Why do I sabotage myself

Hiawassee88 wrote: »

Moderating or managing our mindset is the most challenging part of anything we want to do.
Keep your head engaged in the process.

There is an emotional hit of happiness when you eat without delay or moderating yourself on the weekends. Learning not to fall back into the all or nothing mindset, good foods or bad foods, good girl or bad boy mentality is going to take cognitive behavioral changes.

Even those who've been at this for a decade or more can easily be led astray by current moods. We are human. Our individual emotional regulation contributes towards our impulsive or spontaneous choices. Our moods serve and drive us. They make our immediate desires more seductive and enticing.

This wrestling within ourselves is going to go on for the rest of our lives. That's why we ended UP here in the first place. There are super humans who have it all figured out and they just come by all of the right decisions naturally. Their bodies and minds know everything.

Each time a human practices 'delay choice', the ability to repeat that behavior improves. Choosing a distant goal is hard work. Successful people are so deeply rooted in attaining that distant goal that immediate rewards, not attached to that goal, becomes irrelevant. Consistent daily habitual choice builds up to long term success.

AnnPT77 wrote: »

Manda5352 wrote: »

I have lost 70 lbs before, and gain so back. I'm trying to lose again, and I do good during the week and mess up on weekends. How can I try to stop this cycle 😭

I didn't do this as much while losing, but nowadays (in maintenance) I eat a little under calorie goal most days, in order to indulge a bit on other days - "calorie banking". This can be done during loss, but at either phase, I'd keep the differential small (if it's a 5-days-lower-cals thing), like 100-150 calories, tops. Even then, it would be more compatible with a slower overall loss rate, and not a good idea if going pedal-to-the-metal two pounds a week or more loss (even going to 1% a week or more is aggressive at lighter weights, with less to lose).

Some people eat at a calorie deficit during the week - whatever MFP recommends - then at maintenance on weekend, during loss.

If your weekend indulgence is "I've been going hard and darn it I deserve it", consider being less aggressive in your weight loss rate goal. Weight management is a lifelong endeavor for those of us who have a tendency to overweight, not a quick project with an end date, after which things "go back to normal". The latter is the yo-yo lifestyle, probably the most health-risking route.

Because weight management is forever, IMO that puts a premium on figuring out, sometime during weight loss, what the relatively-happy habits are that will keep us at a healthy weight forever almost on autopilot, because willpower/motivation aren't something that many of us can keep going full-bore forever. If you need to eat more on weekends to have a happy life, figure out how to make that work.

Another option to consider is being more active on the weekends, if - like many people - you have more schedule flexibility then. This can be workouts, or just active recreation like walks, biking, dancing, active games (video/VR ones, or outdoor/gym ones), frisbee, pickleball/ping-pong/tennis, etc.

On the other hand, if your weekend indulgence is more about habit, or social triggers, think about how you might replace your old (undesired) habits with new ones that better support your goals. It's usually easier to break a habit by establishing a replacement habit, vs. just going cold-turkey.

If boredom/habit is in the picture, consider resuming an old non-food hobby or starting a new one. Bonus if the hobby requires clean hands (sketching, needlework, playing a musical instrument, etc.) or creates dirty ones (painting, gardening, carpentry, etc.).

If there are social triggers, think how you can be in the social situation in a slightly more calorie-efficient way, either eating/drinking fewer calories, or moving a bit more. It doesn't have to be perfect right ways, maybe just go for a little more goal-supportive habits, a little at a time. Examples: If you enjoy happy hour with your friends, drink a glass of water between each round of alcoholic drinks, and nurse the water a bit like you would the alcohol (if you would); or choose a less caloric drink (like vodka and non-calorie soda). If your friends tend to apply pressure to drink, start with vodka and plain soda plus a slice, quietly ask your server to switch you to soda/slice after the first one (. . . or find more supportive friends . . . ?). If you go out to eat, look over the menus ahead of time, find a bit more healthful or calorie-efficient choice that you'd still enjoy. Thinks that are slow to eat can work better than things that go down quickly, because satiation has more time to kick in with the slower-to-eat food.

Generally, long-term weight management is going to be a sequence of analysis and problem-solving strategies. You don't have to revolutionize everything all at once: If it's easier, just chip away at improvements, and you'll be surprised how far you can go, with persistence over time.

For sure, don't beat yourself up, or feel guilty. It burns no extra calories, and feels icky. Just give a little thought to what you can learn, and experiment with what you can change. You'll do fine.