When Relationship Go South: Staying On Course

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StarGeezer
StarGeezer Posts: 351
in Health and Weight Loss
For a variety of reasons, my fiance' and I mutually decided to take a step back from our plans. Both of us need time to think and sort some personal things out. That's not to say I find this at all easy. She was largely the impetus for me getting my weight and health back in check. Since the relationship appears to be in flux, it would be all too easy to "chuck it all" and go back to erecting my wall of fat to keep others at bay.

Part of me would like nothing more than to bury the anger, the hurt, and the grief in a double-batch of stew beef with noodles and hot biscuits. The "old me" would have already started pan-frying the beef and warming the oven.

But I'm not going to. I worked too damn hard these past months to get where I am. And I have a long way yet to go, but I'm not going to throw it all away on the fickle whims of human relationships that sour. I'm "sticking with the program", and seeing where it leads me. If she and I eventually reconcile, that will be great. If not, I still have to think of me, and what my future means to me now... an importance that I spent too many years neglecting for myself. Come what may, I owe it primarily to ME to keep my feet on this path.

Could still use some encouragement though, I won't deny it. Feeling pretty low at the moment.
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Replies

  • cdstadt
    cdstadt Posts: 311 Member
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    Sorry about the situation and proud of your determination!

    That said, a bowl of stew and a biscuit won't put 53 pounds back on your body. Congrats on the weightloss and here's to hoping your relationship ends up for the better, whatever that may be!
  • SarahBeeMe
    SarahBeeMe Posts: 91 Member
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    You have lost an incredible amount of weight and should be so proud of yourself. It's so sad when this sort of thing happens, but I'm so glad you have decided not to take it out on your body! Continue as you have been doing, feel fitter, stronger and more confident... whatever else happens will all be part of the journey. Keep looking after yourself.
    Can't congratulate you enough on your admirable attitude. :)
  • TourThePast
    TourThePast Posts: 1,753 Member
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    It took me a long time and a rough patch with my partner to figure out that I need to stop being healthy for him and start doing it for myself.

    We're doing well together now, but I'm still doing this for myself.

    I'm worth it.

    Who knew?

    I bet you'll figure out that you are too. :smile:
  • Hope228
    Hope228 Posts: 340 Member
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    I know you know this, but the few moments of pleasure eating will bring won't really help the hurt of what you are going through with your relationship.
    Congrats on your GREAT weight loss, awesome job. Take it one day at a time and hang in there.
    If things don't work out with your g/f you will still be 53 lbs lighter and feeling better physically.
    We are here if you need to talk, any time!
  • shad1018
    shad1018 Posts: 191 Member
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    Life is full of peaks and valleys and you will persevere and be a better man for the experience. Congratulations on your accomplishments and keep up the great work. :smile:
  • bahamamama5
    bahamamama5 Posts: 1
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    Stick with it. I mean, even though ur relationship went south, doesn't mean that you should throw away all ur hard work. I know how hard relationship drama can be with sticking to regular eating routines, but just keep in mind that there's other fish in the sea and THEY'RE gonna be the ones that's gonna appreciate you pushing through this hard time :]

    nothing is sexier than someone who works hard towards the goals they set, no matter what :]

    I hope you can push through it, and hope this helps! The amount of weight you lost so far is AMAZING! I'm so jealous! :]
  • sc1572
    sc1572 Posts: 2,309 Member
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    I am so, so sorry for what you're going through. But you know what, kudos to you for not giving in. It's not worth it to throw it all away and go back to your old self. It will cause you to feel worse, and then it all goes down from there. You CAN do this and this site has amazing support!
  • DeepAsAPlate
    DeepAsAPlate Posts: 121 Member
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    It's a rough situation, to be sure. But it sounds like you've already identified emotional triggers that may have affected your eating in the past and are determined to curb them. That takes guts and honesty and determination -- all good qualities that no one can take from you.

