I'm not saying you have to lose weight to be happy but I thought it was a great thing for her to say.
So anyway - I'm sure that there's always an awkward time when you run into people and they don't know what to say, and usually don't want to make anyone feel bad about their past selves, or current self...so what are some things you think are good to say to people or people have said to you that you felt were good ways to comment. Or would you prefer no one comment at all?
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The best / worst can coment I had was someone saying "You've been detoxing, haven't you? I can tell, you look so good!" I just didn't know where to start with that and just kind of walked away.5
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My aunt asked me if I was sick when I had lost weight before. It sucked. This time around, people have been very encouraging. If you can't be encouraging and positive, don't say anything. Anything other than that is demeaning to the person. Maybe they are jealous, or just thoughtless.3
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I've had a range of comments. From "you're looking really healthy" to "have you had weight loss surgery"....hmmm. was I unhealthy before? and nope, it took two years but you just didn't notice until we came back after a break.
Can't think of anything I've liked people saying. I'd prefer them not to comment at all I think.2 -
I'm not that fussed about the comments I get, but I haven't had any ill intentioned ones so far, just clumsy at times.
I've had people ask me "you've... lost weight, haven't you?"
I've had people tell me "wow, you've just melted away, how did you do it?" And most of them have actually listened.
I've had people tell me "wow you look great", some of them repeatedly and randomly throughout our encounter.
I've had people tell me I looked well/healthy.
I've had one person exclaim "wow, you're like half the size you were" That was a bit much, I never weighed 280lbs, 'only' 205, but she has a flair for the dramatic.
I've had people give me a compliment and ask a follow-up question to make sure I'm not suffering from an illness and/or doing something unhealthy to lose the weight, or perhaps had weight loss surgery.
The only reaction I found annoying was someone who was convinced it was because I'm avoiding sugar (ha, I never even look at my sugar intake). She has some strange ideas about weight, health and weight-loss. It doesn't really bother me, but I cringe at the diet culture she is transmitting to her daughter, it can't be good.
Otherwise, I'm fine with it all and find the diversity of the reactions quite funny. Some will shout it out in group, others will ask me in whispers, waiting till we're alone.
It all depends on their own personality, experiences and situation. It's all well intentioned, so I take it as it comes. (malicious comments would get a different response though)7 -
I'm of the mindset that people should keep their thoughts on other people's weight to themselves, unless invited into a conversation about it by the person in question.
My next door neighbour must have spent a year every time I saw her only commenting on how much weight I've lost. Thankfully I don't see her very often as I don't especially like her, but it did start getting to me that was the only thing she could say, not even how are you or some other casual conversation.
My sister in law commented I'd lost half of myself and how she'd gained half of herself. Which I didn't really know what to say so just smiled and nodded and moved the conversation away. I'd only lost about 10 kg since I saw her last and i didn't even notice she'd put on weight.
People don't comment when you put weight on and it's just as rude in my opinion to comment when someone loses weight.3 -
When deep into a fat loss phase I’ve had a few customers, who I may not have seen for 6 months
Have a quite word as ask me if I’m terminal 😂
My face tends to take on a thin gaunt look and can change dramatically over a fat loss phase2 -
Usually I get "you look well" or my friend likes to say "you're looking skinny".
I'm such a yoyo dieter people are used to me fluctuating and usually don't say anything anymore 🙃3 -
The worst one is, don't lose too much more weight, when I still had over 50 to go.9
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westrich20940 wrote: »-snip-
Anyway, so I had tried to prepare myself for when I came back (I work in a school so really co-workers didn't even see me from our Spring Break to August bc we went remote)...but I still didn't feel great with all the attention/comments? Like, I mostly got "OMG, you've lost so much weight!" comments which isn't bad...but someone actually asked me if I was sick. Like straight-faced, said, "You lost a lot of weight didn't you?" to which I sheepishly said, 'yeah' -- to which then they said, "Are you sick?"....and I didn't even know what to say. Like.....1.) I worked hard to do this and 2.) DO I LOOK SICK? I don't have to tell any of you how body image can be really f'd up -- and a comment like that is just as bad as calling someone fat or commenting.
-snip-
This sounds like that person encountered the "hey, not all apparent weight loss is intentional or desired, so stop commenting on people's bodies uninvited" advice, understood it JUST enough to grok that sometimes fat people get less fat due to illness or other adverse circumstances as opposed to on purpose with diet and exercise, but didn't QUITE get the "stop commenting" part.
