Is Marriage worth it???

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13

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  • Hotelsma
    Hotelsma Posts: 404 Member
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    Diatonic12 wrote: »
    Hotelsma wrote: »
    Diatonic12 wrote: »
    @Hotelsma I'm thinking about who I'm going to fix you up with. ;) We'd take you in and keep ya.

    @Diatonic12 if you got Mac and cheese I’m there 😂 We got it. It was one of Paw's favorites, too.

    The mans a legend 🙌🏽
  • snowflake954
    snowflake954 Posts: 8,399 Member
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    Married 36 years to a man I love. Not perfect and I'm not either. Marriage grows and changes as time passes. It's work. You have to sacrifice sometimes and sometimes they do. What I notice with my husbands cousins that are not married is that they lack this elasticity. They are set in their ways and there is no room for another. Things are all fine until you get old and need help. Living alone can be scary. Companionship with someone who knows you deeply and shares interests is fulfilling.

    That does not mean that I think you should just rush in and marry anybody. You need to find the right person--a good fit, physically and mentally. Keep looking. Maybe you need to look in new places. Good luck.
  • Hotelsma
    Hotelsma Posts: 404 Member
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    KHMcG wrote: »
    To have the perfect marriage you need to be perfect. I wouldn't worry about how perfect the other person is. You have no control over that... wink wink

    Mercy, grace and forgiveness are needed for any friendship or marriage. Learn to forgive yourself and realize if you cannot be perfect it is not reasonable to expect someone else to be either.

    It is important to have joy as a single person prior to a relationship. Expecting the relationship or another individual to be the source of your joy is not right or sustainable.

    This is where I’ve went wrong thinking companionship will solve all my problems but you’re right one love themselves first before loving anybody else
  • Hotelsma
    Hotelsma Posts: 404 Member
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    Married 36 years to a man I love. Not perfect and I'm not either. Marriage grows and changes as time passes. It's work. You have to sacrifice sometimes and sometimes they do. What I notice with my husbands cousins that are not married is that they lack this elasticity. They are set in their ways and there is no room for another. Things are all fine until you get old and need help. Living alone can be scary. Companionship with someone who knows you deeply and shares interests is fulfilling.

    That does not mean that I think you should just rush in and marry anybody. You need to find the right person--a good fit, physically and mentally. Keep looking. Maybe you need to look in new places. Good luck.

    @snowflake954 congrats on making 36 years. These stories always brings a smile to my face.

    Yeah once lockdown is over I may get back into the meat market lol zoom dating isn’t the one
  • Hotelsma
    Hotelsma Posts: 404 Member
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    Hotelsma wrote: »
    You would decide on a life long commitment based on what your friends think? You’re already looking at it wrong.

    @Deadman_Diggingup not entirely but it does not feel me with confidence. Nowadays people don’t show the commitment like before.

    How should I be looking at it

    No one can answer your questions but you. No one can tell you what YOU see as worthy of a commitment. If you’re in a relationship where you are not confident in its longevity or a level of commitment from your partner that satisfies you, then marriage shouldn’t even be a concern.

    “Nowadays people don’t show the commitment like before”.... compared to what, exactly? Your parent’s generation? Your grandparents?

    Yes lol. I know things have changed but I know so many people in my generation who divorcing by the numbers. But I’ve take on a lot of good advice from this thread now so thank you all 👍🏽
  • Jennliftsandspins
    Jennliftsandspins Posts: 150 Member
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    For us it is. We’ve been married nearly 21 years and lived together for 2 before our wedding. We have 3 perfect boys. We’ve talked about it and don’t really understand the “marriage is work” or “marriage is hard”. Honestly, for us it isn’t work or hard. It’s a pleasure and a blessing. We are best friends and laugh so much every day. Our family motto is “Teamwork!” We are also probably both annoyingly optimistic, positive people as well.

    So yes. Totally worth it!
  • Annawan24
    Annawan24 Posts: 287 Member
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    Marriage definitely has it's ups and downs. For me marriage was worth it. I've been married coming up on 18 years, been with my husband for 29 years. Although you don't need to be married to experience love, children, stability etc... it was important to me. Marriage is not for everyone and I will never shun someone for not getting married, to each their own.

