Is Marriage worth it???

24

Replies

  • slessofme
    slessofme Posts: 7,739 Member
    Hotelsma wrote: »
    @jjpptt2 see this is where I have to disagree. How many people married each other thinking they were perfect for each other and then ended horribly. They also say you only really know someone properly when you’re married.

    But I do get what you are trying to say though 👍🏽

    People change as they experience life. Some people change in different shifts but eventually merge paths, some people change along the same path, some people's paths diverge.

    I walked down the aisle knowing my marriage would end, but that it was supposed to happen. We were a good match as far as backgrounds, but t wasn't great when real opinions, thoughts, etc started to emerge. Was it worth it looking back? Yes, with no hesitation. The pain, hurt, etc... still worth it for the invaluable experiences I gained.

    Is it marriage that is really an issue? Or is it dedication? You can be dedicated to someone without being legally tied to them.
  • Hotelsma
    Hotelsma Posts: 404 Member
    edited April 2021
    slessofme wrote: »
    Hotelsma wrote: »
    @jjpptt2 see this is where I have to disagree. How many people married each other thinking they were perfect for each other and then ended horribly. They also say you only really know someone properly when you’re married.

    But I do get what you are trying to say though 👍🏽

    People change as they experience life. Some people change in different shifts but eventually merge paths, some people change along the same path, some people's paths diverge.

    I walked down the aisle knowing my marriage would end, but that it was supposed to happen. We were a good match as far as backgrounds, but t wasn't great when real opinions, thoughts, etc started to emerge. Was it worth it looking back? Yes, with no hesitation. The pain, hurt, etc... still worth it for the invaluable experiences I gained.

    Is it marriage that is really an issue? Or is it dedication? You can be dedicated to someone without being legally tied to them.

    @slessofme your right, experience helps shapes you. Atleast now I know before entering a relationship I know from the off what I do and don’t want
  • Hotelsma
    Hotelsma Posts: 404 Member
    dethstar77 wrote: »
    I have been with my girl for 27 years married nearly 20. I dont regret a single moment of it, even though we are going through a very tough time right now. I will never give up on her or us. When I say she is the love of my life, I truly mean it.

    @dethstar77 luv hearing stories like this. I guess I don’t here them as often. Hope you guys sort thru it bro 👊🏽
  • XxFunctionalStrengthxX
    XxFunctionalStrengthxX Posts: 2,466 Member
    Is marriage worth it? Only you can answer that question by looking at the end goal and what's most important. Some people think that marriage is the last step in a relationship. Others look at it as a means to an end for financial, security or emotional needs.

    IMO, too many focus on the marriage and not the relationship. As @slessofme said, you can be dedicated to someone without being legally bound to them. Which, really is nothing more than a government and religious sanctioned event. I know a few people who have been in a relationship for many years and didn't get married. I also know of at least one couple who finally decided to get married and within two years they were divorced and never spoke to one another again.

    Focus on the person you're in a relationship with. Don't worry about marriage until you both think it's right. If you're being pressured into getting married by friends, family or the person you're in a relationship with, then it's all for the wrong reasons.
  • Hotelsma
    Hotelsma Posts: 404 Member
    Is marriage worth it? Only you can answer that question by looking at the end goal and what's most important. Some people think that marriage is the last step in a relationship. Others look at it as a means to an end for financial, security or emotional needs.

    IMO, too many focus on the marriage and not the relationship. As @slessofme said, you can be dedicated to someone without being legally bound to them. Which, really is nothing more than a government and religious sanctioned event. I know a few people who have been in a relationship for many years and didn't get married. I also know of at least one couple who finally decided to get married and within two years they were divorced and never spoke to one another again.

    Focus on the person you're in a relationship with. Don't worry about marriage until you both think it's right. If you're being pressured into getting married by friends, family or the person you're in a relationship with, then it's all for the wrong reasons.

    @XxFunctionalStrengthxX i guess the pressure is Coming from a good place. Nobody wants to see me lonely and want me to be happy

    Thank you
  • jjpptt2
    jjpptt2 Posts: 5,650 Member
    Hotelsma wrote: »
    Is marriage worth it? Only you can answer that question by looking at the end goal and what's most important. Some people think that marriage is the last step in a relationship. Others look at it as a means to an end for financial, security or emotional needs.

