discouraged and nervous to see my momster....

You'll be fine. You were strong enough to get it under control when you moved out of her house, and although mothers do have the ability to send us all back to feeling like children again, you will be fine. Chin up

would it help if you talk to your mom and explain what you are going thru and how she affects you? Some ppl dont realize how they affect other ppl unless you put it all out on the table....... just a thought!

losing 23 pounds is nothing to sneeze at. you are doing great and you will lose more. sometimes, however, the body needs a break and isn't "ready" to lose weight every week...despite all of your best efforts. keep in mind that you are doing things, not just for weight loss, but to be healthier and happier. that's something you can succeed at EVERY DAY...even on days where the scale isn't cooperating. The scale will come around as well.

As for your mother, I think its time you told her how her comments make you feel and how they are counter productive to continued success. Let her know that you have been working hard, have lost weight, improved your health, and plan on continuing the same actions....and that you really need and appreciate her positive encouragement and support. If she can't comply, then try to tell yourself that you see her only twice in a year and even though she's your mother, she's not acting like one and you can focus on your goals without her.

You have done so well already dont let this send you backwards.

Having said that i do understand exactly where you are coming from as i have a simillar situation, my mum continually berated me about my weight but has never doen the same with my sister who is much bigger than i am. You are stong you are taking charge of your situation, keep hold of the feelings of how good you feel about your weight loss.

It's sad but there will come a time when it will roll off. It happened with my dad. It took me a long time to be able to not feel that heart hurt when he insulted me and just rolled my eyes but it did happen. I would have preffered he changed into someone supportive but I learned I can only control me and that I was in control of how much I let his comments and judgement hurt me. It took a long time and I do truly hope that your Mom changes where my Dad didn't. Good luck and don't dispair! The scale doesn't really tell an accurate story all the time! Think more that all your hard work went internal this week and now your heart is stronger and leaner and meaner!

I have a good friend whose mother completely screwed up her self-image, so I can sort of understand where you're coming from. It's hard, but you have to let your mother own her actions while you own yours. Don't do this for her - do it for YOU. Recognize that when she's mean, or says hurtful things, it's a projection of something mean and hurtful inside her, and really doesn't have anything to do you with. If you try to measure up against someone else's expectations, and they're always moving the goal posts, it will amplify your sense of discouragement. Instead, focus on your own goals, your own reasons for getting fit, and if your mom gets to be too much, be confident and direct and say to her, "Mom, I'm working really hard to get in shape, and your comments right now are extremely hurtful and not helpful. If you insist on continuing with this subject, I won't engage with you further." And then DO IT - if she keeps talking about your size/weight/whatever, change the subject. Bring up something else. Remember that you aren't a child any longer, and focus on all the positive and wonderful steps you've taken in this journey.

It will be extremely hard, especially because she's your mom, but I wish you all the success and strength in the world in dealing with it. That said, no-loss days are extremely frustrating, especially when you've been working out and eating right. Don't let it get to you - I read a really great blog on here a couple days ago where the author charted his daily weight loss over 6 months. There were lots of peaks and valleys, but always a downward trend. The body does weird stuff sometimes; just know that you are doing the right things, and even if the scale sucks today, you will still see progress. Maybe also take your measurements, to see if you are losing inches. Good luck!

Oh, bless your heart! Nightmare! It's so hard to retain perspective especially about our family, when family is complicated...

But I'd really like to add something re: weight loss. I have just gained 1.6 pounds in the 4 days since joining, during which time I have (similarly to your report of your habits) stuck fairly faithfully to my meal plan, and worked out very hard.

However, I've lost half an inch in my waist in the same period.

Are you measuring yourself?

I believe I gain muscle fast. I have seen this happen a few times, now and have to stop myself from being super disappointed by the number on the scale.

Also remember, for your overall weight-loss perspective, that stress and sleeplessness can go a long way to screwing up your efforts - even without stress-eating or other related actions, both things can really interfere with your overall hormone cycles and how you burn and store energy, even if you're eating well and still working out. So while you're waiting to see your mom (I have a close friend with a very similar story, re: high school and body image, etc. etc.), maybe make sure to take some time for conscious relaxation, centering, deep breathing and enough sleep. Your mom may notice how well you look or she may never notice at all if she's personally committed to finding fault with all things (probably herself at the top of the list) - just matters that you live it...

It sounds like you are the stronger woman. I know how hard it is ... my grandma has always been critical and since her stroke has not filtered anything she says. She told my mom (who's just lost 10 lbs in the last couple months) that she looks like she's gaining weight, and about a month ago told me that I sure am big (my reply "I certainly hope so - there's a baby in there, remember?") It's normal to want the approval of someone we generally look up to an love.

As far as the scale not moving - are you measuring yourself as well? With the exercise you're doing, there can be weeks when you don't really lose much weight-wise, but can lose some in inches. Try tracking your body fat % too, if you can. And, either way, the lifestyle changes you are making are creating a better, healthier body for you!

If your mom does make a negative comment about your weight or how you look, tell her that you've been working very hard, you've lost 23 pounds, and your body is healthier now than ever before and it hurts you that she only sees flaws. Maybe that will open her eyes.

You have done amazing. Try not to focus on her and what she wants and doesn’t want. I know easier said than done I have one too. You know the old joke about how she can always push your buttons because she installed them… Take your feelings now and create a “mantra” of sorts to prepare yourself. For example (and this is really rough): “My mother makes me feel like a 2” failure who nobody would ever like…” Your mantra could be something like “My choices have made me strong and healthy and I have surrounded myself with a solid support system of people who are with me on this journey…” Then repeat it to yourself before you get together and as she pushes your buttons it will come up in your head. You are now armed and protected.

