Dating a guy who doesn’t workout…
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Hey everyone! So I’m talking to this guy that I met through an online app and we’ve even spoken about marriage so things have gotten pretty serious. There’s only one thing irking me and that is that he doesn’t exercise at all. And I’m attracted to muscular men…especially big shoulders. I find skinny guys unattractive. I told him about this and he said he doesn’t have time to workout because he works 12 hour shifts from 7am-7pm. He wake up at 5am and gets home and eats dinner at 8-9pm then sleeps. Rinse and repeat. I told him that he could try 10-15 min workouts 3 times a week if he doesn’t have time and he said he’s too tired. He also has cold hands too. I’m so put off by this because I would like my future husband to be strong, manly and capable. Not weak, tired and incapable. Imagine in the future I ask him to lift something heavy and he can’t? I don’t know what to do and I don’t know if I’m just over thinking this! Really need some help and insights. Oh and in terms of age I’m 29 and he’s 31.
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Replies
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In terms of have you even met yet....have you even met yet?5
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Ok, well, pardon my bluntness but you're talking marriage with someone who it seems you already don't fully accept. I'm assuming you've at least done the picture thing so you know what he looks like. I'm also assuming you think you can change his attitude about working out. Maybe you can but most likely, you can't.
And about you wanting your future husband to be strong, manly, and capable. Look at my avatar. You KNOW what I'm going to say. 😁8 -
If your mental and spiritual attraction is strong that should carry you through. Physicality only lasts for so long. It’s how he makes you feel and how he treats you that matters most imo. His work situation may not always be as strenuous and that may change. But if this means more to you than anything else you may reconsider what you are getting yourself into.3
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First, meet him. If there are sparks, then there may be a future there. His long hours mean he won't have much time for you, if you marry. Perhaps he's thinking of changing jobs and will eventually have normal hours.
He may never be interested in working out. You don't marry someone with the idea of changing them to suit you. Love is what's important and give and take in a relationship. It's work.3 -
If you want a dude That works out then - find one - I say don’t settle if you do you could have some resentment later - I also think talkin marriage with someone you’ve yet to actually meet irl well that red flag peaches is waving above should be a lot bigger - but that’s just me - good luck - if it works out maybe you can pitch the story to hallmark and make some
Bank. Yo4 -
If you want a dude That works out then - find one - I say don’t settle if you do you could have some resentment later - I also think talkin marriage with someone you’ve yet to actually meet irl well that red flag peaches is waving above should be a lot bigger - but that’s just me - good luck - if it works out maybe you can pitch the story to hallmark and make some
Bank. Yo
I approve this message4 -
Ok, well, pardon my bluntness but you're talking marriage with someone who it seems you already don't fully accept. I'm assuming you've at least done the picture thing so you know what he looks like. I'm also assuming you think you can change his attitude about working out. Maybe you can but most likely, you can't.
And about you wanting your future husband to be strong, manly, and capable. Look at my avatar. You KNOW what I'm going to say. 😁
I didn’t say I’m marrying him. I said we’ve spoken about the concept of marriage because I’m from a traditional background. I don’t want to get to know someone who’s just into hooking up and wasting time.
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If you want a dude That works out then - find one - I say don’t settle if you do you could have some resentment later - I also think talkin marriage with someone you’ve yet to actually meet irl well that red flag peaches is waving above should be a lot bigger - but that’s just me - good luck - if it works out maybe you can pitch the story to hallmark and make some
Bank. Yo
Again…I’m not saying we are getting married. We just spoke about the concept or marriage and it’s something we both want.2 -
snowflake954 wrote: »First, meet him. If there are sparks, then there may be a future there. His long hours mean he won't have much time for you, if you marry. Perhaps he's thinking of changing jobs and will eventually have normal hours.
He may never be interested in working out. You don't marry someone with the idea of changing them to suit you. Love is what's important and give and take in a relationship. It's work.
Yeah okay I’ll see what happens on Sunday then! I’m also aware of the fact that you can’t change someone which is why I’m concerned and he didn’t listen to my concerns.0 -
Ok, well, pardon my bluntness but you're talking marriage with someone who it seems you already don't fully accept. I'm assuming you've at least done the picture thing so you know what he looks like. I'm also assuming you think you can change his attitude about working out. Maybe you can but most likely, you can't.
And about you wanting your future husband to be strong, manly, and capable. Look at my avatar. You KNOW what I'm going to say. 😁
I didn’t say I’m marrying him. I said we’ve spoken about the concept of marriage because I’m from a traditional background. I don’t want to get to know someone who’s just into hooking up and wasting time.