    IMO, too many focus on the marriage and not the relationship. As @slessofme said, you can be dedicated to someone without being legally bound to them. Which, really is nothing more than a government and religious sanctioned event. I know a few people who have been in a relationship for many years and didn't get married. I also know of at least one couple who finally decided to get married and within two years they were divorced and never spoke to one another again.

    Focus on the person you're in a relationship with. Don't worry about marriage until you both think it's right. If you're being pressured into getting married by friends, family or the person you're in a relationship with, then it's all for the wrong reasons.

    @XxFunctionalStrengthxX i guess the pressure is Coming from a good place. Nobody wants to see me lonely and want me to be happy

    Thank you

    But why does not married = lonely? Loneliness is a related to companionship, not institution or contract.
  • Hotelsma
    Hotelsma Posts: 404 Member
    Diatonic12 wrote: »
    There's no such thing as a perfect relationship/marriage because people are flawed. If you're looking for the perfect marriage you'll be hard pressed to ever step into the arena. Water seeks its own level. You can always find marriage misery on a daily basis if you look for it.

    Yes, there are horrible marriages where parties stay together because it's cheaper to keep them. They're miserable and they refuse to seek counseling or even try to change their situation. They spend years railing and griping about their mates....doing what they've always done and getting what they've always gotten. Nothing. No change and no growth and zero happiness.

    On the other hand, there are those who love their mates all of the days of their life. I know people like that. My father is gone but he never had anything but love and respect for my mother. His dying words were ....Please take care of your mother for me. I will and I am. He left me a legacy of love and my mother would tell you that it was soooo worth it. She'd do it all over again. The half has not been told.

    @Diatonic12 thank you for sharing this story, heartwarming. Your old man sounded like a good dude
  • Hotelsma
    Hotelsma Posts: 404 Member
    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    Hotelsma wrote: »
    Is marriage worth it? Only you can answer that question by looking at the end goal and what's most important. Some people think that marriage is the last step in a relationship. Others look at it as a means to an end for financial, security or emotional needs.

    IMO, too many focus on the marriage and not the relationship. As @slessofme said, you can be dedicated to someone without being legally bound to them. Which, really is nothing more than a government and religious sanctioned event. I know a few people who have been in a relationship for many years and didn't get married. I also know of at least one couple who finally decided to get married and within two years they were divorced and never spoke to one another again.

    Focus on the person you're in a relationship with. Don't worry about marriage until you both think it's right. If you're being pressured into getting married by friends, family or the person you're in a relationship with, then it's all for the wrong reasons.

    @XxFunctionalStrengthxX i guess the pressure is Coming from a good place. Nobody wants to see me lonely and want me to be happy

    Thank you

    But why does not married = lonely? Loneliness is a related to companionship, not institution or contract.

    @jjpptt2 i think that’s what it’s more to do with, companionship than marriage perse.
  • XxFunctionalStrengthxX
    XxFunctionalStrengthxX Posts: 2,466 Member
    Hotelsma wrote: »
    Is marriage worth it? Only you can answer that question by looking at the end goal and what's most important. Some people think that marriage is the last step in a relationship. Others look at it as a means to an end for financial, security or emotional needs.

    IMO, too many focus on the marriage and not the relationship. As @slessofme said, you can be dedicated to someone without being legally bound to them. Which, really is nothing more than a government and religious sanctioned event. I know a few people who have been in a relationship for many years and didn't get married. I also know of at least one couple who finally decided to get married and within two years they were divorced and never spoke to one another again.

    Focus on the person you're in a relationship with. Don't worry about marriage until you both think it's right. If you're being pressured into getting married by friends, family or the person you're in a relationship with, then it's all for the wrong reasons.

    @XxFunctionalStrengthxX i guess the pressure is Coming from a good place. Nobody wants to see me lonely and want me to be happy

    Thank you

    If you're being pressured to do something you don't want, or not ready to, then it isn't good by any means. You can be single and happy, you can be married and in complete misery. Yeah, it sucks being the third or fifth wheel at times. But if you're happy and single, who cares?