    Good luck. You can do this.
  • MIMITIME
    MIMITIME Posts: 405 Member
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    There comes a point in one's life that they have to look after themselves first. I feel selfish doing it but I have finally realized at my age that what is important is me and my well being. No one can do that for me. Only me. Only you can look after you and your well being. By doing this, you can handle anything that comes your way. Things work the way they are suppose to and are subject to change on a regular basis. Congrats on your huge weight loss!
  • skinnyinnotime
    skinnyinnotime Posts: 4,141 Member
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    Yes it's hard, but you sound determined and good for you because....you can do this man!!
  • gracielee1
    gracielee1 Posts: 71 Member
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    I regret to hear that your are going through difficult times in your relationship. The good thing about having a fitness plan that works is that it's the one thing that can stay consistent through all the inconsistencies in life. With that being said, your weight loss accomplishment is something to be commended and something to be cherished. Continue to be good to your body and your further success will take you to a more rewarding and loving relationship in the future.When you love yourself first, love will come find you again. You deserve it. You're a winner!
  • fionat29
    fionat29 Posts: 717 Member
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    Hey Mr Geezer, I'm sorry about your circumstances and I really hope that if you and your fiancee are meant to be, you will get back together, but I wanted to say how fantastic it is that you are continuing with your journey to a fitter, healthier you. Sometimes you need to be just a little bit selfish, sometimes you have to think about ME!!
    Good luck for the future, I wish you all the best. :flowerforyou:
  • themommie
    themommie Posts: 5,022 Member
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    so sorry to hear of your relationship troubles. It is definitively hard not to run to food when we feel stressed, lonely, hurt, angry, depressed or all of the above. Just hang in there. You have a great attitude . Keep up the good work you started, you worked hard to lose 53lbs you should be proud of yourself. When things have worked out , however it ends up you want to be proud of yourself that you stuck with it. NOT kicking yourself for gaining it back. YOU CAN DO THIS. Try to find another outlet besides food. I try to turn to walking or crochet, it helps me to stay away from the food......
  • SallieBeige
    SallieBeige Posts: 341 Member
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    Hugs for you

    I am also a comfort eater so I know that your decision is especially hard ... and therefore especially valuable :flowerforyou:
  • jessmo803
    jessmo803 Posts: 56
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    I think that it's awesome that you're keeping strong about your health after such a blow to your heart...Stick with it, because being unhealthy isn't going to make things any easier!
  • butterfly3747
    butterfly3747 Posts: 29
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    When an overweight person starts to lose weight, your relationships with other people start to change. Some people can be jealous or they cant cope with the new you.

    This is very normal.

    Keep doing what makes you happy. :smile:
  • Ritamas2
    Ritamas2 Posts: 319
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    Awww, I'm sorry,:brokenheart:
    but good for you for sticking with it, you are doing this for yourself!
    You will be so glad that you did in the end. Try to remember that everything
    happens for a reason. She may have been the one that prompted you to do
    this but it has been all you putting in the hard work,:flowerforyou: no-one can do that for you
    (I wish) lol.

    I along with many others here I'm sure, are in your corner and will support you
    all we can. Together we can certainly do this, good luck!
    Add me if you want! :smile:
  • millerll
    millerll Posts: 873 Member
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    Hey, I feel your pain. I got dumped last week, so I had my favorite cheat meal and a big bowl of ice cream.

    The next day, I shook it off and hit the gym hard all week long. I'm over that crap (not him - just the eating part!).

    Ya know, looking good is the best revenge! :devil: (Just kidding.)

    Hope it works out for you one way or the other. Best of luck!
  • Diary_Queen
    Diary_Queen Posts: 1,314 Member
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    A similar situation happened with me and my workout plan. I had been doing some Turbo Jam and Weight Watchers points plus program since January when I met my ex that March. It was l.o.v.e. at first sight. We were inseperable and our lives just fit together perfectly. Sadly, because of some of his personal issues, we split in July. We actually parted ways the day we were supposed to start P90x together. I was heartbroken and violently ill for a few days, so I got myself mentally prepared and started P90x by myself the next week. He never started and I had some feelings of guilt about our workout plans. He was on the right track until the breakup. I stayed focused and he didn't. That is what worked for me. I owe it to myself to get healthy. My ex, like yours, was one of my biggest supporters and motivators. It's strange doing all of this without him, but this is my life and must be lived accordingly. I'm glad you decided to carry on with your program. Feel free to friend me if you'd like. :) Good luck!!
  • Bluejay789
    Bluejay789 Posts: 176
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    Hugs and love to you and your heart during this time.

    By the way congrats on the MEGA weight loss!

    Don't resort to your old lifestyle of eating to drown the pain. Go work out.... not today if you are not emotionally set to work out but maybe tomorrow.

    Maybe there is a reason for this step back as you do not want to be married to someone and then 4 months down the road of getting divorced. Maybe you do need sometime and you can mend this relationship, maybe not. Maybe it is the best thing for you and right now due to the pain you cannot see it. I do not know but I really don't want you to throw away all your hard work with food.

    You are a WINNER already so you will be okay, it just hurts right now.

    Sending you a hug and wish you all the best!

    Claire

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