why does the guy get to decide???

i don't think you're over reacting.my fiance is the same, he's also verrryy controlling!! even at 120lbs at 5'3, he said i was a fat *kitten* n' said i have to lose 20lbs. thats because i wear baggy clothes &they tend to make you look 10lbs bigger.i even showed him a pic of me where i lifted up a pink shirt up to my ribs [which i downloaded on my profile] and he was like 'ew, its still fat.' and my ex told me i was disgustingly thin [was 100lbs when i was with him, which is my main pic now]. soooo, some guys r *kitten* :] so, if he tells you that, u dont deserve him.i would've left my fiance if i wasn't in love with him :]

I agree I wouldn't let opinion override good judgement. If you know that you know, then surely stand firm and defend it. There is a difference also between being controlling and giving an opinion. Sometimes my opinions are misinterpreted as demands even though I use the words, "I think...", "maybe...", "...just my opinion", but I demand nothing.

What you're describing is a far cry from what the OP described.

I agree this is at the other end of the extreme spectrum.

i don't think you're over reacting.my fiance is the same, he's also verrryy controlling!! even at 120lbs at 5'3, he said i was a fat *kitten* n' said i have to lose 20lbs. thats because i wear baggy clothes &they tend to make you look 10lbs bigger.i even showed him a pic of me where i lifted up a pink shirt up to my ribs [which i downloaded on my profile] and he was like 'ew, its still fat.' and my ex told me i was disgustingly thin [was 100lbs when i was with him, which is my main pic now]. soooo, some guys r *kitten* :] so, if he tells you that, u dont deserve him.i would've left my fiance if i wasn't in love with him :]

I keep trying to think of how to reply to this in a PC way, and am finding it very difficult. Please, Please, Please, leave your fiance. You're 18, I promise you you will find someone who actually respects you and isn't controlling.

i don't think you're over reacting.my fiance is the same, he's also verrryy controlling!! even at 120lbs at 5'3, he said i was a fat *kitten* n' said i have to lose 20lbs. thats because i wear baggy clothes &they tend to make you look 10lbs bigger.i even showed him a pic of me where i lifted up a pink shirt up to my ribs [which i downloaded on my profile] and he was like 'ew, its still fat.' and my ex told me i was disgustingly thin [was 100lbs when i was with him, which is my main pic now]. soooo, some guys r *kitten* :] so, if he tells you that, u dont deserve him.i would've left my fiance if i wasn't in love with him :]

Sounds to me like you are with a douche bag and you have no self esteem. Looking at your profile, it makes me genuinely sad that you are so mistreated by this person, who you seem to put a lot of value in.

Best wishes.

i was just telling about my experience to let her know shes not the only one, even though my story is opposite from hers.
What you're describing is a far cry from what the OP described.

I agree this is at the other end of the extreme spectrum.

wow..using a wii sux. it wont quote right

Guessing other people's weight is a carnival trick that is very often wrong (that's why they have a +-10 range to guess before the guesser loses). Truth is, we own a scale, BMI chart, a mirror and access to a family doctor, so from a medical perspective, I'm not sure where "You should way 134.5" from anyone else fits into the equation. I understand if someone asks in a swimsuit/bikini, "Do you think I need more weight, less weight or stay the same?" in regards to being appealing to their significant other. Love goes deep (or at least it should), we need to stop making such a big deal about a few pounds. If it seems their health is at risk, then love tells us surely something should be said.

i don't think you're over reacting.my fiance is the same, he's also verrryy controlling!! even at 120lbs at 5'3, he said i was a fat *kitten* n' said i have to lose 20lbs. thats because i wear baggy clothes &they tend to make you look 10lbs bigger.i even showed him a pic of me where i lifted up a pink shirt up to my ribs [which i downloaded on my profile] and he was like 'ew, its still fat.' and my ex told me i was disgustingly thin [was 100lbs when i was with him, which is my main pic now]. soooo, some guys r *kitten* :] so, if he tells you that, u dont deserve him.i would've left my fiance if i wasn't in love with him :]

Sounds to me like you are with a douche bag and you have no self esteem. Looking at your profile, it makes me genuinely sad that you are so mistreated by this person, who you seem to put a lot of value in.