  • cowsfan12
    cowsfan12 Posts: 6,031 Member
    It’s different for everyone dude - it’s 50/50 odds. If you like those odds shoot your shot man - if not don’t do it - I think marriage is bs but I’m also a jaded Middle Aged divorced dude so take that with a grain of salt
  • Hotelsma
    Hotelsma Posts: 404 Member
    Hotelsma wrote: »
    Is marriage worth it? Only you can answer that question by looking at the end goal and what's most important. Some people think that marriage is the last step in a relationship. Others look at it as a means to an end for financial, security or emotional needs.

    IMO, too many focus on the marriage and not the relationship. As @slessofme said, you can be dedicated to someone without being legally bound to them. Which, really is nothing more than a government and religious sanctioned event. I know a few people who have been in a relationship for many years and didn't get married. I also know of at least one couple who finally decided to get married and within two years they were divorced and never spoke to one another again.

    Focus on the person you're in a relationship with. Don't worry about marriage until you both think it's right. If you're being pressured into getting married by friends, family or the person you're in a relationship with, then it's all for the wrong reasons.

    @XxFunctionalStrengthxX i guess the pressure is Coming from a good place. Nobody wants to see me lonely and want me to be happy

    Thank you

    If you're being pressured to do something you don't want, or not ready to, then it isn't good by any means. You can be single and happy, you can be married and in complete misery. Yeah, it sucks being the third or fifth wheel at times. But if you're happy and single, who cares?

    I guess I’m making things more complicated than it needs to be. Whilst I’m am pretty happy to be single it’s always nice to have someone. Damm lockdown for me thinking too much lol
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    @Hotelsma It's not bragging if it's true. Paw was one of the finest men on the face of the earth. There is nothing he wouldn't do or give for his family. He gave his all including the best childhood a kid could ever hope for in a place that words cannot describe.
  • Hotelsma
    Hotelsma Posts: 404 Member
    cowsfan12 wrote: »
    It’s different for everyone dude - it’s 50/50 odds. If you like those odds shoot your shot man - if not don’t do it - I think marriage is bs but I’m also a jaded Middle Aged divorced dude so take that with a grain of salt

    Never the best odds 😂
  • Hotelsma
    Hotelsma Posts: 404 Member
    edited April 2021
    Diatonic12 wrote: »
    @Hotelsma It's not bragging if it's true. Paw was one of the finest men on the face of the earth. There is nothing he wouldn't do or give for his family. He gave his all including the best childhood a kid could ever hope for in a place that words cannot describe.


    Ahmen 🙏🏾

    More often than not the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree👍🏽
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    @Hotelsma I'm thinking about who I'm going to fix you up with. ;) We'd take you in and keep ya.
  • Hotelsma
    Hotelsma Posts: 404 Member
    edited April 2021
    Diatonic12 wrote: »
    @Hotelsma I'm thinking about who I'm going to fix you up with. ;) We'd take you in and keep ya.

    @Diatonic12 if there’s Mac and cheese on the table I’m in 😂

    And snickers, see previous threads if you missed it
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    Hotelsma wrote: »
    Diatonic12 wrote: »
    @Hotelsma I'm thinking about who I'm going to fix you up with. ;) We'd take you in and keep ya.

    @Diatonic12 if you got Mac and cheese I’m there 😂 We got it. It was one of Paw's favorites, too.
  • Deadman_Diggingup
    Deadman_Diggingup Posts: 3,082 Member
    Hotelsma wrote: »
    You would decide on a life long commitment based on what your friends think? You’re already looking at it wrong.

    @Deadman_Diggingup not entirely but it does not feel me with confidence. Nowadays people don’t show the commitment like before.

    How should I be looking at it

    No one can answer your questions but you. No one can tell you what YOU see as worthy of a commitment. If you’re in a relationship where you are not confident in its longevity or a level of commitment from your partner that satisfies you, then marriage shouldn’t even be a concern.

    “Nowadays people don’t show the commitment like before”.... compared to what, exactly? Your parent’s generation? Your grandparents?