Having a hard time
I started talking to this guy off an online dating app back in December, and we had been talking since. We've gone on several dates, and we went out last Tuesday and had a great time, went golfing, out to dinner, etc. I also spent all day with him Wednesday and things were great - but after that he got to be very quiet. I get 1 text a day from him - and I called him on Friday so we talked for 10-15 mins, but other than that no communication.
Because I like him so much, I'm struggling. I keep checking my phone, I find it hard to eat, or go work out. I also find it hard to sleep.
I didn't text or call at all this weekend, but I did send a text this morning in which I asked if he will be traveling tomorrow (he had told me last week he has to travel Tuesday), and that I noticed hes been a little quiet since last week, so I hope everything is okay.
I have left it that - Its really hard and I'm feeling so disappointed, I really felt like we had such a great connection and maybe things were meant to be. I dont think he feels the same way, otherwise, daily contact isn't too much to ask.
Are there any other people dating out there? Do you talk daily? If you don't - does it bother you? Am I reading too much into things? Being too excited? Expecting too much?
Because I like him so much, I'm struggling. I keep checking my phone, I find it hard to eat, or go work out. I also find it hard to sleep.
I didn't text or call at all this weekend, but I did send a text this morning in which I asked if he will be traveling tomorrow (he had told me last week he has to travel Tuesday), and that I noticed hes been a little quiet since last week, so I hope everything is okay.
I have left it that - Its really hard and I'm feeling so disappointed, I really felt like we had such a great connection and maybe things were meant to be. I dont think he feels the same way, otherwise, daily contact isn't too much to ask.
Are there any other people dating out there? Do you talk daily? If you don't - does it bother you? Am I reading too much into things? Being too excited? Expecting too much?
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I understand that excitement of meeting someone you like, but knowing someone for a month doesn't mean you're in a relationship that's going somewhere. You really don't know him.
If he has stopped contacting you, I'd say there is nothing you can do but start to move on. You can't make him call you, and for all you know he is seeing lots of people or has some other issue you don't know about. Try to stay busy and maybe get back on the app and meet someone new.6 -
If a man does that, then he is not interested. I would move on.7
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Online dating gave me lots of opportunities to practice the Buddhist concept of Non-attachment
There was once a man I really liked, but between work, kids, exes, he was just way too busy to be in sync with me.
Most likely though, it means this particular man has moved on, and you should too.
On the plus side, better to know this now.
Ps - men who don't give you a reason often do this because they've met someone else but want to keep you as an option. This is disqualifying as far as I am concerned.8 -
kshama2001 wrote: »Online dating gave me lots of opportunities to practice the Buddhist concept of Non-attachment
There was once a man I really liked, but between work, kids, exes, he was just way too busy to be in sync with me.
Most likely though, it means this particular man has moved on, and you should too.
On the plus side, better to know this now.
Ps - men who don't give you a reason often do this because they've met someone else but want to keep you as an option. This is disqualifying as far as I am concerned.
I just find it insane that between last Wednesday and Thursday - they moved on.0 -
kshama2001 wrote: »Online dating gave me lots of opportunities to practice the Buddhist concept of Non-attachment
There was once a man I really liked, but between work, kids, exes, he was just way too busy to be in sync with me.
Most likely though, it means this particular man has moved on, and you should too.
On the plus side, better to know this now.
Ps - men who don't give you a reason often do this because they've met someone else but want to keep you as an option. This is disqualifying as far as I am concerned.
I just find it insane that between last Wednesday and Thursday - they moved on.
But how do you know he wasn't already seeing five other women? You don't.
Anyone who is such a coward that he can't even politely tell you he's doing _ _ _ _ _ isn't worth your time and has shown you who he is. You dodged a bullet.
You'll be okay! 4 -
kshama2001 wrote: »Online dating gave me lots of opportunities to practice the Buddhist concept of Non-attachment
There was once a man I really liked, but between work, kids, exes, he was just way too busy to be in sync with me.
Most likely though, it means this particular man has moved on, and you should too.
On the plus side, better to know this now.
Ps - men who don't give you a reason often do this because they've met someone else but want to keep you as an option. This is disqualifying as far as I am concerned.
