What can I do to stick to my goal/lifestyle change?

Mahdi22 · March 2022

Hey everyone,

This is probably the millionth time I have fell off, gained more weight, got unhappy and decided I want to lose weight again. I’ve never successfully lost any weight in the last 10 years and kept it off.

My question is this - what am I doing wrong? Or what did you do that worked?

I always end up in a cycle of feeling like a failure. I want to lose the weight and have a healthy lifestyle but I never accomplish the goal. After about a month of trying (sometimes longer or shorter), something happens in my life and I give up.

Please help. Thanks.

Lietchi · March 2022

Gradual changes would be my advice. Don't overhaul your life and diet in one go.
Make one or two changes and keep that up until it becomes second nature. Then change the next thing. Etc.

Also, don't force yourself to do or eat things you don't like and don't force yourself to give up things you love.

To lose weight (and keep it off) you need to consume an appropriate amount of calories. No need to eliminate treat foods (unless you have issues moderating them), no need to do punishing exercise routines (rather, find ways to be active that you like).

AnnPT77 · March 2022

Basically, what lietchi said. The goal isn't IMO try to lose weight fast, or be "all healthy habits (whatever the heck that means) all the time". The goal IMO is to find a happy (enough), practical, sustainable set of habits that result in reaching a reasonable body weight, reasonable health, then staying there - ideally forever. Eating enjoyably, in a practical way; doing activity (including maybe exercise) that's fun or at least tolerable, fits into a good overall life balance - that's the idea.

Repeating that word: Balance. Balance.

My advice: Find personalized habits that can mostly sustain themselves on near-autopilot, not some abstract theory about one size fits all "healthy lifestyle" that can only be maintained with white-knuckled willpower and motivation under ideal conditions.

For myself, when I committed to losing weight, I decided I wasn't going to do anything to lose weight that I wasn't willing to do permanently to stay at a healthy weight long term, other than a moderate calorie deficit for weight loss until reaching a healthy goal weight. That put a priority on figuring out lots of things, like how to handle holidays, parties, restaurants, times when exercise is impossible (due to injuries or other life crises, or whatever), travel . . . all that stuff.

It was a series of experiments and adjustments. Like all experiments, some failed. That's not some dramatic personal disaster, it's just a thing to learn from, adjust the plan, try something different next time. Weight management, long term, is just practical problem solving, IMO, not some kind of character test.

I was overweight to class 1 obese for around 30 years. In 2015, I lost from obese to a healthy weight. I've been at a healthy weight for 6+ years since. Will it last forever? I dunno. So far, so good, though. (Verrrry good, speaking subjectively. So much better.)

Would what I did work for you, in full detail? Almost certainly not. IMO, personalization is key. You can figure this out.

P.S. I don't think everyone needs to run their whole weight loss in the way I did, with no special temporary things other than the calorie deficit anywhere on the way. I do think most people would be well served by spending a good period of time, maybe the last few weeks/months of weight loss, on that kind of experimentation and maintenance practice. It's nice to have the cushion of a small calorie deficit, in case of . . . experiments that don't work out ideally? Then, when one gets to goal weight, the only need is to add a few calories daily, and keep going with practiced habits, not some new approach . . . let alone the almost-universally-unsuccessful "go back to (pre-loss) normal" method. 😉

Strudders67 · March 2022

As above. Like you, and many others, I've lost a bit of weight then put it all back on, usually because I was following a 'diet' then went back to my normal way of eating. This time round I continued to eat things that I liked, but in smaller quantities. It took me two years to lose the weight I needed to lose, but the changes I made in that time became habit. I've now been in maintenance for two years.

Because I was logging it, I started weighing my pasta and cooking the suggested portion size (75g, dry weight, I think) rather than adding a mugful to the pan and then throwing in another handful because I like pasta. I'd cook a large amount of rice, but then bag it up and freeze it into 100g portions - just enough to soak up some of whatever sauce was in my stirfry or whatever. I'd cook one fewer potato than I'd have had previously. Small changes that made a difference to my calorie intake without really noticing. I've gradually reduced even those and switched to having a large portion of sauted cabbage or stirfried vegetables as a base for most meals, but that's more to do with carbs than anything else although, for the same calories, I get far more cabbage / stirfry veg than I would pasta, potatoes or rice! The volume helps me feel fuller.