Ok, phew! I think we probably all feel better now. 😁
Still concerned you're concerned he didn't listen to your concerns tho. Is the not being a manly man with manly type strength that much of a deal breaker? What kind of response are you looking from him?
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snowflake954 wrote: »First, meet him. If there are sparks, then there may be a future there. His long hours mean he won't have much time for you, if you marry. Perhaps he's thinking of changing jobs and will eventually have normal hours.
He may never be interested in working out. You don't marry someone with the idea of changing them to suit you. Love is what's important and give and take in a relationship. It's work.
Yeah okay I’ll see what happens on Sunday then! I’m also aware of the fact that you can’t change someone which is why I’m concerned and he didn’t listen to my concerns.
you shouldn’t try to change someone anyway if they are happy with themselves and generally healthy
finding a partner isn’t about molding someone into who you want them to be, that’s kind of toxic
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Ok, well, pardon my bluntness but you're talking marriage with someone who it seems you already don't fully accept. I'm assuming you've at least done the picture thing so you know what he looks like. I'm also assuming you think you can change his attitude about working out. Maybe you can but most likely, you can't.
And about you wanting your future husband to be strong, manly, and capable. Look at my avatar. You KNOW what I'm going to say. 😁
I didn’t say I’m marrying him. I said we’ve spoken about the concept of marriage because I’m from a traditional background. I don’t want to get to know someone who’s just into hooking up and wasting time.
Ok, phew! I think we probably all feel better now. 😁
Still concerned you're concerned he didn't listen to your concerns tho. Is the not being a manly man with manly type strength that much of a deal breaker? What kind of response are you looking from him?
I guess I was hoping for him to say I really want to work towards building a fitness routine because I know it’s good for me. And thank you for suggesting some short workouts for me- that was really helpful too.
☝🏼That’s the kind of response I was expecting from him.
Instead I was met with an array of excuses which shows me that he’s just not passionate about it. Like the way I am. I would feel so weird being stronger and more muscular than my man 😕
1 -
Ok, well, pardon my bluntness but you're talking marriage with someone who it seems you already don't fully accept. I'm assuming you've at least done the picture thing so you know what he looks like. I'm also assuming you think you can change his attitude about working out. Maybe you can but most likely, you can't.
And about you wanting your future husband to be strong, manly, and capable. Look at my avatar. You KNOW what I'm going to say. 😁
I didn’t say I’m marrying him. I said we’ve spoken about the concept of marriage because I’m from a traditional background. I don’t want to get to know someone who’s just into hooking up and wasting time.
Ok, phew! I think we probably all feel better now. 😁
Still concerned you're concerned he didn't listen to your concerns tho. Is the not being a manly man with manly type strength that much of a deal breaker? What kind of response are you looking from him?
I guess I was hoping for him to say I really want to work towards building a fitness routine because I know it’s good for me. And thank you for suggesting some short workouts for me- that was really helpful too.
☝🏼That’s the kind of response I was expecting from him.
Instead I was met with an array of excuses which shows me that he’s just not passionate about it. Like the way I am. I would feel so weird being stronger and more muscular than my man 😕
What does he do for a job? Some men have jobs that incorporate lifting or need strength.0 -
Ok, well, pardon my bluntness but you're talking marriage with someone who it seems you already don't fully accept. I'm assuming you've at least done the picture thing so you know what he looks like. I'm also assuming you think you can change his attitude about working out. Maybe you can but most likely, you can't.
And about you wanting your future husband to be strong, manly, and capable. Look at my avatar. You KNOW what I'm going to say. 😁
I didn’t say I’m marrying him. I said we’ve spoken about the concept of marriage because I’m from a traditional background. I don’t want to get to know someone who’s just into hooking up and wasting time.
Ok, phew! I think we probably all feel better now. 😁
Still concerned you're concerned he didn't listen to your concerns tho. Is the not being a manly man with manly type strength that much of a deal breaker? What kind of response are you looking from him?
I guess I was hoping for him to say I really want to work towards building a fitness routine because I know it’s good for me. And thank you for suggesting some short workouts for me- that was really helpful too.
☝🏼That’s the kind of response I was expecting from him.
Instead I was met with an array of excuses which shows me that he’s just not passionate about it. Like the way I am. I would feel so weird being stronger and more muscular than my man 😕
Its fine to want what you want.....and its fine for him to be how he wants to be. Some may say i workout too much, or am too regulated with how I eat, thats fine, im not for them if that would be a dealbreaker. Im not changing and im not upset if they say it doesnt work for them. Its our right to not settle and look for whatever fits our needs. I wouldnt even sweat it until you meet anyway. There is so much that can sway feelings outside of one common interest once you see if you vibe or not.4 -
I apologize in advance, but this thread really bothers me.