I just find it insane that between last Wednesday and Thursday - they moved on.
There was another man I really liked, and we had a great time when together, but in between he was radio silent for long stretches of time. He was a fabulous cook and had other good qualities, so I put up with this and dated him casually, on his terms.
I thought I meant nothing to him, but when I posted publicly that I was moving back to MA, he was upset. (I might have stayed in FL with him if we'd had a different sort of relationship.)2 -
Are there any other people dating out there? Do you talk daily? If you don't - does it bother you? Am I reading too much into things? Being too excited? Expecting too much?
I can only speak from my experience but way back during my dating days I wouldn't have daily contact with the woman I was interested in. I did however try to make sure our time together or phone conversations were more about quality than quantity. Each person is different though. I am an introvert and an artist so I need my alone time plus I can lose an entire weekend in my studio if I am in the zone and not communicate with anyone. I would make that clear to who I was dating at any given time and make sure there was an understanding in regards to both of our time. My wife didn't have an issue with that and we long distance dated for quite a long time before I moved to where she was.
Take a step back and try not to read into anything just yet. New relationships are exciting for sure. Matching each others energy levels takes some work and it doesn't always work out. That being said you left the ball in his court and that is the best option because you will find out whether he's into you or not and if his personality is just more lowkey when it comes to communication. He may just need time to recharge so to speak.
Honestly if he has moved on its for the best. Life is way to short to spend your energy on someone who won't come to a compromise on communication in some way. It's been a short time as well. Me and my wife had a few bumps in the road in the beginning before things worked out.5 -
It may seem strange but, he may really like you--too much, and be afraid of that. Some people are just afraid of getting too close, or he may think you're expecting too much too soon. All I can tell you is that when it's right, you'll know it.
I agree with those that say to cool it down. Let go and start looking for other possibilities. The next person you meet might just be the one you're waiting for.2 -
I do think we are on different wave lengths, where I am looking for more than him. Might be necessary for me to calm down a little and keep myself busy rather than obsessing over a boy. I think it's something I'm going to have to work on, in order not to scare people away when/if I do really like them. He did message me back today - so I think I'll just have to be nonchalant and try not to show as much concern/affection as I had been doing.1
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I do think we are on different wave lengths, where I am looking for more than him. Might be necessary for me to calm down a little and keep myself busy rather than obsessing over a boy. I think it's something I'm going to have to work on, in order not to scare people away when/if I do really like them. He did message me back today - so I think I'll just have to be nonchalant and try not to show as much concern/affection as I had been doing.
Just enjoy life. Go out and do the things you like to do. Never a bad thing to play a little hard to get as in don't always be available to him or chase him. Sounds like such high schoolish advice but I think it holds true anyways. If someone feels things are moving too fast they might be thinking whoa there!
Don't hold tons of expectations from a month of dating. Try to reign your heart in a little bit; if something grows great. If not, then just enjoy your time with him.
Good luck finding someone who's perfect for you. 0 -
I gave up on online dating. For my personality, it just really doesn't work, and I don't think it really works great for most people unless you're mostly looking for a hookup or have a TON of time to invest in it.
Some dating "here's your sign" and/or "stop that woman!" that I've learned in our modern world:- If they stop texting, HYS
- If you are sending 3, 4, 5+ texts for every one of theirs, HYS
- If they are busy, but won't commit a specific future time either, HYS
- If they are evasive about what they are busy with, HYS
- If it's been under 3 months, and you're freaking out about them for ANY reason, HYS
- If you're the only one asking the other person about their life, HYS
- If, after the first few dates/month they only get together with you when it's convenient/they're not busy/they have some free time, HYS
- If all of their current/past relationship problems are/were "her" fault (especially if they still have to deal with exes due to some reason), not just HYS, just freaking RUN
- If after a few months they still have no interest in including you in anything personal (meeting their friends or family, joining them in the things going on in their life even when it's not "fun," etc), HYS
For me, with my attachment style, if things seem too good - they are, in fact, horrible. Time for me to run. If things are slightly 'boring' and predictable - that's actually the healthier relationship, it's just not as exciting and the feelings are no where near as strong. If I have very strong feelings in the first few months, I need to GTFO because there is a unhealthy reason I am feeling that way.
