Is marriage/monogamy dead?
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I think it depends on what she is wearing.4
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My wife and I are at 20 years married and counting.
My parents are at 47 years married and counting.
My grandparents celebrated 53 and 57 years, respectively, before the death of one half.
Various aunts and uncles are in marriages ranging from 5-35 years and counting. Only one uncle got divorced.
So, yeah. Don't care if we're the exception, we're just happy to be going through life with somebody.6 -
TwitchyMagee wrote: »
Mr. google says that millennials were born from 81 to 96 but I think the dates are a little bit arbitrary. So yes, if you are talking about your particular age bracket then I believe you’re talking specifically about millennials.TwitchyMagee wrote: »
Thanks and I figured but could you clarify something for me? Which generation are you talking about? I figure it’s not boomers. So do you mean Gen X? Millennials? Gen Z? Alphas are probably too young to be included in the discussion. I promise not to belabor this but I am curious about this impression you haveTwitchyMagee wrote: »
Just fyi The divorce rate has been steady for a long time nowAre you under the impression that marriages were happier and healthier at some point in the past?
If so, I strongly recommend that you read up about the history of monogamous marriage in the western world. It's a pretty messed up history actually.
Most relationships are not built to last forever, and that's okay. The benefit now is that people have the ability to leave marriages that are not working, they aren't stuck in them until they die.
FTR, I'm very happily married and have been for years in a marriage that just keeps getting better over time. But this is a second marriage, so yeah, I have no problem seeing divorce and monogamy as totally compatible things. I'm in a tremendously committed, monogamous, wonderful marriage only because divorce is possible.
Just don't expect most relationships to last forever, and try not to see that as a bad thing. It's a good thing when relationships that should last end. It's also a WONDERFUL thing when people who are great together find ways to grow together through life's ups and downs.
Just expect that to be rare. Because it is. And it might take more than one try to get it right.
I'm not saying that relationships/marriage were better in the past. But I would say that people seemed to not give up so easily back then compared to now. With the coming of technology, I'd say that it has had a negative impact on the way we date and have relationships. The coming and going of relationships is a normal part of life, but we are living, in my opinion, in a society where we want instant gratification for everything. And if anything fails to gratify this society instantly, we give up on it. Perhaps it's my
disillusionment with my generation, idk my 2 cents. Congratulations on your happy marriage
People stuck it out because they had fewer options. Women in particular had very few options financially speaking. If my grandmother could’ve left her abusive husband she would’ve. But people consider their marriage a success because they stayed together till he died. That is a poor measure of success. In my opinion, of course.
I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother, no one
should have to stay in a abusive relationship. That said, my opinion on this generation still stands
Hmm maybe you can help answer that for me, I'm a 90s baby, would that make me a millennial? 🤔TwitchyMagee wrote: »
Mr. google says that millennials were born from 81 to 96 but I think the dates are a little bit arbitrary. So yes, if you are talking about your particular age bracket then I believe you’re talking specifically about millennials.TwitchyMagee wrote: »
Thanks and I figured but could you clarify something for me? Which generation are you talking about? I figure it’s not boomers. So do you mean Gen X? Millennials? Gen Z? Alphas are probably too young to be included in the discussion. I promise not to belabor this but I am curious about this impression you haveTwitchyMagee wrote: »
Just fyi The divorce rate has been steady for a long time nowAre you under the impression that marriages were happier and healthier at some point in the past?
If so, I strongly recommend that you read up about the history of monogamous marriage in the western world. It's a pretty messed up history actually.
Most relationships are not built to last forever, and that's okay. The benefit now is that people have the ability to leave marriages that are not working, they aren't stuck in them until they die.
FTR, I'm very happily married and have been for years in a marriage that just keeps getting better over time. But this is a second marriage, so yeah, I have no problem seeing divorce and monogamy as totally compatible things. I'm in a tremendously committed, monogamous, wonderful marriage only because divorce is possible.
Just don't expect most relationships to last forever, and try not to see that as a bad thing. It's a good thing when relationships that should last end. It's also a WONDERFUL thing when people who are great together find ways to grow together through life's ups and downs.
