Obscured self image

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juggalotus
juggalotus Posts: 227
in Motivation and Support
I have just been thinking a lot about how thin (not thin in society's eye, but "thin" in my eye) I used to be. In high school, I was 150 lbs at my smallest (after losing 50lbs) I kept it off for maybe a year and started gaining and gaining, then more gaining....But my point is...At that time, I honestly thought I was MORBIDLY OBESE. I sit here and look at pictures of myself from then, and I realize...OMG I looked so good! What was wrong with me? How in the world did I think I was morbidly obese? I want to get down to that weight again so badly. I have 105 more lbs to lose. Hell, I would even be happy once i got down past the 200's....Anyone else ever go through this? Ugh so frustrating.

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  • sarah44254
    sarah44254 Posts: 3,078 Member
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    I'm still in this. I was never obese, even, and I feel so badly most days. It is something that no amount of lbs lost will cure. People with this issue need serious mind rebuilding, focusing on retraining our thoughts we aim at ourselves.

    Establishing that WE are beautiful and that there is no perfect anywhere that we need to be achieving. That we are our own selves and the best we can be is all we need to strive for.
  • LivLovLrn
    LivLovLrn Posts: 580 Member
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    I completely agree with you. I have been thin most of my life, until recently, but always felt "fat" or at least larger than I was. I am totally disgusted with how I felt about myself in a size 10...a size I would be happy to fit in any time now and feel quite thin! I blame the media for making us think we have to be thin as a rail to really be thin...ridiculous!
  • jaramae
    jaramae Posts: 100 Member
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    I completely agree. I've always thought I was overweight my entire life. Even back when I was in grade school. So to look at photos now and see that I was just a regular girl makes me feel bad for my younger self, having to stress out so much about something that didn't even exist. Maybe if I hadn't felt so bad about myself, I wouldn't have kept looking for comfort in food and hiding myself.

    We're not always as big as we think we are. My life is definitely an example of that. What I would give to be my 160 self again (and that's still in the overweight BMI for me!)
  • barbiex3
    barbiex3 Posts: 1,036 Member
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    yeah. I still think i'm fat. Look at my picture in signature. I'm a perfectionist. I don't have an eating disorder. I eat 2000-3000 calories a day. I'm a college athlete. But it doesn't matter because in the back of my head i'm not good enough =[
  • peterson_jessica
    peterson_jessica Posts: 119
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    When I was in high school my weight fluctuated between 150 and 160 and thought I was huge (it didn't help that my friends were all 5' and size zeros" I used to look back and think the same thing. I also thought that I would never be able to be that small again because I thought I had simply grown since then. After four months with MFP, I am down to 140 and my high school jeans fall off!!! I can't wait for you to meet your goal. Once you do, I believe that you will truly appreciate that weight unlike you did in high school! I know I sure do.
  • faith12207
    faith12207 Posts: 31
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    I was going through some pics of me right before hubby died when I weighted 135 now here i am sitting at 179 thinking what the heck did I do to get here..Yeah been there done that now trying to lose it n it seems far fetched. Good Luck hun we can do this
  • Deckershann
    Deckershann Posts: 272 Member
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    I used to journal...I remember being 14, weighing 120lbs or so and writing that I NEEDED to go on a diet. My dream weight was 115 because that was how much my biological mother (who I have never met) weighed after my birth. Somewhere in all of that I found myself thinking, "110 is my dream weight...105...100...95...90" I would chant to myself on the elliptical over and over how fat I was. Funny thing is, the littler I got...the bigger I thought I was! When I weighed 95 pounds, I felt fatter then when I used to train in martial arts and weighed 130! Go figure >.<

    I'm a lot better now...but I still want to be as thin as I can be (health-wise)...but even at 113 pounds I feel enormous.
  • Deathwithab
    Deathwithab Posts: 462 Member
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    mines obscured the other way... even tho im not full of myself or conseded or anything like that i always thought i was normal sized and actualy pretty atractive lol but its become skewed to now i look back and stuff and wonder what was i thinking
  • McKayMachina
    McKayMachina Posts: 2,670 Member
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    Yep. I thought I was fat when I was 125 lbs. I hated showing legs or arms so pretty much hid in pants and hoodies. Not so great for a girl in Arizona. XD

    But, also, keep in mind that the image of "fat" changes every decade. People who are considered "thin" or "healthy" now would be considered fat in the 70s, for example. And people who are considered "a little heavy" would be considered morbidly obese in decades past.

    Look at the "fat" kid from The Goonies. He looked soooo fat to kids back then. But now looking at him, it's like, WHAT?! He looks like a totally normal kid! And probably most kids are A LOT fatter than him now. (Just as an example).