If you've been dating for awhile (over a month IMO) and communications start to decrease - that's only natural, as long as it's not turning into one-sided conversations. If you're both adults who had full lives before meeting, then there will come a point you won't need that constant contact. I still think daily, even if it's just a good morning and good night should be expected barring a special day here or there. Some people have much higher communication needs than others, and if you're a high-contact person, then you should discuss that before jumping to conclusions.
Ghosting is different though, and sometimes the communication will RAPIDLY decrease, which I generally find to be a ghosting situation.
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I should mention that there was/is a happy ending for me. I met my partner on OKCupid nine years ago. We are very much in sync on many levels. We both wanted to communicate regularly initially. It may not have been every day, but it was definitely most days.0
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I like Tyler Perry's take on relationships. "If somebody wants to walk out of your life, let them go." "When people leave you, let them go." I can feel the handwriting on the wall before I even read it.2
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It's not 100% but I'd say he more than likely moved on and doesn't have the spine to say it. For your sake I hope I'm wrong but I hope you are able to find peace!0
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HoneyBadger302 wrote: »I gave up on online dating. For my personality, it just really doesn't work, and I don't think it really works great for most people unless you're mostly looking for a hookup or have a TON of time to invest in it.
Some dating "here's your sign" and/or "stop that woman!" that I've learned in our modern world:- If they stop texting, HYS
- If you are sending 3, 4, 5+ texts for every one of theirs, HYS
- If they are busy, but won't commit a specific future time either, HYS
- If they are evasive about what they are busy with, HYS
- If it's been under 3 months, and you're freaking out about them for ANY reason, HYS
- If you're the only one asking the other person about their life, HYS
- If, after the first few dates/month they only get together with you when it's convenient/they're not busy/they have some free time, HYS
- If all of their current/past relationship problems are/were "her" fault (especially if they still have to deal with exes due to some reason), not just HYS, just freaking RUN
- If after a few months they still have no interest in including you in anything personal (meeting their friends or family, joining them in the things going on in their life even when it's not "fun," etc), HYS
For me, with my attachment style, if things seem too good - they are, in fact, horrible. Time for me to run. If things are slightly 'boring' and predictable - that's actually the healthier relationship, it's just not as exciting and the feelings are no where near as strong. If I have very strong feelings in the first few months, I need to GTFO because there is a unhealthy reason I am feeling that way.
If you've been dating for awhile (over a month IMO) and communications start to decrease - that's only natural, as long as it's not turning into one-sided conversations. If you're both adults who had full lives before meeting, then there will come a point you won't need that constant contact. I still think daily, even if it's just a good morning and good night should be expected barring a special day here or there. Some people have much higher communication needs than others, and if you're a high-contact person, then you should discuss that before jumping to conclusions.
Ghosting is different though, and sometimes the communication will RAPIDLY decrease, which I generally find to be a ghosting situation.
Maybe this is why I am still single. I still have to deal with my ex because of the kids and honestly, it was all his fault. When we were together everything was my fault, from the traffic, to the temperature of his food whenever he decided to come home, to him hitting me and choking me. So I think I have taken enough blame and the only thing I take responsibility for is how long I stayed4 -
To get back on topic... I would take a step back. My experience with online dating is that you never get a reason. I have been the person carrying the conversation. They are happy to reply and engage, but as soon as I stop I hear nothing more.
So my advice is, wait for him to message you instead of reply to you. If the message never comes then he's just not that into you.1 -
Versicolour wrote: »HoneyBadger302 wrote: »I gave up on online dating. For my personality, it just really doesn't work, and I don't think it really works great for most people unless you're mostly looking for a hookup or have a TON of time to invest in it.
