Is Marriage worth it???
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XxFunctionalStrengthxX wrote: »Is marriage worth it? Only you can answer that question by looking at the end goal and what's most important. Some people think that marriage is the last step in a relationship. Others look at it as a means to an end for financial, security or emotional needs.
IMO, too many focus on the marriage and not the relationship. As @slessofme said, you can be dedicated to someone without being legally bound to them. Which, really is nothing more than a government and religious sanctioned event. I know a few people who have been in a relationship for many years and didn't get married. I also know of at least one couple who finally decided to get married and within two years they were divorced and never spoke to one another again.
Focus on the person you're in a relationship with. Don't worry about marriage until you both think it's right. If you're being pressured into getting married by friends, family or the person you're in a relationship with, then it's all for the wrong reasons.
@XxFunctionalStrengthxX i guess the pressure is Coming from a good place. Nobody wants to see me lonely and want me to be happy
Thank you
If you're being pressured to do something you don't want, or not ready to, then it isn't good by any means. You can be single and happy, you can be married and in complete misery. Yeah, it sucks being the third or fifth wheel at times. But if you're happy and single, who cares?
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It’s different for everyone dude - it’s 50/50 odds. If you like those odds shoot your shot man - if not don’t do it - I think marriage is bs but I’m also a jaded Middle Aged divorced dude so take that with a grain of salt3
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XxFunctionalStrengthxX wrote: »XxFunctionalStrengthxX wrote: »Is marriage worth it? Only you can answer that question by looking at the end goal and what's most important. Some people think that marriage is the last step in a relationship. Others look at it as a means to an end for financial, security or emotional needs.
IMO, too many focus on the marriage and not the relationship. As @slessofme said, you can be dedicated to someone without being legally bound to them. Which, really is nothing more than a government and religious sanctioned event. I know a few people who have been in a relationship for many years and didn't get married. I also know of at least one couple who finally decided to get married and within two years they were divorced and never spoke to one another again.
Focus on the person you're in a relationship with. Don't worry about marriage until you both think it's right. If you're being pressured into getting married by friends, family or the person you're in a relationship with, then it's all for the wrong reasons.
@XxFunctionalStrengthxX i guess the pressure is Coming from a good place. Nobody wants to see me lonely and want me to be happy
Thank you
If you're being pressured to do something you don't want, or not ready to, then it isn't good by any means. You can be single and happy, you can be married and in complete misery. Yeah, it sucks being the third or fifth wheel at times. But if you're happy and single, who cares?
I guess I’m making things more complicated than it needs to be. Whilst I’m am pretty happy to be single it’s always nice to have someone. Damm lockdown for me thinking too much lol
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@Hotelsma It's not bragging if it's true. Paw was one of the finest men on the face of the earth. There is nothing he wouldn't do or give for his family. He gave his all including the best childhood a kid could ever hope for in a place that words cannot describe.3
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Diatonic12 wrote: »@Hotelsma It's not bragging if it's true. Paw was one of the finest men on the face of the earth. There is nothing he wouldn't do or give for his family. He gave his all including the best childhood a kid could ever hope for in a place that words cannot describe.
Ahmen 🙏🏾
More often than not the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree👍🏽1 -
@Hotelsma I'm thinking about who I'm going to fix you up with.
We'd take you in and keep ya. 1 -
Diatonic12 wrote: »@Hotelsma I'm thinking about who I'm going to fix you up with. We'd take you in and keep ya.
@Diatonic12 if there’s Mac and cheese on the table I’m in 😂
And snickers, see previous threads if you missed it2 -
Diatonic12 wrote: »@Hotelsma I'm thinking about who I'm going to fix you up with. We'd take you in and keep ya.
@Diatonic12 if you got Mac and cheese I’m there 😂 We got it. It was one of Paw's favorites, too.0 -
Deadman_Diggingup wrote: »You would decide on a life long commitment based on what your friends think? You’re already looking at it wrong.
@Deadman_Diggingup not entirely but it does not feel me with confidence. Nowadays people don’t show the commitment like before.
