Is Marriage worth it???

Hotelsma
Hotelsma Posts: 404 Member
edited April 2021 in Chit-Chat
So all my mates are married with kids. I’ve seen marriages going on 30 plus years and ones ending in few years which has put me off. Is it really worth it?

I know people will say you have to find the right person but how many couples thought they did and ended up breaking up
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Replies

  • Hotelsma
    Hotelsma Posts: 404 Member
    @Revolu7 it’s a good point. It’s just little things are I hear with my friends just raises eyebrows.
  • Hotelsma
    Hotelsma Posts: 404 Member
    Deadman_Diggingup wrote: »
    You would decide on a life long commitment based on what your friends think? You’re already looking at it wrong.

    @Deadman_Diggingup not entirely but it does not feel me with confidence. Nowadays people don’t show the commitment like before.

    How should I be looking at it
  • Hotelsma
    Hotelsma Posts: 404 Member
    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    It's not a question of whether or not marriage is worth it... it's a question of whether or not the other person is worth it.

    @jjpptt2 how will you ever know? We don’t and just feel like I don’t want to take the risk.
  • ladyoftherocks
    ladyoftherocks Posts: 64 Member
    So I've only been married about 5 years so obviously I don't technically know if we'll last but I have full confidence that we will, I'm literally never insecure or worried about it, I know he feels the same way. It's been wonderful for me, we love spending time together. Even during the pandemic we never got sick of each other, and we have very few gripes that come from living together. I'd say the most important thing is not to settle. I have a couple of friends who did and thought it would just work itself out, they haven't divorced but are miserable. One of them rushed it because of her rush to have a baby and seemed to think the baby would somehow fix their problems (it hasn't). I think you should just be really honest with yourself and end it if you see any red flags, no matter how much you might love the person in the moment. Also make sure your living habits are compatible first lol. I knew a couple who ultimately divorced but first were trying to work by staying married but living in different places lol.

    Also, my mom divorced after 19 years of a difficult marriage (similarly, she knew it was a mistake and wanted to call it off, but bowed to parental pressure to go through with it), but then married her second husband and they have been happily married for 25 years now.
  • Hotelsma
    Hotelsma Posts: 404 Member
    edited April 2021
    @jjpptt2 see this is where I have to disagree. How many people married each other thinking they were perfect for each other and then ended horribly. They also say you only really know someone properly when you’re married.

    But I do get what you are trying to say though 👍🏽
  • Hotelsma
    Hotelsma Posts: 404 Member
    edited April 2021
    ladyoftherocks wrote: »
    So I've only been married about 5 years so obviously I don't technically know if we'll last but I have full confidence that we will, I'm literally never insecure or worried about it, I know he feels the same way. It's been wonderful for me, we love spending time together. Even during the pandemic we never got sick of each other, and we have very few gripes that come from living together. I'd say the most important thing is not to settle. I have a couple of friends who did and thought it would just work itself out, they haven't divorced but are miserable. One of them rushed it because of her rush to have a baby and seemed to think the baby would somehow fix their problems (it hasn't). I think you should just be really honest with yourself and end it if you see any red flags, no matter how much you might love the person in the moment. Also make sure your living habits are compatible first lol. I knew a couple who ultimately divorced but first were trying to work by staying married but living in different places lol.

    Also, my mom divorced after 19 years of a difficult marriage (similarly, she knew it was a mistake and wanted to call it off, but bowed to parental pressure to go through with it), but then married her second husband and they have been happily married for 25 years now.

    @ladyoftherocks thank you for this. Sounds like it’s a blissful marriage and I hope you guys last forever. I think you’ve hit the nail, never settle with anybody. I was with someone for couples years all hunky dory rarely argued and loved each other’s company and agreed to get married. Something happened and it all went sideways. I had to break it off even though I didn’t want to as I thought I couldn’t of done better but those red flags appeared and had to walk.
  • jjpptt2
    jjpptt2 Posts: 5,650 Member
    Hotelsma wrote: »
    @jjpptt2 see this is where I have to disagree. How many people married each other thinking they were perfect for each other and then ended horribly. They also say you only really know someone properly when you’re married.