I also, most of the time, log something before I eat it. If an unplanned snack doesn't fit my calories/ macros for the day, I have to have a re-think. Each evening, I roughly log what I'm going to have the next day.

I take a large amount of snacks to work with me every day - usually a (weighed) handful of almonds, 2 or 3 brazil nuts, popcorn or lentil curls, a small amount of cheese and a couple of cream crackers plus an apple. Some of these get eaten as part of my lunch but, if I fancy a snack in the middle of the afternoon, I have something available that fits my calories for the day because I've already factored all of that lot in. Having pre-logged snacks on hand keeps me away from the vending machine - not because I consider chocolates and crisps out of bounds, but because the packs in the vending machine are large size whereas I buy multi-packs of popcorn / lentil curls and the bags are smaller. I also usually have some 2-finger kitkats in my drawer, for emergencies, again because the vending machine only has the 4-finger bars. Still stuff that I like eating, but in smaller quantities.

A lot of my weight loss, and maintenance, has been trial and error as to what keeps me feeling full. Doing things gradually definitely helped me to learn what works for me. My weekday snacks are habit but I factor them in, in advance, so they're just part of my weekday meal plan - but they're smaller portions compared to what I used to eat.

HoneyBadger302 · March 2022

I've struggled with this in a number of areas of my life, not just my weight.

Late last year I was listening to a podcast I was following, and he talked about the daily critical task list, which he called "Win the Day."

I've heard and even sort of used task lists, but the approach he took was a little different twist on it, and I started my own. It's honestly been transformative, not only for my weight but for my life and my mental well being too, and is physically being manifested in a number of ways from my BP improving to my weight dropping, to no longer needing my anti-depressant supplement.

I chose 5 categories in my life I care about, and each morning, choose a task (frequently something small) that will move those needles, but the key is, it needs to be something I wouldn't otherwise be doing or I have proven in the past that I don't keep up with.

My categories are: Nutrition; Fitness; Mental; Career; and one "Life" category that is there for whatever life is dishing up that day/week. Some categories the tasks change almost daily, some they stay there with only slight variations (especially true for the things I am prone to not sticking with historically).

Each day, I cross these things off, and when they are done, I have "Won" the day, and I also know that I have positively touched each of these areas, even if it was something small, but every single day I have moved those needles a tiny bit.

I haven't been doing this for years, but I can promise it has already helped me stick with some things that I know I would have quit doing weeks ago....but am sticking to them because of this, and it is starting to manifest in my life and career already.

spiriteagle99 · March 2022

I was a yoyo dieter most of my life. The last time I lost weight, I ended up on MFP and started logging everything I ate. That made a difference for me and has allowed me to maintain the weight loss for several years. Why? Because I have always started out gung ho, but then over time calorie creep set in. Two cookies would become three. Beer would be daily instead of just once or twice a week. Passing the bakery meant a mid-afternoon donut. When I decided to continue logging, even after I lost the weight, a lot of those mindless indulgences were stopped. I know a lot of people can stop logging after a while, but for me, that doesn't work. I also made exercise a daily part of my life. That allows me to have some treats, but within reason. It's also good for my mental health, so I don't get depressed or stressed and start eating garbage. Finally, in the past I would stop weighing myself once the diet was over. This meant that the pounds would add up without me noticing. Now I do notice, and as soon as the weight goes beyond my 5 lb. maintenance window, I do something about it.

felixisalady · March 2022

I love everything about this comment. This is exactly how I gained back about 1/2 of a 50# weight loss. Fortunately I’m back on track and didn’t gain it all back.

Xellercin · March 2022

There are resources out there for modifying behaviour, you could look into those. This is basic behavioural modification, there are well established techniques.

emmamcgarity · March 2022

So many great responses here. Focus on making those small habits the goal instead of the weight loss itself. To me the biggest goal is just tracking my food. Even if I go over calories, tracking helps keep me accountable.

fatty2begone · March 2022

I am no expert and am starting this journey again after losing the weight 10 yrs ago and starting over again with more weight to lose.

With that said, I started this weight loss journey, hopefully life style change this time to keep it off, 2 months ago. This time it is different. I can tell in my attitude and in NOT STARVING all the time. I am aiming to take it off slower, being able to eat more calories, and not beating myself up for going over on the calories if I do.

