Snoring partner

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honeybunsteal
honeybunsteal Posts: 1 Member
in Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
How to get sleep n stay asleep with a person who snores all night every night. They claim they don't snore even when I record it. Plus he won't seek medical attention. There is no spare bedroom
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  • siberiantarragon
    siberiantarragon Posts: 265 Member
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    Sleep in the living room. Seriously. My partner and I live in a one-bedroom apartment and that was the only solution to the issue. Even with earplugs I could hear the snoring. We both sleep a lot better now because he is an extremely light sleeper and any time I made the slightest motion or noise he would wake up.
  • penguinmama87
    penguinmama87 Posts: 1,158 Member
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    siberiantarragon wrote: »
    Sleep in the living room. Seriously. My partner and I live in a one-bedroom apartment and that was the only solution to the issue. Even with earplugs I could hear the snoring. We both sleep a lot better now because he is an extremely light sleeper and any time I made the slightest motion or noise he would wake up.

    Yep. Sometimes snoring isn't (strictly) a medical thing but if he doesn't want to change it, you can't make him. Ear plugs might help, or even a noise machine or a fan if it isn't super loud. My husband snores sometimes but I rarely hear it if I fall asleep before him (what usually happens, I'm the morning person and he's a night owl.) Sometimes I can reposition his head without him waking up. :lol:

    But if none of that helps, try sleeping somewhere else, even if it's the couch.
  • sm7d5hqbtd
    sm7d5hqbtd Posts: 3 Member
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    Have you tried a nose tape ?
  • SuzanneC1l9zz
    SuzanneC1l9zz Posts: 451 Member
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    It's for a different reason, but I sleep with earplugs. Highly recommend the Loop ones!
  • tomcustombuilder
    tomcustombuilder Posts: 1,608 Member
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    Nudge em. They'll wake up and maybe turn over. If it's reaaly bad and you aren't getting your sleep in that you need then it's the couch
  • ythannah
    ythannah Posts: 4,365 Member
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    kshama2001 wrote: »
    honeybunsteal wrote: »
    How to get sleep n stay asleep with a person who snores all night every night. They claim they don't snore even when I record it. Plus he won't seek medical attention. There is no spare bedroom

    I think it's messed up he denies it, even when you record it, and won't seek medical attention. You could sleep in the living room, but if I were in your shoes, because of his lack of consideration for your needs, I'd think about a different living arrangement.

    Agreed. My SO was much the same although he acknowledged that he snored, he just laughed it off like it was some kind of superpower to be proud of. Even his hunting buddies complained about it. He also refused any medical solutions. His dentist made him some kind of mouthpiece to wear at night, he wore it for about 10 minutes, said it "felt weird" and that was the end of that. Earplugs didn't muffle the noise sufficiently.

    He was living at my house at the time. Because he works out of town, when he was here he wasn't working. I work a normal Mon to Fri job. I was the one getting crap sleep, moving to another room or trying to sleep in spite of it and then crawling in to work half dead the next day. So eventually I moved him back to his own house and it's been that way ever since.
  • siberiantarragon
    siberiantarragon Posts: 265 Member
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    tomcustombuilder wrote: »
    Nudge em. They'll wake up and maybe turn over. If it's reaaly bad and you aren't getting your sleep in that you need then it's the couch

    When I tried that with my partner he would roll back over onto his back as soon as he went back to sleep, LOL.

    In my case he acknowledges he snores but won't go to a sleep specialist. He says that he's going to go to one but then never does it. I'm not sure why that is. Part of it is I once went to a sleep specialist for my insomnia who was really mean and condescending, and my partner was there, so now he thinks all sleep specialists will be that way for some reason. Part of it might be fear.
  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 32,054 Member
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    Back in the olden days, when people were maybe meaner (?), a suggestion was to sew a golf ball in a pocket on the back of snoring partner's PJs. Seems like that could start a conflict, but it's the old-school advice, take it for what it's worth - maybe just amusement value? ;)
  • ythannah
    ythannah Posts: 4,365 Member
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    AnnPT77 wrote: »
    Back in the olden days, when people were maybe meaner (?), a suggestion was to sew a golf ball in a pocket on the back of snoring partner's PJs. Seems like that could start a conflict, but it's the old-school advice, take it for what it's worth - maybe just amusement value? ;)

    I've seen that advice still today as it prevents the snorer from sleeping on their back.