How should I be looking at it
No one can answer your questions but you. No one can tell you what YOU see as worthy of a commitment. If you’re in a relationship where you are not confident in its longevity or a level of commitment from your partner that satisfies you, then marriage shouldn’t even be a concern.
“Nowadays people don’t show the commitment like before”.... compared to what, exactly? Your parent’s generation? Your grandparents?1 -
Diatonic12 wrote: »Diatonic12 wrote: »@Hotelsma I'm thinking about who I'm going to fix you up with. We'd take you in and keep ya.
@Diatonic12 if you got Mac and cheese I’m there 😂 We got it. It was one of Paw's favorites, too.
The mans a legend 🙌🏽1 -
To have the perfect marriage you need to be perfect. I wouldn't worry about how perfect the other person is. You have no control over that... wink wink
Mercy, grace and forgiveness are needed for any friendship or marriage. Learn to forgive yourself and realize if you cannot be perfect it is not reasonable to expect someone else to be either.
It is important to have joy as a single person prior to a relationship. Expecting the relationship or another individual to be the source of your joy is not right or sustainable.5 -
Married 36 years to a man I love. Not perfect and I'm not either. Marriage grows and changes as time passes. It's work. You have to sacrifice sometimes and sometimes they do. What I notice with my husbands cousins that are not married is that they lack this elasticity. They are set in their ways and there is no room for another. Things are all fine until you get old and need help. Living alone can be scary. Companionship with someone who knows you deeply and shares interests is fulfilling.
That does not mean that I think you should just rush in and marry anybody. You need to find the right person--a good fit, physically and mentally. Keep looking. Maybe you need to look in new places. Good luck.3 -
To have the perfect marriage you need to be perfect. I wouldn't worry about how perfect the other person is. You have no control over that... wink wink
Mercy, grace and forgiveness are needed for any friendship or marriage. Learn to forgive yourself and realize if you cannot be perfect it is not reasonable to expect someone else to be either.
It is important to have joy as a single person prior to a relationship. Expecting the relationship or another individual to be the source of your joy is not right or sustainable.
This is where I’ve went wrong thinking companionship will solve all my problems but you’re right one love themselves first before loving anybody else1 -
snowflake954 wrote: »Married 36 years to a man I love. Not perfect and I'm not either. Marriage grows and changes as time passes. It's work. You have to sacrifice sometimes and sometimes they do. What I notice with my husbands cousins that are not married is that they lack this elasticity. They are set in their ways and there is no room for another. Things are all fine until you get old and need help. Living alone can be scary. Companionship with someone who knows you deeply and shares interests is fulfilling.
That does not mean that I think you should just rush in and marry anybody. You need to find the right person--a good fit, physically and mentally. Keep looking. Maybe you need to look in new places. Good luck.
@snowflake954 congrats on making 36 years. These stories always brings a smile to my face.
Yeah once lockdown is over I may get back into the meat market lol zoom dating isn’t the one2 -
Deadman_Diggingup wrote: »Deadman_Diggingup wrote: »You would decide on a life long commitment based on what your friends think? You’re already looking at it wrong.
@Deadman_Diggingup not entirely but it does not feel me with confidence. Nowadays people don’t show the commitment like before.
How should I be looking at it
No one can answer your questions but you. No one can tell you what YOU see as worthy of a commitment. If you’re in a relationship where you are not confident in its longevity or a level of commitment from your partner that satisfies you, then marriage shouldn’t even be a concern.
“Nowadays people don’t show the commitment like before”.... compared to what, exactly? Your parent’s generation? Your grandparents?
Yes lol. I know things have changed but I know so many people in my generation who divorcing by the numbers. But I’ve take on a lot of good advice from this thread now so thank you all 👍🏽0 -
For us it is. We’ve been married nearly 21 years and lived together for 2 before our wedding. We have 3 perfect boys. We’ve talked about it and don’t really understand the “marriage is work” or “marriage is hard”. Honestly, for us it isn’t work or hard. It’s a pleasure and a blessing. We are best friends and laugh so much every day. Our family motto is “Teamwork!” We are also probably both annoyingly optimistic, positive people as well.