Some dating "here's your sign" and/or "stop that woman!" that I've learned in our modern world:- If they stop texting, HYS
- If you are sending 3, 4, 5+ texts for every one of theirs, HYS
- If they are busy, but won't commit a specific future time either, HYS
- If they are evasive about what they are busy with, HYS
- If it's been under 3 months, and you're freaking out about them for ANY reason, HYS
- If you're the only one asking the other person about their life, HYS
- If, after the first few dates/month they only get together with you when it's convenient/they're not busy/they have some free time, HYS
- If all of their current/past relationship problems are/were "her" fault (especially if they still have to deal with exes due to some reason), not just HYS, just freaking RUN
- If after a few months they still have no interest in including you in anything personal (meeting their friends or family, joining them in the things going on in their life even when it's not "fun," etc), HYS
For me, with my attachment style, if things seem too good - they are, in fact, horrible. Time for me to run. If things are slightly 'boring' and predictable - that's actually the healthier relationship, it's just not as exciting and the feelings are no where near as strong. If I have very strong feelings in the first few months, I need to GTFO because there is a unhealthy reason I am feeling that way.
If you've been dating for awhile (over a month IMO) and communications start to decrease - that's only natural, as long as it's not turning into one-sided conversations. If you're both adults who had full lives before meeting, then there will come a point you won't need that constant contact. I still think daily, even if it's just a good morning and good night should be expected barring a special day here or there. Some people have much higher communication needs than others, and if you're a high-contact person, then you should discuss that before jumping to conclusions.
Ghosting is different though, and sometimes the communication will RAPIDLY decrease, which I generally find to be a ghosting situation.
Maybe this is why I am still single. I still have to deal with my ex because of the kids and honestly, it was all his fault. When we were together everything was my fault, from the traffic, to the temperature of his food whenever he decided to come home, to him hitting me and choking me. So I think I have taken enough blame and the only thing I take responsibility for is how long I stayed
I'm so sorry you had to go through all that. I hope you're doing ok now!1 -
boilerdawg2009 wrote: »Versicolour wrote: »HoneyBadger302 wrote: »I gave up on online dating. For my personality, it just really doesn't work, and I don't think it really works great for most people unless you're mostly looking for a hookup or have a TON of time to invest in it.
Some dating "here's your sign" and/or "stop that woman!" that I've learned in our modern world:- If they stop texting, HYS
- If you are sending 3, 4, 5+ texts for every one of theirs, HYS
- If they are busy, but won't commit a specific future time either, HYS
- If they are evasive about what they are busy with, HYS
- If it's been under 3 months, and you're freaking out about them for ANY reason, HYS
- If you're the only one asking the other person about their life, HYS
- If, after the first few dates/month they only get together with you when it's convenient/they're not busy/they have some free time, HYS
- If all of their current/past relationship problems are/were "her" fault (especially if they still have to deal with exes due to some reason), not just HYS, just freaking RUN
- If after a few months they still have no interest in including you in anything personal (meeting their friends or family, joining them in the things going on in their life even when it's not "fun," etc), HYS
For me, with my attachment style, if things seem too good - they are, in fact, horrible. Time for me to run. If things are slightly 'boring' and predictable - that's actually the healthier relationship, it's just not as exciting and the feelings are no where near as strong. If I have very strong feelings in the first few months, I need to GTFO because there is a unhealthy reason I am feeling that way.
If you've been dating for awhile (over a month IMO) and communications start to decrease - that's only natural, as long as it's not turning into one-sided conversations. If you're both adults who had full lives before meeting, then there will come a point you won't need that constant contact. I still think daily, even if it's just a good morning and good night should be expected barring a special day here or there. Some people have much higher communication needs than others, and if you're a high-contact person, then you should discuss that before jumping to conclusions.
Ghosting is different though, and sometimes the communication will RAPIDLY decrease, which I generally find to be a ghosting situation.
Maybe this is why I am still single. I still have to deal with my ex because of the kids and honestly, it was all his fault. When we were together everything was my fault, from the traffic, to the temperature of his food whenever he decided to come home, to him hitting me and choking me. So I think I have taken enough blame and the only thing I take responsibility for is how long I stayed
I'm so sorry you had to go through all that. I hope you're doing ok now!