It feels simplistic to say it's a generational divide, but I will say that I get more comments from older people and it scales with age. I don't talk about my journey much with people in meatspace, like coworkers or family and friends, so I do appreciate that most of them take their cues from me in terms of whether my body is a topic of conversation (spoiler: it's not, unless I'm bleeding or on fire please do not acknowledge my physical form, it's not for you). Some coworkers have noticed and discreetly made congratulatory noises at me; lucky for them I am doing this on purpose, but really, don't assume that a smaller body is always a good thing. My in-laws have noticed, and the only thing on my Christmas list this year is gift cards to buy new clothes, so I'm really hoping to get through the Christmas festivities with minimal discussion of my rapidly-shrinking meatsuit and its need for appropriately-sized coverings.
I've never *not* been fat, so I haven't encountered too many comments of the "dOn'T LoSe ToO mUcH!" variety yet, but I imagine the next year-ish is going to bring all kinds of new and exciting garbage spewing from the mouths of people around me as I continue to become less fat.5 -
There's a long-running thread in the "Success Stories" forum on this exact topic, if you want to read more responses:
https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10735982/things-people-say-when-you-lose-weight/p18 -
Most people have been pretty positive to me, and tactful, I've lost almost 40 pounds now and I'm 5'2ish so it shows. I've had a few customers who hadn't seen me for a while and were like "WOW you lost weight!" I think it depends on tone when that feels like a compliment, or makes you uncomfortable. What I don't like is most people asking me if I'm on a diet, I try to explain to them no I'm just trying to eat better, not diet. My boss commented saying he thought I had lost weight and went from being encouraging about it to saying "I hope you're not hurting yourself in order to lose it" which made me just not want to talk to him anymore.4
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The thing is, people who are losing weight due to illness often look very different to people who are losing weight due eating and exercising well. I know when I lost 5kg by accident due to illness last year, it looked VERY different to how my weightloss looks now. The gaunt face was one clue (although maybe this is different for different people?). I'd rather people comment about how happy/well I'm looking, rather than specifically weight.
Interestingly, I have a friend who has a much chubbier standard for atractiveness. And he was actually upset when he lost weight due to eating healthier. And he was more upset that everyone seemed to congratulate him, when he LIKED his previous weight. So yeah.1 -
The thing is, people who are losing weight due to illness often look very different to people who are losing weight due eating and exercising well. I know when I lost 5kg by accident due to illness last year, it looked VERY different to how my weightloss looks now. The gaunt face was one clue (although maybe this is different for different people?). I'd rather people comment about how happy/well I'm looking, rather than specifically weight.
Interestingly, I have a friend who has a much chubbier standard for atractiveness. And he was actually upset when he lost weight due to eating healthier. And he was more upset that everyone seemed to congratulate him, when he LIKED his previous weight. So yeah.
I think whether you look differently mostly depends on how much weight you lost and how you, individually, lose weight. There is definitely a very general 'not well' look when people are really sick, but frankly I looked ILL for a while and I wasn't super obese (barely into obese per BMI) when I started and my fastest lost ever was about 5lbs a month. Why did that happen? Because I lost weight from my face and around my neck pretty early on and the skin went droppy - and I still had plenty of fat literally everywhere else. Once the skin in my face and neck readjusted some it got better but I looked... not healthy for a while there. Gaunt face, wrinkly skin, and still big around the torso? YIKES. (IT GOT BETTER).2 -
I once told my doctor, "I've lost 20 pounds!" to which she replied, "Was that intentional?" which I found odd at the time, especially given my tone of voice, the fact that I still had a lot of weight to lose, and that I wasn't sick.
I have a new primary with whom I am meeting for the first time today. I plan to tell her I've lost 35 pounds this year and see how she responds.3 -
kshama2001 wrote: »I once told my doctor, "I've lost 20 pounds!" to which she replied, "Was that intentional?" which I found odd at the time, especially given my tone of voice, the fact that I still had a lot of weight to lose, and that I wasn't sick.
I have a new primary with whom I am meeting for the first time today. I plan to tell her I've lost 35 pounds this year and see how she responds.
A significant unintentional weight loss is a big red flag for cancer, so she was right to check.
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SnifterPug wrote: »kshama2001 wrote: »I once told my doctor, "I've lost 20 pounds!" to which she replied, "Was that intentional?" which I found odd at the time, especially given my tone of voice, the fact that I still had a lot of weight to lose, and that I wasn't sick.
I have a new primary with whom I am meeting for the first time today. I plan to tell her I've lost 35 pounds this year and see how she responds.
A significant unintentional weight loss is a big red flag for cancer, so she was right to check.
This.