Best wishes.

thanks, very much appreciated :] i keep thinking maybe he'll change and love me as much as i love him :]]

i don't think you're over reacting.my fiance is the same, he's also verrryy controlling!! even at 120lbs at 5'3, he said i was a fat *kitten* n' said i have to lose 20lbs. thats because i wear baggy clothes &they tend to make you look 10lbs bigger.i even showed him a pic of me where i lifted up a pink shirt up to my ribs [which i downloaded on my profile] and he was like 'ew, its still fat.' and my ex told me i was disgustingly thin [was 100lbs when i was with him, which is my main pic now]. soooo, some guys r *kitten* :] so, if he tells you that, u dont deserve him.i would've left my fiance if i wasn't in love with him :]

In my opinion and my opinion only...you have some stuff going on if you think the blonde in your profile pics is "def perfection". Eighteen years old and engaged is a contradiction in terms also. Do you have a wedding date yet? If not, then you are only on hold so no one else can claim you until he moves on. But that will be doing you a favor, because if he is calling you a fat-*kitten* now, imagine what terms of endearment he is gonna have for you when he has papers on you. Another point, any BOY who uses the term "ew, its still fat" has a lot of growing up to do, and his sexuality needs to be checked. Finally, if you consider this love, YOU have a lot of growing up to do. Love don't call each other fat *kitten* and is never "verrryy controlling".

Once again, these are all my opinions.

My husband doesn't dictate how I look, but he does plead that with this weight loss effort I don't lose my butt or my hips! I told him what will happen will happen. It might annoy me slightly, but, mostly, I am glad that his ideal body type is not rail thin, because I will never (and never want to) be that way. So in essence I agree with him, but instead of not losing weight, I do P90x and 30 day shred to help tone my butt and thighs (and other areas). So far he thinks I look great! I just chalk his comments up as support, since he knows I am always worried about my "fat" belly. He's never told me I was overweight even when I was for a while. He's always been positive about my body, and I interpret these comments as the same.

i don't think you're over reacting.my fiance is the same, he's also verrryy controlling!! even at 120lbs at 5'3, he said i was a fat *kitten* n' said i have to lose 20lbs. thats because i wear baggy clothes &they tend to make you look 10lbs bigger.i even showed him a pic of me where i lifted up a pink shirt up to my ribs [which i downloaded on my profile] and he was like 'ew, its still fat.' and my ex told me i was disgustingly thin [was 100lbs when i was with him, which is my main pic now]. soooo, some guys r *kitten* :] so, if he tells you that, u dont deserve him.i would've left my fiance if i wasn't in love with him :]

Sounds to me like you are with a douche bag and you have no self esteem. Looking at your profile, it makes me genuinely sad that you are so mistreated by this person, who you seem to put a lot of value in.

Best wishes.

Leave. Him. Now. That "love" feeling that you have now? That will wax and wane. Underneath it all, if this person is disrespecting you, you will be miserable for the rest of your life. I've said it once - if you marry this person you have no one to blame but yourself. I'm sorry that this comes across as harsh, because I am honestly sorry that you seem to have been in relationships where men mistreat you. But one day you will be angry with yourself if you marry someone that you consciously knew disrespected you. Every woman deserves better! Perhaps you don't even know what "better" is because you've been with a few *kitten*! I just want to emphasize how hard marriage is, even with someone who tries hard to be a good person. I don't want to see one person waste their life with someone who puts them down!!! That is not love!!

I agree with this:

I think there is a HUGE difference between expressing a preference for a certain weight or look and trying to actually control what the woman does. If it's the first, no big deal, everyone has preferences and I would hope that in a relationship you could feel free to express that. If it's the second, leave his sorry *kitten*.

and also the idea that guys are at least smart enough to not commit "relationship suicide" by implying they think we're fat, so give them some credit for at least trying to make us feel good, kwim? I try to remember his motivations in what he says to me, in comparison to what I might "want" in a moment-- which probably seems like a whim to him. Does that make sense?

I'm losing, and my DH is nothing but supportive, and if he said to me "but I don't want you to lose your hips and rack! Not to mention butt..." I could choose to take it as a compliment-- he wants me to feel good about those womanly parts, and that might just simply be something that he finds attractive. Or I can choose to blow it out of proportion and start a fight, taking it as "I demand you look exactly as I please." Why choose the latter? Unless you're with a jerk who means it that way, that is.

Otherwise, of course I want my DH to find me attractive. Sometimes I wear shoes I'd never wear otherwise, just because he loves the way they look. It'd be wrong of him to FORCE me to do that, but it's not wrong of me to want to make him happy and want to look as attractive as I can to him.





eta: I would never be with someone who treated me the way some of you ladies describe your man treating you. That's not how a man treats a woman. I hope you get the strength to leave them soon.

...:noway: ...


The day my husband in any way dictates how much I weigh, is the day hell freezes over.

So the husband/boyfriend is not allowed to state his opinion?

No, the guy doesn't get to decide. He should respectfully express his opinion once or twice and then he should shut up (unless there is serious concern about his spouses health).