Thank you. Yeah, it took me a while to recover, but I am all good now. I had a great support system and my kids are my reason for living. Best of all, I don't have to deal with him most of the time!3 -
Versicolour wrote: »boilerdawg2009 wrote: »Versicolour wrote: »HoneyBadger302 wrote: »I gave up on online dating. For my personality, it just really doesn't work, and I don't think it really works great for most people unless you're mostly looking for a hookup or have a TON of time to invest in it.
Some dating "here's your sign" and/or "stop that woman!" that I've learned in our modern world:- If they stop texting, HYS
- If you are sending 3, 4, 5+ texts for every one of theirs, HYS
- If they are busy, but won't commit a specific future time either, HYS
- If they are evasive about what they are busy with, HYS
- If it's been under 3 months, and you're freaking out about them for ANY reason, HYS
- If you're the only one asking the other person about their life, HYS
- If, after the first few dates/month they only get together with you when it's convenient/they're not busy/they have some free time, HYS
- If all of their current/past relationship problems are/were "her" fault (especially if they still have to deal with exes due to some reason), not just HYS, just freaking RUN
- If after a few months they still have no interest in including you in anything personal (meeting their friends or family, joining them in the things going on in their life even when it's not "fun," etc), HYS
For me, with my attachment style, if things seem too good - they are, in fact, horrible. Time for me to run. If things are slightly 'boring' and predictable - that's actually the healthier relationship, it's just not as exciting and the feelings are no where near as strong. If I have very strong feelings in the first few months, I need to GTFO because there is a unhealthy reason I am feeling that way.
If you've been dating for awhile (over a month IMO) and communications start to decrease - that's only natural, as long as it's not turning into one-sided conversations. If you're both adults who had full lives before meeting, then there will come a point you won't need that constant contact. I still think daily, even if it's just a good morning and good night should be expected barring a special day here or there. Some people have much higher communication needs than others, and if you're a high-contact person, then you should discuss that before jumping to conclusions.
Ghosting is different though, and sometimes the communication will RAPIDLY decrease, which I generally find to be a ghosting situation.
Maybe this is why I am still single. I still have to deal with my ex because of the kids and honestly, it was all his fault. When we were together everything was my fault, from the traffic, to the temperature of his food whenever he decided to come home, to him hitting me and choking me. So I think I have taken enough blame and the only thing I take responsibility for is how long I stayed
I'm so sorry you had to go through all that. I hope you're doing ok now!
Thank you. Yeah, it took me a while to recover, but I am all good now. I had a great support system and my kids are my reason for living. Best of all, I don't have to deal with him most of the time!
I'm glad to hear that! Reach out if you want another friend!1 -
It's been awhile since I dated but this sounds to me like maybe he lost the thrill of getting to know you and lost some interest along the way. My advice when it comes to romantic or friendship relationships is to be realistic. Don't romantize people who don't make you a priority. Sometimes we are so available for people that we are blinded at the fact that we aren't wanted or needed anymore but their non-recipricating behavior is a big red flag.2
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I do think we are on different wave lengths, where I am looking for more than him. Might be necessary for me to calm down a little and keep myself busy rather than obsessing over a boy. I think it's something I'm going to have to work on, in order not to scare people away when/if I do really like them. He did message me back today - so I think I'll just have to be nonchalant and try not to show as much concern/affection as I had been doing.
I know how you feel. I am reading a book called "Attached" about adult attachment styles in romantic relationships, and I identify most with the "anxious attachment" style, and you may, too. I get really excited about someone right away and don't hide it well when we seem to be hitting it off. I start to get worried if he doesn't respond to my text right away. This sometimes seemed to scare guys off, especially those who are the "avoidant" attachment type. I read the advice about acting nonchalant, not responding to his texts right away, not always calling, playing "hard to get, etc." However, this book I'm reading actually advises against taking that approach if it's not naturally you. The reason is is that you'll hopefully find a secure attachment person, where that approach isn't necessary. I'm not saying repeatedly call or text a guy, but I think checking in if you haven't heard in awhile when you previously had been communicating regularly isn't a bad thing.