As I'm a long-term cancer survivor, it concerned my oncology team that I had lost weight on somewhat higher calories than average for my demographic, even though my weight loss was completely intentional, and they didn't disbelieve that I'd been very structured about it. They sent me for some tests, just to be sure that the higher calorie need was from my being statistically non-average (which turned out to be the case), rather than from new primary or metastatic cancer. They were very explicit that their thinking was "just let's be sure". I was grateful that they were that cautious.
Cancer isn't the only thing that can result in weight loss. People who are over-fat almost always think it's a great thing if they lose weight, and probably will credit any efforts they've been making for that loss. But think about how many people here say they're "trying so hard" and still not losing . . . doctors hear that side of it, too. Someone with loss, who perceives themself as working to achieve it, and happy about it . . . can still have a new health condition speeding that loss.
Even absent any previous disease diagnosis, the doctor should be alert to weight loss as a possible symptom of concern, even when the patient is happy for the loss, and has been trying to achieve it.11 -
A few years back I lost about 60 lbs- at the time I was a receptionist and had been there for awhile so the patients knew me. This one lady came in and asked how old my baby was… I told her my daughter was 8 or so and she said 8 months already! My goodness time flies… I tell her 8 years, I only have the one. She tried to convince me that I had a baby and that’s how I was so much thinner. When I assure her I didn’t, I just lost weight, she kept asking who I replaced and didn’t believe it was the same me for the last 5 years…. 😅🤦🏻♀️6
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I REALLY hate when someone tells me "Keep going!!" -- I mean what if I am content with where I am? It's not a compliment at all to me.4
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I've been guilty of asking the wrong questions and/or saying the "wrong" thing.
I don't like it when anyone comments on my body in any way so I've stopped making those comments...and I'll definitely never ask a woman if she's pregnant ever again. Poor naive younger me.
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I get hit on by older/larger women when I'm staying fit. It's weird. I'm not the world's best looking guy, so when I'm putting off my fitness vibes it's apparently enough for women to cat call me. It's always awkward, but I always smile and thank them.
I don't mind the weight loss comments from friends and coworkers, I think I more mind the "supportive comments" from other exercisers. Particularly while running. "You can do it!" .... please leave me alone, I know I can do it, and I am obviously struggling, lol.2 -
Kind of a different angle on the same topic... the very same person who harangued me for being too fat as a kid last night urged me to stop losing weight. I've been maintaining the same weight since college... 30+years (pregnancy excluded). My mom. She sure gave me a head full of disordered thinking about my body. I guess some moms feel it is their prerogative to comment. She tramples over all kinds of other boundaries, though, so maybe it's not a mom thing but a personality thing. Definitely better not to comment on physical characteristics. I mean, if someone shows up with a cast on their leg, I feel it's ok to express concern. "You seem happy," is a nice thing to say and not tied to particular physical characteristics.
My response is always, "Thanks. I work at it. Every day. Consistently."4 -
Worst comment “You looked fat when I first met you, you look better now” 😐. No lie someone said that me. Nicer comment “How much more weight you dropping?! You look good!” 🤷🏻♀️3
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I lost most of my weight while working from home during covid lockdowns. When I returned to the office people would often say 'you're looking really well'. It took me a while to realise it was because of my weight loss.
People I am really close to have been really positive and celebrated my weight and fitness achievements with me. They've taken the lead from me, which I appreciated.3 -
Nicest comment from BIL that I haven't seen in two years: "You look so vibrant and young! Retirement agrees with you." (I retired a year ago)
Another nice comment from a SIL who is normally not very tactful: "You look just like your daughter. I almost mistook you for her."
I haven't had anything that I would consider bad comments so far. Probably because I don't get out that much - lol.2 -
kshama2001 wrote: »I once told my doctor, "I've lost 20 pounds!" to which she replied, "Was that intentional?" which I found odd at the time, especially given my tone of voice, the fact that I still had a lot of weight to lose, and that I wasn't sick.
I have a new primary with whom I am meeting for the first time today. I plan to tell her I've lost 35 pounds this year and see how she responds.
Any doctor who doesn't ask that isn't doing their job. You could be excited about the loss and it still be unintentional. And regardless of how you feel or how much one you need to lose, unintentional weight loss can be a massive red flag for underlying health problems.
This is why I always tell any doctor I see about my "intentional weight loss". I specifically word it that way so they know this was intentional and not a potential indicator of something.1 -
I love it when people notice. I don't mind if it is a little awkward. The vast majority of people mean well by it, and I always, always take it to be an affirmation of my hard work.5
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I work in a pretty respectful environment and no-one really mentions it at all.0
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If the comment you receive seems positive or the person seems to mean well: say thanks. No need to elaborate.
If it does not seem positive/well meaning your response should be: what a rude thing to say!2
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