Dating a guy who doesn’t workout…

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2

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  • xxzenabxx
    xxzenabxx Posts: 935 Member
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    iggy93 wrote: »
    I'm gunna be blunt, if you're approaching a relationship with the idea of trying to change your partner to fit into your mold of what's acceptable, then you got it all wrong. Love is accepting your partner unconditionally as is. If you desire to find a partner with said physical attributes, then go and find him, but never try to change someone else to fit your needs.

    I understand and I don’t want to change him which is why I’ve been thinking about this.
  • glassyo
    glassyo Posts: 7,595 Member
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    I'm gonna need a picture of him :)

    Also, I love all you responders SO MUCH right now.
  • PaperDoll_
    PaperDoll_ Posts: 32,845 Member
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    Is he chunky? I like a little chunk. Send him my way. Thanks 🤗
  • Sinisterbarbie1
    Sinisterbarbie1 Posts: 712 Member
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    @glassyo I never noticed your avatar before - love it!
  • snowflake954
    snowflake954 Posts: 8,399 Member
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    xxzenabxx wrote: »
    glassyo wrote: »
    xxzenabxx wrote: »
    glassyo wrote: »
    Ok, well, pardon my bluntness but you're talking marriage with someone who it seems you already don't fully accept. I'm assuming you've at least done the picture thing so you know what he looks like. I'm also assuming you think you can change his attitude about working out. Maybe you can but most likely, you can't.

    And about you wanting your future husband to be strong, manly, and capable. Look at my avatar. You KNOW what I'm going to say. 😁

    I didn’t say I’m marrying him. I said we’ve spoken about the concept of marriage because I’m from a traditional background. I don’t want to get to know someone who’s just into hooking up and wasting time.

    Ok, phew! I think we probably all feel better now. 😁

    Still concerned you're concerned he didn't listen to your concerns tho. Is the not being a manly man with manly type strength that much of a deal breaker? What kind of response are you looking from him?

    I guess I was hoping for him to say I really want to work towards building a fitness routine because I know it’s good for me. And thank you for suggesting some short workouts for me- that was really helpful too.

    ☝🏼That’s the kind of response I was expecting from him.

    Instead I was met with an array of excuses which shows me that he’s just not passionate about it. Like the way I am. I would feel so weird being stronger and more muscular than my man 😕

    Opposites attract??
  • xxzenabxx
    xxzenabxx Posts: 935 Member
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    PaperDoll_ wrote: »
    Is he chunky? I like a little chunk. Send him my way. Thanks 🤗

    No he’s more on the slim/skinny guy side
  • glassyo
    glassyo Posts: 7,595 Member
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    Sinisterbarbie1 wrote: »
    @glassyo I never noticed your avatar before - love it!

    Thanks! I wish I could live up to it more but I'm more the cheerleader type for some things :) So that's my superpower.

    And being invisible. Got rearended by a car and almost hit while crossing the street like 900 times because I was invisible.

    (Looking forward to the update on Sunday. I don't do relationships so I live vicariously through others. :))
  • Peachesnstuff
    Peachesnstuff Posts: 1,261 Member
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    Knock knock

    We're all waiting for the big update
  • glassyo
    glassyo Posts: 7,595 Member
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    Maybe it went reeeeeeeeeeeeeeally well. :)

    Or reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally bad. Yikes!

  • Sinisterbarbie1
    Sinisterbarbie1 Posts: 712 Member
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    I am hoping she swept him off his feet
  • Peachesnstuff
    Peachesnstuff Posts: 1,261 Member
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    Sinisterbarbie1 wrote: »
    I am hoping she swept him off his feet

    😂
  • glassyo
    glassyo Posts: 7,595 Member
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    Sinisterbarbie1 wrote: »
    I am hoping she swept him off his feet

    With the whole breakdancing move?

    (Look, I just finished Thor: Love and Thunder. Marvel fight scenes DO something to and for me. :))
  • Tigg_er
    Tigg_er Posts: 22,001 Member
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    nossmf wrote: »
    When I was single, I swore I would never DATE a smoker, let alone marry one. She couldn't sleep if somebody nearby was snoring.

    Twenty years of marriage later, my wife still smokes, and I still snore.

