Still Going; My Journey so Far

I have been either overweight or obese since childhood. When I had just turned 26 was diagnosed as a type 2 diabetic and placed on oral medication. Despite diet, exercise and medication was never able to control my blood sugars and was placed on insulin after 7 years. I developed neuropathy throughout my body but kept on going. In 2002, my horse bucked me off causing a broken tailbone and a hip fracture. Went back to work after 7 weeks off instead of the standard 12 weeks. Over the next 5 years had 13 prp surgeries in one eye and 11 in the other. Had 2 detached retina surgeries in each eye and was blind for 6 weeks until recovered vision in one eye while the optic nerve died in the other and it withered and mummified. In 2005 my kidneys failed but I was denied disability because I had a job and couldn’t quit because needed the medical insurance. Finally came to an agreement with my employer for a severance package and after 2 more attempts began to receive disability. During this time had lost my job, my home, my horse and separated from my husband who social services determined was a danger to me and asked my mother to become my caretaker after 7 hospital stays within 6 months. Started dialysis at the local hospital 3 days a week for 4 hours per day. Was placed on a 1,400 calorie diabetic dialysis diet for 3 years over which gained 25 pounds a year despite being compliant. Became progressively sicker and was placed on the kidney transplant list after much debate by doctors on whether was a type 1 or type 2 diabetic and my obesity. After being an alternate for a transplant 3x finally received a transplant at the weight if 233 pounds. Was compliant and determined to maintained transplanted kidney and pancreas so embarked on a diet and exercise program over the next three years and lost 96 pounds despite being hospitalized to remove scar tissue strangling my small intestine caused by a leaking pancreas. Was taking classes at a local community college when met my fiancé in 2012. Over time became less active and since had never learned to count calories was overeating. Which brings me to where I wanted to begin.

On March 8, 2020 Covid was diagnosed less than an hour from my home. I sat down and made a list of my risk factors that would result in a poor outcome if I were to contract it. There were 5; .1) over 55(56), 2) obese, 3) high blood pressure, 4) Chronic Kidney Disease stage 4, 5) immune suppressed due to kidney/pancreas transplants. Decided to lose weight to reduce the risk factors and was feeling like something was missing in my life. Had tried to lose weight previously under 2 doctor supervised programs and had lost a small amount but had not made a mental shift until underwent counseling for self esteem issues.

It was brutal reality when stepped on the scale that day and weighed 223.4 lbs at 5’7”. Like almost everyone here, the weight could not come off fast enough! Began an unsustainable diet of starving myself to the point that black spots danced in front of my eyes. Realized this could not go on after two weeks and rediscovered MyFitnessPal. Began avidly reading the Health and Fitness forums. Never read the Success forum because thought that I had nothing in common with the posters much less would ever post there!

Following the advice that I received in mfp, used the set up to determine calories, began weighing and logging my food. April 8, 2020 read that one should weigh daily and take monthly measurements and pictures. Recorded 208.1 lbs, bust=46.0”, waist=46.0”, hips=49.0” thighs=27.5”. Only did photos at 200, 180 and 160 pounds because could not see any changes. Made calorie counting a game and would role play different situations and give myself non food rewards for each success like calling a friend, downloading some music, buying perfume, clothing, hair cut or roadtripping.

Began walking. At first could only walk 10 minutes before having to stop. Each week would increase distance despite rude comments from people walking or driving by. Injured my left knee in June and had to drag myself 0.8 mile uphill to home since had not thought to carry cell phone if needed help. Spent 6 weeks in physical therapy before released to walk.

I started resistance training 4x/wk in addition to daily outdoor walking. Told my fiancé about mfp and invited him to join and lose weight with me. He reacted by telling me that eating low carb was more important than a calorie deficit! Then decided to turn it into a competition which left us both frustrated. Him, because weight loss efforts weren’t successful and me, because I wanted support and an activity we could do together. Was going through a really awkward phase lasting through the 180-170 pounds where parts were shrinking at different rates. In my case, was constantly buying pants as shrank the fastest from the hips down while the middle has been the slowest.

In November 2020 my fiancé came down with covid. He isolated and worked from home until Thanksgiving when was taken to a hospital an hour away to be admitted into the covid ward. We would call or text every day and I would follow up with the nurse to find out how he was responding to treatments. He was placed on a ventilator on December 7th. Two days later his kidneys failed and the doctors called me because they didn’t have his adult children's’ phone numbers. The children and I went to say our goodbyes. Each one of us suited up to enter the Covid ward before he was disconnected from the ventilator. I stayed at the hospital until his son and ex wife arrived. The hospital would only allow 4 people to be in a grief room and he had 3 adult children plus it was more important for their mom to provide them support than for me to be there. He passed away that night on his birthday.Suffocation had been his greatest fear. It didn’t seem real. He was always stubborn and strong willed and we both thought that he would outlive me. The silence was deafening. He was the type that always talked, played his guitar or worked on building his 3D printer. The only time that he was silent was when ill or furious. The habits that mfp had taught me provided a sense of normalcy in an unfamiliar world and am so grateful for the support that I received from the mfp community and my teammates in Fat2Fit.

March 2021 arrived and I had gone from 223.4 to 150.7 in a year. Was contacted by mfp staff after posting about my experience in the covid thread. Was asked to be interviewed for a possible story. Felt a lot of fear and the first self doubt that I had ever felt in this journey! Believe it or not, I had always thought that I would lose weight. It never occurred to me that I might fail. Fear of being an imposter and gaining all the weight back plus fear of publicly sharing this story and photos was paralyzing. I turned to a trusted mfp friend to ask if I should give the interview and photos. At her suggestion went ahead but did not tell anyone until was given a publishing date.

In the meantime, had been suffering from dizziness and fainting spells since January 2021. Concussed myself in early March and ended up in the hospital. One of my transplant drugs was the cause and it was replaced with a different drug. Also ripped part of the skin off the bottom of my right foot while exercising. Began skin grafts in April since wasn’t healing. No doctor wanted to manage the new transplant drug and couldn’t get in to see one who would until July. In the meantime sat on the couch in a boot reading and dreaming. Could not bring myself to go into maintenance as the word scared me but could pause my fitness journey as that sounded safe. Experimenting with calories showed that I needed to eat at the rate to lose 0.5 lbs/wk to maintain which was slightly less than 1,300 calories to maintain until could resume fitness efforts. Developed a strep bone infection in the right foot due to the slow healing caused by the new transplant drug. Waited over 12 hours in transplant hospital ER to be seen by a doctor. Doctor told me that would probably have to amputate right big toe. Was not willing to do that since had already had right eye amputated in 2007. Spent a week in the hospital on oral antibiotics and iv antibiotics. Left the hospital with a chest port for ivs and a cast in September. Spent 6 weeks on oral antibiotics and daily trips for ivs to the local hospital. Was released and cast removed in mid November. I could not raise my foot and toes after being in the cast! Was in physical therapy for a month until released to resume exercise. Was shocked at how much fitness had lost but happy to resume this journey.

March 1, 2022 weighed 134.4 pounds. Bust=36.0”, waist=33.0”(diastasis recti), hips=36.0” and thighs each =20.25. No longer have high blood pressure, am a normal weight and kidney disease has improved to CKD stage 3 and is almost CKD stage 2! Would like to lose 5 more pounds but goals are primarily fitness related now. Next month will consult with plastic surgeons about muscle repair and skin removal. Am looking forward to the future and now confident in my ability to face new challenges after the past 2 years. Thank you for reading this long post. Photos are from 2015, 2021, and 2022.
Wishing you all success in whatever goals you choose to pursue.