Just expect that to be rare. Because it is. And it might take more than one try to get it right.
I'm not saying that relationships/marriage were better in the past. But I would say that people seemed to not give up so easily back then compared to now. With the coming of technology, I'd say that it has had a negative impact on the way we date and have relationships. The coming and going of relationships is a normal part of life, but we are living, in my opinion, in a society where we want instant gratification for everything. And if anything fails to gratify this society instantly, we give up on it. Perhaps it's my
disillusionment with my generation, idk my 2 cents. Congratulations on your happy marriage
People stuck it out because they had fewer options. Women in particular had very few options financially speaking. If my grandmother could’ve left her abusive husband she would’ve. But people consider their marriage a success because they stayed together till he died. That is a poor measure of success. In my opinion, of course.
I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother, no one
should have to stay in a abusive relationship. That said, my opinion on this generation still stands
Hmm maybe you can help answer that for me, I'm a 90s baby, would that make me a millennial? 🤔
Apologies for the late reply. But the impression I have of my generation and those that follow is the sense of entitlement. Alot, not all, want that instant gratification, i.e relationships, money, fitness. And as a society, I feel we put too much importance on things that don't matter, like the materialistic. But hardly do I hear talk of the importance of values like honor, duty, sacrifice. It's all about money, sex, power. I do not speak for anyone but myself and my experience ofc.1 -
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Are you under the impression that marriages were happier and healthier at some point in the past?
If so, I strongly recommend that you read up about the history of monogamous marriage in the western world. It's a pretty messed up history actually.
Most relationships are not built to last forever, and that's okay. The benefit now is that people have the ability to leave marriages that are not working, they aren't stuck in them until they die.
FTR, I'm very happily married and have been for years in a marriage that just keeps getting better over time. But this is a second marriage, so yeah, I have no problem seeing divorce and monogamy as totally compatible things. I'm in a tremendously committed, monogamous, wonderful marriage only because divorce is possible.
Just don't expect most relationships to last forever, and try not to see that as a bad thing. It's a good thing when relationships that should last end. It's also a WONDERFUL thing when people who are great together find ways to grow together through life's ups and downs.
Just expect that to be rare. Because it is. And it might take more than one try to get it right.
I'm not saying that relationships/marriage were better in the past. But I would say that people seemed to not give up so easily back then compared to now. With the coming of technology, I'd say that it has had a negative impact on the way we date and have relationships. The coming and going of relationships is a normal part of life, but we are living, in my opinion, in a society where we want instant gratification for everything. And if anything fails to gratify this society instantly, we give up on it. Perhaps it's my disillusionment with my generation, idk my 2 cents. Congratulations on your happy marriage
The data shows that divorce rates among young people are actually dropping rapidly, which is likely because young people are slower and more careful to get married and tend to live with each other first.
Overall, the younger generation actually takes marriage more seriously because they know how easily marriage can end up in divorce, and they're not being pushed into getting married like they used to be.
In reality, marriage has become more romantic and more committed than it's ever been.
As to your point about dating, dating has always sucked, it's not just your generation. Dating when I was young was horrific, dehumanizing, humiliating, and just plain awful.
Yeah dating apps suck, but bars were pretty horrible as well. Any kind of dating meat market is going to be unpleasant and traumatic.
FTR, I mentor a lot of young people in their 20s and I hear the dating horror stories and I honestly would rather be single in this day and age than back when I was in my early 20s.
Dating wasn't better in the past. It just generally sucks.
That's why it's so awesome when you find your person and why it's so clear that you just want to be with them (or polyamorous, or whatever your ideal partnership looks like).
Many of us who are happily committed look back on being single, shudder, and then commit even harder to our partners, lol.
So we're not all happily married because finding a quality partner was easier for us, we're happily married because we learned the hard way how valuable it is when you do find that person.
Stay strong, dating sucks. Try to learn about *yourself* as much as possible through the process so that you can be your best self when you find a great person to partner with.
That may or may not last forever, but the better you know yourself, the more you will get out of it no matter how long it lasts.