    In my case it wouldn't have helped. He snored in every position -- back, side, stomach, sitting on the couch.
  • ericatoday1
    ericatoday1 Posts: 50 Member
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    Not to be that person, but as somebody who has dealt with this, I’ve learned that a lot of the irritation comes from my choice to be annoyed by it I’ve noticed it’s actually pretty easy to ignore and kind of use it as white noise if I look at it that way
  • misssixtea
    misssixtea Posts: 35 Member
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    My partner snores; I use Mack's or Deep Sleeps silicone earplugs. I'm a really light sleeper but after a lot of experimentation, these are the ones that work for me. I thought it would be a dealbreaker when we got together but it's just not an issue any more.
  • penguinmama87
    penguinmama87 Posts: 1,158 Member
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    kshama2001 wrote: »
    honeybunsteal wrote: »
    How to get sleep n stay asleep with a person who snores all night every night. They claim they don't snore even when I record it. Plus he won't seek medical attention. There is no spare bedroom

    When I stopped drinking heavily in the 90s I was no longer able to share a bedroom with my then-husband, a snorer. We did have a second bedroom. I haven't shared a bedroom with a partner since.

    I think it's messed up he denies it, even when you record it, and won't seek medical attention. You could sleep in the living room, but if I were in your shoes, because of his lack of consideration for your needs, I'd think about a different living arrangement.
    ericatoday1 wrote: »
    Not to be that person, but as somebody who has dealt with this, I’ve learned that a lot of the irritation comes from my choice to be annoyed by it I’ve noticed it’s actually pretty easy to ignore and kind of use it as white noise if I look at it that way

    FWIW, I think both of these are right, heh.

    You do have some degree of choice over whether or not you let it bother you. I'll admit too I generally don't know what people mean when they say "partner" in terms of expected level of commitment, because that seems to vary a lot depending on the couple, but yeah, it isn't great to live with someone who disrespects your needs, and if that's part of an overall pattern in your relationship, I don't think it's good news. From his side, though, if he's generally considerate and respectful, he might think going so far as to record him is a bit much and maybe even embarrassing, which doesn't generally provoke the most thoughtful responses in people (IME it often inspires defensiveness, which is usually counterproductive.)

    So you have to decide what you can live with and if it's worth trying some of the alternatives suggested, or if (big step, but maybe the right one) you just shouldn't live with this person.
  • The_cuteness
    The_cuteness Posts: 1 Member
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    I got my husband to stop snoring. He said his nose was stuffy every night. I get him to use a steroid nasal spray every day and he takes a decongestant tablet before bed every night. I also bought an air purifier for our bedroom. He rarely snores anymore, and he says he sleeps better. Also, the air purifier is white noise so if he does snore a little, it helps me to not wake up.
  • Fursian
    Fursian Posts: 522 Member
    edited March 2023
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    So, what I am about to suggest doesn't work well if the person is in the same room as you, unfortunately, but I have had success with listening to white noise things on YouTube, I'll put it on in my room, adjusting volume accordingly and it somehow manages to mask noise coming from the next room (hopefully they've shut their door... lol). The one I put on is from SnorEraser's channel https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I13pge1-SWQ&ab_channel=SnorEraser , if anyone's interested here in giving it a shot.

    I tried ear plugs, but couldn't get used to them.

    Edited to add: I noted that the OP doesn't have a spare bedroom (sorry OP, I hope you can find a solution soon!) ,but hopefully this can help others.
  • penguinmama87
    penguinmama87 Posts: 1,158 Member
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    ythannah wrote: »
    Mrsrobinsoncl wrote: »
    ericatoday1 wrote: »
    Not to be that person, but as somebody who has dealt with this, I’ve learned that a lot of the irritation comes from my choice to be annoyed by it I’ve noticed it’s actually pretty easy to ignore and kind of use it as white noise if I look at it that way

    That might work for you, but some people are very light sleepers and some are very loud snorers. There is absolutely no way I can ignore it and go back to sleep. Mine will wake me up in another room with his snoring.

    I defy anyone to use "mind over matter" tricks to sleep when there's a chainsaw going next to you. :D The SO's snoring is heavy enough to make the mattress vibrate and he's audible from three rooms away with closed doors. (yes, he probably has sleep apnea and no, he has no interest in a sleep study)

    I think the point is less "pretend the sound isn't actually loud," and more "don't hold onto resentment and let it fester." There's more room to actually do something about it if OP decides not to be helpless, angry, bitter or resentful. If the only solution is: the partner has to feel bad about it and he has to stop snoring, there's a lot less within OP's control. She can be annoyed about it, but will it help her actually get any sleep at night?

    I don't know about anyone else, but IME there's nothing that keeps me up at night like bitter anger. IMO, not worth it.
  • DebbsSeattle
    DebbsSeattle Posts: 125 Member
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    My man has had what I call a “sleepy machine” for about 15 years. We own three…one for home, one for the cabin and one for travel. He gets so mad if he does not get to use his machine for sleep. He sleeps so well using it. There are at home sleep studies now. You get the stuff, you sleep at home, you transmit data. Boom. He has no excuses. You do the research and tell him he either does it or HE sleeps on the sofa.

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