I have the option of eating more to the slower set loss or option to eat less if I dont need the calories for fuel. I pre log my meals and play around with the actual calories for the day so if I need to tighten up a bit I can, or if I really would like an adult beverage that evening I can. My mindset is different this time around. No food is off the table (except two that are trigger foods) and I can still eat treats and lose.

Yesterday was the 1st day in 2 months I had fast food. Whopper JR. Only the whopper jr. No fries, no soda. I was only wanting a burger so I had one. I had nothing for lunch and didn't want to wait another 2 to 3 hours to wait until I got home and risk the binging due to being too hungry. It worked... for around 350 calories, I stayed well within my goal for the day. I do not feel a bit guilty for having the "junk" food.

So much of this journey is played in our mind. Thinking this is bad or I must hit this # by a certain day. I have taken much good advice as those who have posted above, and this time around it is not a difficult journey. It is a doable journey and I feel like this is sustainable.

I have decided to get healthy not only in my weight but also in exercise. I would like to give a shot a long happy retirement. (Just a few years away).

Rethink this diet thing, do the small changes as mentioned by many posters, and go at a pace that works for you.

Best of luck and YOU can do this too!

perryc05 · March 2022

Daily -- every morning no matter what.

asellitti6523 · March 2022

The key is understanding that a diet and lifestyle changes are two completely different things. If you are significantly overweight/obese you need to want to make a lifestyle change to lose the weight and keep it off permanently. Diets are something for people who are slightly overweight that want to drop 10-15 lbs to look better in a suit/dress for a wedding/special occasion. The ironic thing is most diets (Keto, Paleo, Mediterranean, etc) all work if followed correctly for most people. The problem is most people lack the discipline to maintain that level of adherence for a sustained period of time. That isn't a knock on those folks. Those that can are the exception not the rule.

ReenieHJ · March 2022

Mahdi22 wrote: »

Hey everyone,

This is probably the millionth time I have fell off, gained more weight, got unhappy and decided I want to lose weight again. I’ve never successfully lost any weight in the last 10 years and kept it off.

My question is this - what am I doing wrong? Or what did you do that worked?

I always end up in a cycle of feeling like a failure. I want to lose the weight and have a healthy lifestyle but I never accomplish the goal. After about a month of trying (sometimes longer or shorter), something happens in my life and I give up.

Please help. Thanks.

I remember(vaguely) when I started here, asking for help, saying I can't do this or I always end up or I've never kept it off or never accomplish my goals or I've always been this way, etc., etc. Pretty sure it was AnnPT who said something like.....what you've always done isn't relevant, don't get stuck in those places your brain takes you, think forward and positively. Believe me, that's just paraphrasing because I know Ann's reply was much more elaborate and common sense filled. But that's essentially what I took from it.

Erase those negative thoughts from your brain and replace them with I can do this. I will trade this habit for that habit. I will work on my physical and emotional well-being by doing this........., etc.
To me, my brain is the strongest muscle I will use when it comes to persevering in my health goals and it needs daily fuel and work just like any other muscle.
As far as what works best for you, there is a multitude of ideas for you to try out and see what works the best.
Just remember to take it slow, be patient and kind to yourself the whole time. You deserve no less than what you'd give to your best friend.

I'm 68 and have tried sooo many ways of dieting(even back when I was a teen). I still have my weak times and I've become okay with that because I KNOW that a day, a week, even 2 months, of weakness does not need to become permanent. But it took me a lot of years to find what keeps me at the best weight I've been for the longest amount of time. I remember begging my mom for support, in every which way, when I hit my teenager years, because I'd always been the chubby kid. I grew through chubby teens, chubby adolescence, chubby mom, chubby middle age....well you get the idea. I've been anywhere from 50-85# overweight. I'd lose it, it'd find me again. Not until I started counting calories and actually using the amazing support system I've found in these forums, did I manage to find the way to lose.

I *know* you will find your way to your goals as well.

azuki84 · March 2022

I look in the mirror morning and before bed. Simple as that.

AnnPT77 · March 2022

@reeniehj put that brilliantly, a couple of posts above, IMO.

I'd add this:

I think self-definition is extremely important: How we think of ourselves. The point where we say "I am like this" or "this is what I do" . . . as if those things were invariant, unchangeable.

OP, @Mahdi22, you wrote:

I always end up in a cycle of feeling like a failure. I want to lose the weight and have a healthy lifestyle but I never accomplish the goal. After about a month of trying (sometimes longer or shorter), something happens in my life and I give up.