Since OP hasn’t met the person, and may not have seen photos/spoken by video, what makes her think she is stronger and more muscular than this person. Or that he is incapable of lifting things. Regardless, those are both very gendered/sexist attitudes, and also point to only an interest in surface appearances and abilities. If you are strong and work out, why do you need a man to lift things for you? If neither of you can lift what needs lifting, perhaps one or both of you will be accomplished enough to figure out a way to obtain professional help to do what needs doing should the occassion arise.
I hope you will realize that life partners offer more important qualities than looks and brute force. Does this mean you would leave your husband if he ever injured himself, became disabled, got old? Are you willing to uphold the same commitment never to gain weight, get wrinkles or grey hair or saggy breasts or whatever it is that he finds unattractive in women? I hope not. I think you need to think about what marriage means before you start throwing around requests for that commitment so thoughtlessly.
I personally would worry that you are being scammed. I don’t know why anyone would put up with this kind of attitude about their looks, build, cold hands and interests before ever meeting, much less commit that they are supposedly serious enough about the relationship to get married. Whatever you do, don’t send him money for a plane ticket or to fix his car or whatever other thing he needs money for in order to be able to make your date happen.6 -
snowflake954 wrote: »Ok, well, pardon my bluntness but you're talking marriage with someone who it seems you already don't fully accept. I'm assuming you've at least done the picture thing so you know what he looks like. I'm also assuming you think you can change his attitude about working out. Maybe you can but most likely, you can't.
And about you wanting your future husband to be strong, manly, and capable. Look at my avatar. You KNOW what I'm going to say. 😁
I didn’t say I’m marrying him. I said we’ve spoken about the concept of marriage because I’m from a traditional background. I don’t want to get to know someone who’s just into hooking up and wasting time.
Ok, phew! I think we probably all feel better now. 😁
Still concerned you're concerned he didn't listen to your concerns tho. Is the not being a manly man with manly type strength that much of a deal breaker? What kind of response are you looking from him?
I guess I was hoping for him to say I really want to work towards building a fitness routine because I know it’s good for me. And thank you for suggesting some short workouts for me- that was really helpful too.
☝🏼That’s the kind of response I was expecting from him.
Instead I was met with an array of excuses which shows me that he’s just not passionate about it. Like the way I am. I would feel so weird being stronger and more muscular than my man 😕
What does he do for a job? Some men
have jobs that incorporate lifting or need strength.
He has a security job that involves sitting.
1 -
Ok, well, pardon my bluntness but you're talking marriage with someone who it seems you already don't fully accept. I'm assuming you've at least done the picture thing so you know what he looks like. I'm also assuming you think you can change his attitude about working out. Maybe you can but most likely, you can't.
And about you wanting your future husband to be strong, manly, and capable. Look at my avatar. You KNOW what I'm going to say. 😁
I didn’t say I’m marrying him. I said we’ve spoken about the concept of marriage because I’m from a traditional background. I don’t want to get to know someone who’s just into hooking up and wasting time.
Ok, phew! I think we probably all feel better now. 😁
Still concerned you're concerned he didn't listen to your concerns tho. Is the not being a manly man with manly type strength that much of a deal breaker? What kind of response are you looking from him?
I guess I was hoping for him to say I really want to work towards building a fitness routine because I know it’s good for me. And thank you for suggesting some short workouts for me- that was really helpful too.
☝🏼That’s the kind of response I was expecting from him.
Instead I was met with an array of excuses which shows me that he’s just not passionate about it. Like the way I am. I would feel so weird being stronger and more muscular than my man 😕
Its fine to want what you want.....and its fine for him to be how he wants to be. Some may say i workout too much, or am too regulated with how I eat, thats fine, im not for them if that would be a dealbreaker. Im not changing and im not upset if they say it doesnt work for them. Its our right to not settle and look for whatever fits our needs. I wouldnt even sweat it until you meet anyway. There is so much that can sway feelings outside of one common interest once you see if you vibe or not.
Thank you and yes I know I’m not settling for anything that I know I won’t want. I guess I’ll just wait until Sunday and update everyone on how it goes!0 -
I'm gunna be blunt, if you're approaching a relationship with the idea of trying to change your partner to fit into your mold of what's acceptable, then you got it all wrong. Love is accepting your partner unconditionally as is. If you desire to find a partner with said physical attributes, then go and find him, but never try to change someone else to fit your needs.4
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