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Apologies for the late reply. Very insightful, and it's interesting that the data shows the contrary for marriage in the younger generation. I still believe that marriage is more a business arrangement than anything lol. I mean is marriage truly a necessity to be happy in life? I guess that would be mostly subjective to the person. But yes I agree dating sucks in general. Thank you for your words of wisdom!1 -
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Dead no. But I'm of the point of view that there really is no soulmate for everyone. With 8 billion people in the world, unless you met everyone of them, how can one say they found their true soulmate if on average most people have only had about 7 serious relationships in their lifetime and just picked the best one. And people remarry after one passes away all the time. Companionship is vital for most humans so I can see why monogamy might not be a way to go for some especially if they start becoming estranged to their current spouse or partner.
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Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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I don't believe in soul mates. I believe in two people making the commitment to learning how to serve each other and live at peace with each other and support each other "for better or worse." My parents have been married 57 years, my sister 19, and my husband and I for 17. Sometimes it's definitely "for worse," but we keep learning and growing and apologizing and trying again.2
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Dead no. But I'm of the point of view that there really is no soulmate for everyone. With 8 billion people in the world, unless you met everyone of them, how can one say they found their true soulmate if on average most people have only had about 7 serious relationships in their lifetime and just picked the best one. And people remarry after one passes away all the time. Companionship is vital for most humans so I can see why monogamy might not be a way to go for some especially if they start becoming estranged to their current spouse or partner.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
Agree 100%. I'm not a believer in the "soulmate" notion. The only person I know who uses that term to describe her (former, sort of) partner seems to be using it to justify her codependency in the relationship, why she "can't let go" of an extremely unhealthy drug-addicted individual.
I'm much more pragmatic about relationships. When they start to become way more work than reward, when they are ruining you emotionally and financially, it's time to walk away.2 -
My opinion on why it’s high is because people who have no business getting married get married. What I mean is people who don’t respect what it means and aren’t ready or mature enough to be married. Sad to say but this site alone proves it day in and day out. I do think marriages work when two people enter it for the right reason and are willing to put in the work and be faithful.8
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My mom got crucified by her religious family for getting a divorce. Growing up, I always told myself that would not be me when I grow up. I told myself if I got married it would be forever. Then life happened and my views on marriage and divorced changed. I think woman from older generations, were taught to tolerate disrespect, infidelity and so on because marriage is going through the good and the bad even if the bad was really really bad. I think most people who get married have the best intentions within themselves and with each other to make it work and sometimes it doesnt work out that way. I also think woman and men are more self aware of standing up for what they want. For what they won't tolerate. For what they deserve. It's not about settling anymore and live an unhappy life and they have the choice to change that for themselves.3
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Dead no. But I'm of the point of view that there really is no soulmate for everyone. With 8 billion people in the world, unless you met everyone of them, how can one say they found their true soulmate if on average most people have only had about 7 serious relationships in their lifetime and just picked the best one. And people remarry after one passes away all the time. Companionship is vital for most humans so I can see why monogamy might not be a way to go for some especially if they start becoming estranged to their current spouse or partner.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
Well said, Completely agree!0 -
Darthloops12 wrote: »My opinion on why it’s high is because people who have no business getting married get married. What I mean is people who don’t respect what it means and aren’t ready or mature enough to be married. Sad to say but this site alone proves it day in and day out. I do think marriages work when two people enter it for the right reason and are willing to put in the work and be faithful.
Agreed! But what exactly are the right reasons? I think this can be highly subjective. People marry for a variety of reasons1 -
R3d_butt3rfly_ wrote: »My mom got crucified by her religious family for getting a divorce. Growing up, I always told myself that would not be me when I grow up. I told myself if I got married it would be forever. Then life happened and my views on marriage and divorced changed. I think woman from older generations, were taught to tolerate disrespect, infidelity and so on because marriage is going through the good and the bad even if the bad was really really bad. I think most people who get married have the best intentions within themselves and with each other to make it work and sometimes it doesnt work out that way. I also think woman and men are more self aware of standing up for what they want. For what they won't tolerate. For what they deserve. It's not about settling anymore and live an unhappy life and they have the choice to change that for themselves.