I have recently reconnected with an old flame from my past (almost 22 years ago), as I'm newly single. We haven't seen each other in person again yet as we're a state away, but we're planning too VERY soon (this weekend or next). What's so awesome about this guy is that now and back then, we connected right away, had amazing chemistry, and we both really liked each other and we knew it. The reason it didn't work out back then was because he was in the military and was overseas and traveling all around for years and years, while I moved to begin my career. Anyway, in reconnecting with him I found myself getting those anxious thoughts in my head when I wouldn't hear from him right away, thinking he was losing interest, and starting to think I needed to take the advice of "playing hard to get." That didn't last long, because that's not me. The thing is, we are both very honest with one another and I'm not playing hard to get, we both clearly know we like one another and that amazing chemistry is still there and we've only gotten closer. I absolutely logically know logically if I don't hear from him it's because he's busy and prefers to talk on the phone than text. He actually went to his friend's lakehouse and texted me before he got there that I probably wouldn't hear from him for a few days because he'd have no reception there. I was fine during that time I knew he'd be gone but this morning I started to get that anxious feeling wondering when I'd hear from him. Well, he texted me as soon as he got back, and then we talked for over two hours on the phone later.
I gushed about this guy so much not to make you feel bad but 1. It's hard for me not too but 2. I've found that just being completely myself and talking myself down from the ledge when I get anxious, as well as figuring out his communication style and learning to really trust what he says, I feel really good about it. Obviously, it's too soon for us to tell, but I also know that if he started to lose interest he would tell me and not just do the "slow fade." If a guy starts to ghost you without being upfront, he is not the one for you. 3 -
You have to ask yourself the hard questions. When someone makes it abundantly clear that they don't give a flying duck about your feelings....what exactly are you trying to salvage?
Too many apps and too many options. I'm not into texting and all of the hippy dippy happy horsesheet that goes along with it.
I want to sit down with someone face-to-face. I like hard hitting honesty that looks you directly in the eye.0 -
Washboard12 wrote: »You have to ask yourself the hard questions. When someone makes it abundantly clear that they don't give a flying duck about your feelings....what exactly are you trying to salvage?
Too many apps and too many options. I'm not into texting and all of the hippy dippy happy horsesheet that goes along with it.
I want to sit down with someone face-to-face. I like hard hitting honesty that looks you directly in the eye.
Welcome back!!1 -
That amazing euphoria that hits when sparks fly and you want to spend every minute with them, just feels....well, amazing. It's too bad it doesn't last forever.
OP I'm not saying this because of what you're going through specifically but what just about every single person feels at one point or another. I like @Speakeasy76 's take on it though. Sometimes you have to trust the other person, base it on their actions more than words. Words can feel so cheap and hollow when they're not followed up by actions.
Slow and easy, patience, keeping your eyes/ears open and heart ready but cautious. 0 -
The guy I have been talking about messaged me yesterday and said that he feels bad that he’s been busy and hasn’t been able to reply to me on time lately. He explained that he’s just been busy with having two jobs and that he feels bad communication has been poor but once he’s back from his work trip, we should get together because he does enjoy spending time with me So I’m going to work on not texting him at all and just see if he initiates any communication or contact - but I do feel bad and find it hard. I wonder if I will ever hear from him again or that’s an exit method.5
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The guy I have been talking about messaged me yesterday and said that he feels bad that he’s been busy and hasn’t been able to reply to me on time lately. He explained that he’s just been busy with having two jobs and that he feels bad communication has been poor but once he’s back from his work trip, we should get together because he does enjoy spending time with me So I’m going to work on not texting him at all and just see if he initiates any communication or contact - but I do feel bad and find it hard. I wonder if I will ever hear from him again or that’s an exit method.
That's good to hear! Hopefully he's being truthful and if not, then he's not worth your time or stress anymore. I know dating is hard, especially when you've had negative past experiences. I know exactly what it's like to feel like you're hitting it off and then the guy doesn't seem to be reciprocating.
