My wife is a feeder

I work away
Whilst I'm away I lose weight
When I'm at home the weight piles on (1kg+ per week)
I'm going home for Christmas for 3 weeks then we have 2 weeks of vacation
She informs me she's bought
4 litres of Bailey's 14000 calories
More alcohol and more chocolate than I can list.
Many times I have said please don't buy any chocolate or alcohol for me (if it's in the house I'll consume it).
How do avoid putting weight on?
How do I get her to change ? (It's too late for this year).


  • DoubleG2
    DoubleG2 Posts: 85 Member
    If I found myself in your situation, I would have an honest conversation with my wife. I would be clear that this level of consumption is not healthy nor sustainable. I would explain that my health and fitness is a priority for me so I can be with her for a long time. You can control how you respond to the situation. Log everything you consume so you're aware of how much you're eating and adjust accordingly. If you are not tracking calories, it's a great time to begin. Also consider reserving some time each day to get out for a walk or other activity you enjoy. Unfortunately, you can't change your wife - she needs to come to that decision herself; but you can explain having an excessive amount of sweets and booze in the house is a challenge for you. Perhaps consider donating unopened treats to local charities or even gift to friends or relatives - anything to get it out of the house if you feel you can't control your impulses right now. Best of luck to you!
  • andysport1
    andysport1 Posts: 568 Member
    Thank you everyone, I don't log my food, thank you for your advice, I sent a few messages
    1 Although it's a difficult thing to come to terms with I actually think giving away alcohol and chocolate is probably the best thing for me.
    As I've previously said I have very little self control, if it's there I'll eat it or drink it, the more I consume the more I want. As I had said to you "here I have found a solution, if I want something I go and buy it, I don't stock pile chocolate, sweets, alcohol or bread.
    I've worked so hard to lose weight again I had my mind set that I would avoid indulgence over Christmas, when I saw you'd bought 4 litres of Bailey's I thought how the hell am I supposed to avoid over indulgence. Those thoughts then made me feel uncomfortable.
    Message received
    Why would you think all those are for you. I think 4 bottles of Baileys all to yourself is a bit much.
    Message 2
    clearly what I thought has bothered me and caused me concern, I'm letting you know how I thought and felt when you told me you'd purchased 4 bottles of Bailey's plus other things.

    *To paint a picture a litre of Bailey's is 3500 calories and I will easily drink a litre in one evening, I'm incapable of one glass
  • aokoye
    aokoye Posts: 3,495 Member
    andysport1 wrote: »
    *To paint a picture a litre of Bailey's is 3500 calories and I will easily drink a litre in one evening, I'm incapable of one glass

    While I do think that buying 4 bottles of Baileys is excessive if you're not entertaining a large number of people, it seems as though you knowing that even one bottle is in the house would cause you to drink the whole bottle (or have a very hard time not doing so). That, to me, screams that you need to work on your impulse control - easier said than done of course. It seems unrealistic and unfair to essentially say "you can't buy xyz things because if you do I will eat them, even if you buy them for yourself".

    I does seem that there needs to be some compromise here, but that means that both parties need to give and take.
  • yweight2020
    yweight2020 Posts: 591 Member
    My daughter doesn't live with me, but she knows what I like so when she's out shopping she will buy me some of my favorite goodies which aren't good for me. I thank her and have reminded her nicely not to buy those things for me unless I ask her, because most times I have control and sometimes I just don't. Things like lindor chocolate I've had to toss out or lays potato chips, although I've loss 50 ish pounds I've eaten these along the way just can't keep them stockpiled in the house or I lose my mind over eating them

    And in no way do I feel my daughter is sabotaging me, alot of people show care through gifts of feeding us meals, snacks etc. She has slipped at times and made these purchases, but she has stopped recently unless I asked for something while she is out shopping. I know easier said then done for some, but unless you can return these items, I would toss out the portion that is for you, that is what I've done even when I made the poor judgement to make the purchases myself.

    Take care you got this. :)
  • andysport1
    andysport1 Posts: 568 Member
    Thanks, Im going to find some self help reading
  • wunderkindking
    wunderkindking Posts: 1,607 Member
    Definitely look into a way to keep control of this - and I'm not saying it's easy, but.

    Fun personal story time.

    My husband said for years he'd lose weight when I treated him like a pet and fed him the proper amount. Excuse the crap out of me? He thought he was being funny, I wanted to throttle him for it. He's a grown adult and I do grocery shop and cook but uh. He can choose how much he eats.

    I eventually decided *I* was losing weight and joined MFP. So did he. The grocery shops changed and what came into the house changed - mostly. How often and how I cooked changed. What did not was what HE brought into the house, mostly for me (oh irony) because he knew I loved it.

    Ultimate irony? I lost faster and more consistently than he did.

    Because ONE OF US was not making someone outside ourselves responsible for food decisions. I'd make a perfectly healthy dinner well within a reasonable calorie amount for a dinner and he'd eat 3 servings of it. Or eat 8 apples after dinner.

    Meanwhiile he'd bring me home a thousand calorie brownie, I'd say thanks, cut it into 4ths and put 3 of them in the freezer for later.

    Struggling is okay but OWN YOUR OWN STUFF.
  • Fuzzipeg
    Fuzzipeg Posts: 2,243 Member
    I just wonder if your partner is trying to treat you because she is so pleased to have your company after your times away.

    I'd like to think she is not trying to harm you, just trying to make a fuss of you because you are that special to her. Is is possible to find a way to let her know she has no need too buy all these stores in. I hope rehoming the things you will not use in the three weeks you are home gets the point across. Can you try to suggest other treats, fruits and the like. I'm wondering how her family celebrations were centered. Could be a reeducation job.

    All the very best.
  • sbelletti
    sbelletti Posts: 120 Member
    I went through this with a former boyfriend. Repeated conversations about it didn't work. Refusing the food only lead to increased pressure and arguments about it. I told him if he continued to pressure me, I'd throw it on the floor (which I did to no effect). He never got the message. After gaining the 30 pounds I had worked so hard to lose, I'd had enough and ended the relationship. It wasn't so much the weight gain as unhappiness dealing with the pressure he put on me and the lack of support and listening to my own needs.

    The point is, sometimes it's not just your own willpower to ignore food in the pantry. It's a struggle against another person actively pushing food on you for whatever purpose it serves for THEM. If you want to solve this problem, you're going to need to get to the real reason why your spouse has this desire to push something on you that you don't want. And find a way to communicate your own needs in a way that your spouse can understand and support. I wish you lots of luck and hope you both find a solution that works!
  • Xellercin
    Xellercin Posts: 777 Member
    If clearly stating your needs to your partner repeatedly isn't working, then consider couples counselling.
  • snowflake954
    snowflake954 Posts: 7,487 Member
    Bump--I knew I'd seen a title like this before.