    However, I do find marriage pointless when you are going one 3, 4, 5 etc... marriages. I don't think you need a marriage certificate to have a relationship with someone.
  • Hotelsma
    Hotelsma Posts: 404 Member
    edited April 2021
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    For us it is. We’ve been married nearly 21 years and lived together for 2 before our wedding. We have 3 perfect boys. We’ve talked about it and don’t really understand the “marriage is work” or “marriage is hard”. Honestly, for us it isn’t work or hard. It’s a pleasure and a blessing. We are best friends and laugh so much every day. Our family motto is “Teamwork!” We are also probably both annoyingly optimistic, positive people as well.

    So yes. Totally worth it!

    Seems like your secret is both you and your husband are totally Kool people. Wish you another 22 years together 🙂
  • Hotelsma
    Hotelsma Posts: 404 Member
    edited April 2021
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    Annawan24 wrote: »
    Marriage definitely has it's ups and downs. For me marriage was worth it. I've been married coming up on 18 years, been with my husband for 29 years. Although you don't need to be married to experience love, children, stability etc... it was important to me. Marriage is not for everyone and I will never shun someone for not getting married, to each their own.

    However, I do find marriage pointless when you are going one 3, 4, 5 etc... marriages. I don't think you need a marriage certificate to have a relationship with someone.

    👍🏽 Thank you for your wisdom. Didn’t think I’d get this many responses
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,507 Member
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    Just_Mel_ wrote: »
    No. Just live in sin. No need to get the government involved.

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  • MelG7777
    MelG7777 Posts: 14,184 Member
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    It also depends on what “worth it” means to you. Not that you should go into marriage thinking “well we’ll see how long this lasts”. But can appreciate the good years? The experiences? Kids if you had them? Was it all for nothing because it didn’t last? Idk....I guess you have figure that out for yourself. I’ve had friendships and relationships that haven’t lasted but I’ve never thought “wish that relationship never existed”. (I’m not talking abusive situations obviously. That’s totally different. I’m just talking 2 people who loved and gave it a good shot and then it still didn’t work.)
  • XxFunctionalStrengthxX
    XxFunctionalStrengthxX Posts: 2,466 Member
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    MelG7777 wrote: »
    It also depends on what “worth it” means to you. Not that you should go into marriage thinking “well we’ll see how long this lasts”. But can appreciate the good years? The experiences? Kids if you had them? Was it all for nothing because it didn’t last? Idk....I guess you have figure that out for yourself. I’ve had friendships and relationships that haven’t lasted but I’ve never thought “wish that relationship never existed”. (I’m not talking abusive situations obviously. That’s totally different. I’m just talking 2 people who loved and gave it a good shot and then it still didn’t work.)

    So true. The relationships I've been in, even if they weren't all that good, are a learning opportunity.
  • Thoin
    Thoin Posts: 942 Member
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    Just_Mel_ wrote: »
    No. Just live in sin. No need to get the government involved.

    This is what I came here to say.
  • MaltedTea
    MaltedTea Posts: 6,286 Member
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    (...wonders if @KHMcG is her brother...) I think you posted 3x and everything was "Yup 🤷🏿‍♀️"

    And to mirror the ever-wise @Revolu7, a challenge is to be accepted for growth 💪🏿

    I'm just not sure marriage, in and of itself, needs to be challenging, @Hotelsma. The premise of the question/concern is flawed to me 🤔

    True; there's a high probability of challenging events that the couple will need to face.

    Mutually choosing to intimately relate to someone you can communicate with goes such a long way in most things. You're better set up to manage challenges with love, endurance, grace, and patience 🥰
  • OpheliaCooter
    OpheliaCooter Posts: 1,635 Member
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    What a good read, thanks guys. I think a lot of good comments were made.
  • MidlifeCrisisFitness
    MidlifeCrisisFitness Posts: 1,106 Member
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    @MaltedTea Welcome sister!
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,507 Member
    edited April 2021
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    What is this "it", in the phase "worth it", that everyone is talking about ??