Doubts

Fit2btied2016 wrote: »

Hi, you have already answered your own question. "Don't stress." You are under a lot of stress for whatever reasons, and so "You've been stressed all day," and THEN you eat the cereal, "even though I wasn't really hungry." You are eating the cereal as a learned habit to cope with stress levels. Weight gain is likely secondary to poor coping skills for stress, and the cereal has now become a habit. You made it a habit, so you can "unmake it." You need to deal with the stress and thoughts in your head.

What's on your worry list? Job? Family? Health? Finances? Other things? Rhetorical questions, but sit down in a quiet and undisturbed place for 10 minutes and take an inventory of everything that you can think of that is bothering you, AND for how long. You will probably find (based on your comments) that you have been under chronic stress, for at least 3 years.

There's an actual mental health rating given to stress levels based on what the situation is-death of a spouse, death of a family member, job loss, moving, new baby, marriage, addictions, on down the line--it's a long list. You can look it up yourself if you want, and you can even find self-assessments to see levels of depression or anxiety. The voices in your head are a dead give-away that the eating cereal at night is stress related. Some people drink alcohol and run into problems, others use drugs, others other substances, and some people eat, and so on. All of those things are used as coping mechanisms or evasion tactics for mental health issues, stress, and so on.

EVERYONE has problems, and EVERYONE has stress. There are no exceptions if you are human, but HOW we deal with those things are different, and what KIND of stress it is, and for how long, etc. Some people are better able to recognize their stressors, limits and triggers, etc. before things get out of hand, and some people need to work on those things, etc. It's always a spectrum or scale.

You can read more about these topics yourself. I won't do all of your homework for you, but again, you are having trouble with your weight because of stress, and then eating, which equals stress-eating, and then guilt, and then doubt, and so on.

Fix your stress levels! Your cortisol is probably high if in fact you are dealing with a lot pressure/stress, and so in the face of this, losing weight will become harder. You can't lose weight if the cortisol levels are high, because it overrides a lot of other things and the insulin levels will be affected also. Lower insulin levels equals weight loss. High insulin equals FAT storage!!

Once you have identified your list of stressors, your next step is to determine which of those you can eliminate right off to bat. Going crazy doing carpool for a bunch of kids? Stop it! Drive your own kids and reclaim some peace for yourself. Is your boss unreasonable and refuses to give you a raise that you honestly deserve? Then reevaluate your place/role at the job and see if quietly job hunting is where it's at. Are you bored at work and not feeling challenged enough? That's a huge stressor for a lot of people (me included!) If my brain is not challenged daily by work, people, intellectual pursuits or stimulating conversation, or something similar, then I get very cranky and I need to get away from the boredom.

How is your sleep? Not getting enough deep, quality and regular sleep is a HUGE stressor and WILL kill the ability to lose weight much faster than a good night's sleep. Again, Cortisol levels play a role in this. So, in order to fix some stress levels, you need to possibly fix your sleep hygiene. Ditch the phone and screens an hour or 2 before bed so you can get your mind prepared for sleep. If you have a lot of stuff in your head, get a journal and put it by your bed. Write down all the stuff still in your head at night before sleep if it is rattling around in there and needs out. "My kid crashed the car. The insurance is going through the roof!" "My wife needs new health insurance and our premiums are expensive." I don't know your situation, I am just making stuff up to illustrate points along the way.

KEEP YOUR BED FOR SLEEP! Ditch the TV watching in bed/eating in bed, and make your bedroom your sanctuary for rest and revival and not a home gym, home office, storage depot, where you keep all the extra clothes, books, toys, whatever. NO! Take out all the extra junk, and just leave clothes, the bed, and whatever other furniture you have, and maybe keep the baby crib or pet bed, etc. Otherwise, a bedroom is not an everything else room, and having no space is not a reason to junk up the room.

Okay, so you are working on your stress levels, and bringing them down, and your bedroom is clean, calm, comfortable, and uncluttered. You have a regular bedtime, and a regular routine for relaxing in the evening to prepare you for sleep. You can research more stuff yourself.

Once you are sleeping better, you will find your stress levels decreasing. How much water are you drinking each day? Add a bottle of water to your bedside table to drink upon awakening. Have a morning routine-journal, pray, meditate, exercise, stretch, whatever, and DO THIS BEFORE you start facing the stressors of the day.

Do all this stuff for 2 weeks consistently each day, and it will start to be a habit. NOW, start thinking about the voices in your head. They are negative. Flip the switch on them. Call them out. "I am NOT hungry, and I don't NEED this cereal right now. I am feeling xyz-angry, frustrated, bored, depressed, anxious, worried, whatever about Betty, work, the kids, whatever, and I acknowledge my feelings and I am CHOOSING NOT TO EAT THIS CEREAL. Instead I am going to drink a glass of water, brush my teeth, write in my journal, say a prayer, eat 5 carrot sticks, or whatever other positive substitute for the cereal you choose."

Put a post-it note on the fridge with, "WHY do I want cereal?" If you can truly identify hunger, and not just boredom, anger, or something else, then see if water does the trick. If not, and you are still hungry, can you make it until morning, or are you so hungry that falling asleep is going to be impossible? Figure that stuff out and come out with a plan to deal with it.

One thing at a time. You aren't losing weight because it is NOT YET YOUR MAIN GOAL. You aren't "there" yet, mentally. You have some work to do to clear out a few cobwebs and self-sabotaging things, or else face it, you wouldn't still be "trying" after 3 years with little to show for it. Start at the bottom to build a solid foundation MENTALLY, so that you can sharpen your willpower for later on. Your willpower is weak, and like anything, it needs to be trained and honed.

The military is great for rebuilding things (or so I have been told), but it is to subject individual wills to a collective will, so I am not advocating that, but advocating the rigorous pursuit of self-discipline in terms of reducing your stress, changing your thoughts (cognitive behaviour therapy might work for you), and finding ways to reduce your stress and get to a place where weight loss is more likely and more productive.

Once you get there, you will KNOW IT. Put in the effort and you will be rewarded. Slack off, and the doubts will keep coming and you won't be able to override them and the weight will keep on piling on. You are what you eat, and you are what you think, like all the rest of us. Good luck to you, and best wishes. Hopefully there's something in here of value for you, but if not, oh well. :-) Willpower and consistency are the mental keys to unlock it all. If you think you can, you are right, and if you think you can't, you are right again. Figure out what is reasonable, and logical and possible goals for you to obtain, and then go for it. But most of life is actually showing up and putting in the effort. (Winners NEVER give up--they might regroup, fall down, get hurt, or whatever, but they ALWAYS figure out a way to get what they want in the end--and they work their butts off to get it).

The cereal is something you are using to deal with something else. WHY cereal? Does it remind you of childhood and you were taken care of by Mom? Is it because it is sweet? Do you like the crunch of the cereal? Figure out what it is about that cereal, and you will be able to figure out a bunch of other things to substitute or solve also.

So go put on your detective hat and get to work. WRITE IT ALL DOWN, as hokey as it sounds, and you will not only get a lot of stuff out of your head, you may find that seeing it on paper is not as daunting, or it is daunting, but it is easier to make a plan to work with, and set goals, etc.

Here's to saying good-bye to Captain Crunch and hello to a new perspective ;-)