I have a good friend whose mother completely screwed up her self-image, so I can sort of understand where you're coming from. It's hard, but you have to let your mother own her actions while you own yours. Don't do this for her - do it for YOU. Recognize that when she's mean, or says hurtful things, it's a projection of something mean and hurtful inside her, and really doesn't have anything to do you with. If you try to measure up against someone else's expectations, and they're always moving the goal posts, it will amplify your sense of discouragement. Instead, focus on your own goals, your own reasons for getting fit, and if your mom gets to be too much, be confident and direct and say to her, "Mom, I'm working really hard to get in shape, and your comments right now are extremely hurtful and not helpful. If you insist on continuing with this subject, I won't engage with you further." And then DO IT - if she keeps talking about your size/weight/whatever, change the subject. Bring up something else. Remember that you aren't a child any longer, and focus on all the positive and wonderful steps you've taken in this journey.

It will be extremely hard, especially because she's your mom, but I wish you all the success and strength in the world in dealing with it. That said, no-loss days are extremely frustrating, especially when you've been working out and eating right. Don't let it get to you - I read a really great blog on here a couple days ago where the author charted his daily weight loss over 6 months. There were lots of peaks and valleys, but always a downward trend. The body does weird stuff sometimes; just know that you are doing the right things, and even if the scale sucks today, you will still see progress. Maybe also take your measurements, to see if you are losing inches. Good luck!

^^^^^Very well said. We could have the same mom. Some people just need to put others down to feel better about themselves. My own mom has very few friends and three of my siblings have no contact with her due to her behavior(different issues for each one of us). I "divorced" her for about 11 months 30 years ago so that I could decide how to handle her challenging behavior. It was the best thing I've ever done. You can be firm without being disrespectful to her. I still have a relationship with her, but I know she is not ever going to be the mom I had hoped for. She is however my mom and I need that in my life occasionally. Best of luck. Rememberto get healthy for YOU, don't lose weight to please her. EVER.

My solution to your scale? Have yourself a cheat day. Just one. It's okay.
My solution to your mom? Therapy and a back bone. People can only make you feel the way you allow them to make you feel. As soon as you set boundaries and respect yourself, they no longer have impact.

I'm sorry but personally I would cancel on mom. I'm sure you love her and want to see her, but do you really have to see her next week? You have made amazing progress, 23 lbs is nothing to sneeze at and shows a lot of hard work and dedication. Subjecting yourself to possible negetive imput may well mess up your progress, in fact, the fact that you didn't lose any weight this week could be because you are stressing so much about your meeting with your mother to begin with. One thing I have learned over the years is so many things play a part in our weight gains and not just because we eat the wrong foods and don't exercise. Stress and lack of sleep can play a part as well and it sounds like you are really stressing here.

Not sure if you have tried counseling, but it may help you. Sounds like you have a lot of anger issues with your mother, granted they may be justified, but you are now a grown woman and responsible for your own actions. If you are only trying to lose weight to make your mother happy, you will never reach your goal. YOU HAVE TO WANT IT FOR YOU! No parent is perfect and perhaps your mother thought she was helping you and didn't realize the damage she was causing. I don't know, but it's time to let it go or it will always be in your way.

Please don't think I'm trying to be mean, I'm really trying to offer what I hope is good advice. I've been on the diet/weight loss roller coaster for many years myself. I've seen others that have held on to anger and hurt from past experiences destroy a lot of hard work because they couldn't let go. It's time to put the past away and if that means not seeing your mother until you are better able to deal with her and the issues you have with each other than I would find a good excuse to cancel. I bet if you did and the stress was gone you would see a nice weight loss on the scales next week.

Good luck in what ever you decide.

AH! If you are my friend on here, today you may have noticed my status that said I was discouraged because I weighed in, but didn't lose anything and am feeling SO discouraged.

Here's the thing, I'm not getting ready to start my period so it's not that, and I work out 6 days a week and I really am SO smart and careful about what I eat. I haven't had a "cheat day" or anything like that. The reason I was so discouraged is because I was actually excited to step on the scale this morning expecting a loss based on how hard I've been working! :-( SO sad....

But more so than that is my fear of seeing my mom....

*WARNING- PERSONAL REVEALING DETAILS BELOW*

My mom is the reason I am bigger in the first place because you see, when I was 15years old, I was 5'6" and weighed 130 pounds. but she insisted I needed to lose a few vanity pounds and thus sent me into an out of control spiral of failed weight loss attempts resulting in a severe gain over the years. As I gained, she got meaner and meaner with her comments which resulted in me gaining more and more weight. I got it under control when I moved out of the house at 18 and was no longer under her watchful eye.

I only see her a couple times a year, and every time I see her, I'm regressed right back to my high school days where she has the ability to make me feel 2 inches tall.

I've done so well, and I see her one week from today. I so badly want her to notice and think I look good. I feel so good about myself and I ONE time want to feel good about myself around her too. I was really hoping to shed just a few more lbs before I see her!

Sorry for the vent, rough morning....

I don't like being critical, but as a person, I know how hurt you must have felt. As a mother too, she should've helped you feel loved, not the opposite. I think that you should worry about what you think of yourself. Your mother has no control over you anymore. You've lost a great amount of weight. You are dedicated in what you are doing, because you want to live a healthier lifestyle. Love yourself first. Put yourself first in everything - this isn't selfish - and then address this issue with your mother. Sometimes, all it takes to fix a problem is to talk.

If it doesn't work, be proud that you tried to mend things with your mother. But remember, don't feel bad. You are beautiful and no one can belittle you, unless you allow them. Be positive when you see her. Look in the mirror and congratulate yourself for what you've accomplished in your life. Smile and the world will smile with you! Best of luck in everything that you do!