Would you feel like your partner wasn't keeping up

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  • vanessaclarkgbr
    vanessaclarkgbr Posts: 731 Member
    Its odd that you call someone who I presume is not your spouse and who lives far away a "partner". Partner implies shared efforts and responsibility. In a successful marriage there is no his and hers money and expenses, there is only family income, resources and expenses, because a marriage is truly a partnership. If you are in a dating relationship then there should be no presumption on the other parties resources beyond the limits of their willing generosity. (and aside from any moral issues, there is a real practical issue with someone responsible for two children traipsing across the country to date. It seems very selfish)

    selfish? How?

    As a parent your children are your responsibility, and if you are on the other side of the country to go on a date when your child needs you (think accident, death in the family, emergency room visit etc.) you have chosen your own desires over you parental responsibilities.

    Well you're awfully judgey.
    I've made a lot of sacrifces because of what I thought would be best for them.
    My ex and I share half custody and I only leave town when I do not have them. If I did have them and they needed me, there wasn't a thing that would stop me from getting there.

    I'm not sure where I'm being selfish.

    You're not. End of story. Don't worry about the finances, one day he'll really need to lean on you and you'll be there for him, financial or otherwise. Well done on keeping the relationship going long distance, it isn't always a walk in the park, I know! :-)
  • flgirlsteph
    flgirlsteph Posts: 125 Member
    it's kinda what you sign up for when you get into a LDR, to be honest. There will probably be times where one person can afford it more than the other. My bf and I split the cost normally...and sometimes one of us pays if the other can't. or one will pay for the airfare and the other will pay the 'spending money" part. it evens out.

    if it was all one sided for awhile, i wouldn't mind if i was able to afford it without sacrificing things for my kids. he's worth it to me.

    if you're feeling like you're just making more of an effort than he is, then that is a different question.

    No, I'm feeling the opposite. Like I'm not doing enough. And he disagrees. He'd rather pay for our travel and make sure the kids and I are taken care of well.

    I wouldnt be complaining... sounds like a really great guy if hes willing to help you out since you have kids. ive dated a guy and each time we saw each other i had to pay for everything. me with the kid . your one lucky lady not many guys are that nice.
  • dlaplume2
    dlaplume2 Posts: 1,658 Member
    It depends on if the one doing the traveling and taking time off from work is the one paying for it. If the one with the kids and the finacial obligations isnt' able to do it and isn't doing it, then you have to look at that as being resposible. It isn't like they don't want to travel, right? It's not like they are putting life on hold and behaving irresposibly and spending money they don't have to travel.

    Relationships are a team effort. finacial obligations can make or break a relationship very quickly.

    If you are the parent, who is working and has fincial obligations, and you are spending money you don't have, to travel and spend time with someone, who, has the finacial abilty to take time off and travel and they don't; you need to reexamine your relationship. Do you want a partner? Do you want to be with someone, that in 5 years, when you need to pay for something for your kids, and they have the ability to help out and don't. There are all sorts of investments in a relationship. There is time, energy, hurt, love, nuturing and even finacial investments. It should be an all or nothing situation, especially when kids are involved.

    There are a lot of possible scenarios here that would make it ok or make it NOT ok. I think you need to find out what it is that you want, that you feel like you are not getting, and then talk about it. If you can't come to a compromise that makes you feel better and makes you comfortable with the situation, then you need to move on.

    Best wishes.
  • LaPistolaSexola
    LaPistolaSexola Posts: 243 Member
    Its odd that you call someone who I presume is not your spouse and who lives far away a "partner". Partner implies shared efforts and responsibility. In a successful marriage there is no his and hers money and expenses, there is only family income, resources and expenses, because a marriage is truly a partnership. If you are in a dating relationship then there should be no presumption on the other parties resources beyond the limits of their willing generosity. (and aside from any moral issues, there is a real practical issue with someone responsible for two children traipsing across the country to date. It seems very selfish)

    selfish? How?

    As a parent your children are your responsibility, and if you are on the other side of the country to go on a date when your child needs you (think accident, death in the family, emergency room visit etc.) you have chosen your own desires over you parental responsibilities.

    Well you're awfully judgey.
    I've made a lot of sacrifces because of what I thought would be best for them.
    My ex and I share half custody and I only leave town when I do not have them. If I did have them and they needed me, there wasn't a thing that would stop me from getting there.

    I'm not sure where I'm being selfish.
    you're not. that poster is just an *kitten*. :)
  • Iamfit4life
    Iamfit4life Posts: 3,095 Member
    Thanks everybody for some really great insight!
    :)
    Feel much better.
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