Is Marriage worth it???

I don't think I can really offer more outside of what was already mentioned.

Marriage is a partnership; parties have to be willing to work on and maintain the relationship and everything that goes with it (that includes property, housekeeping, children, pets, the families you married into, etc.). Any long term relationship is the same. You get out of it what you put into it and if you aren't (and assuming your partner(s) are not ill or incapacitated in some way that hinders their involvement), something is amiss.

Those mentioning how too many people place too much emphasis on the expectations they have for how a marriage *should* be are correct: it's not a fairy tale ending and it isn't always rainbows and sunshine. You can also have perfectly meaningful and long lasting relationships and never officially get married. Marriage (officially) in most countries is just a way for the government to keep track of and account for people and aid in transferring property, etc. between people who intend to stay together until one of them dies.

Personal experience?: I had a lot of growth I needed to go through before I really appreciated my marriage. That took a good 10 years, btw. I realize not everyone gets that amount of time to figure things out, nor wants to sit around and waste that much time, but there it is. We're on year 14 this year. We're mostly a good team and we've communicated pretty clearly from the beginning when and if things bother us (whatever it might be).

I think that's the biggest hurdle for couples (married or not): Communication. You have to get over being uncomfortable discussing certain things.. or feeling foolish and just communicate your wishes, desires and expectations. I have yet to meet a genuine psychic... so you can't expect a person you're involved with to read your mind and vice versa.

I believe it to be the hardest and most rewarding decision you will ever make. Don’t marry a selfish person. They will never love you like you love them.

It really depends on who you are and what you hope to gain from it. In general marriages are hard.

I’m no expert on marriage. When I was 22 I met my ex husband in college we dated for 2 years and I married him when I was 24. By the time I was 26 I was divorced. If you would’ve looked at us you would’ve thought he and I were the perfect couple we didn’t fight we didn’t argue nothing. Toward the end of my marriage I found out he was cheating on me. It literally devastated me. If I could go back and change everything I would. First I would have lived with him before I married him. Second I probably would have been more vocal and open and not bottled up my feelings cause I did that a lot back then I don’t do it now.

Now I plan on doing thing differently. I plan on living with them first and second I don’t know if I would ever consider ever getting married ever again. Breaks ups are hard but divorces are worse my divorce about killed me but in the end it made me a better and a stronger and a more outspoken woman. I voice myself now there is no more hiding my feelings and emotions.

Marriage may not be for everyone. Some people fall in love with someone and may decide not to marry them but live with them for the rest of their lives. Some may end up marrying again it depends on the people. I don’t know if I will ever do that again.

Speaking from a heteronormative perspective:

For men? Yeah, the longterm benefits outweigh any sacrifice.

For women, no.

Single women without children are reported to be the happiest people on earth

YMMV

Hotelsma wrote: »

So all my mates are married with kids. I’ve seen marriages going on 30 plus years and ones ending in few years which has put me off. Is it really worth it?

I know people will say you have to find the right person but how many couples thought they did and ended up breaking up

I've been married for 19.5 years and dated my wife 1.5 years before that. We were long distance for a number of months during our dating period as well so that made things interesting in the beginning. One thing I can definitely say is we've both changed quite a bit through the ups and downs of life. Marriages evolve and you've got to accept that the person across from you is going to change in as much as you are as well. A really good solid foundation has helped us through the hard times but there are no guarantees that things may one day fall apart. It's a chance and in my opinion worth it.

Learning how to communicate and compromise with your significant other is crucial but it no way guarantees long term success. Most successful marriages I see are base on a really good partnership so that is something worth exploring in yourself and in your prospective spouse. Will you be supportive of them and vice versa?

I also think what helps us is we have some things in common and others things that are not. We are free to be who we want to be while still coming together as a couple.

cwolfman13 wrote: »

but we both changed a ton in our twenties and that marriage would have grown apart during that time. /quote]

That's what I found to be true as well. We met in our early 20's and married when I was 25. If not for wanting children sooner rather than later, looking back we should've waited to see who we became in our 30's. Might've made a telling difference. At least for us.

Oh yeh, communication is a key component, unfortunately neither dh or I are good at that.

Married for 33 years, since I was 21. Three great kids. Now ended. Was it worth it? Yes, in some ways. I don't regret much of those years, but there was also some *kitten* going on that I didn't see because I was too close to it. I won't do it again though, as my personal security is now fully in my hands and I won't sacrifice that again. However, I would happily entertain a new someone, as I am not ready for a solo life yet!