Selective support???

johnallen12 · September 2011

Here's the deal. I try to keep my friends list to a level that I think I can handle. In other words, not so many people on it that I'm not able to occasionally try to offer some sort of encourgagement to everyone on my list. I kind of assume other people do the same, though I know that's probably not universally true. Recently I noticed that one of the guys on my list whom I regularly tried to pat on the back and motivate never reciprocated. It got me curious so I paid closer attention. That was when I noticed that the only friends he ever responded to on his list were women, and all the men he seemed to ignore. I figured, oh well, and deleted him from my friend list. I can understand that he prefers to hit up the women on his list, but it seems less than genuine to accept friends and not support them. I don't imagine that this is just a "male" thing, but I thought it was curious behavior.

Jade_Butterfly · September 2011

This makes sense of course. . . and yes I as well try to keep my list to a maintainable level, but I am terrible at saying no. .. . I don't take requests without some kind of note saying where they connected with me or perhaps they are connected with a friend of mine. . It helps. . .

I love all of my friends as well as friends to come. . I admit. . I don't always get to comment as much as I would like on each individual post that my friends make although I do make group posts to let them know that I love them. . and am thankful to have them all as friends. . .

I think it depends on the person. . I know for me . . . I love MFP, but I am also a very busy person. . I have my own business at home , as well as school, helping my mom, and when my daughter is home. . I hang out with her. . So while I don't think someone would purposely ignore you if you have them as a friend. . If you see something suspicious. . I would just point blank ask them. . . to see what is going on and clear the air. .

Just my thoughts,
Jade

6heatherb6 · September 2011

I agree and how annoying!!!
I try to encourage all my friends as they post comments and diaries etc and some never reply! So one day I deleted them as 'friends'...guess what...I got a few replies...'Why'...oh boo hoo!!!:sad:
I'm about to do it again.....

Getting_Fit_4_Life · September 2011

I know exactly what you mean. I am a busy professional woman with little time so I try to keep my friend list to a very managable size. I make it a point to comment to my friends daily or when they need support. I feel that support should be mutual and if I feel that others aren't returning the support, I will delete them. I have this problem with people with 200-300 MFP friends. I think it's hard to give any meaningful support to everyone when you have hundreds of people so I think they just cycle through the list. Support should be mutual.

Artemis_Acorn · September 2011

There is a lot of interesting human behavior to be found on MFP. I guess anywhere there are humans, you'll find such things.

lauragoat · September 2011

I know exactly what you mean. I am a busy professional woman with little time so I try to keep my friend list to a very managable size. I make it a point to comment to my friends daily or when they need support. I feel that support should be mutual and if I feel that others aren't returning the support, I will delete them. I have this problem with people with 200-300 MFP friends. I think it's hard to give any meaningful support to everyone when you have hundreds of people so I think they just cycle through the list. Support should be mutual.

I love your signature!!!

johnallen12 · September 2011

I'm a fairly bright guy so what's surprising to me is that people's behavior, and I guess their motiviations, do surprise me. So, you could say that I'm surprised by my own cluelessness. : )

stevenleagle · September 2011

Hey John - I have to say that - just like real life - friends here seem to have different motives on this web site. I too try and keep my friends to a manageable size. Just like you (I assume), my primary goal is weight loss not chatting up members of the opposite sex.

However whilst I have tried to pick some friends who are similar to me (whether general age, date joined, weight goal related etc). I have definitely found it worthwhile to have different sorts of friends too (just like real life!)

Some of the most encouraging words I have received are from people who are very different to me. And I have also found that even though not all friends make regular comments (if at all) I still seem to find some value (whether its through reading their encouraging comments to others, looking up their Food Diary for ideas and generally seeing how they seem to be progressing).

Personally - although my primary goal is weight loss - I also find the whole sociological aspect to this website fascinating too! Its amazing what an open mind will do for your weight loss journey (ever thought about how motivated those blokes wanting to chat up the other gender will be in actually looking their best?)

cfred40 · September 2011

First, let me say I feel lucky that I am one of those on your friend list.. And to anyone who reads this, the GUY KICKS BUTT. You always seem to rock that bike. :drinker:

I've learned on this site, as in real life, it takes all kinds. The ones that "irk" me, will send you a friend request to never be heard from again after adding them. If you plan on not interacting with me, why do you want to keep me around or better yet why should I keep you? I'll sometimes keep a "friend" if I find their posts of some value or entertainment. But my wall space and time to go through it, is too valuable for invisible friends.

I have a core group that always offer me support and motivation, and I try to do the same for them. I confess, and this is pretty dumb, I have even not hit the "complete this day" or logged exercise, because I just didn't have the time or in the mood to be a good mfp pal. Just sort of felt it was unfair for me to take and not give.

I have what I consider my extended group. We may not interact a great deal, but will shoot each other a post every now and then. I think it's just sort of a "hey i'm still here, and still reading your updates even if I haven't said much lately" sort of thing.

Just realized I was rambling on and on, so i'll wrap this up

Thanks for being a great MFP Buddy :drinker:

Fred

Selective support???

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