Having a hard time

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Replies

  • Hiawassee88
    Hiawassee88 Posts: 35,754 Member
    edited February 2022
    @jadu1536

    I had you in mind. Don't you worry one more day about that yayhoo. Let them eat your dust, you will not be deterred.
  • boilerdawg2009
    boilerdawg2009 Posts: 979 Member
    jadu1536 wrote: »
    The guy I have been talking about messaged me yesterday and said that he feels bad that he’s been busy and hasn’t been able to reply to me on time lately. He explained that he’s just been busy with having two jobs and that he feels bad communication has been poor but once he’s back from his work trip, we should get together because he does enjoy spending time with me So I’m going to work on not texting him at all and just see if he initiates any communication or contact - but I do feel bad and find it hard. I wonder if I will ever hear from him again or that’s an exit method.

    I'm glad you at least got some response. It still seems a little odd that he would show so much interest and then all of a sudden use work as his excuse for going quiet. Hopefully it works out but be cautious!
  • Speakeasy76
    Speakeasy76 Posts: 961 Member
    jadu1536 wrote: »
    Speakeasy76 wrote: »
    jadu1536 wrote: »
    The guy I have been talking about messaged me yesterday and said that he feels bad that he’s been busy and hasn’t been able to reply to me on time lately. He explained that he’s just been busy with having two jobs and that he feels bad communication has been poor but once he’s back from his work trip, we should get together because he does enjoy spending time with me So I’m going to work on not texting him at all and just see if he initiates any communication or contact - but I do feel bad and find it hard. I wonder if I will ever hear from him again or that’s an exit method.

    That's good to hear! Hopefully he's being truthful and if not, then he's not worth your time or stress anymore. I know dating is hard, especially when you've had negative past experiences. I know exactly what it's like to feel like you're hitting it off and then the guy doesn't seem to be reciprocating.

    If you makes you feel any better, there ARE guys who are secure enough in themselves to not play games and be honest when they feel things aren't right. The guy I've been talking to that I gushed about in my post above actually told me last night that what he's always liked about me is that I wear my heart on my sleeve and with me, what you see is what you get. I told him that that's true, if I like someone I can't hide it, which can scare off a lot of guys. But, they are out there! You just gotta learn to read the signs, trust him if his actions and words match, and keep yourself occupied and remind yourself how awesome you are to quiet that inner anxiety. If I had let my anxiety taken over and questioned over and over why he didn't get back to me or texted repeatedly, I would have probably scared him off.

    I hope he is telling the truth and will reach out when he comes back. The only texts I sent him this week were in regards to software that is popular for accounting, and some information on sleep apnea, which he had asked me to send him, and he was responding, just way later in the day. I never messaged him giving him crap about not texting or calling, he reached out himself, I hope I didn't go over board with the texting, but its hard to say. I will just let nature take its course. I sent him a long message yesterday explaining that he doesn't need to say sorry - if he's busy, he's busy. We can always catch up when time allows it, and he has my contact info, so he can contact me when he's ready. I also wished him safe travels.

    I hope to hear back from him in the next few weeks, but if not - then I guess maybe it's not meant to be.
    Everyone keeps saying that the nice/right guys are out there, but I just can't seem to find them!

    It sounds like you're playing it cool, but I know that anxiety you feel. I tell myself all the time if things were meant to work out they would, and things happen for a reason. I seriously hope things work out with the guy I'm talking to now, because the thought of actually doing the whole dating thing again at my age absolutely terrifies me! There are a lot of frogs out there, unfortunately.
  • Hiawassee88
    Hiawassee88 Posts: 35,754 Member
    Generally speaking, I only refer to the internet as a whole. One of the biggest drawbacks while dating is putting that person on a pedestal. It's easy to lose or morph yourself into the other person's behaviors, likes and interests. If you catch yourself doing that you've entered into the sharky waters. If you modify your personality thinking they'll find you more interesting you're taking it to the razor's edge.

    The halo effect where you find the other person perfect in every way is a smoke signal. If you start losing contact with your family members and friends by making them your ultimate priority you're skating on thin ice. If you feel rejection because they're not in constant contact - the very thing you fear the most may come to pass.

    If they're on your mind all the livelong day and night, it's easy to fall apart when they need some space and distance. Breathe and give them some living room.
  • jadu1536
    jadu1536 Posts: 114 Member
    Washboard12 wrote: »
    @jadu1536

    I had you in mind. Don't you worry one more day about that yayhoo. Let them eat your dust, you will not be deterred.

    @Washboard12 As I have cut down contacting them - they started initiating some contact on their own. So I'm just taking it slow and steady
  • Mangoperson88
    Mangoperson88 Posts: 339 Member
    I think it's a bit overwhelming for him if y'all got on so well. That kinda puts guys in pensive mode. So I think you should back off a little. Be unavailable. Then if he misses you he'll open up to you.
  • Hiawassee88
    Hiawassee88 Posts: 35,754 Member
    jadu1536 wrote: »

    @Washboard12 As I have cut down contacting them - they started initiating some contact on their own. So I'm just taking it slow and steady

    Don't waste a second of your time convincing anyone you're worth loving. If I had a dollar for every friend who was put on the backburner while some selfish sonuvagun waited for someone better to come along, I'd be a multi-millionaire. They usually end up marrying that other person ASAP while they kept the other hanging in the balance for years. Don't do it. You need to find your person.

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