    True Love !!
  • Jthanmyfitnesspal
    Jthanmyfitnesspal Posts: 3,521 Member
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    OK, this is the most intriguing thread in a long time. I can't wait to hear what happened!

    Advice: Don't put the cart before the horse. Texting is a good first step; video chatting is a good next step; but you'll learn things in-person that you never would otherwise. Workout habits are pretty far down the compatibility list, I bet. Keep the first meeting short and have it early in the day (coffee, not dinner).

    My qualifications: I've been trying hard to support my now-single family member with her (mostly online) dating over the past year or more. It is clearly very easy to get a bit over-excited from an initial online contact and I don't blame any single person for doing so. While many of her female friends advise her to "just go for it," I advise that she find a way to keep her cool and move slowly. Get multiple irons in the fire. Do some "in-person mixed-sex social activities," if you can. (Man, the fact that you have to call them "in-person mixed-sex social activities" demonstrates how separated we've become. The internet is both enabling us and killing us!) Don't jump to post anything about your dates to social media. (Posting here is fine, we don't know who the heck you are!)
  • xxzenabxx
    xxzenabxx Posts: 935 Member
    edited November 2022
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    ExpressoLove11 wrote: »
    I haven't been in the forums for about a year, maybe more. This is the first thread I see. If you have certain boundaries around what you want in a partner, then that's fine, but it isn't ok to expect someone to suddenly change their whole life to fit with what you want. It's important to share core values, and working out is obviously one of yours, so find a guy who aligns with that. Looks, youth, strength - take it from someone who's lived 3 lives in the last decade - these things are transient. You can't rely on them. One day you might get crippling depression and gain a ton of weight. You might lose your muscle and have to wear your stretchy jeans as your everyday jeans. What you want in those moments is not a man who can bench press you into the sun but a man who will love you even when you may be difficult to love. You want a man who makes you laugh when you're at your lowest, who can empathise, reflect, take accountability, send you videos of ducklings riding on dogs backs because he knows it'll make you smile. Sure, attraction is a carnal and unexplainable thing. It's important you want to jump his bones too. But try and look a little deeper than warm hands. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.

    I guess I just wanted someone on the same wavelength as me. I’m 29 and a typical millennial in the sense that we need to share common interests in order for the relationship to work. We’re not like the older generations unfortunately. I don’t know how my generation ended up like this but it seems pretty ingrained in us now. But I so appreciate the TED talk! Also I’ve suffered from depression and weight gain too so it’s not like I don’t have empathy. Just wanted to share the same passion for health and fitness I guess.

  • ElMeroKeeQue
    ElMeroKeeQue Posts: 542 Member
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    xxzenabxx wrote: »
    Hey everyone! Sorry for the late update….so it didn’t go well in the end unfortunately. Turns out he just wanted to marry me for his visa and I ended up getting my brother involved too. My brother was pissed off with this guy. Now it explains why he was being so sweet and charming. This also explains why he kept mentioning marriage and I do want marriage but not so suddenly. He wanted to marry me in December 2022! I would want to get to know the guy properly before committing to marriage. So yeah, he didn’t do any exercise and he was also after my passport 😐 not good. I’m definitely going to be more careful when it comes to online dating.
    I do apologise if anyone was expecting an amazing love story but unfortunately that didn’t happen.

    Wow. Dodged a bullet there!
  • glassyo
    glassyo Posts: 7,595 Member
    edited November 2022
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    xxzenabxx wrote: »
    Hey everyone! Sorry for the late update….so it didn’t go well in the end unfortunately. Turns out he just wanted to marry me for his visa and I ended up getting my brother involved too. My brother was pissed off with this guy. Now it explains why he was being so sweet and charming. This also explains why he kept mentioning marriage and I do want marriage but not so suddenly. He wanted to marry me in December 2022! I would want to get to know the guy properly before committing to marriage. So yeah, he didn’t do any exercise and he was also after my passport 😐 not good. I’m definitely going to be more careful when it comes to online dating.
    I do apologise if anyone was expecting an amazing love story but unfortunately that didn’t happen.

    I was expecting you not to end up dead in a ditch so thank you for not disappointing! :)

    Sorry about the illegal alien. You have to kiss a lot of frogs and all that...

    Did your brother, at least, do the break dancing move to bring him to his knees? :)

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