So yes. Totally worth it!1 -
Marriage definitely has it's ups and downs. For me marriage was worth it. I've been married coming up on 18 years, been with my husband for 29 years. Although you don't need to be married to experience love, children, stability etc... it was important to me. Marriage is not for everyone and I will never shun someone for not getting married, to each their own.
However, I do find marriage pointless when you are going one 3, 4, 5 etc... marriages. I don't think you need a marriage certificate to have a relationship with someone.2 -
Jennliftsandspins wrote: »For us it is. We’ve been married nearly 21 years and lived together for 2 before our wedding. We have 3 perfect boys. We’ve talked about it and don’t really understand the “marriage is work” or “marriage is hard”. Honestly, for us it isn’t work or hard. It’s a pleasure and a blessing. We are best friends and laugh so much every day. Our family motto is “Teamwork!” We are also probably both annoyingly optimistic, positive people as well.
So yes. Totally worth it!
Seems like your secret is both you and your husband are totally Kool people. Wish you another 22 years together 🙂2 -
Marriage definitely has it's ups and downs. For me marriage was worth it. I've been married coming up on 18 years, been with my husband for 29 years. Although you don't need to be married to experience love, children, stability etc... it was important to me. Marriage is not for everyone and I will never shun someone for not getting married, to each their own.
However, I do find marriage pointless when you are going one 3, 4, 5 etc... marriages. I don't think you need a marriage certificate to have a relationship with someone.
👍🏽 Thank you for your wisdom. Didn’t think I’d get this many responses1 -
No. Just live in sin. No need to get the government involved.10
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So all my mates are married with kids. I’ve seen marriages going on 30 plus years and ones ending in few years which has put me off. Is it really worth it?
I know people will say you have to find the right person but how many couples thought they did and ended up breaking up
GETTING married is easy. STAYING married is hard.
It's like anything else, you have to work at it. Every day. But its probably the best thing I've ever done in my life. Just don't tell her I said that... 5 -
It also depends on what “worth it” means to you. Not that you should go into marriage thinking “well we’ll see how long this lasts”. But can appreciate the good years? The experiences? Kids if you had them? Was it all for nothing because it didn’t last? Idk....I guess you have figure that out for yourself. I’ve had friendships and relationships that haven’t lasted but I’ve never thought “wish that relationship never existed”. (I’m not talking abusive situations obviously. That’s totally different. I’m just talking 2 people who loved and gave it a good shot and then it still didn’t work.)3
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It also depends on what “worth it” means to you. Not that you should go into marriage thinking “well we’ll see how long this lasts”. But can appreciate the good years? The experiences? Kids if you had them? Was it all for nothing because it didn’t last? Idk....I guess you have figure that out for yourself. I’ve had friendships and relationships that haven’t lasted but I’ve never thought “wish that relationship never existed”. (I’m not talking abusive situations obviously. That’s totally different. I’m just talking 2 people who loved and gave it a good shot and then it still didn’t work.)
So true. The relationships I've been in, even if they weren't all that good, are a learning opportunity.2 -
(...wonders if @KHMcG is her brother...) I think you posted 3x and everything was "Yup 🤷🏿♀️"
And to mirror the ever-wise @Revolu7, a challenge is to be accepted for growth 💪🏿
I'm just not sure marriage, in and of itself, needs to be challenging, @Hotelsma. The premise of the question/concern is flawed to me 🤔
True; there's a high probability of challenging events that the couple will need to face.
Mutually choosing to intimately relate to someone you can communicate with goes such a long way in most things. You're better set up to manage challenges with love, endurance, grace, and patience 🥰2 -
What a good read, thanks guys. I think a lot of good comments were made.1
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@MaltedTea Welcome sister!2
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What is this "it", in the phase "worth it", that everyone is talking about ??1
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