Is Marriage worth it???
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So all my mates are married with kids. I’ve seen marriages going on 30 plus years and ones ending in few years which has put me off. Is it really worth it?
I know people will say you have to find the right person but how many couples thought they did and ended up breaking up
I know people will say you have to find the right person but how many couples thought they did and ended up breaking up
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Replies
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So all my mates are married with kids. I’ve seen marriages going on 30 plus years and ones ending in few years which has put me off. Is it really worth it?
I know people will say you have to find the right person but how many couples thought they did and ended up breaking up
Im no expert on marriage, but i do believe just because something may be hard, and there is a chance of failure, its no excuse not to go for it. Being scared to try tough things in my opinion is worse than failing at them.16 -
Depends on who you're married to5
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Marriage is not about yourself. It about loving and serving the other person. Children just offers more people to pour into. If life is about you then maybe marriage and parenting are not paths you should explore.12
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You would decide on a life long commitment based on what your friends think? You’re already looking at it wrong.9
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It's not a question of whether or not marriage is worth it... it's a question of whether or not the other person is worth it.5
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Deadman_Diggingup wrote: »You would decide on a life long commitment based on what your friends think? You’re already looking at it wrong.
@Deadman_Diggingup not entirely but it does not feel me with confidence. Nowadays people don’t show the commitment like before.
How should I be looking at it
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How do you know what? If the person is worth it? If you have to ask, then either they aren't worth it or you aren't ready for type of commitment.9 -
So I've only been married about 5 years so obviously I don't technically know if we'll last but I have full confidence that we will, I'm literally never insecure or worried about it, I know he feels the same way. It's been wonderful for me, we love spending time together. Even during the pandemic we never got sick of each other, and we have very few gripes that come from living together. I'd say the most important thing is not to settle. I have a couple of friends who did and thought it would just work itself out, they haven't divorced but are miserable. One of them rushed it because of her rush to have a baby and seemed to think the baby would somehow fix their problems (it hasn't). I think you should just be really honest with yourself and end it if you see any red flags, no matter how much you might love the person in the moment. Also make sure your living habits are compatible first lol. I knew a couple who ultimately divorced but first were trying to work by staying married but living in different places lol.
Also, my mom divorced after 19 years of a difficult marriage (similarly, she knew it was a mistake and wanted to call it off, but bowed to parental pressure to go through with it), but then married her second husband and they have been happily married for 25 years now.3 -
@jjpptt2 see this is where I have to disagree. How many people married each other thinking they were perfect for each other and then ended horribly. They also say you only really know someone properly when you’re married.
But I do get what you are trying to say though 👍🏽0 -
You only really know yourself. Are you committed to sacrificial love for someone else or not. Through thick and thin till death due us part can include many challenges.6
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ladyoftherocks wrote: »So I've only been married about 5 years so obviously I don't technically know if we'll last but I have full confidence that we will, I'm literally never insecure or worried about it, I know he feels the same way. It's been wonderful for me, we love spending time together. Even during the pandemic we never got sick of each other, and we have very few gripes that come from living together. I'd say the most important thing is not to settle. I have a couple of friends who did and thought it would just work itself out, they haven't divorced but are miserable. One of them rushed it because of her rush to have a baby and seemed to think the baby would somehow fix their problems (it hasn't). I think you should just be really honest with yourself and end it if you see any red flags, no matter how much you might love the person in the moment. Also make sure your living habits are compatible first lol. I knew a couple who ultimately divorced but first were trying to work by staying married but living in different places lol.
Also, my mom divorced after 19 years of a difficult marriage (similarly, she knew it was a mistake and wanted to call it off, but bowed to parental pressure to go through with it), but then married her second husband and they have been happily married for 25 years now.
@ladyoftherocks thank you for this. Sounds like it’s a blissful marriage and I hope you guys last forever. I think you’ve hit the nail, never settle with anybody. I was with someone for couples years all hunky dory rarely argued and loved each other’s company and agreed to get married. Something happened and it all went sideways. I had to break it off even though I didn’t want to as I thought I couldn’t of done better but those red flags appeared and had to walk.
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@jjpptt2 see this is where I have to disagree. How many people married each other thinking they were perfect for each other and then ended horribly. They also say you only really know someone properly when you’re married.
But I do get what you are trying to say though 👍🏽
I think being "right for someone" is a flawed mindset for the vast majority of relationships. It's not just something that happens... it's something you work on, it's a condition you create, not a situation you find yourself in. You don't go through life trying to find someone you're right for, you go through life trying to find someone you want to be right with.4 -
Up_n_Running wrote: »Oh I think its worth it.
Nice ring.
Nice dress.
Nice cake.
Big P A R T Y.
Holiday abroad for 2 weeks.
Loads of presents.
And a mention in the will. What's not to like? Oh and you might even actually like the person....bonus 👌🤌💖
Who said romance was dead 💀
Jk 😜
@Up_n_Running i don’t think I can pull or a dress 😂2 -
@jjpptt2 see this is where I have to disagree. How many people married each other thinking they were perfect for each other and then ended horribly. They also say you only really know someone properly when you’re married.
But I do get what you are trying to say though 👍🏽
I think being "right for someone" is a flawed mindset for the vast majority of relationships. It's not just something that happens... it's something you work on, it's a condition you create, not a situation you find yourself in. You don't go through life trying to find someone you're right for, you go through life trying to find someone you want to be right with.
Like this...
Can I expand this to... life is a journey of maturing yourself to be right for someone else.
Our society is so self focused today. How about betterment for the benefit of the other.2 -
You only really know yourself. Are you committed to sacrificial love for someone else or not. Through thick and thin till death due us part can include many challenges.
@KHMcG believe me I am I’m more worried the other person might not have the same fight. Yes I seem to have trust issues1 -
@jjpptt2 see this is where I have to disagree. How many people married each other thinking they were perfect for each other and then ended horribly. They also say you only really know someone properly when you’re married.
But I do get what you are trying to say though 👍🏽
I think being "right for someone" is a flawed mindset for the vast majority of relationships. It's not just something that happens... it's something you work on, it's a condition you create, not a situation you find yourself in. You don't go through life trying to find someone you're right for, you go through life trying to find someone you want to be right with.
@jjpptt2 makes sense 👍🏽0 -
Relationships of all sorts typically fail because of unmet expectations.
If we focus on being a better person for the other and seek to know what helps them grow we strengthen both the relationship and trust.
Trust is an fragile thing and difficult to build. It's roots are in faith. Do you believe the other has good intentions and motives. It is reasonable to make sure the other person is trustworthy before entering into an intimate relationship.4 -
@jjpptt2 see this is where I have to disagree. How many people married each other thinking they were perfect for each other and then ended horribly. They also say you only really know someone properly when you’re married.
But I do get what you are trying to say though 👍🏽
I think being "right for someone" is a flawed mindset for the vast majority of relationships. It's not just something that happens... it's something you work on, it's a condition you create, not a situation you find yourself in. You don't go through life trying to find someone you're right for, you go through life trying to find someone you want to be right with.
Like this...
Can I expand this to... life is a journey of maturing yourself to be right for someone else.
Our society is so self focused today. How about betterment for the benefit of the other.
@KHMcG like many I been burnt by people
I thought I could spend my life with and created this mistrust in this institution1
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