    4ydAp.jpg
  • cgipson001
    cgipson001 Posts: 11 Member
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    I never thought I was obese but there were so many problems I wanted to fix. Such as love handles, I always wanted to tone my abs and arms, a few others. I gained a lot of weight during my pregnancy and it has been so hard to get rid of it. I hate that some people leave the hospital with a little bitty bump and I left looking like I was still pregnant. I really wish I could get back to the way I looked back then. Also, I am very critical of myself. Although I always felt like there were things to fix, I also felt extremely confident and I thought I looked really good. Now I am always so down on myself. It is a sucky place to be.
  • barbiex3
    barbiex3 Posts: 1,036 Member
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    Yep. I thought I was fat when I was 125 lbs. I hated showing legs or arms so pretty much hid in pants and hoodies. Not so great for a girl in Arizona. XD

    But, also, keep in mind that the image of "fat" changes every decade. People who are considered "thin" or "healthy" now would be considered fat in the 70s, for example. And people who are considered "a little heavy" would be considered morbidly obese in decades past.

    Look at the "fat" kid from The Goonies. He looked soooo fat to kids back then. But now looking at him, it's like, WHAT?! He looks like a totally normal kid! And probably most kids are A LOT fatter than him now. (Just as an example).

    4ydAp.jpg

    i'd have to disagree with you. I'm considered thin or healthy in the present day, and I'm positive I would be considered thin/healthy in the 70s =]

    i kinda get your point tho... i guess.
  • Deathwithab
    Deathwithab Posts: 462 Member
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    whoever said that whats skinny and healthy now would be fat in past decades is way off

    whats sinny and is tossed at us as healthy now is actualy almost anorexic compared to past
    miss monroe, betty page , most old hollywood actresses would be consitered fat now adays models are several times skinnyer then they used to be and even tho a lot of people now adays are ok with obesity and seing fat people its not any more "healthy" its just more accepted .
  • McKayMachina
    McKayMachina Posts: 2,670 Member
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    i'd have to disagree with you. I'm considered thin or healthy in the present day, and I'm positive I would be considered thin/healthy in the 70s =]

    i kinda get your point tho... i guess.

    See, but to me, you look much too thin. (Please don't take that as an insult. I read that you eat plenty of calories and are athletic, so I'm only talking about aesthetics and as a naturally curvier girl (wider hips, bigger breasts, etc.) I tend to prefer slightly more fat on women. But you absolutely look radiant.)

    So, in my opinion, an example of "healthy" would be your before picture, which I think most people would agree is not, by any means, "fat". However, someone a few decades ago might disagree. I mean, I look at pictures of my mom and dad and all their friends in pics from the 70s and think they look like twigs!

    And it's not "fat girl mentality". I'm still 40+ lbs. overweight and I think I TOTALLY look it. I'm just saying that the definitions have changed drastically.
  • McKayMachina
    McKayMachina Posts: 2,670 Member
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    whoever said that whats skinny and healthy now would be fat in past decades is way off

    whats sinny and is tossed at us as healthy now is actualy almost anorexic compared to past
    miss monroe, betty page , most old hollywood actresses would be consitered fat now adays models are several times skinnyer then they used to be and even tho a lot of people now adays are ok with obesity and seing fat people its not any more "healthy" its just more accepted .

    I'm not "way off". That's actually a totally different argument. And I agree. There is a new Hollywood definition of skinny that's its own strange problem. Leann Rimes, anyone?

    ::shudder::
  • zeeeb
    zeeeb Posts: 805 Member
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    yep... i look back at the photos of myself and would kill to be that weight again, but at the time i still thought i had a pile of weight to lose... i'm short, so i've always been a bit curvy, but hell, i'd love to be back there in the 63kg weight range again.
  • barbiex3
    barbiex3 Posts: 1,036 Member
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    i'd have to disagree with you. I'm considered thin or healthy in the present day, and I'm positive I would be considered thin/healthy in the 70s =]

    i kinda get your point tho... i guess.

    See, but to me, you look much too thin. (Please don't take that as an insult. I read that you eat plenty of calories and are athletic, so I'm only talking about aesthetics and as a naturally curvier girl (wider hips, bigger breasts, etc.) I tend to prefer slightly more fat on women. But you absolutely look radiant.)

    So, in my opinion, an example of "healthy" would be your before picture, which I think most people would agree is not, by any means, "fat". However, someone a few decades ago might disagree. I mean, I look at pictures of my mom and dad and all their friends in pics from the 70s and think they look like twigs!

    And it's not "fat girl mentality". I'm still 40+ lbs. overweight and I think I TOTALLY look it. I'm just saying that the definitions have changed drastically.


    haha you're actually the first person in my entire life who has ever called me too thin. but yes. I look at photos of my parents when they were my age from the 70s and early 80s, and I look like I could fit right in with them. I'm glad :D ! Sizes today have gotten too big in my opinion!
  • McKayMachina
    McKayMachina Posts: 2,670 Member
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    haha you're actually the first person in my entire life who has ever called me too thin. but yes. I look at photos of my parents when they were my age from the 70s and early 80s, and I look like I could fit right in with them. I'm glad :D ! Sizes today have gotten too big in my opinion!

    I agree. Sizes are huge now. But you just totally proved my point. Today's terminology/sizing/aesthetics/etc. are much more forgiving for people on the heavier side of the line.

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