What does "a failure" do? They fail. What happens to someone who "never accomplishes their goal" or who "tries and gives up"? They don't accomplish their goal, because they try, but give up.

Thing is, that's not "you". That might be your history**, but it's not the essential You.

Can you think of yourself, instead, as "someone who has great intentions and some good energy, but who hasn't found just the right plan for himself yet"?

That person, the one who hasn't found the right plan yet, what do they do? They learn from what didn't work, try a different plan. If that one works, great. If it doesn't, they learn more, try a different plan.

** I'll bet your history includes things you've succeeded at, goals you've accomplished, in your education, career, family life, financial habits, hobbies, or other areas. You know how to accomplish goals, you have the skills. You just haven't found the right way to apply those practiced skills, in your eating/activity habits. You can find the right plan. Keep working at it, as I'm sure you did in other areas.

P.S., About finding "the right plan". IMO, the right plan is personally tailored, considers our own preferences, strengths, limitations. It's sustainable, involves finding and practicing habits that are relatively easy, for eating and activity that we find enjoyable (or at least tolerable), that fit into our individual life well . . . habits that can be established in the short bouts of willpower we have, then continued more-or-less on autopilot as life gets busier.

Extreme "diets", miserable forms of exercise . . . lots of people try that. It rarely works. Think "find sustainable habits". That's slower, maybe, but can be more successful. Just a thought.

Mahdi22 · March 2022

AnnPT77 wrote: »

@reeniehj put that brilliantly, a couple of posts above, IMO.

I'd add this:

I think self-definition is extremely important: How we think of ourselves. The point where we say "I am like this" or "this is what I do" . . . as if those things were invariant, unchangeable.

OP, @Mahdi22, you wrote:

I always end up in a cycle of feeling like a failure. I want to lose the weight and have a healthy lifestyle but I never accomplish the goal. After about a month of trying (sometimes longer or shorter), something happens in my life and I give up.

What does "a failure" do? They fail. What happens to someone who "never accomplishes their goal" or who "tries and gives up"? They don't accomplish their goal, because they try, but give up.

Thing is, that's not "you". That might be your history**, but it's not the essential You.

Can you think of yourself, instead, as "someone who has great intentions and some good energy, but who hasn't found just the right plan for himself yet"?

That person, the one who hasn't found the right plan yet, what do they do? They learn from what didn't work, try a different plan. If that one works, great. If it doesn't, they learn more, try a different plan.

** I'll bet your history includes things you've succeeded at, goals you've accomplished, in your education, career, family life, financial habits, hobbies, or other areas. You know how to accomplish goals, you have the skills. You just haven't found the right way to apply those practiced skills, in your eating/activity habits. You can find the right plan. Keep working at it, as I'm sure you did in other areas.

P.S., About finding "the right plan". IMO, the right plan is personally tailored, considers our own preferences, strengths, limitations. It's sustainable, involves finding and practicing habits that are relatively easy, for eating and activity that we find enjoyable (or at least tolerable), that fit into our individual life well . . . habits that can be established in the short bouts of willpower we have, then continued more-or-less on autopilot as life gets busier.

Extreme "diets", miserable forms of exercise . . . lots of people try that. It rarely works. Think "find sustainable habits". That's slower, maybe, but can be more successful. Just a thought.

Thanks 🙏 I will try to frame everything in a positive way from now on. I know I can and will accomplish my goal. I just need to be consistent, patient, disciplined and positive.

jarelary4 · March 2022

I'm trying rewards for reaching small goals this time to keep myself motivated and give me something tangible to look forward to. For instance I aimed to lose 10 pounds for my anniversary trip this weekend. I've lost about 7 and a few days left to go so I am getting a mani/pedi for my trip. I have to have a reason to keep going because in the past I've quit because I felt I wasn't getting enough in return for lost weight. I don't like to feel deprived

energized2020 · March 2022

I've lost 40lbs since mid Nov '21. I put on 13.5lbs over the past 6 weeks because I was spending my entire days watching the world burn online.

I quit youtube, tv, social media and have instead been focusing on myself and my fitness. Im back on track eating clean, my anxiety is back to normal, my focus is stronger, I feel much better.

Try to keep things that stress you out to a minimum.

What can I do to stick to my goal/lifestyle change?

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