Funny how our perspective changes as we go through life right lol. Perhaps it is true that while the older generations had longer marriages, it didn't necessarily mean they were happy marriages. If there is a shift in how much more selective we are in picking a mate, then it can increase our chances of being happy in a relationship. Doesn't guarantee it'll work out, but I suppose it does increase the chances.1 -
I don't think so. I'm engaged to a wonderful faithful man after wasting 20yrs unmarried with an 'A'. I have a lot of friends who have been happily married for many years. But I also have friends that are openly poly. Seems to be the norm at the moment. I have one who became poly after marriage and she still isn't happy. I personally couldn't do it. I did try in the past, but I want my man to be all mine and me his. I do believe it should be an expectation unless it is discussed to be otherwise.2
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I don't think so. I'm engaged to a wonderful faithful man after wasting 20yrs unmarried with an 'A'. I have a lot of friends who have been happily married for many years. But I also have friends that are openly poly. Seems to be the norm at the moment. I have one who became poly after marriage and she still isn't happy. I personally couldn't do it. I did try in the past, but I want my man to be all mine and me his. I do believe it should be an expectation unless it is discussed to be otherwise.
Im assuming by an "A" you mean *kitten* lol. Yeaa I can see why going poly isn't for everyone, myself included!0 -
Ask Nick, he doesn't believe in either2
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Are you under the impression that marriages were happier and healthier at some point in the past?
If so, I strongly recommend that you read up about the history of monogamous marriage in the western world. It's a pretty messed up history actually.
Most relationships are not built to last forever, and that's okay. The benefit now is that people have the ability to leave marriages that are not working, they aren't stuck in them until they die.
FTR, I'm very happily married and have been for years in a marriage that just keeps getting better over time. But this is a second marriage, so yeah, I have no problem seeing divorce and monogamy as totally compatible things. I'm in a tremendously committed, monogamous, wonderful marriage only because divorce is possible.
Just don't expect most relationships to last forever, and try not to see that as a bad thing. It's a good thing when relationships that should last end. It's also a WONDERFUL thing when people who are great together find ways to grow together through life's ups and downs.
Just expect that to be rare. Because it is. And it might take more than one try to get it right.
I'm not saying that relationships/marriage were better in the past. But I would say that people seemed to not give up so easily back then compared to now. With the coming of technology, I'd say that it has had a negative impact on the way we date and have relationships. The coming and going of relationships is a normal part of life, but we are living, in my opinion, in a society where we want instant gratification for everything. And if anything fails to gratify this society instantly, we give up on it. Perhaps it's my disillusionment with my generation, idk my 2 cents. Congratulations on your happy marriage
The overall divorce rate has actually been steadily declining for over a decade. Ironically, the only group where we are seeing an increase in divorce is 50+ which has doubled since 1990 and 65+ which has tripled in that same time. Divorce among those under 50 has steadily been on the decline which I think is attributable to people waiting longer to get married (my wife and I waited until we were in our 30s) or forgoing legal union altogether.
You also have to keep in mind that until the 70s, women in particular had to prove adultry, abuse, or abandonment to have a divorce granted...women couldn't just get divorced because things weren't working out. Technically men had the same requirements, but, well...ya know how that went. No fault divorce didn't come about until 1970 in California and that slowly spread to other states, but even in the 80s there were numerous states that required 1 year of separation, mediation, counseling, and other obstacles before a no fault divorce was granted. Even in the 90s some states maintained those requirements. Being able to get divorced due to differences is relatively new.
As far as whether marriage is dead...I don't think so, but going forward things will likely look much different than they did with the boomer generation due to the laws we have now, as well as the millennial generation and younger having a much different perspective on life and what this all means and what we are doing here. That doesn't go just for marriage...it's applicable to just about everything from work and career to marriage and family to roll of government, etc.
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I was married for 25 years and personally won't get married again. My children are pretty much grown; I have a great job, I won't give up my house again to live with someone else but open to relationship. To each his own - I understand people want that tradition for themselves.5
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All I know is that my marriage is dead. Marriage is a wonderful institution....and if I ever think about doing it again, I should be institutionalized....
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