    But I do get what you are trying to say though 👍🏽

    I think being "right for someone" is a flawed mindset for the vast majority of relationships. It's not just something that happens... it's something you work on, it's a condition you create, not a situation you find yourself in. You don't go through life trying to find someone you're right for, you go through life trying to find someone you want to be right with.
  • Hotelsma
    Hotelsma Posts: 404 Member
    Up_n_Running wrote: »
    Oh I think its worth it.

    Nice ring.
    Nice dress.
    Nice cake.
    Big P A R T Y.
    Holiday abroad for 2 weeks.
    Loads of presents.

    And a mention in the will. What's not to like? Oh and you might even actually like the person....bonus 👌🤌💖

    Who said romance was dead 💀


    Jk 😜

    @Up_n_Running i don’t think I can pull or a dress 😂
  • MidlifeCrisisFitness
    MidlifeCrisisFitness Posts: 1,106 Member
    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    Hotelsma wrote: »
    @jjpptt2 see this is where I have to disagree. How many people married each other thinking they were perfect for each other and then ended horribly. They also say you only really know someone properly when you’re married.

    But I do get what you are trying to say though 👍🏽

    I think being "right for someone" is a flawed mindset for the vast majority of relationships. It's not just something that happens... it's something you work on, it's a condition you create, not a situation you find yourself in. You don't go through life trying to find someone you're right for, you go through life trying to find someone you want to be right with.

    Like this...

    Can I expand this to... life is a journey of maturing yourself to be right for someone else.

    Our society is so self focused today. How about betterment for the benefit of the other.
  • Hotelsma
    Hotelsma Posts: 404 Member
    KHMcG wrote: »
    You only really know yourself. Are you committed to sacrificial love for someone else or not. Through thick and thin till death due us part can include many challenges.

    @KHMcG believe me I am I’m more worried the other person might not have the same fight. Yes I seem to have trust issues
  • Hotelsma
    Hotelsma Posts: 404 Member
    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    Hotelsma wrote: »
    @jjpptt2 see this is where I have to disagree. How many people married each other thinking they were perfect for each other and then ended horribly. They also say you only really know someone properly when you’re married.

    But I do get what you are trying to say though 👍🏽

    I think being "right for someone" is a flawed mindset for the vast majority of relationships. It's not just something that happens... it's something you work on, it's a condition you create, not a situation you find yourself in. You don't go through life trying to find someone you're right for, you go through life trying to find someone you want to be right with.

    @jjpptt2 makes sense 👍🏽
  • MidlifeCrisisFitness
    MidlifeCrisisFitness Posts: 1,106 Member
    Relationships of all sorts typically fail because of unmet expectations.

    If we focus on being a better person for the other and seek to know what helps them grow we strengthen both the relationship and trust.

    Trust is an fragile thing and difficult to build. It's roots are in faith. Do you believe the other has good intentions and motives. It is reasonable to make sure the other person is trustworthy before entering into an intimate relationship.
  • Hotelsma
    Hotelsma Posts: 404 Member
    edited April 2021
    KHMcG wrote: »
    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    Hotelsma wrote: »
    @jjpptt2 see this is where I have to disagree. How many people married each other thinking they were perfect for each other and then ended horribly. They also say you only really know someone properly when you’re married.

    But I do get what you are trying to say though 👍🏽

    I think being "right for someone" is a flawed mindset for the vast majority of relationships. It's not just something that happens... it's something you work on, it's a condition you create, not a situation you find yourself in. You don't go through life trying to find someone you're right for, you go through life trying to find someone you want to be right with.

    Like this...

    Can I expand this to... life is a journey of maturing yourself to be right for someone else.

    Our society is so self focused today. How about betterment for the benefit of the other.

    @KHMcG like many I been burnt by people
    I thought I could spend my life with and created this mistrust in this institution

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