If you makes you feel any better, there ARE guys who are secure enough in themselves to not play games and be honest when they feel things aren't right. The guy I've been talking to that I gushed about in my post above actually told me last night that what he's always liked about me is that I wear my heart on my sleeve and with me, what you see is what you get. I told him that that's true, if I like someone I can't hide it, which can scare off a lot of guys. But, they are out there! You just gotta learn to read the signs, trust him if his actions and words match, and keep yourself occupied and remind yourself how awesome you are to quiet that inner anxiety. If I had let my anxiety taken over and questioned over and over why he didn't get back to me or texted repeatedly, I would have probably scared him off.0 -
Speakeasy76 wrote: »The guy I have been talking about messaged me yesterday and said that he feels bad that he’s been busy and hasn’t been able to reply to me on time lately. He explained that he’s just been busy with having two jobs and that he feels bad communication has been poor but once he’s back from his work trip, we should get together because he does enjoy spending time with me So I’m going to work on not texting him at all and just see if he initiates any communication or contact - but I do feel bad and find it hard. I wonder if I will ever hear from him again or that’s an exit method.
That's good to hear! Hopefully he's being truthful and if not, then he's not worth your time or stress anymore. I know dating is hard, especially when you've had negative past experiences. I know exactly what it's like to feel like you're hitting it off and then the guy doesn't seem to be reciprocating.
If you makes you feel any better, there ARE guys who are secure enough in themselves to not play games and be honest when they feel things aren't right. The guy I've been talking to that I gushed about in my post above actually told me last night that what he's always liked about me is that I wear my heart on my sleeve and with me, what you see is what you get. I told him that that's true, if I like someone I can't hide it, which can scare off a lot of guys. But, they are out there! You just gotta learn to read the signs, trust him if his actions and words match, and keep yourself occupied and remind yourself how awesome you are to quiet that inner anxiety. If I had let my anxiety taken over and questioned over and over why he didn't get back to me or texted repeatedly, I would have probably scared him off.
I hope he is telling the truth and will reach out when he comes back. The only texts I sent him this week were in regards to software that is popular for accounting, and some information on sleep apnea, which he had asked me to send him, and he was responding, just way later in the day. I never messaged him giving him crap about not texting or calling, he reached out himself, I hope I didn't go over board with the texting, but its hard to say. I will just let nature take its course. I sent him a long message yesterday explaining that he doesn't need to say sorry - if he's busy, he's busy. We can always catch up when time allows it, and he has my contact info, so he can contact me when he's ready. I also wished him safe travels.
I hope to hear back from him in the next few weeks, but if not - then I guess maybe it's not meant to be.
Everyone keeps saying that the nice/right guys are out there, but I just can't seem to find them!1 -
@snowflake954
My feet hit the floor this morning with this thought. My family has the market all sewn UP when it comes to 'ghosting'.
We don't say Goodbye. There are others like me but you don't know them. Elders get UP from the supper table,
get in their pickup and drive away. You can wring your hands and wonder if they're mad, sad or glad but they're gone.
You can read all of the books you want about ghosting and love styles. That's taking one person's opinion as gospel for
how you should conduct your life. Goodbyes and Closures seldom satisfy and euphemisms fall flatter than a flounder.
Trust your instincts. I know whom I'm talking to regardless of how many faces or disguises someone uses. In person or online. I know. This is the internet and there may be 50,000 ways to describe a situation but I know. I can feel it. So can you if you hone your instincts.
If someone is messing with your head - let them eat your dust. Your life is too valuable.1 -
Washboard12 wrote: »@snowflake954
My feet hit the floor this morning with this thought. My family has the market all sewn UP when it comes to 'ghosting'.
We don't say Goodbye. There are others like me but you don't know them. Elders get UP from the supper table,
get in their pickup and drive away. You can wring your hands and wonder if they're mad, sad or glad but they're gone.
You can read all of the books you want about ghosting and love styles. That's taking one person's opinion as gospel for
how you should conduct your life. Goodbyes and Closures seldom satisfy and euphemisms fall flatter than a flounder.
Trust your instincts. I know whom I'm talking to regardless of how many faces or disguises someone uses. In person or online. I know. This is the internet and there may be 50,000 ways to describe a situation but I know. I can feel it. So can you if you hone your instincts.
If someone is messing with your head - let them eat your dust. Your life is too valuable.
True! Life is too valuable and too short!2
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